Crackpot Theory 1-Why astrology works...

I have a number of what I call "crackpot theories". These are ideas that have occured to me over the years, and I would love to research some day. Many of these I share with my friends and family on occasion... but I would love to get more opinions on some of them though, so I figure why not post a few here.

Why Astrology works.

Astrology is the famous pseudo-science that speculates that everything about you, past, present and future can be accurately predicted and is influenced daily by the stars in the sky. Apparently, so the theory goes, when each of us were born, due to the particular alignment of the sun, earth, planets, stars, galaxies, nebulae, and what have you, your brain chemistry and such was altered and influenced to the point that where knowing where and when you were born, a competent Astrologer can tell you loads about your personality, how you interact with others, and what the future holds for you.

Hogwash. The universe influences you about as much as the typical person influences it, which is to say, not at all. If I was to jump up right now, The second law of thermodynamics says that my action must have an equal and opposite reaction, which means that the earth must have moved by some imperceptible amount in the opposite direction, but do you really think the Earth cares? Much less the Sun, Moon, assorted Planets and such? No, they don’t. The butterfly effect is so highly improbable that it makes the concept of improbability look pretty probable to begin with.

Still with me? Good.

And yet, profiles of people bases on Astrology are sometimes eerily accurate. I have a theory as to why. I think it has a lot more to do with when your birthday falls in relation to all the other holidays and events in your life, and the effect these relationships have upon you as a person.

Case in point: My birthday is in early February, a little over a month after Christmas. This makes me an Aquarius. Now, any decent Astrology book will tell you that we Aquarians are good natured, fun loving, free spirited folks because our sun is in Aquarius, our moon is in the seventh house, Jupiter aligns with mars, and that accounts for it. My theory is that it has a lot more to do with the fact that we Aquarians simply had something to look forward to after Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or whatever your winter solstice festival is.) Think about it... while many are reeling in post holiday depression, we Aquarians are just gearing up for our birthday, avoiding that depression entirely. No wonder we’re considered good-natured.

Or, let’s say that your birthday falls in the middle of the summer... (Cancer, I think) the fact that school was always out and few of your classmates ever made it to your birthday party would have it’s effect over the years making you a little more self-reliant. Or say, early November (Scorpio)... your birthday is followed almost immediately by the holidays, making you a little bit more outspoken than most.

Any good astrologer will ask you not only when but where you were born. This is to adjust for the predominant Holidays of the culture around you. For instance, here in New Orleans, the natives start gearing up for Mardi Gras right after New Years, as a result, Aquarians here are even more laid back than usual, as are the rest of the signs. All because of the effect of the predominant culture on the individual’s psyche, not the stars. So, even if you don’t celebrate Christmahanukwanzakah yourself, the spirit of such events is infectious, and has an effect on you.

So, how can they predict the future so well? Cold reading. Gypsies have been doing it for centuries. The past? It’s not a large gap in logic to figure out that someone who is laid back, outgoing, and charismatic will have lots of friends and support in his life.

Anyway, tis just a theory. I would love to hear what everyone thinks.