Because he is adorable:-)

Pint size refuses to give autographs.

The next party game to grace Casa Kahunah...

This weekend, Silverfox and I decided to use the 70 bucks in Best Buy coupons that were sent to us after she dropped her tax refund on our new entertainment system, and she picked up a new game that I predict now will be a huge hit at our next party.

Rockbandahaulics... are you ready for Singstar?

Now, understand me when I say I LOVE Rock Band. It is the coolest game ever, and they will pry my Fender Stratocaster controller from my cold dead hands when Guitar Hero 4 comes out. (the Guitar Hero 4 vs. Rock Band argument has become quite heated of late around Casa Kahunah) But having said that, I have noticed two problems with it...

One is that we always seem to have a lot of our friends that want to sing, but much fewer that want to pick up the guitar or drumsticks. Singstar is all song, and you can battle head to head with your friends or do duets.

Two, the selection of downloadable songs tends to leave me wanting. True, more come out every week, but when I saw all the fantastic songs available on Singstar my jaw dropped, and my hands reached for Silverfoxs credit card. They have a lot of the 80's songs Silverfox and I grew up on, and even better... while you sing, it shows the original music video for the song in the background.

Just the straight from the box game has a number of great songs on it, most notably "I wanna be sedated" by the Ramones (which I totally served Silverfox on! Go me.), "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, "Suspicious Minds" by the King, and "All the small things" By Blink 182. As far as downloads go, I immediately and without running it past the woman I love downloaded "Just a Gigolo" by Diamond Dave. (anyone that has seen me do this in Karaoke knows why) With her input (and after much laughter), we downloaded songs by Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, Duran Duran, and of course Billy Joel. We only stopped because the PS3 lost it's connection briefly.

I also noticed a couple of MC Hammer and Run DMC songs on there, which I would pay cash money to see my friends Mike or Ronnie sing.

So, when is everyone free?

My big fat greek post...

Today I feel I have officially turned a proverbial corner. I have decided for the first time in my life that I need to lose weight.

I know, another idle diet promise from a fat guy that takes great pride in being fat... but this time is different. As many of my friends will tell you, I kind of enjoy being fat. I also like tearing down the stereotype that you can't be fat and healthy... my recent bout with pneumonia aside, I am both... Furthermore, I feel that my size has always served the vital function of keeping shallow people at arms length, allowing me to develop more true friendships than most people will ever have the pleasure of having. I also really like the whole "fat and jolly" thing that most people associate with the overweight. I am fat. I am also jolly. A pretty good fit, all things considered. I have certainly never been ashamed of something that makes me... well, me.

So, what's changed? Let me tell you about my day...

Today was the first day of the Greek festival here in New Orleans. I look forward to getting my fix of Greek food every year, and have always had a good time doing it. This year me, Silverfox and Short Stuff decided to make a family outing of it.

There are a lot more kids activities to do at the Greek fest in recent years. They've added a few moon walks, a sand pit, face painting, a climbing wall, and several other things for families to do. One of these things is Canoeing on Bayou St. John.

I will admit that I haven't been in a canoe in years... not since college, at any rate... But I enjoy canoeing... I'm actually fairly good at it. I know how to steer one, what to do if you capsize, and how to get into one from the water. (thank you boy scouts) In short, while I may be a little rusty, I am probably a better canoer (sp?) than your average Joe shmoe off the street that has been mixing his Grappa and his Ouzu all day.

So, Silverfox and I decided that we would take Short Stuff for a ride out on the bayou. It didn't hurt that under the Filmore street bridge is a Geocache that is only accessible from the water... Silverfox was down with the idea on that basis alone. We had actually been planning for about a week to do this. Short Stuff was pretty psyched about it too, and he kept asking when we were going in the canoe from the moment I pulled up in front of the festival to the moment we walked up to the rental tent.

There were waivers that we had to sign, and we happily signed them. there were fees to be paid, and we happily paid them. We even borrowed plastic baggies to put our cell phones in, just in case. As I stepped forward in anticipation, I was approached by a gruff old man.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you have a canoe." he said.

It took a second for me to realize what he said. "Huh?" I said, "why not?"

"I don't have a life jacket that will fit you." he said.

"Okay..." I replied, looking at the long adjusting straps on the life jackets, "I'm an excellent swimmer, and the bayou is only five feet deep at it's deepest, but I understand that you have liability issues. Can I at least try one on and we'll see?"

"No. I'm not giving you a canoe." He said.

"Look, I've been in a canoe before... I know what I'm doing."

