Dogs of Atlantis

A few random thoughts before bedtime...

2012-01-03T23:17:00.001-06:00

Last month, the number of medications on my nightstand was zero. Today it is four. This troubles me greatly as a harbinger of things to come.

I love both my kids, but lord my life is easier when they're in school.

I like where we live, but thin walls and noisy ass neighbors do not make for a good nights sleep.

I would love to make a coffee table book about my thoughts when I watch my wife sleep. Problem is, she would kill me for taking the companion photos.

Rewriting your novel...

2012-01-02T10:39:00.005-06:00

Welcome to 2012. Every year, I come back to this blog, with every intention of updating it on a regular basis... here I am again, in what has become a January 2nd tradition. This year has been really good to me, and I'm hoping I will be able to carry some of that through to this blog. As far as my writing goes, it has truly been a banner year. I self published my first novel, which made it to the semi-finals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, co-wrote an award winning script for the local 48hr film competition, had a short story published in a steampunk anthology, and was for the first time a guest at a local sci-fi convention.

Currently I'm working on pitching a few articles to Cracked.com, Finishing this years NaNoWriMo novel (The November gods really had it in for me this year), and most importantly rewriting and editing my second novel.

Recently my NaNoWriMo compatriots Shannon and Suzie started blogs about the process of the rewrite. Both of them have been there for me through the good and bad of my NaNo attempts, and are looking to make the leap to pro. When they looked for some advice on the internet about how to go about turning their rough drafts into literary gold, they found that there was little to no info about the process of rewriting. Well, I decided that for the next few weeks I will share my process as I work to bring my second novel to press.

Part 1) Looking over the rough draft

The most important thing for anyone to do with their freshly minted rough draft (such as the smoldering pile of 50,000 words that comes out the other end of NaNoWriMo) is to put it away for a while. That's right... lock your baby in a closet for at least a month, preferably two. Don't look at it, don't think about it, don't so much as smell it until you've done something else to pull you away from it. When you're no longer looking at several pounds of blood, and tears placed upon a divine anvil and hammered by the gods themselves into 'your greatest work made manifest' anymore, but instead a story that was written by a mere mortal on way too much caffine and with the kids screaming in the next room, you're ready to begin again. You start by reading it with a notepad next to you.

I warn you, it will be ugly. There will be huge tracts of it that are nothing but literary vomit. But on the flip side there will be parts that are absolutely brilliant, making you wonder if magic elves came and added to your word count in the middle of the night. It's important to remember at this point that you're not here to judge yet.

As you read over the manuscript, here is what to ask yourself, and make notes on your notepad where applicable, but RESIST THE URGE TO REWRITE UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE ENTIRE MANUSCRIPT AT LEAST ONCE!!!:

1) Are there any gaping holes in the plot?
2) Are there any unintentional loose ends?
3) Are there any scenes that simply don't move the plot forward?
4) Does the story have the tone I want it to, and does it say what I wanted it to say?

Now go back and address these issues one at a time.

For the manuscript I'm working on (the sequel to Dimensional Games), I noticed a few things during this initial reading... There a was a device I introduced to the story that could have allowed the hero to easily dispatch the bad guys by pushing a button. I fixed this by making the thing impractical, with a huge amount of time between usages for recharge. I also had two "what the hell was I thinking here?" scenes that while funny, introduced characters and plot points that went absolutely nowhere. It broke my heart to lose the jokes, but I eliminated them completely. The last thing I found that I had to work on was much harder to fix... the tone of the book was all wrong.

Dimensional Games and its sequel take place in a science fiction multiverse that at its heart, is supposed to be absurdly funny. It took me a while to figure out why the next book wasn't really as funny to me, but eventually I realized that it all came down to the opening chapter... To demonstrate what I'm talking about, close your eyes and think of the opening of your favorite movie... what do you see?

One of my favorite movies is the Cannonball Run. The first minute of the movie is filled with two hot girls in a European sports car making cops look stupid as they try in vein to catch them. This pretty much continues throughout the entire film. Any James Bond movie will open with oo7 in some exotic locale flirting with a beautiful woman, while foiling a villainous plan to take over the world before returning to MI6 for his next assignment, which will involve beautiful women, action, and a plot to take over the world.

Your opening chapter is like the first minutes of a movie. It will tell your reader (and if you have aspirations of publication, the editors reading your manuscript) what to expect from your book for the next three hundred or more pages.

The problem with the original opening to the manuscript I'm working on is that the tone was all wrong... It had my hero in a very dark place (nearly getting killed in action), and was simply too serious for the tone I wanted my book to have. I dumped it and wrote a new opening from scratch, trying to make it lighthearted, while still revealing the important plot points that the original opening made. It completely turned the story around.

If you want to, you can go back now and edit for grammar, spelling, etc... in preparation for the next step. Letting others (shudder) read it.

The not-so fresh beats

2011-10-10T07:36:00.004-05:00

I have kids below the age of ten, and unfortunately that means I am subjected to an inordinate amount of childrens programming every day. While this can be awesome (my 9 year old just discovered the wonder of Rocky and Bullwinkle) it is more often terrible.

Case in point, should your preschooler ever want to watch these yahoos:
My advice is simply this... Run. The Fresh Beat band is simply put the most repetitive, inane piece of pablum that has ever come out of the minds at Nickelodeon. Keep in mind, that this is from a guy that has no problem with the Teletubbies or Yo-Gabba-Gabba.

The worst part is that the show wouldn't actually be that bad to share with your kids (they promote discussions about creativity, friendship and responsibility) if it wasn't for the fact that they know exactly five songs, which they repeat over and over again every episode. I promise you that after three or four of them, you'll want to fill up the bathtub and throw in a live toaster. To make it worse, the bright primary colors and happy tones make this like kiddie crack. They will insist on a daily (sometimes twice daily) hit of this crap.

Do yourself a favor and make them watch the Backyardigans instead.

Facing the book...

2011-09-28T00:00:00.002-05:00

This post originally appeared yesterday as a facebook note... DOA management

I think I've worked out this new Facebook... Apparently, the idea is to be able to break your friends up into more manageable groups, like Google + and their 'circles'. when you don't pick categories for all your friends and loved ones, It auto-defaults to the people that you comment on the most. I suppose for the Facebook user that has several thousand friends that they don't actually know, this would be a pretty neat thing... pull out all the folks that you met through farmville and apps like it, and concentrate on the people that really matter to you.

Which is great if you have primarily casual acquaintances on your Facebook, but not so much if you actually care about all the people on your Facebook. Me, I have maybe 200 or so Facebook friends, and I'm pretty picky about who gets added. My hard and fast rule is that I either have to have had a flesh and blood conversation with you at some point in my life, or you have to be someone that I desperately want to have a conversation with (which is why there are a few of my author/heroes on my feed).

I have always felt that one of Facebook's genuine strengths was that I could loosely keep tabs on folks that I had long lost contact with. Updates about friends from high school and college whose lives I genuinely miss being a part of now have their lives played out in front of me on a daily basis. Pictures of spouses and offspring float past, invariably bringing a smile to my face whether I hit the "like" button or not . It was a great way for me to reconnect with people through the flood of child care and writing that is now my life. I like to think that my updates do the same for them.

But then a few days ago, Facebook decided that I obviously couldn't possibly care about all of these people, so it cut back my feed to the top ten that I comment on on a regular basis. They have confused my passivity for apathy. Among the people that wound up filtered out were my wife and three of my closest friends. This made no sense to me until I tried to set up a Google + account, and saw the paradigm that Facebook is scrambling to emulate.

I think that Facebook has really turned a corner. Rather than being the trendsetter, they are now playing catch-up, much as MySpace wound up doing with them a few years ago. I would think that it would benefit them to just make their own product as useful as possible (Where's my damn dislike button?) and to stop copying others.

From the Short Stuff Journal series- Why I wish I was better at math.

2011-09-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

Short stuff is now doing journaling assignments in class, and I told him that I would write too. After all, it's difficult to tell the boy to do an assignment when he sees his writer step-dad doing nothing... So, I told him I would write on my blog about anything he was told to write about in class. I may make it a weekly thing.

I wish I was better at math for a number of reasons. Math would help me manage my finances better, that's for sure. I mean, money isn't really that much of a problem for us these days, in that our bills are paid on a fairly regular basis, but things have been tight of late. If I was better at math I would be better at budgeting what little money we do have.

Another reason I wish that I was better at math is that I probably would have wound up in a much different career... I wanted to be a scientist or engineer when I was young, and then later a computer programmer... but I found out at an early age that I have no brain for either languages or math. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I do so well at English, all thing considered or I would be screwed.

Dr Strangebook, (Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the Blog)

2011-09-26T12:39:00.002-05:00

A lot of my thoughts are strictly one liners. I make no apologies about this, but sadly it means that they are far better suited for the "status update" or "tweet" than the "blog".

Coming up with Blog entries is hard. It can be discouraging, educational, and maddening at times to come up with just a few paragraphs that are all at once inspirational, interesting and entertaining all at the same time. I shouldn't be so self conscious about it I suppose, but let's face it, all of us write on some level to be read.

Blogging, I think is one of the more primal exercises in writing. It's not that I don't have a tremendous amount of respect for those that make a popular blog, but the act of blogging is a little like spitting out the best and worst of yourself out on a page, unedited for the world to see. At least with sites like Facebook, you always have a measure of control over who actually reads your words... but blogs are usually very public places.

I have recently come to the conclusion that if you're really worried about who reads what you write and how they will react to it you probably shouldn't be a writer. I have had reason to be worried in the past, too... I have had at least two of my jobs placed in jeopardy, and watched a fellow promising writers career go down in flames due to the raging beast that is the internet. But that was then, and this is now. I no longer work for anyone, save my wife, kids, and personal sense of duty.

I need to be out there on the web sticking it to the man, you know? Or at the very least poking him with a rubber chicken or two.

The submissions maze...

2011-01-18T11:34:00.002-06:00

Submitting short stories for publication is a good deal more difficult than most people would think... This is primarily because of the tremendous amount of record keeping involved that an author must do to ensure that he/she doesn't make a simultanious submission of a story.

Now, I've talked to enough writers to know that many of them consider the "NO SIMULTANEOUS SUBMISSIONS" warning that many publishers and editors include in their guidelines to be complete bullshit. From what I've heard, it's primarily there to keep writers from realizing how much market power their stories actually have.

When you think about it, it makes a certain amount of sense... the last thing that a magazine would want is to get into a bidding war over whatever brilliant piece of prose you've just written. It takes time, money, and negotiating skills. While as a writer this is the best case scenario, I can see how it would be the worst case for the editors.

So, I dutifully hew to the "sole submission" rule, and have over the years, filled spreadsheets and notebooks with dates of submission, contact information, and an endless array of editors comments and insights. It has in fact, effected what I produce to a huge extent, as I deliberately try not to make my pieces too timely or political... Some magazines literally take MONTHS to get back to you before you can send your prose to the next one, and by the time one has been accepted, it could be as much as two years out of date.

Plus that, I suppose that the argument could be made that all truly good speculative fiction should be timeless. I mean, have the works of Jules Verne become any less brilliant now that submarines and space travel are now commonplace? Will the current crop of aliens that writers have dreamed up be rendered foolish looking when we finally meet the real E.T.'s? These are the things I think about a lot when I write, and why my brand of sci-fi tends to so easily veer toward fantasy.

On the bright side, the rewards are worth the effort of patience. Even with my self-published stuff, knowing that others enjoy my stories is a great feeling. Achieving this on a national scale is an even better one. The most important thing is that you don't give up.

A Writer/Dad's Morning...

2011-01-12T09:12:00.002-06:00

6:30am- Woken up to the sound of the radio announcer telling me that it's freezing outside.
6:45am- Drag butt out of bed, Do "Sniff test" on clean clothes, only to realize that the boy's dog has peed on them.
7:00am- Wake up Kid 1 and Kid 2, put puppy in bathroom lined with puppy pads. Accept that the puppy will shred said pads and then proceed to poo and pee all over the bathroom.
7:10am- Wake up Kid 1 and Kid 2 again, as they have helpfully fallen back to sleep.
7:15am- Wrestle Kid 2 into clothes, wake up Kid 1 again.
7:20am- Curse loudly as I realize that the dog peed in Kid 1's bed. Kid 1 laughs, and tells me I shouldn't curse. Pull sheets off bed and dump them in the hallway.
7:30am- Wake up kid 2 again, and drag them downstairs while the dog pounds on the bathroom door wanting to be let out. Look in to make sure the dog has food and water, only to have the dog escape and pee on kid 2 out of excitement.
7:35am-Make breakfast for kids while changing kid 2's clothes. Hastily butter toast, and give to kids with juice boxes.
7:40am- Run through morning checklist... vitamins for kids, coats, hats, bookbags, glasses, shoes.
7:45am- Run through writing checklist... laptop, charger, notebook, headphones, ipod, money for iced mochas.
7:46am- Realize kid 2 is covered in butter, crumbs and apple juice. Rethink "toast and juice" breakfast policy. Frantically change kid 2 for third time.
7:50am- Leave house. Kid 1 not done with toast and juice, and takes it with him. Chase kids around parking lot and into car.
7:53am-Warm up car, consider moving closer to equator. Realize I forgot all my writing stuff. Run back upstairs to grab it.
7:54am- Get back into car, Kid 2 covered in crumbs again, Kid 1 laughing about "food fight" they have had in the 28 seconds I was gone.
8:00am- Arrive at school, clean crumbs off of kid2 with baby wipes, strain back as kid 2 practices passive resistance in protest of school. Glare at kid 1 when he asks "Why are you whispering to yourself about boarding schools?"
8:03am- Drag kid 2 into school building and hand him off to teacher. See kid 1 is still outside in 20 degree weather poking an anthill with a stick.
8:04am- Drag kid 1 into school, while answering questions about ant exoskeletons and magnifying glasses.
8:06am- Return to car. Breathe.
8:10am- Get to coffee shop, realize that I forgot to charge iPod. Order iced mocha. Show Barrista how the coffee shop is listed in the acknowledgments of my new novel. Bask in mock adoration.
8:15am- Begin checking Facebook and E-mail, respond appropriately.
9:00am- Compose witty status update. Order second iced mocha.
9:15am- Decide to write blog entry.
9:20am- Realize that exactly .02% of my day thus far has involved writing. Open Microsoft word.
9:21 am- Check Facebook again, just in case someone has commented on my status update.
9:30am- Wonder how other writers "do it".
9:45am- Finish blog entry. Try to find muse at the bottom of my iced mocha and work on draft of second novel.

The writers rant...

2011-01-11T09:27:00.003-06:00

Each year, I participate in NaNoWriMo... it's helped me so far to crank out about a book a year, and I'm really pleased with myself for having done it every year since I discovered it. The thing is, that 50,000 words in 30 days can really make a guy loopy.

Right now, I'm working on finishing this years NaNo novel, a sequel to my first book, Dimensional Games. (Now available on Amazon, for the Kindle, and the Nook sorry for the shameless plug, but Iced Mochas don't pay for themselves) As part of my process, I usually go back and read a few random chapters to help me recapture the tone of the book. Well, I was doing that today and came across the following rant masquerading as "Chapter 24":

Okay reader, why don’t you come over here for a moment… we need to have a little chat.I’ve been sitting here for what feels like hours, pouring my heart out onto the page, only to feel like I’m writing absoulute crap. Is it crap? It very well may be, but it’s my crap.

I know that I have asked you to make a few incredible leaps of faith with me in these pages thus far… I’ve got dimension hopping, dimension bleeding, dimensional inertia, and half a dozen other half-assed, not entirely fleshed out concepts that I’m hoping that you will swallow, hook line and sinker based soley on my say so.

Well, I’ll tell ya reader, it ain’t easy. I just realized that I actually wrote that a giant ship of vampires is barreling down on our heroes, sprung from no where but my imagination, and have introduced more than a few plot twists to your devouring eyes in the past thousand words or so, and quite frankly it’s too much for even me.

This, dear reader is what you call the “despair” part of writing a novel. Sure, to you it seems a well thought out construct of plot and character melting together into a nice, gooey, easy to swallow chutney for your reading pleasure.

What I want to take the time to say now is that it’s not. I have no idea where the Giovannica storyline is going right now… I feel like I have way too many characters for you to keep up with, (much less care about), and quite frankly, the fact that my main character has thus far been a bit of a whiney bitch about his “relationship” with his love intrest is pissing me right off. My Protagonist isn’t your typical james bondian hero… he was written expressly with the average joe in mind, and isn’t really prone to whisking anyone away for a romantic cruise.

Yeah, all of that was a plot device, but I figure I can fix all that in the rewrite. Ray Bradbury once said that there is no such thing as a successful writer… what you see is lots of successful re-writers. That’s all well and good, but this November as I write this novel, I feel like the entire world is collapsing around me. The electric bill is due, the kids just got a goddamn puppy that everyone seems to be asking me to take care of (WHEN I HAVE A NOVEL TO WRITE) and I have yet to make dime one from my writing efforts, despite the fact that I sit here in my booth at the coffee shop day after day with an iced mocha in front of me and my Ipod rocking its way into my brain, trying valiantly to entertain you, The frickin reader.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve taken the time out to read these words, which realistically I will probably delete long before this book makes it to it’s final draft, but If I have to listen to the two teenagers in the booth behind me argue for one more fucking second about whether “I’m too sexy” by right said fred is inappropriate wedding music I’M GONNA LOSE MY SHIT!

Let me let you in on a little secret I try not to share with anyone… all of us writers are borderline insane. In a very real way, we pay attention to the voices in our heads that we jokingly refer to as our ‘Muse’. Well, right now, my muse is grumpy as hell. He hasn’t gotten laid in at least a week or so because of a damn puppy that whines when it’s left alone, and therefore MUST sleep in bed with him and his wife, and to top things off, she just started her period.

Yeah, that’s where my muse is right now. I’ve considered just killing off all the main characters, torching the dimension they live in, and making the Werewolf stay on the papers till she’s freaking housebroken.

None of which you would find the slightest bit entertaining…. And rightfully so. You paid for this book, and deserve to be entertained. If you’re reading this in a library, go to hell.

Well… I think I’m done with my rant and pity party…let’s get back to it, shall we? I’m dying to see where I’m going with all of this.. maybe we’ll get lucky and those statues from chapter twenty will show up again and do something funny.

Like I said, loopy. I'm tempted to leave it in there, but I'll probably just edit it out... People may not like a whiny bitch hero, but they like whiny bitch writers even less.

Wading in the stream of conciousness

2011-01-11T09:06:00.003-06:00

I neglect this blog. There, I said it.

Every year or so, I sit down and try to revitalize it, making lots of promises of new content, only to wind up focusing my efforts elsewhere... well, Here I am once again making such promises. But, to be fair, at least one of those other efforts has paid off, as I now have an actual book that i've written and published. It took me about a year to write it, and clean it up to the point where I'm happy with it, but now it's good to go.

For more details on the book, go to www.bigkahunah.com. I hope to have a far more extensive website for it up soon, when my schedule permits a few days for website development.

So, what does this mean for my blog? It means I need to get cracking on it again. I know that it's lost its relevance in the Facebook age, where my cute kid and slice of life escapades can be boiled down to easy 430 character blips in the consciousness of the internet. For a blog like this to garner serious readership, it needs to be relevant, updated a few times a week, and provide interesting content.

And I really am a stickler about having ORIGINAL, interesting content.... I don't just want to be one of those bloggers that just regurgitates what he finds while web surfing. I have been thinking for a while that this blog needs a change of focus, but have been steadily arguing with myself about what that focus should be. I had been kind of using it as my personal journal, but as my life moved more and more onto facebook, I find that function to be less and less useful. Basically, if I want to bitch about something, I now do it on facebook instead of on here.

Therefore, I need to be able to write on here about stuff that I'm kinda good at... Writing, Storytelling, and occasionally parenting. I'll start writing from this point on about whatever project I'm working on, just to have it down somewhere, and whatever problems or doubts I'm having with it. I will endeavor to do this in a funny helpful way as well, hopefully a few times a week. Hopefully, someone out there in the blogosphere will hear the shout of the insect among all the ants at the picnic.

The Writer's Conundrum...

2010-06-21T11:57:00.003-05:00

In the recent months, I haven't been posting to this blog, but believe it or not, these past few months have been some of the most prolific writing months of my life. I've gotten a great start ofn a new screenplay, edited my first novel into a marketable form, written three short stories that i've been shopping around, and am working on at least another three works in progress...

All in all, I've been writing everywhere but here, which upsets me a bit, and has me wondering if I should just shut down DOA entirely.

The problem is that I really like this blog... but it lacks direction... and to a greater extent, purpose in my increasingly writing filled lifestyle. The cutesy slice of life things that have found their way here for so many years tend to have reduced themselves to one sentence facebook updates, and I have trouble writing here without feeling like I'm pulling myself from other projects. I only stopped to write this entry because I'm stalling for an idea to move forward my latest short story... I actually have been thinking of doing a fiction serial, which would lend itself to the blog format, but I know that if I do that, my chances of continuing to post to DOA rapidly spiral toward zero.

Other writers I've talked to are of two minds about the importance of bolgs as well... Many view them as a useful marketing tool, but others view them as a nagging distraction. Obviously, I'm split on this, but I know in my heart that I need to either poop or get off the pot on this blog. I've given up NaBloPoMo for NaNoWriMo, and I think that shows real growth for me as a writer with professional aspirations.

Another issue I'm having is that Short Stuff's Bio-dad has voiced his concern with me posting things about his son... yeah, he's just being more than a bit of a douchebag, but I try not to antagonize him out of respect for Short Stuff, and out of the concept of not stooping to that level.

But I'm rambling now, and that don't pay for the iced mochas at French Press. What does everyone think? Does anyone even read this blog any more? Would y'all miss it if it was gone?

School Zones and Lawmen.

2009-12-02T09:05:00.003-06:00

Well, NaNoWriMo is officially over, and I'm working on editing the 56000 word pile of steaming crap that sprang from my keyboard into a passable novel.

That's not true, exactly... it's not all steaming crap, and I'm not really working on it at all right now. In fact, what I am doing right now is a blog entry about school zones.

Every morning, I take the boys to school in our SUV (From the french... meaning passes everything but a gas station) and get in line behind the hundred or so other parents trying to drop their kids off at the same time. It tends to be mass chaos, as all the other parents are completely disregarding the laws of physics that prevent objects from being in the same place at the same time, such as a minivan and an SUV.

Every morning, I have seen at least one act of random traffic stupidity. People double park, others leave their car idling in the middle of the street, still others ignore right of way and common sense. To make matters worse, the street the school is on turns one way during peak pick up/drop off hours, and these people that ignore these and other traffic laws for the sake of getting little Johnny to school ten minutes earlier than he needs to be there. The resulting chaos causes a back up that stretches for blocks through the suburb we live in. If you live on any of the streets around the school, and need to go anywhere between the hours of 7:45-8:10, or 2:30-3:30, you're basically stuck in your driveway until traffic clears.

I usually avoid the whole thing by getting there early, finding a nice legal parking spot, and listening to the radio while trading jokes with Short Stuff, but there are those rare mornings where nothing goes quite right, and I patiently sit in traffic with the rest of the parents. I'm beginning to think that the Indian mom in the Minivan that parks according to magnetic north (on a east-west street) is beginning to really resent me for arriving early at this point, as is the WASPy soccer mom in the Jaguar that parks ON THE LAWN OF THE SCHOOL every morning. They know who I am, too... because both have remarked to me how adorable Pint Size is.

Anyhow, the neighbors to the school complained to the police (rightfully so I think) about the horde that besieges their neighborhood every morning and afternoon, and the local constables took action, assigning a detail officer to the school during drive time. This was not received well by the parents that suddenly found themselves on the receiving end of tickets (Watdya mean, double parked? I just pulled up next to the parked cars, got out, and walked my kid to school like I always do! That's not double parked!) or the teachers that have been ignoring the one-way rule for years to make it to the faculty lot on time... which always makes the drop off situation much, much worse. Unlike most parents, I was really happy to see the cop there (and told him so)... I just wish he could give out tickets for outright stupidity.

Last week, Silverfox was talking to one of Pint Size's helpers and heard about the following exchange... during his first day or two on duty, the detail officer pulled over a teacher trying to get to the faculty lot and she protested:

Teacher: But officer, I'm just going to the faculty lot! I work here!
Officer: Really? You're a teacher?
Teacher:(proudly) Yes, I am.
Officer: Then you should have been able to read the sign that says "Do Not Enter". (Hands Ticket)

It's just gone downhill from there. The principal sent a letter home whining that the police have never treated the school this way before, but that parents should comply with all the weird traffic and parking laws that are in effect during pickup/drop off time. It's not that hard... You can park in any legal spot during drop off, or pull up to the main entrance to the school and let your kid out. At pick up, there is no parking on the street leading up to the school, to allow maximum flow of traffic to the main entrance where you pick up your kid. During both of these times, the street is a one way street. Still, every day I watch the cop write a few more tickets in the morning, and again in the afternoon.