"No." he said, getting a little nasty with his tone, "I've seen guys your size capsize too many times to let you in one of my canoes. Plus that, you'll break the seats. I don't want to deal with that."

I admit I was at a loss for words at this. Anyone who has ever been in a canoe knows that you don't actually sit on the seats in a canoe... you kneel on the hull and sort of lean against the seat, never putting you full weight on it.

"Excuse me?" I said.

"You're too heavy." he said, like that was what I wasn't understanding.

"First of all..." I said, trying to keep my tone civil, "You have no idea how much I weigh. Secondly, you're trying to tell me that I'm gonna capsize when you have no idea what my skill level is with this based solely on my size. Doesn't that strike you as a little bigoted?"

"Just give him his money back!" he barked at the kids working the table as he walked away.

I stood there for a moment as Silverfox took our money back, not really sure what to do. I thought for a moment about making a scene... but I realized that this guy was just being an ass and there was little I could do to change his mind. I mentally chalked it up to his stupidity and took a deep breath and walked away.

Then I saw Short Stuff's face. "We're not going on the canoe?" he said in a very small voice, with tears welling up in his eyes.

I had to explain to this child that it wasn't his fault, that he had been a very good boy, but it was my fault we weren't going on the canoe ride we had promised him.

Never again.

Mobicon highlights...

Last weekend, as many of you know, was Mobicon... and Friday found Silverfox and I transporting an elaborate Stargate prop for Area 504, who take their decorating way too seriously. The main reason that we were asked to transport this Stargate was not because it was about to overload and take half the world with it, but because our truck was one of the few owned by club members that was actually big enough to do the job... without even having to open a hyperspace window.

Okay... that reference was way geeky even for me. The drive was nice, if a little rainy. We passed the three hours with topics like "What do you think Short Stuff wants for his birthday?", "When are you gonna ask me to marry you, you jerk?" (my answer: "before the wedding."), "Do you think it's too early to teach Pint Size to swim?", "Damn, gas is expensive." and the ever popular "Should I pass this trailered boat on the port or on the starboard?"

It was worth the gas money though, because The Gate looked great when fully assembled:After arriving at the hotel, I pulled Silverfox aside and asked her to indulge my romantic side for a moment. I took her out to the hotel courtyard, where just a year before I first laid eyes on this incredible woman that would change my life forever, and explained to her just how much she means to me. I then pulled out the biggest ring I could find:and officially asked her to marry me. That's right... the entire time that she had been telling me in the car how I needed to hurry up and ask, I was quietly smirking to myself knowing that I was about to. There were tears... there was laughter... and it was the perfect moment. "Now I can have my bachelorette party, right?" she asked. I knew full well that she had rounded up a veritable posse of chickdom to come to the con with just that purpose in mind... and I also knew that people would want to see her ring, which is why it was important for me to pop the question before the party.

I would have actually done it weeks ago, but somehow proposing while wheezing in bed with pneumonia seems less than romantic. I admit I was pretty proud of myself every time she waved the ring (which she wore on her wrist most of the con) and said "Check out the size of the rock Rob got me!"

The Friday night was mostly uneventful, but I did get to network a little with a fellow paranormal researcher that was a guest at the con. I introduced myself and found out for the first time in my life that my fame had proceeded me. Apparently at the guest Meet and greet, someone had told him that I would be at the con, and he had to meet me. We sat there and talked shop until another con guest started bending spoons. I snickered and made Uri Geller jokes until my lovely but drunk fiance totally ruined this poor guy's game with "drunk logic":

Her: "If I can't see the spoon at all times, how can I tell for sure that you really bent it?"
Him:"The spoon is bent, isn't it?"
Her:"You could have switched spoons!"
Him:"When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?"
Her:"Irrelevant. show me that spoon, damn you!"

I know from my own studies that spoon bending is a load of crapola, but I really felt sorry for the poor guy.

Saturday was fun. The video gamers room had Rock Band, and at any given time it seemed like either Dave or I (or both) were in there playing. We went out as a group to dinner at Carrabas, which was awesome. Saturday night Captain Chaos and Catastrophe boy made an appearance:

And were completely overshadowed by Mistress Chaos (Silverfox lookin Superfoxy!) :And of course, her bevy of babeage... pictured below are Mrs Ringo and Itchygoya. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which:I know... I know... the groom-to-be isn't supposed to interact with the bachelorette party... and he didn't. That's the ever dashing Captain Chaos, not me.