This morning, I saw the cop pull over another one of the wrong way drivers, this time a parent. As the Cop wrote the ticket, the parent protested:

Parent: This is ridiculous! I need to drop off my kid so I can get to work!
Officer: Then you need to get behind all the other parents and drop off your kid just like they do, instead of breaking the law.
Parent: But officer, how am I supposed to get here on time when traffic is backed up for blocks?
Officer: Maybe you should get here early like that guy does. (points at me, who is legally parked and waving with a big dopey grin on his face)

Yeah... Maybe I wanna avoid the next few PTA meetings.

So y'all know my progress...

2009-11-18T16:51:00.002-06:00

My current word count:

How I'm faring vs. Dave and Ducky:

The goal is 50,000 words by the 30th.

In Case you were wondering...

2009-11-17T22:05:00.002-06:00

I've been a little busy this month with NaNoWriMo. Hopefully, I'll come out the other end with a novel. I promise I will go back to posting semi-regularly by December...

In Other news, one of my screenplays was in the top 100 finalists at the Slamdance screenplay competition, and is up for a special award... I should hear sometime this week if I've won.

Cute kid story...

2009-09-09T08:52:00.002-05:00

While getting the boys off to school this morning, I had Short Stuff carry his and his brother's schoolbags down to the Cerio family bus. Normally I carry Pint Sizes bag myself, but I think that the little guy is practicing for a future in political activism... specifically, he's been working on the "passive resistance" thing to avoid going to school. With my laptop bag slung over one shoulder and Pint Size over the other, we finally made our way to the car. While I buckled Pint Size (again, reluctantly...) into his car seat, I handed Short Stuff my laptop bag as well, and told him to put it in the car.

As I slid behind the steering wheel, Short Stuff regally proclaimed himself to be "The King of Bags".

"Actually..." I said, "You're more like the knave of bags."

"What's a Knave?" he asked.

"A knave is one of the King's subjects... that the king gets to boss around because he lives on the King's land. In this particular situation, I would be the King of bags, You the Knave of bags, and Pint Size..."

We looked behind us, and Pint Size was chewing on the straps of his car seat in a vain attempt at escape.

"Well, he's probably the court jester." I said, chuckling.

Short Stuff got a big kick out of that and began looking in his bookbag for something, finally producing a banana that I had given him for a snack at school.

"Well, then can I be the King of Fruit?" he asked.

"Sure." I said, grinning.

"Knave!" he said, royally addressing the banana, "Get back in the bag!"

Oddly enough, the banana did.

How I spent my summer vacation part 3...

2009-08-12T17:40:00.005-05:00

We left DC none the worse for wear, safe in the knowledge that NYC was only a few hours away, Silverfox and I decided to challenge ourselves on the mean streets of Baltimore by trying to find Duff Goldman's Bakery, Charm City Cakes. We're both big fans of Ace of Cakes, but had no clue where to even start looking. After several wrong turns, and giving serious consideration to calling the place and asking if they knew their latitude and longitude (Geocacheing GPS units know no address...) we pulled up on the corner across the street for a few choice shots...
and of course I had to get one of Duff's Vespa...
Silverfox was a little dissapointed that the windows were all blacked out, but I explained that that's probably because of the film crew needing to white balance their cameras. Still, it was neat seeing the place in person. Short Stuff of course was in the back seat wondering why on earth we were wandering aimlessly around a strange city when Papa Rob's house was only a few hours away. (sigh)

Before long, we pulled up in front of my Dad's house and immediately ordered pizza. ( I so miss New York Pizza) Pint Size surprised us all by eating two whole slices, before quietly falling asleep on the love seat.

We woke early the next morning, and went into the big city for some sightseeing:

Even though I'm well versed in the geography and history of New York, we decided that it would be better for the kids if we took one of the double decker tour buses (Silverfox had never been on one) Gray Line had a hop on/hop off for three days deal that worked into our budget nicely. While waiting for the buss to arrive, a Cop let Short Stuff know that he shouldn't chase pidgeons in the Big city:
You can see just how much I care. Pint Size is telling the officer to feel free to use excessive force. Seriously, this had to be the nicest NY cop I've ever met. He was really paitent with Silverfox while she got the pictures of the boys she wanted. Before long, our bus arrived and off we went to see the sites and sounds of the Big Apple. Pint Size adjusted really much better than we expected:

In fact, he was loving every minute of the bus ride and the city. We had been worried that he would react badly to it all, but he was a little trooper. The same goes for Short Stuff, who didn't really whine at all on the tours, and dutifully posed for all of Silverfoxes pictures:
Of course, it helped that the Toys R us on Times Square was one of our stops... Pint Size really freaked out at the sight of the giant in store ferris wheel, but I took him into the Sesame Street section and he was cool. Short Stuff was facinated by the largest Lego section he had ever seen:
He kept calling me over to show me something else made of Legos, (Like the Statue of Liberty and empire state building in the background) but I really had my hands full making sure Pint Size didn't see the ferris wheel. (SERIOUSLY! Instant Freak out!) It shocked me though when Pint Size, who really hasn't started talking yet pointed at a shelf and yelled "ELMO!" I handed him the toy and he smiled up at me, as proud of himself as he has ever been. It was a really cool toy, I had to admit... A small Elmo doll that talks when you shake it. Worried that Pint Size's sudden verbal ability was a fluke, I called Silverfox over immediately.

"Elmo?" she asked, taking the toy from him.

"Elmo!" He said confidently, reaching for the doll.

I thought for a moment that my wife was going to cry with happiness. We bought him the toy as quickly as we could, and a Spongebob Squarepants Lego set for Short Stuff.

We are such soft touches when we get the kids in a toy store.

Our Anniversary weekend...

2009-08-11T12:27:00.010-05:00

On August 8, 2008 I did the smartest thing I've ever done, and made Silverfox my wife:

Yes, we celebrated a wonderful year of wedded bliss over the weekend by getting away from our everyday lives for a while. I had been trying to plan the perfect weekend for a few months now, but had my options severely limited last month when we found out that one of Silverfoxes oldest and dearest friends was getting married on August 8th as well. I grumbled a bit when I found out, but I also knew full well that missing the Fisher wedding simply was not an option. The other happy (copycats) couple were getting hitched out on the Mississippi Gulf coast, and so I spent a week researching my options for a romantic weekend before settling on a great package deal from the Isle casino/resort...

Relaxation Package

Two nights double occupancy
Romantic Couple Massage
Garden tub suite
Dinner for two at Farraddays’^® (the Isle's high end resturant)
$25 IslePlay^® per person
Turndown service nightly
Late check-out, 2:00pm

Of course, I had a few questions, but I was already planning on a spa day for us, and a really nice dinner one night so it sounded like a winner to me. I found out that the "Garden tub suite" meant that there was a Jacuzzi in the room, which would have cost 400 bucks for two nights (which we would need anyway because of the wedding). The package was a little over 500. I told the lady on the phone that she had me at "Jacuzzi".

Getting to our Weekend was a bit of a task... suffice it to say that both cars broke down and one of the deadbeat Dads bailed on our babysitting arrangements the morning we were gonna leave. I had backup plans for most of the stuff that went wrong that morning, but both cars? Was someone trying to tell me something?

After getting to the hotel an hour later than I intended, we saw our room and it was all good:
Yes, that is tropical floral print on the curtains, which was the theme in the hotel. I joked with Silverfox that I could have worn one of my gaudier hawaiian shirts as camouflage.

Below, we see the same room... now with more sexy:
I would like to take this opportunity to point out to the world that my wife is a babe. She has also lost a good deal of weight since we got married... I say it's because being married to me is good for the soul, but she says it's because her activity level went up after she returned to work following her back surgery last year.

I'm the one that's right here, but don't tell her that...

We dressed for dinner (it still sounds strange to me saying that... dressing for dinner just usually means putting on pants to me) and went down to sit in Farradday's bar for a few drinks. We were surprised to find out that an old friend of ours from the sci-fi convention scene was the bartender, and her husband was a waiter at the restaurant! Needless to say we had a few very strong drinks and an excellent bottle of wine (thanks for the recommendation, Mike & Kristie!). Here's Silverfox after our meal... she looks so happy:

The whole Farraddays experience was the great unknown on our trip when I booked it, as I know from experience that casino restaurants... even the high end ones... can be a little institutional sometimes. I am happy to report that this was not the case with Farraddays. The food was outstanding, and better than half of the top of the line steak houses in New Orleans.

On our way back to the room, Silverfox spotted a slot machine she just had to play... but got carded at the casino entrance. Sadly, we had left her ID back in our room, but a slightly tipsy Silverfox was blushing at having been assumed to be under 21. (Well, after the "was that guard blind!?!" rant that is...)

Upon our return to the room we put up the "do not disturb" sign for a while... (that's a gentleman's code, folks) But were surprised again when the front desk called, complaining that they were trying to deliver us champagne, but their policy forbade them from knocking on a "do not disturb" door. I was surprised at the idea that someone had sent us champagne, but it turns out that it was all a part of the package (Note that it's not on the list above). Complimentary Champagne as if from nowhere... this weekend was turning out to be much the awesome...

The next morning, Silverfox got to that slot machine, and used our "Freeplay bucks":
By the time she was done, we were up by about 30 bucks. We had just enough time to get to our couples massage, which got both of us super relaxed and ready for the wedding.

If you are part of a couple and have never done the couples spa day thing... do it. You will not regret it, trust me... it was a highlight of the weekend for both of us. I would have liked to have gotten us the full treatment with wraps and facials and such, but we did have a wedding to get to:
Jason and Sarah are one of the few couples that I would be proud to share my anniversary date with... they are a true geek couple through and through... they even managed to sneak "Princess Bride" and "Doctor Who" music into a Roman Catholic ceremony, and thusly should be an inspiration to geeks everywhere. Furthermore, their wedding cake toppers were Action Figures of The Doctor and Rose Tyler:
We also ran into many more of our friends from the convention scene at the wedding... Silverfox remarked to me more than once that the weekend felt like going to a con because of the people we saw and hung out with.

Here we are with big Tony at the reception:
We spent that night at the hotel as well... enjoying the chocolates from the turndown service and each other's company... the next morning I asked Silverfox if there was anything I could have done to make the weekend better, and she grinned at me.

"There is one thing..." She said, pulling out her iPhone. She put our song ("at last" by Etta James) on the MP3 player, and we slow danced to it there in the room. It was a beautiful ending to a beautiful weekend, and I got really choked up over it... This past year has been amazing. I love my wife.

Yep... smartest thing I've ever done.

How I spent my summer vacation part 2...

2009-08-06T15:27:00.005-05:00

So, after a long drive through several thunderstorms, (one of which was severe enough that it forced us to stop for the night just 3 hours south of our destination) we made it to Washington D.C. and Melinda's rockin Bachelor pad. Because we had to stop, we arrived there in the early afternoon... not early enough to really hit any museums, but early enough to hit a few monuments. We dragged Melinda with us and started at one of my favorites, the Einstien Memorial, where Pint Size proceeded to have the first of what would be many freak-outs on the trip. Apparently, the kid has issues with large semi-lifelike statues. I still managed to get a nice picture of Silverfox and short stuff in the old man's lap:

Sadly for Pint Size, the next stop on our little night tour was the Lincoln Memorial, with an even bigger and more lifelike statue. Silverfox and Pint Size took the elevator, but Short Stuff insisted on running up the stairs. Sadly, it was "Come on, Dad", not "Come on MOM" that he said before sprinting away.

I'm a good sport about such things when it comes to Short Stuff, but I was huffing and puffing as we reached the statue. After Mel and Silverfox joined us at the top, I plopped down my sorry butt at the top of the stairs and enjoyed the view with the boys while Silverfox took pictures:

Mel was sitting just to the right of Short Stuff, but she hates getting her picture taken. This did not stop my wife, however.... the next morning, Mel took Pint Size down to the car for us, and he kept nearly clocking her in the head with her own Nunchucks... it was too cute not to get a picture of:
He for some reason formed a bond with these instruments of deadly martial arts. We're thinking of changing Pint Size's nickname from "Charlie" to "Chuck" after Chuck Norris.

That's right... the boogeyman checks under his bed for Pint Size. Pint Size is so tough he can eat a Rubick's Cube and poop it out sovled. Pint Size doesn't stand up... he forced the earth down.

But I digress... The next day was Father's day, and it marked the first Father's day I got to spend with the boys. (Usually the Bio-Dads pull rank on Father's day...) Short Stuff and I started out with getting an idea of the size of the solar system by following a path with Kiosks spaced out in scale on the national Mall by the Smithsonian. Here we are at Saturn.

Short Stuff felt that the Solar system was way too far to walk, but in reality it was only a few blocks, and it brought us right to the Air and Space Museum. For those that haven't been to NASM in a few years like myself, let me tell you they have upped their game significantly. Thanks to their upsurge in popularity from the Night at the Museum Movies, they have added a lot of interactive kids stuff to appeal to the younger crowd. It Certainly worked on Short Stuff, who got to fly a plane:
And study the intricacies of gravity:
Pint Size freaked out at almost every room we went into, though. Our theory is that large unfamiliar objects in dimly lit, crowded spaces are one of his triggers. Here we are at the enrance to the "Planets" exhibit, where he had the MOTHER of all freak outs the second we crossed the threshold:
I figure he was just pissed off at the whole "Dwarf Planet Pluto" thing. Anyhow, the boy really needed some fresh air, so I took him for a little walk:
Go ahead, judge me. I still think that the child leash is the greatest invention ever. Short Stuff amused himself chasing pigeons, while Mel filled the kid's head with some bullcrap about homeless pigeons having to panhandle for change. She started to go on a bit about Vietnam Vet pigeons before Shorty lost interest.

Awesome.

After that, we went to the surprisingly disappointing Museum of American History. It had some more interactive stuff for the kids, but they have scaled their "American Culture/TV and Movie Memoribilia" section WAY back, (Combining it with the sports Memoribila, no less) and that was a big part of why we went there. I asked a Museum Worker, and she said that rather than display everything they have like they used to, they now rotate the exhibit every few months. As a result, you may have to visit a few times a year to see Fonzie's Jacket, a Phaser from Star Trek, Archie Bunker's Chair, or Ali's Boxing Gloves.

We were all pretty beat after that, and went back to Mel's to rest up for the drive to NYC the next day, but here we were only a few days into our road trip and Short Stuff had gotten to touch a cloud and a piece of the moon... Silverfox and I wondered how we were going to top it...

How I Spent my summer vacation... Part 1

2009-07-31T11:51:00.010-05:00

Ahhh, lady Summer. With her arrival come the vibrant greens, the azure skies, the cool breezes, and the call of the open road. If you live anywhere in the country other than New Orleans that is... Here, summer means buckets of sweat, inflated prices at the movies, warm showers, thunderstorms that only make it hotter outside, and humidity as far as the eye can see.

Needless to say, the summer road trip becomes a necessity. There are those that would question My and Silverfoxes sanity for attempting a 3000 mile road trip with two young kids (one of whom is still in diapers). After having done it, I would join them.

Seriously though, it wasn't that bad... Our biggest problem was the fact that Pint Size isn't quite walking yet, and our combo of umbrella stroller/carry on the hip was physically more taxing than I think Silverfox or I was really ready for. We bought the boys their own personal DVD players before we left New Orleans, and got Short Stuff a PSP. While I questioned their value at the time, Silverfoxes wisdom proved that the electronics were worth their weight in gold by the end of the first ten-hour leg of the trip. We got a full 1000 miles behind us before I heard the first "Are we there yet" from the back seat.

At each state line, Silverfox insisted on a group photo... rather than sharing them all with you, here is the first and best of them:
Yes, the Mississippi state line is only an hour away from the house... that's why the picture is so good... the boys and I are still fresh and optimistic. We drove all the way to Asheville, North Carolina that first day... having to break out onto state roads through the great smoky mountains to get there. For those of you that have never driven dark mountain roads in the summer, the word "harrowing" doesn't do it justice... thick fog on winding roads with hundred foot drops on either side makes for white knuckle driving.

Although, one of my favorite memories of the trip happened on that leg... we passed by a used car lot, and Silverfox caught sight of an old Volkswagon Beetle for sale for only 600 bucks. She told me about it, wondering if the Expedition was up to towing the car back home, and I asked her what color the car was.

"Black." She said.
"PUNCHBUGGY BLACK!" I yelled, and gave her a shot in the arm. I know it seems mean, but rest assured she got me back later in the trip when we passed a volkswagon dealership.

We had been worried about how Pint Size was going to react to staying in hotels on the trip (he's wierd like that sometimes) but we shouldn't have... as soon as we got to the room he did this:
"Okay... bedtime!" After a good night's sleep, we headed up the Blue Ridge Parkway, and Short Stuff got to see mountains for the first time. Silverfox was amazed as well, and all I heard from them after the first scenic overlook was "ooooo!" and "ahhhhh!" punctuated by the occasional "Wow!". Before long, we pulled into a promising looking overlook to stretch our legs:

We made sure of Pint Sizes safety in the mountains by buying a special hiking harness for him to wear, complete with a teather that would support his weight if he got far enough away from us to take a running leap off a cliff or something:
Yes, it's a leash... but when I turned to talk to Short Stuff about something, Pint Size made a dash for a pretty flower just over the edge of the ridge, it also kept him from plummeting into a ravine. Here's a great pic of Silverfox and the kids at that overlook:
The elevation is 3175 feet above sea level, or about 3185 feet above where our house sits. This amazed Short Stuff. He asked if we were high enough to touch clouds, and Silverfox pointed out that the road headed into this:
What Silverfox didn't know however, is that there was an overlook right there. so we got out, and touched some clouds as they came up from the valley and past the ridge Silverfox got some great video of the event that totally makes my butt look big:

You can tell by Pint Sizes face that he thought it was pretty cool, too. When I asked Short Stuff what the cloud felt like, he though about it for a few moments before proudly reporting that "it felt wet."

After touching the clouds, Short Stuff and I looked for some rocks for his collection. For those that don't know, due to a quirk of geography there are no natural rocks or rock formations in New Orleans, so Short Stuff is naturally facinated by them...
That picture was taken just before Short Stuff was attacked by a swarm of gnats, and completely lost any interest he had in exploring nature for the day. After we passed a sign that said "WARNING! HIGH COLLISION AREA NEXT THREE MILES!" Silverfox and I decided that we had had enough of it too. After all, Washington D.C. awaited only another days drive away...

Behold! LIFE!

2009-07-31T11:07:00.004-05:00

Well, maybe not life... but certainly sponge... Today, the entire critter's head has emerged from the egg and it's glaring menacingly at me:
Short Stuff is super exited, and keeps on going on about how much he loves his new baby Dinosaur, and how much fun they're going to have together. Pint Size, however is unamused...Just kidding... that's really the adorable face he made at the IHOP a few weeks ago when he ran out of pancakes. Say what you will about the boy, but he loves his pancakes.

Dino Update...

2009-07-30T12:21:00.003-05:00

Just after my last post, Short stuff pointed out that the cracks in the egg have gotten bigger since my last photo:

It's like having our own little Jurassic Park...

2009-07-30T11:05:00.006-05:00

Above, we see exactly how Short stuff views our little dinosaur egg hatching experiment... Below, on day two, we see that the egg is definitely starting to crack in anticipation of the arrival of our little bundle of dinosaur joy:

It looks really cool, i'll give it that. The picture doesn't do it justice... you can actually see bits of dinosaur skin through the cracks. I think that Short Stuff may be getting his hopes up a little bit about this... he clearly expects this:In fact, he was going on a few minutes ago about how much he is looking forward to him and Pint Size playing with the baby dinosaur... but my Daddy sense is saying what he'll likely be getting is this:

(shown actual size)

Ahhh, toy manufacturers.... dashing kids hopes ever since the invention of x ray specs.

It's been a while...

2009-07-29T14:35:00.005-05:00

For many of those that don't know me real well, it seems that I simply stop publishing my blog for the summer months...

Well, that's not far from the truth, but I do keep writing about my experiences all the time, and am constantly taking pictures to back up my claims of derring do. Then what tends to happen is that I sit down to form the pictures and ideas into complete blog entries, but get distracted by The Kids/Wife/Condition of the house/facebook/whatever. Basically, I believe that I get more writing and blogging done when I have a chance to sit somewhere quiet for a few hours, with a cup of joe and my laptop and no distractions.

Yes, this means leaving my USB wireless modem widget at home. The internet is proving to be one of my biggest time wasters lately. Being a father is also a much bigger distraction than I had initially thought it would be... it's really hard to tell Short Stuff that I don't want to play with his legos with him, when in fact, I totally do.

Yesterday, there was a commercial for the new Indiana Jones Lego set... and Short Stuff looks at me with a frown, obviously wanting it...

"We don't need that, right Dad?" He said, mirroring what has become my pat response is to I want that!
"Actually, Shorty..." I said, "We TOTALLY need that. I'll get permission from Mom."

Anyway, I figure that I will write a few entries over the next couple of weeks titled "How I spent my summer vacation" detailing the road trip to NY that we took with the kids, because those events look way better the longer I delay writing about them. It's not that anything particularly horrible happened, it's just that it was a long car trip with the kids.... and took a lot out of me and Silverfox. I've been going through the 1600 pictures Silverfox took, trying to find my faorites to include with my posts, but it is 1600 pictures. I only wish I was joking.

On our trip, the boy bought a really neat toy from a Cracker Barrel in North Carolina:
What it is is a Dinosaur egg that hatches when submerged in water for a few days:
The instructions say to put it water... within 12-24 hours it will start to crack, and a Dinosaur will emerge and begin growing from the egg within 72 hours. Needless to say, Short Stuff has been bugging me to help him make it hatch since we got home from NY. Today, I buckled...
I'll take a picture of it every day and let y'all know how it goes.

After beating Chuck Norris to death...

2009-06-20T14:57:00.000-05:00

Pint size is eating his nunchucks for desert.

When geeks find love...

2009-06-12T11:05:00.002-05:00

Now, I take great pride in the fact that Silverfox and I are a true geek couple... We met at a con, and realized we were meant to be when we knew the same phrase in klingon. (Where's the bathroom) Just last night in fact, we spent an hour or so looking for the newly released "Star Trek Scene it!" (Dave, Drew... there is a game night in your immediate future.) I love my geek girl with all my heart.

These folks however, take it to a whole new level...

A little funeral humor...

2009-06-10T16:03:00.002-05:00

DaNiece: I heard about your great grandma, Short Stuff.

Short Stuff: You heard she died?

DaNiece: Yeah. I'm so sorry.

Short Stuff: It wasn't your fault. Great grandma's the one who died. It's her fault.

So, What's new Rob?

2009-06-09T16:41:00.003-05:00

Other than making sure that Short Stuff has stuff to do this summer, nothing much. I entered a few screenplay contests, and am gearing up for a trip to NYC... but that's really business as usual for me.

A lot has been going on in the lives of the wife and kids, however... Short Stuff's great Grandma just passed away yesterday and they were very close, so the kid is taking it kinda hard... I've been trying to explain to him the concept of an afterlife (specifically heaven) But I feel like I'm falling short. How do you explain the concept of a place that the living can't visit, but is lots of fun and happy to a seven year old? Any suggestions?

In other news, Silverfox got a turbulent time in her life spread all over the front page of the Times Picyune for the world to see today. You can read the article if you want, but the upshot is this... some corrupt administrators said that they gave her some money to help rebuild after Katrina, but it actually went to line their own pockets by way of Silverfoxes bank account. Needless to say Silverfox is telling the truth about what happened, but having some a-hole lawyer threatening to sue her for perjury on the front page of the city news has her a little rattled... not to mention that there are quite a few personal details in the article that Silverfox would like to put safely into her past.

I can sooo relate... see any post about my ex-wife to see how.

Quite a night...

2009-05-31T11:37:00.005-05:00

As I posted previously, last night presented a few unusual opportunities for me.. One was to go see a minor league baseball game. I realized that it's been almost twenty years since I last went to see a baseball game, mostly because without a major league team here in New Orleans, it all seems kinda pointless somehow... Still, there's something about a couple of ballpark franks and an ice cold beer that makes a night game magic.

The usual gang turned out... Dave, Danielle, Ringo and Sondra... sadly, Silverfox had to work, and the boys were with their respective bio-dads so I was flying solo. Just as well, as Short Stuff has the attention span of a goldfish, and Pint Size isn't really ready for such events yet. Here's a really blurry shot of the gang in the stands:
(BTW Dave, we really need to come up with a better name for the usual gang than "the usual gang"... we're geeks, for crying out loud! I'm thinking "the Battlestar Irregulars".)

This next picture will amuse my long distance readers, I think... Remember last week when I said only in Louisiana would an ugly, orange toothed rat be mascot material? I present to you Boudreaux, Mascot of the New Orleans Zephyrs:

Yes, he's supposed to be a nutria. Crazy town I live in.

The real reason we all came to the ballpark was of course not for the game, but for the MINIKISS concert afterward... Dave and I got very excited when they showed the midget KISS cover band in their skybox on the jumbotron, and we ran up there so Dave could get his picture with Mini Paul Stanley:
From that point on, Dave stopped counting strikes, outs, and innings... and simply counted down innings and outs "till we ROCK!"

The Zephyrs won, which was kinda awesome because it's always kinda awesome when the home team wins. We then made our way to the outfield, where MiniKISS took the stage:

I have to say, they were better than any of us expected... for a group that sounds like a bad joke, they were all capable showmen and very entertaining. Mini Gene Simmons was great at doing a lot of the typical Gene Simmons stuff, (like the tongue thing and the fire blasts), and Mini Paul was a solid frontman and singer. Apparently big rockers can come in small packages. They didn't confine themselves to KISS material either, and brought down the house with a great rendition of the hit Guns and Roses song, "Sweet Child of Mine". As Mini Gene repeated several times through the night, "We're MINIKISS and can do whatever the hell we want!"

They seemed a little shocked that most of the crowd stayed though the entire performance... and had an onstage huddle when the crowd wanted an encore. Dave joked that they must have run out of material on the ipod that they used for some of their backing music. When Mini Paul asked the audience "uh, can we repeat a song we already did for you?" we all laughed and cheered for more.

Afterward, they spent some time doing autographs on the stage:
We hung out for a bit waiting for them to come down to the field, joking about how disappointed Sondra was that they didn't have Midget roadies, as well. Before long, they made their way off the stage to pose for pictures with those of us that stayed:
When I got my picture taken with them, I jokingly apologized for not being a hot chick. Mini Paul countered "That's okay dude... you look just like that Family Guy guy!"

"Yeah, and you look like Paul Stanley, but I bet you get that a lot." I said, thinking I probably weigh more than your whole freaking band, ya shrimp!

Any hurt feelings I might have had disappeared when I saw the photo that resulted. These guys were consummate professionals with a real appreciation for their fans... They even recognized a couple that had been at one of their shows in Miami right after Katrina, and talked to them with genuine concern in their voices about the couples struggle to return home after the storm.

MINIKISS, you guys ROCK!

One night only...

2009-05-30T12:03:00.000-05:00

That's right. The premier midget kiss cover band is playing after the zephyr game tonight. I am so there.

If only George Peppard was as cuddly...

2009-05-22T16:57:00.000-05:00

Last week it was star trek, this week... it's ewoks.

Field Trip!

2009-05-21T16:43:00.000-05:00

As the school year winds down, Pint Size's Pre-K class starts doing field trips. i was lucky enough to go along with them to Storyland. Pint Size was way more interested in playing among the fauna than any of the slides or playground equipment:

His teacher came to the rescue, though... and took him down a slide or two to get him excited about it:

After that, he was all about it... that one slide at least.

(sigh) Kids.

While we were at mobicon...

2009-05-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

A lady in Abbyville is suing the local Wal-Mart because they were letting a wild Nutria roam the store as their unoffical mascot. For those of you unfamiliar with the wildlife here in southern Louisiana, this is a nutria:
Only in Louisiana would a 20 lb orange toothed rat be considered mascot material.

Fortune cookie post...

2009-05-20T14:06:00.000-05:00

It reads, 'now is the best time for you to be spontaneous. Serendipity! '

Nothing takes me back...

2009-05-20T13:53:00.002-05:00

Like soft serve ice cream on a warm day. One of the things I miss about living in the NYC metro area is the old "Mister Softee" ice cream trucks I grew up with:

Here in the south, they seem to only have Good Humor trucks, which is simply not the same. While Good Humor trucks are stocked with coolers of pre-made ice cream products, the Mister Softee truck was like an old time soda fountain on wheels. He had a full-on soda machine, a shake mixer, a giant soft serve machine, a hot fudge warmer, and an old style whipped cream maker all in the magical little world of his truck. To a young geek, these things must have been built on the same principle as the TARDIS. When you ordered your icy treat, it usually took a few minutes for the ice cream man to make it for you.

I remember when I was a kid, we had an awesome Mister Softee guy that would prowl my neighborhood. He would always park right in front of my house, and stay there until my Dad had heard "pleasepleasepleaseplease" about a zillion times. Dad used to joke that while kids are naturally attracted to ice cream trucks, nothing attracts ice cream trucks like a couple of fat kids playing on the sidewalk.

Of course, I would counter that a Dad that was seemingly addicted to milkshakes didn't hurt either...

So Dad would eventually relent and give us five bucks and his milkshake order... which would take forever for the guy to make, and all of the neighborhood kids would stand in line behind us glaring at me and Jay, (who of course had ordered our cones first, and had to eat them before they melted). Lord help us if Dad had ordered anything more complicated than that though... I seem to remember a threat of violence the one time Mom ordered a bannana split.

To his credit, our ice cream guy never left until every kid in the neighborhood got what he wanted, and he always allowed ample time for each child to run home and beg their parents for money. We would all sit on the stoop in front of my house enjoying our ice cream until at least five minutes after the Mister Frostee's chime had faded in the summer heat, planning what we would order from him tomorrow...

I can olnly hope Short Stuff's memories of his youth will be as pleasant.

Mobicon 2009

2009-05-19T15:49:00.006-05:00

It's been a busy week for us here at casa Cerio, and this week's posts are going to be largely about what I did last week... Beginning with this years Mobicon, which was this past weekend.

Mobicon is a very special Con for me and the wife... It's where we met, where I offically proposed, and the one con that we can both cut loose at. Most notably, Silverfoxes costumes become way more elaborate for this con. She's lost a lot of weight since she returned to work and upped her game considerably this year, starting with a really hot lookin pirate outfit. Here she is striking the Captain Morgan pose while hanging out with Dizzy and Lex at the local Popeyes:

Yes, she looks faboo... and it of course begs the question of where was I while Silverfox was off carousing and screamimg "Avast me hearties!" at random folks? in the game room hanging with Dave, of course. We had an idea for a Heroclix scenario involving Godzilla and a Mega-blocks constructed city, and seeing how Pint Size and Short Stuff were okay with grown men borrowing their toys for the weekend, we decided to have a monster battle royale. Here we see Godzilla taking a few swigs from my bubba keg before charging into battle:

You know, the movies never really pointed it out, but that lizard is such a lush. Soon though, he was giving his all against the likes of Iron Man:
We had a blast. The best part of it for me was sitting in this room full of serious miniature wargamer types staring at the two drunk guys in the corner laughing their asses off after Godzilla knocked a Mega block building over onto Aquaman. The final score was Godzilla 1, Marvel Universe 2, DC Universe 0.

Ahhh... good times.

The next day brought with it a slight hangoverand a Costume change for Silverfox, who looked positively fetching in her Steampunk Catwoman costume:
Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time someone said "Damn, your wife is hot!" I could have paid for the hotel room. Nothing inflates my ego like the "lucky bastard" look fanboys give me when I walk in with my lady on my arm. It didn't hurt the stares factor that she usually had Lex in tow:
For those of you with pittifully low res monitors, that button on her collar says "Evil Henchman #1". This picture was taken just before they both went and bought more Henchmen at the charity slave auction, who all wore buttons Silverfox had made for the occasion that gave them each an "Evil Henchman" number.

It wasn't all fun and games though, I had two ghost hunting panels to put on, (and I'll post about them as soon as I download the pics off of Silverfoxes camera), which went really well.

Silverfox and I got to spend a lot of time together, (which I really miss since she went back to work), and I got to hang with friends that I don't see as often as I would prefer. It was just an awesome time.

In the intrests of fairness...

2009-05-08T19:56:00.003-05:00

In regards to my previous entry, I would like to clarify that Short Stuff only chose Oldflame over his Mother because Silverfox had already told him that she had to work on the day of the award ceremony.

Silverfox is the most awesome mom ever, and her son loves her very much... as evidenced by the fact that the little girl in his class that Short Stuff has a crush on looks just like a miniature version of Silverfox.

Family matters....

2009-05-08T12:31:00.003-05:00

Today Short Stuff had a special breakfast ceremony at his school because he has been on the honor roll all year (straight A average) and he was allowed to have two adults there to celebrate the event. He was super proud of himself, and with good reason.(see picture in previous entry) Last week, though... picking which two parents to invite was causing the boy some grief.

When I asked him who he wanted to come to the ceremony, I was really just trying to give him a chance to pick his Bio-dad over me if he wanted... but Short Stuff got a big thinky-type frown on his face for a few minutes, without answering me.

"Only two?" He asked after a few minutes, looking at the invitation the school had sent home.

"That's what it says, kid..."

"Okay... I want you and OldFlame to come."

"What? what about Mommy and Daddy?" I sputtered, my mind reeling from the awkwardness that would theoretically ensue from the boy's idea. Bio-dad just moved in with Oldflame, so it wasn't entirely out of line for the boy to suggest her, but still...

Fortunately everyone else was working today so it was just me at his big day... but it got me thinking about how complicated Short Stuff's family tree really is, and how decisions like this are going to plague him his entire life... I mean, the kid has Me, Silverfox, Bio-Dad, and (erring to the optimistic side) Oldflame as parents from here out... in addition, he also has an affinity for Pint-Size's Bio dad and his family to think about, effectively giving him Five parents that Me and Silverfox have been telling him he needs to have respect for. That means ten Grandparents, and untold numbers of uncles and cousins that have to be considered when inviting relatives to any important event in his life from here on out. Not to mention that I complicate matters for him by refering to a few of my friends as "Uncle Stacey" or "Aunt Drew". (A time honored Cerio tradition, thank you... Dad is real proud of how he has carefully screwed up family, friend and gender roles for me and by proxy, for my son.)

I may have to make him a chart.

On the bright side, it means he has a whole lot of people that care about him and his brother... and at least he's not as bad as Ray Stevens:

Short stuff's big day...

2009-05-08T09:51:00.000-05:00

How does cj roll? On the honor roll!

Saw the New Trek Movie last night...

2009-05-06T11:22:00.003-05:00

And it was much the awsomeness. Abrams overdid it a little on the lens flares, but otherwise the movie rocked. Go see it (so that they make more) and my little nerdy heart will be forever grateful.

I will end this entry with one and only one spoiler, about what was perhaps the most emotional moment of the movie for me:

R.I.P. PORTHOS
2149-2162

You were the best friend a captain ever had, and will be missed. (sniff) Damn those engineers and their transporter experiments!

Queen, the final frontier...

2009-05-05T09:46:00.001-05:00

Going to see a sneak preview of the new Star Trek movie tonight... I'll give an opinion tomorrow. In the meantime, more Youtube silliness...

The reboot I want to see...

2009-05-04T20:38:00.001-05:00

In honor of thr new Trek movie, I will make this a trek themed week here at DOA, starting with the coolest youtube video ever. Make sure you turn up the volume on this one.

If this was real...

2009-04-21T17:33:00.000-05:00

It would be a gold mine.

The hills are alive...

2009-04-08T09:04:00.002-05:00

So, apparently, are the train stations...

my favorite part is toward the middle, where they're doing the macarena to "Do re mi". I just wonder if some of the folks just jumped in, not knowing it was obviously staged.

The only follow up to BSG I will accept...

2009-03-31T17:16:00.002-05:00

Yes, I miss Battlestar Galactica, even though it's only been a week since the show ended. At first, I felt like the prequel couldn't come fast enough... so I did what any good fanboy does when faced with such a situation... I started looking at BSG clips on youtube. Unfortunately, I found the following clip and will no longer be able to accept any form of BSG until this is made for reals.

So say we all?

On getting older...

2009-03-30T12:49:00.004-05:00

Originally, this post was going to be all about the fun and festivities at CoastCon this year, but it took another turn when I came across this picture of me and Silverfox on Flickr:

This picture you see, is not the original. In the original photo, my thinning hair is much more prominent. I wanted a picture of us to show y'all, but found myself almost subconsciously importing it into Photoshop for the express purpose of giving myself more hair.

Yes, I feel pathetic... Yes, I feel stupid... And, yes, I feel old.

You see, this has been a particularly rough week on my ego. Early this week, we took a trip to Silverfoxes dermatologist because she had a funny little lump on her back that she wanted removed. Doctors always start salivating when they see us coming because they know that Silverfoxes health insurance covers damn near everything. So we knew that it would be no big deal.

The doc took one look at me and said "Damn, you're ugly. We could help you with that."

Okay, he didn't quite say that, but he did tell his nurses to hurry the hell up and book me for the procedure to remove my acne scars. I tried to tell him that I like my face the way it is, but he just turned and walked away from me like I was crazy to suggest such a thing. He later tried to convince Silverfox that she should talk me into it...

It's enough to give a guy a complex.

Then, last night while watching the Simpsons, I came to the grim realization that my age has caught up with Homer Simpson. I mentioned this to Silverfox, and we realized that I'm also older than Batman, older than all of the people on the show "Friends", older than Captain Kirk when he took command of the Enterprise, and older than JFK when he became president.

To top it off, we also realized that we have several adult friends that i'm easily old enough to be their father. Almost makes me wish that people had stopped procreating in the late eighties... though that would have certinaly spelled doom for the human race, and my ego simply isn't worth that. Not to mention that that means I wouldn't have been getting any for the past 20 years or so...

It's not aging that bothers me so much, you see. Like falling off a tall building, it's just the prospect of the sudden stop at the end that scares me. I had always thought that I would grow old gracefully, not real hung up on my aging apperance or memory loss... but here I am pushing forty, and my subconcious is pushing back with a vengence.

Well, that's not the kind of man I want to be. That's not the kind of example I want to set for my kids, either. I will not try to make myself seem younger than I am... I will not go out and buy a new sports car to make myself more attractive... I will not get the scars that give my face such character "fixed", and I will not be one of those leisure-suit wearing guys that uses spray on hair to cover his bald spot.

In the interests of this new realization, I proudly present the undoctored version of the photo above, of two people very much in love:

Take that, society's definition of attractive.

McStupid.

2009-03-27T09:00:00.002-05:00

In the morning, after I've dropped off the kids at school, I usually find myself looking to score a bit of breakfast. While ideally this would mean some time spent lingering in a diner clacking happily away on my laptop while a delightfully haggard waitress brings me cup after cup of liquid peppiness, it usually means a quick spin through a drive through.

Near my home, there are basically three options for morning nourishment... The local Starbucks, with its overpriced mochafrappawhatsis and stale croissants, The local Burger King, and the local McDonalds. The BK and McD's stand nearly opposite each other on the main drag in our neighborhood, and one could almost imagine Ronald on the rooftop of one in a sentry tower, keeping a wary eye through binoculars on King Burger as he readies his seige catapult.

Lately for breakfast I've been favoring the King for two reasons... One, it's slightly cheaper, and two, they now have an iced mocha drink that is just as tasty as anything that Starbucks has to offer down the street. As the local McD's has yet to get on the bandwagon with the rollout of the corporations new gourmet coffee machines, I am left with little actual choice in the matter.

This morning, I roll up to BK and order a Sausage Croissant with egg combo, With hash browns and an Iced Mocha.

Hesitantly, a voice came back to me over the speaker saying, "I'm sorry, sir... but we're out of sausage. We only have bacon or ham right now."

"Okay... I'll just take bacon then."

Another pause... then, "We also have no hash browns this morning."

I was beging to feel a little discriminated against as I asked why.

"Well, the fire went out on the fryer, and we can't get it to come back on."

I thought about it for a second, imagining a guy sticking his head into the darkness under the fryer and lighting a match to see where the gas leak was, then decided I would go across the street to McD's instead. I got through to the second window at McDonalds without incident, but as the girl handed me my Egg McMuffin, I noticed a sign above her window.

The sign said "Picture and Braille menus available on request". Now I ask you dear reader, does the thought of this sign make your head want to explode like it did mine?

Fact one: This sign was situated in such a way that only the driver of an SUV could see it.
Fact two: The Blind rarely drive, and furthermore, can't actually see the sign.
Fact three: It's really doubtful that anyone that needs a picture menu would be able to read the sign.

Now tell me... Who in blazes is that sign for?

Cute kid video day.

2009-03-26T11:07:00.000-05:00

To prove that i actually have two kids, here they are trying to steal my truck.

Multimedia message

2009-03-26T11:04:00.000-05:00

One of short stuffs favorite songs is 'star trekkin' on my doctor demento cd. Here we see him singing his favorite part. He's saying 'it's worse than that he's dead, jim!'. I love my geeky kid.

When your past catches up with you...

2009-03-24T23:25:00.006-05:00

Because I moved here to the south in my mid twenties, I always have more of a detachment to this city and its people than most of my friends do. It's not that I don't love living here, particularly in a year that saw snow falling in my hometown on the first day of spring... it's just that a lot of the more personal connections that define how natives of a city feel about living in the city they grew up in don't tend to happen to me.

What I mean is that I'm not real likely to run into someone that knew me growing up in say, the grocery store. This is good and bad... bad in that I sometimes feel like an outsider when Silverfox runs into someone she knew from high school... but good in that the odds are astronomically against me ever being forced to uncomfortably introduce a woman I've been intimate with to Silverfox at a cocktail party. Most of the women that I have made it to second base or beyond with are safely 1500 miles away, or in the ex-wife's case probably safely behind rubberized walls.

However, I sometimes forget that I have lived here for a very long time at this point... almost 20 years when you think about it... and that sci-fi and fantasy fandom here is a much smaller group of people than where I grew up. In fact, it's really kind of surprising that Silverfox and I didn't meet sooner than we did when you consider how many mutual friends and interests we have... we even went to the same college at the same time. All it would have taken would be me deciding to check out the local Rocky Horror fandom (with a close friend that was a fixture at it) and Silverfoxes and my relationship might have been very different indeed.

So, this past weekend was CoastCon 32, a local fan run convention that both Silverfox and I sit on the governing board for, and as such we had some advance warning that some Star Wars stuff would be going on there. Knowing that Short Stuff loves Star Wars, we convinced his Bio-dad to bring the boy to the con on Saturday afternoon. We were surprised when he agreed, and said that he would bring his new girlfriend along, as she's a fangirl.

I'm guessing that you can see where I'm going here... his new flame turned out to be a girl I made out with at a con about ten years ago. I told Silverfox immediately about it, but it sill seemed a little awkward when the Bio-dad introduced us. I wasn't even positive about it, but I found out that she confessed the whole thing to Short Stuff's Dad when they got back to the car. She thought that we had slept together, but she was really drunk at the time, and probably doesn't remember that it didn't go that far.

It was a new experience for me, but now I live in mortal terror that Pint Size's Bio-dad will show up with Charity on his arm one day.

Why it pays to know me....

2009-03-23T18:12:00.003-05:00

It has been said that I have an effect on those around me, and generally it's a good one... case in point: This is a photo of my friend Ducky taken just after we became friends:

And this is a photo of Ducky taken this past weekend at Coastcon 32:
Any questions?

Why do I always get the comedians?

2009-03-18T19:14:00.003-05:00

Today in a fit of sympathy for my wife, I went to the pharmacy for her... on the way out the door, she also said she needed some "feminine protection".

"A pink flamethrower?" I asked before she batted me in the head. I am a man that is secure enough with himself to buy pads for his woman, but not secure enough not to give her a hard time about it after all...

So I get in the car and head to the drugstore, completely unprepared for the decision that awaits me. In the "feminine hygiene" aisle, there are at least thirty seven new categories and options for these things than I remember seeing the last time a woman asked me to buy them for her. I stand there and stare for a bit... I think about it logically, trying to estimate my lady's potential for heavy to moderate flow... and then just get the cheapest ones they had.

If I'm wrong I figure she'll never have me buy them for her again... A win-win for team Cerio.

I grabbed myself a pint of my favorite ice cream to celebrate my cleverness in the face of female domination, and then went to pick up Silverfoxes prescription for her. The girl behind the counter was really sweet... if a little perky, but she said the following after seeing my purchases:

"Oh, you're so sweet to get her migraine medication, pads, and the ice cream. You know, I had the worst craving for this ice cream before my first child was born... but on the bright side, you know that she's not pregnant."

By popular demand..

2009-03-18T18:41:00.000-05:00

I present the amazing walking pint size. Ain't he cute? Happy now mel?

Uh-oh.

2009-03-13T18:06:00.000-05:00

I had told silverfox that she needed to read the watchmen after enjoying the movie, but little did i know pint size would pick it up as well. I just hope he puts it down before he gets to the steamy superheroine sex scenes.

and for my 600th post... some political humor...

2009-03-12T09:55:00.002-05:00

For those of you that don't know or care about such things, John Stewart has been doing an awesome job lately of picking apart the financial advice of CNBC, and in particular their obnoxious financial guru, Jimmy Cramer. I've watched Cramer's show, and have been decidedly unimpressed by his use of sound effects for cheap theatrics, and am really glad that The Daily Show called this jackass out. Apparently, Cramer is intending on coming on TDS tonight to defend himself and his financial advice giving skills.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

You know, if you're stupid enough to listen to these jokers on TV about where the "safe place" for your money is, maybe you deserve to have your 401k tank. At least Stewart is honest about the fact that he's just a comic at the end of the day, not a newsman.

the latest bailout news

2009-03-12T09:20:00.001-05:00

Apparently, even supervillians can fall on hard times with the current economic downturn...

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm - watch more funny videos

I swear, I lost it at the part where Lex curses.

Beware the minds of the youth...

2009-03-03T15:33:00.004-06:00

One of the joys of my new Househubby existence is that I get to spend a lot more time with the kids than usual. After getting Pint Size to his bus each morning, I have the pleasure of sitting in the car with Short Stuff for about twenty minutes while we wait for his school to open. Some of the conversations I have with him during this Father-son bonding time are real mind-twisters... like this morning, for instance...

Short stuff was looking around in the cupholder for loose change when he suddenly held up a penny.

"Hey! This penny has Abraham Lincoln on it!" he said, astonished.

"That's right." I said snickering, "They all do."

"We learned about him in class! He's my favorite."

"Really?" I asked, "Why is that?"

"He was very smart, and handsome." Short Stuff said with an authoritative nod.

"You're right... he was a smart guy." I said, "What else did you learn about him?"

"He was very brave, and died a long time ago."

"Do you know how he died?"

"Old age."

"No, Shorty... President Lincoln was shot. He was the first American President to be killed in office."

Short Stuff's eyes went wide with anger. "What? By who?"

"A very bad man named John Wilkes Booth."

This enraged Short Stuff even further. "Well, They need to make him pay!"

"He did pay a long time ago, kiddo. They killed him for killing President Lincoln."

"Well, I need to find him and kill him again!"

"Son... this all happened a very long time ago. He's as dead as it gets."

"No! I need to kill him again so he won't come back as a zombie!"

Right then I was saved by the school bell from laughing in the poor kid's face.

Overheard at the DMV...

2009-02-25T20:30:00.004-06:00

Today, I had to go to the DMV to transfer the address of the Buick to our Kenner home. I had kept putting it off, but with Silverfoxes impending return to work looming, I realized I needed to get off my duff and return us to two-car family status. For some reason, I apparently picked the day that all of the high schoolers that just started their Driver's Ed course picked to get their learners permits. In Louisiana, the driving age starts at sixteen.

(I'm sorry, but having pubes should be a requirement to operate an automobile.)

Anyway, as I sat in the waiting room, I was privy to the following heartfelt exchange:

Dingy blond teenage girl: "I think I got one wrong. How far do you have to park from a railroad crossing?"

Her equally dingy friend checks the driver's manual: "fifty feet."

DBTG:"Fifty feet? How do they expect you to judge that?"

EDF:"I don't know."

DBTG:"Isn't that like, the length of a football field?"

EDF:"Like, I think that's fifty yards, not feet."

DBTG: "So, how far is it?"

EDF: "Well, there's three feet in a yard..."

DBTG: "So, three football fields? That's really far!"

EDF: "Yah... no one pays attention to that. People always park closer to the railroad than that."

DBTG: "What a stupid question."

All I could think of as I snickered and relayed the conversation to Silverfox via text message is that the Metro area schools have failed these girls, and our society is about to put both of them behind the wheel.

It's just not a party...

2009-02-21T13:47:00.000-06:00

Without darth vader.

It's that time of year...

2009-02-21T13:27:00.000-06:00

Ah, mardi gras time. Full of parades, crowds, and elephant grade peanuts.

Underdog Begins

2009-02-15T13:35:00.002-06:00

I spent most of this morning creating this animation on a new website I discovered. it was a lot of fun, but Silverfox is really tired of the Underdog theme now... I may try a Star Trek one next.

GoAnimate.com: Underdog Begins

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!

Spreading the love...

2009-02-14T12:06:00.001-06:00

I made this for Silverfox as a Valentines day gift... She loved it, and I'm fairly proud of it.

A few Valentines Day Memes...

2009-02-14T11:58:00.002-06:00

Today, Silverfox and I will be spending some quality time together. I decided to do a quick post just to spread the love, but don't want to take too much time from my lady. Enjoy the memes...

Your Valentine's Day Personality is Practical

As far as you're concerned, Valentine's Day is simply a commercial holiday.

You don't place any real meaning on it. You don't think it deserves too much celebration.

For you, Valentine's Day is just the day you avoid restaurants and candy stores.

If you love someone, you already show it. You don't need to go all out for a silly holiday to prove your love.

What's Your Valentine's Day Personality?

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.

Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Paging Dr. Love...

2009-02-12T12:52:00.003-06:00

Last night, we wound up making another trip to children's hospital because Pint Size was having a bit of respiratory distress after his surgery. It seems that one of the many wonderful mutations that kids with Downs get to live with is a narrow esophagus. He's fine now, as they pumped him up with a weeks worth of steroids and a bit of epinephrine. Still, this ER trip wasn't without its entertainment value... the on duty pediatrician last night was one Andrew Love, M.D.

That's right kids... Pint Size was being healed by Doctor Love.

I kept trying not to snicker, especially when the doc had to stick Pint Size with a needle, and my brain kept screaming at me "My boy is getting a shot from Dr. Love three days before Valentine's day!!! Bwah-hah-ha!!!" Every time Silverfox asked me to go find the man, a chorus of Motley Crue's "Calling Dr. Love" strted playing in my head over and over again.

I couldn't help before they discharged us to tell the good Doctor that I imagined he takes a great deal of ribbing for his name this time of year... he just grinned and replied "Yeah... I won't work on Valentines day."

Again with the hospital...

2009-02-11T12:43:00.000-06:00

Pint size was in the hospital again today to have tubes put in his ears. Apparently, one of the reasons he hasn't started talking yet is because he couldn't hear properly. Our doctor says it happens to 98 percent of kids with downs.

Strange dreams indeed...

2009-02-10T10:32:00.004-06:00

This post is dedicated to the queen of weird dreams, my pal Stacey.

The other night, my loving wife fed me a meatloaf sandwich in bed to make up for the fact that she was making me sit through "RuPaul's Drag Race" before bedtime. It is a sad fact that if Silverfox has one weakness, it is for cheesy reality shows featuring drag queens being catty to one another. Me, I couldn't care less which dude looks more like a chick, and I fell asleep thinking about how Pint Size needed his school uniforms washed the next day.

My subconcious (as anyone who has slept in my vacinity will tell you) is notorious for being suggestable when I'm sleeping. The combination of drag queens, meatloaf, and my worries about my youngest son led to a dream that kind of looked like the following:

In the dream, Pint Size was a contestant on the show, and came toddling down the runway in front of RuPaul and his/her judges in a lovely blue chiffon dress. He paused for a moment at the end of the runway and yelled "DA DA DA-DA DA!" at them before toddling right back. Sadly, Pint size got eliminated at the end of the show, and started crying loudly when RuPaul told him to "sashay away" for good.

When I woke up the next morning, I set our DVR to record the RuPaul show for Silverfox, so she will never need to watch it in our bedroom again.

Sunday with the Cerios ...

2009-02-08T10:47:00.000-06:00

My typical sunday morning starts with the boys demanding breakfast. Here we see them fighting on our bed till i agree to feed them.

Recliner thief...

2009-02-06T18:11:00.000-06:00

Here, we see pint size mocking daddy by stretching out on my easy chair. The kid is doing proud the tradition of a long line of couch potatoes.

I just made 39 trips around the sun....

2009-02-05T08:18:00.003-06:00

...and boy, are my arms tired.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is my birthday. Longtime readers of my blog are probably asking themselves some burning questions right now, such as "What? It's Robbie Gras time again? Where's the hype? Where are the parades? The annual Robbie Gras Ball? The Robbie Gras bobble head dolls?"

Well, readers... the sad truth is that I'm kinda ambivalent to my birthday this year... with everything else going on around me, (Sick kids, surgeries, joblessness, etc...) it seems kinda frivolous somehow to make a big deal out of it this time.

Of course, there's always next year :)

Some funny on a wednesday...

2009-02-04T09:04:00.000-06:00

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, ''I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip.''

The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, ''Follow me.''

The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.

''Thanks so much,'' says the theatergoer, ''This seat is perfect.'' He then hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, ''The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.''

Life lessons from TV...

2009-02-03T07:15:00.004-06:00

One of the things I find myself putting a lot of thought into lately is what TV shows are appropriate for a six year old like Short Stuff. Generally, I try to keep him away from anything that involves a bullet riddled death scene or two. As a result, he's not allowed to watch a lot of the shows I love, such as Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and Chuck.

I also however, have decided to make exceptions to this rule upon occasion... For those of you that may have missed it, Last night's episode of Chuck was in 3D, so I decided to let the kid watch it with us:

I mean, come on... It's in 3D for crying out loud! Sure, there's a little more sexiness than he's used to seeing on Spongebob, and Casey on the whole is way more violent than the Muppets generally are, but 3D TV in HD!!

This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. At one point in the episode, Chuck gets trapped in a hotel suite with two hot chicks that undress him, and then try to kill him by throwing knives at him.

This scene unexpectedly turned out to be a little more intense than Short Stuff could handle. At the next commercial break, he took off his 3D glasses and curled up into the corner of the couch.

"You okay, kiddo?" I asked.

"I'm scared." Short Stuff said, "Those women with the knives are scary. Why did they try to kill him?"

"Because they're strangers." I said, ad-libbing, "Let that be a lesson to you... never let women you don't know take you to a hotel to take your pants off."

"Because they will throw knives at me?"

"That's right."

"Women are evil."

Silverfox chimed in at this.... "Nice. You're turning our son off of women. Great job, 'father of the year'."

"Shush. The point isn't that women are evil, Short Stuff... the point is that you shouldn't trust strangers."

"Especially strangers that try to take my pants off?"

"That's right."

"Or they will throw knives at me?"

"Not always, but it's still a bad idea."

"Can I go play on the computer now?"

(Sigh)"Sure."

Everyone needs more silverfox...

2009-02-02T11:30:00.000-06:00

Today, silverfox and i went to breakfast at the fat hen grill. Above, you see her wondering why i would take pictures of this event. I told her because she's adorable while picking out food.

Too cool for school.

2009-02-02T07:53:00.002-06:00

Short stuff was up to some risky business this morning. His joke of the day: why did the cow turn on the tv? To see a mooovie.

Holy Nerdgasm, Batman!

2009-02-01T21:56:00.002-06:00

This year's Super Bowl was full of nerderrific Movie Trailers... (which you can catch here if you're some kinda communist and missed the big game) Of them, I really nerded out at the GI JOE and STAR TREK trailers. The new Enterprise emptying her photon torpedo bays looked fraking awesome, and I gotta admit that the idea of Cobra felling the Eiffel tower just warmed my heart.

Honorable mentions need to go out to the shot of what I can only assume is Devastator from the Transformers trailer, and the awsome three-deeness of the Monsters vs Aliens trailer. Totally worth the extra trip to the grocery store for the glasses.

Gonna be a great summer to be a geek.

Well, I suppose I have to post something in January...

2009-01-30T10:18:00.005-06:00

I know, I know... I haven't posted anything since Christmas Eve. There are a few reasons behind this, but suffice it to say that I really wish that I could go one lousy week of 2009 without Me, Silverfox or the boys having surgery, being sick, needing a doctors visit, a dentist visit, or going to physical therapy.

Seriously. I could have counted the number of hospital visits I had taken in my ENTIRE LIFE on one hand before I met Silverfox... but if you count trips to the pediatrician, I have had no less than 37 visits to hospitals, doctors, and dentists in the past 5 months Silverfox and I have been enjoying marital bliss. At least ten of these have involved something that places some kind of restriction on our love life, so I'm just a little testy about it at this point.

Fortunately for Y'all, I didn't decide to post today to talk about my sex life or lack thereof... I instead am going to make this post about the kids.

Pint Size Cute Story #1:

Pint Size is officially walking. Well, maybe a more appropriate term would be toddling... in any case, he will start out at my recliner, throw his hands up in the air, and bolt all the way to the door. When he gets there, he calmly turns around and runs back... it's just freaking adorable.

Short Stuff cute story #1:

It always amazes me when the boys pick up one of my mannerisms, particularly ones that I got from my Dad.

The other day, Short Stuff was trying to get Pint Size up the stairs to their bedroom because it was bedtime. This basically involves him following his brother up the stairs, into the bedroom, and securing the child gate behind him. Short Stuff is then free to Play a video game or watch some TV before lights out. He had just gotten a new Video game the other day for getting on the honor roll, and was anxious to try it.

Pint Size was not cooperating, and taking his time getting up the stairs. Short Stuff attempted to speed up the process by saying in a stern voice "Come on (Pint Size)! I'm bigger than you are. that makes me the boss of you. Now go upstairs!"

Pint Size thought this was hysterical, and started to laugh at his older brother.

Then Short Stuff says "This isn't funny. Look at my face. Do I LOOK like I'm joking?" in the same tone of voice my Dad has said it to me since I was two years old.

I couldn't help but smile.

Pint Size Cute Story #2:

Pint Size it seems, has a serious case of recliner envy. If I lean forward on my recliner/rocker to say, nail the guitar solo for "Call Me" on Rock Band, Pint Size climbs onto the chair with me, squirms behind my back and proceeds to try to force me off the recliner with his feet. I usually just pick him up and bounce him on my knee for a bit when I'm done and send him on his way.

Lately though he's developed a new, more annoying habit... if I get up for anything, he climbs into the chair and sprawls, claiming it for his own. When I try to get him to move, he just grins at me with a smile that says "move your feet, loose your seat, dude..."

Short Stuff Cute Story #2

Short Stuff is rapidly discovering how to construct a good joke. It's been a little touch and go for him in this endeavor, and that's partially my fault. The first joke I told him was "What's Black and White and has sixteen wheels? A Zebra on roller skates".

He then surmised that the secret to "funny" was "what's (insert color) and (insert second color) and has (random number) wheels? A (insert animal) on (insert something with wheels)"

The results were... less than funny. I explained that he could just repeat the original joke, and most people that hadn't heard it before would laugh... and told him a few elephant jokes to increase his joke library. He would still try the occasional original joke (now about elephants) but again, the results were not very funny.

About a week later, he asked me what makes a joke funny. We then talked for a bit about what actually makes a joke work, how elephant jokes work because of the image they create in your mind, and what a punchline was. As I dropped him off at school that morning, he looked deep in thought about it.

A few days later, he says "Dad, I have a joke for you." I braced myself, inwardly promising that I would smile politely no matter how bad it was. "What did the teddy bear say after dinner?" He said smiling, "I'm Stuffed!". It was a great joke! I couldn't help but laugh at it!

"Was it funny?" Short Stuff asked with concern. I assured him it was. "Good!" He smiled broadly, "I got another one for you. How did the Tortoise beat the Hare? With boxing gloves!"

At this rate, it won't be long before I start a joke blog called "Puppies of Atlantis".

Christmas with the Cerios, day 4

2008-12-24T19:35:00.002-06:00

Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,

You could hear the loud snoring of Pint Size passed out:

And every five minutes Short Stuff did check,

for Santa's progress on NORAD, but saw not a speck:

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3.5.

2008-12-23T14:59:00.000-06:00

Pint Size also got a visit from one of Santa's elves and Elvis. This confused me until I realized you can't spell "elvish" without "Elvis". They released Pint Size late last night, the best Christmas present ever.

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3

2008-12-23T14:43:00.001-06:00

Pint Size is in the hospital as the big day approaches, but no one is too sick for a visit from Santa. The Doctors tell us that he has some kind of stomach virus, and we have high hopes he'll be home for Christmas

Christmas with the Cerios, part 2:

2008-12-22T15:18:00.000-06:00

And now one of Silverfoxes favorite songs...

Christmas with the Cerios...

2008-12-21T15:16:00.002-06:00

In the spirit of the holidays, I present to you Short Stuff's Favorite Holiday song:

Right now, he's jumping around the living room yelling "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" at the top of his lungs.

Look! It's a boy! And he has Rhythm!

2008-12-19T12:11:00.003-06:00

This video works best on "repeat"...

Isn't he adorable?

Now that I've given my Mom a heart attack, let's talk about what this ultrasound is really of... my heart. Not only is it doing the bump in this video, but it also seems to be full of Christmas spirit (and blood). You see, last week I had a bad cough and my doc decided to do a full workup for heart disease as a precaution. It seems that a dry cough could be a sign of a coronary problem. I told him I thought just had a cold, but he wanted to be sure and he is the doctor...

In addition to the ultrasound, I also had to sit through an EKG. Doc Mai figured I would have an enlarged heart or some other god-awful problem with my ticker, but was surprised to find out that my assesment of being as healthy as an ox with a cold was accurate. My love muscle will be pumping gallons and gallons of healthy type A through my system for a good long while to come.

(You should all know that I have a bet with Silverfox that Y'all will be picking up the phone and calling her and congratulating her before reading the explanation above.)

I'm Dreaming of a white christmas...

2008-12-11T19:34:00.004-06:00

This morning, as I put Pint Size on the bus, it was raining. I joked with the bus driver that if it was just a few degrees colder, it would all be snow. Strangely, as I drove Short Stuff to school, it suddenly was. For the first time in his young life, Short Stuff got to play in the snow before school. I stopped outside his school long enough to take the following picture of said childhood wonder:
While taking it, a complete stranger rolled down her window and yelled "IT'S SNOWING!!!" at me. I Laughed at our mutual amazement. After I dropped off Short stuff, I called Silverfox, who couldn't believe that it was snowing in Louisiana in mid-December... This did not change the fact that snow was indeed accumulating on the palm trees outside Casa Cerio:
I talked Silverfox into coming outside with me and enjoying the weather, and she for the first time in her life tried to catch snowflakes on her tongue:

She succeeded after her third attempt, and looked at me startled... "It tastes... cold." She said, smiling. We then went inside, and I made hot cocoa while Silverfox addressed our Christmas cards.

After Short Stuff got out of school for the day, I took him to the park, where I taught him to make snowballs and snowmen:
Sadly, he took to the snowball thing like a duck to water, and proceeded to pelt me with snow until his fingers turned red from the cold.

What a great day.

Because once just isn't enough...

2008-12-03T21:08:00.001-06:00

Pint size decided to take another dip in the porcelin pond, making a mockery at any and all of our childproofing attempts. Turns out he does this at grandmas house all the time and she thinks it's adorable. (sigh)

I told Silverfox that if he becomes a swimmer in the special olympics when he's a teenager, have we ever got us some blackmail material.

Well, there goes another Nablopomo....

2008-12-01T21:45:00.001-06:00

and I can turn my attention to some of my other writing endeavors for a while... I've got ideas for two books, a potential screenplay, and two screenplays in the can that I need to get cracking marketing. Dave has also been talking about collaborating on a pitch for a TV series. In any event, I need to compound on what has become a daily writing habit for as long as it lasts.

I have a few issues with one of my screenplays, in that I really need a few people to read it and give me some feedback/ constructive criticism on it. I think it's really good, and Silverfox loved it, but her opinion may be a bit biased. I have three close friends that I use as a barometer for such things, but none of them has found the time to read it since I sent it to them a few months ago...

Any volunteers? I promise I will mention you when i accept my golden globe for "best screenplay" :)

We may have not had our Fry-Day tradition this year...

2008-11-30T19:48:00.002-06:00

But that didn't stop me and Silverfox from buying an on-sale-after-thanksgiving turkey and bringing it over to Uncle Leo's for the hot oil torture:

MMMMMM fried turkey. Indeed, this must be nature's most perfect food.

Some thanksgiving funny on a saturday...

2008-11-29T14:32:00.003-06:00

I have turkey on the brain after trying to make a Roburducken this thanksgiving... (A chicken, stuffed into a duck, stufed into my tummy), so I present the following turkey joke:

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line!

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!! You made the team and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey shouted, "I want to know if I’ll be playing Thanksgiving Day?!!"

And to round out the week...

2008-11-28T10:27:00.000-06:00

Great... so much for my plans of world domination :(

You're so evil, it's cute.
Aww, you think you're evil? That's adorable. We could just pinch your not-so-evil cheeks and pat your friendly little head. You seem like someone who feels massively guilty if you have even the slightest negative thought. If you were really evil, you'd lie, cheat, and hatch diabolical plans without feeling the slightest hint of remorse. It looks like your conscience is leading you down the "good" path, which is great... unless you're planning to take over the world someday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T12:54:00.002-06:00

Or, as Silverfox likes to call it, "We shoulda scalped the pilgrims day".

Today we give thanks for all that the year has blessed us with... and I have a lot to be thankful for this year... I could make a list, but it comes down to this... I am surrounded by the warmth and love of close friends and family. For that I am very, very thankful.

May your thanksgiving find you as blessed this year as I am.

Remember...Dave asked for more memes...

2008-11-27T10:18:00.001-06:00

You know, I joke about this all the time... why, just the other day, I told Short Stuff that if he dumped me into the north atlantic for a few hours, he'd have a "Pop-cicle".

You might've been a passenger on the Titanic.
You have an inner strength and calmness that could have developed during a traumatic past life experience. You seem very protective of the people you love, and you'd do anything to keep them safe from harm. Maybe you were a child's nanny on the Titanic, and your only thought after the ship hit that iceberg was to get the baby onto a lifeboat. If you stay focused in the face of danger, it could be because you developed that ability a hundred years ago on the open sea.

No fair! I wanted to be part of the "couple making out in the woods" that gets hacked apart!

2008-11-26T10:10:00.001-06:00

You know, I always thought the fat guy is the first one killed by the axe murderer in a horror movie... this Quiz seems to differ.

When Action Figures Turn Violent
"You devoted your life to acquiring all the dolls, toys and memorabilia you could get your hands on, but ironically, one of your precious collectibles chose to take that life away. Maybe the creepy lady down the block had a garage sale and you accidentally bought a puppet possessed by a murderer. Maybe your new toy robot was programmed to destroy humanity. Or maybe that dirty old clown doll you found on the street really was evil. In a frightening collectible rebellion, the malicious toy tried to sell you on eBay, but then it found out you were more valuable in parts. Not pretty. "

Still, that is so me.

Sweet... bring on the sacrificial virgins!

2008-11-25T10:02:00.001-06:00

Lifted from Charlottes blog:

Now, if I could only get in on one of those sweet village "protection" gigs...

A reward of being a dad...

2008-11-24T20:51:00.000-06:00

Is witnessing moments like this after the pure terror you experience when bringing your youngest child to the emergency room. Pint size had a bit of the croup tonight, and sacred the crap out of me trying to breathe. He's feeling much better now. :)

Pint Size has added to his skillset...

2008-11-24T10:47:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, Silverfox and I were playing Rock Band when we smelled a horrid stink. A stench, really... coming from Pint Size.

This in and of itself isn't remarkable... Pint Size drops one in his diaper all the time, to the horror of the noses of those around him. So, we finished the song we were on, and went to change his diaper.

There was no poop to be found.

This means one of two things... either Pint Size has suddenly gained the ability to produce horrible flatus, or during his time with his no-good Bio-dad he was forced to learn to change his own diaper out of necessity. (like he was forced to learn to talk)

I choose to believe the latter, because the thought of him poofing baby powder at his own butt makes me chuckle.

Still, it makes me wonder what he would learn if we left him with the Bio-jerk for a full month... he'd probably be able to fill his own bottles at 4 am and cook himself breakfast in the morning.

To Short Stuff, at age 26 and Pint Size, at age 23:

2008-11-23T22:00:00.003-06:00

Boys,

Let me apologize now for all the mistakes I'm gonna make in the next twenty years... but I want you both to know that I only had your best interests at heart... I think I'm a fair man, but I am also a worrier and overprotective... but there is no way either of you is getting a car out of me till you're eighteen, and even then, no eating Nachos in the car. Ask your Uncle Chris why.

Short Stuff... Right now you are six, and a lot of fun to be around. Your favorite thing in the world is Star Wars, and your favorite toy is your Legos. Your mother and I joke all the time that you will grow up to be a fanboy like your parents... so chances are you're helping us plan Coastcon 52 right now. You're really smart, to the point where your first grade teacher tells us you have problems in school because you didn't want to pair up with other kids you feel slow down your learning. You just learned how to read books on your own, and your favorite ones are about animals. You also have a great empathy about those around you, and I have a feeling no matter where life takes you, you'll wind up helping people. My guess is that you'll be either a Psychologist or a Vet by the time you read this. I know that whatever you choose, you'll make me proud of you.

Pint Size... Right now you are three and just learning to walk and talk, but you have a wonderful happiness about you that is infectious. Your favorite show is the Wonder Pets, and your favorite nursery rhyme is "itsy bitsy spider". Your favorite toy is an animatronic Elmo that you use to practice your Lucha Libre moves on. You have a fascination with belts and straps, and will play endlessly with one if you get your hands on it. Despite your being a person of special needs, I am convinced that you will be a Scientist when you grow up, because you have a fascination with how the world around you works that I think goes beyond simple childhood curiosity. A lot of people around us that care about you worry about how you will get by as an adult with the challenges that life has presented you, but not me and Mom. We both have a strange faith that you'll do just fine, and make us just as proud as your brother will.

Twenty years isn't as long as it seems at your age. As I write these words, you are already developing the personalities that I know have made you the exceptional men that I know you will become. Your Mom and I are thinking about adding another child to our already unusual family, primarily because of all the joy and laughter you both bring us on a daily basis. I have only been your Stepdad for about a year, but you both mean more to me than I think I will ever be able to express. I hope that one day, you will both choose to take my last name as your own, but I'll totally understand if you choose not to.

Really, just think about it, okay? No pressure... Just remember that you both have several kicks to the crotch coming to you from your old man in revenge for these first years as your Dad, and even if my legs don't work, I'll find a goddamn bat. If you're both Cerios by the time you read this, I may reconsider. Either way, when you have kids of your own, grandpa's gonna spend his weekends teaching them how to take a knee to Dad's groin.

Love,
Dad, age 38.

And to think, I joined this family willingly...

2008-11-22T21:50:00.002-06:00

Three things that I have need to note:

1) Short Stuff has a habit of butting in whenever Silverfox and I are arguing within earshot. His point is always "You shouldn't yell. You're married now. You have to love each other! It's required." Makes us laugh and calm down every time. We've taken to calling him our 6-year-old marriage councilor.

2) Silverfox gave her brother a truck she had when he got out of jail as a "I have faith that you're a responsible adult now" gift. Two weeks ago, he totaled it by running into the back of a parked police car. His reason? He was eating Nachos.

3) We picked up Pint Size from his bio-dad today, as he had been staying with him during Silverfoxes recovery. Much to our delight and surprise, he has learned to speak English. When his mom offered him a bottle today, he said clearly and distinctly "Yes, I want a baa." Our theory is that the bio-dad is such a horrid father that Pint Size was forced for the first time to use language if he wanted to get his point across.

Some true funny on a Friday...

2008-11-21T19:12:00.002-06:00

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed.

George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation.

Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Holy cow.

2008-11-20T23:54:00.000-06:00

it's almost midnight! I'd better post something!

Real Conversations...

2008-11-19T21:04:00.003-06:00

The following conversation took place this morning, as I was getting Short Stuff ready for school:

Me: Okay, kiddo... get your jacket. It's almost time to leave.

Short Stuff: I don't want to wear a jacket.

Me: Too bad. It's cold out this morning, and you have to wear a jacket.

SS: No I don't. The President says I have a choice.

Me: Oh, really?

SS: That's right. I Don't have to wear a jacket if I don't want to.

Me: Sadly son, that assumes this house is a democracy. You live in a dictatorship, and I am the supreme leader. Now, put on that jacket before I exercise my choice to punish you!

(Begrudgingly, Short Stuff puts on his jacket.)

Me: Good... wait a minute... where are your shoes, boy?

SS: My teacher also taught us about pastive resissance. (6-year-old-ese for passive resistance)

Me: Sigh....

The perfect toy..

2008-11-18T21:36:00.001-06:00

Is the tumble tower. I got one when I was three, and played with it well into my teens. It is a kind of puzzle that builds manual dexterity by moving marbles though it's various parts. Simple, yet stupid amounts of fun. It is, in a word, awsome.

And they say video games never hurt anyone...

2008-11-17T17:22:00.002-06:00

See that blue line? That's where the doctor is gonna cut into my hand and stitch it back together to correct my carpal tunnel syndrome. No injections, no braces, do not pass go, go right to surgery. Doctor said it's a really serious case, and this is my only option if I want to feel what I touch with my left hand ever again.

Sigh.

I went on an investigation last night...

2008-11-16T09:50:00.000-06:00

And boy, are my arms tired. Last night was the first official investigation of my new ghost hunting/paranormal investigation group, the Jefferson Parish Paranormal Society. The team did great, and I'll make sure I give y'all more info as I get around to setting up the official website, and reviewing last night's evidence.