So, the ladies bought themselves a couple of slaves for the evening, who Mistress Chaos took great delight in completely humiliating through various points during the night... the funniest had to be when I walked past them and one slave was walking the other on a dog leash.

The whole charity slave auction was big fun on a bun this year, even if it did drag on for a bit. My buddy Mike came as a British admiral intent on catching pirates...and nearly caused me to pass out with laughter when he bought himself a slave. It was so out of character for the guy. here he is pictured with said slave: I later found out he sold her to another guy after getting a back rub. The cool thing is he didn't keep the money, but instead donated it all to the charity the slave auction was raising money for. Dude is a surprisingly class act.

The next day found me in the middle of a heated Risk game that was the stuff of legend. All I will say beyond that is that I adore my friends for all the laughter and fun they bring into my life.

Traffic on the way home wasn't bad with the exception of an accident caused by a shipwreck:
When we passed it, I smiled at Silverfox and said "He obviously didn't pass to starboard."

It was a great weekend.

Stone Knives and Bearskins

"I am endeavoring, ma'am, to construct a mnemonic circuit using stone knives and bearskins."- Mr. Spock, City on the Edge of Forever

Technology sucks.

To wit: This is a small representation of the absolutely brilliant marketing campaign I've come up with for the company a series of posters that we will give to our customers to advertise using our product with their customers, the contractors presently engaged in rebuilding our city...
Great, right? It conveys our commitment to the region while showing that we know our stuff, and asking that people think about buying locally. Anyway, the V.P. of sales loves it and wants to make up a bunch of full sized posters (22" x 28") to distribute to all of our customers by Wednesday.

"No problem!" I optimistically think to myself as I activate photoshop. "All I have to do is make a larger image, with better resolution, and turn it into a PDF file that our local Kinko's can turn into postery goodness.

HAH! How naive I was. I put it all together, asked the computer to turn it into a PDF, and the machine bogs down; processing my request for TWO HOURS only to tell me that it can't do it.

Computers suck. They suck hard.

Now, I know that there are friends of mine out there saying "But Rob, why didn't you just use Pagemaker to do it?" I did on the rough draft I gave to my boss to display in his office. the problem is that in incorporating the JOVAL logo and artwork into Pagemaker, I wind up with a little eggshell white box printed around the two logos because Pagemaker doesn't recognize transparencies in an image file.

Sometimes I long for the simplicity of a drafting board and glue stick.

The generation gap widens...

When you're sick for an extended period of time, things that are not yours find their way magically into your desk. As a result of this phenomenon, today I found myself using a wooden ruler since the first time since grade school.

It was one of the old school ones with a little strip of brass embedded into the edge to keep it straight... a curiosity in a world that has moved on to superhard plastics and ceramic composite drafting tools that never lose their edge no matter how many times you tap the desk in thought with them. I commented to my co-worker that they don't really make them like that anymore, which prompted the following exchange as I returned her ruler:

Me: Here's your antiquated ruler back...
Her: Antiquated? What do you mean?
Me: Well, it's tough to find them... most of the world has moved on to plastic.
Her: It's just a simple wooden ruler, Rob... you can buy them in any office supply store.
Me: Yeah, and you can buy two rocks to bang together in a garden store, but personally I'd rather use a lighter.

I suppose it's a good thing I didn't find a slide rule in my desk or my laughter would have put me in the hospital with a worse case of pleurisy than I already have.

So, Rob... How's the ex?

Still batty as a freaking bedbug, as evidenced by the following myspace bulletin posted by her sister:

On Saturday, me and my mom and my schizophrenic sister were driving home and then a drunk driver quickly drove in front of us! he was in a big truck with a Copeland boat connected to the back. My mom looked at him and said she was almost sure it was Al Copeland's son! Well we quickly stopped when the truck drove in front of us. My sister rolled down her window and yelled "SEX POT F@#KHEAD!" at him. This made him very mad, so he started trying to hit us with his boat by trying to back it into our car. Eventually we just backed up until the boat was no longer a threat and he eventually drove away. The entire time my mom and sister were dramatically screaming! After the incident, they started talking about philosophy and how Jesus spared our lives.

It was an exciting experience!

I'll bet. It's remembering "excitement" like this that still wakes me up in the middle of the night thanking god that I finally realized I needed to move on with my life. I've been struggling with whether I should tell the ex that I'm
about to get married again... but then I hear about things like this and I can't help but think that keeping her out of my life completely is the way to go. Maybe I'll just tell her sister, and let her tell her.

Inlaw Tech support

I'm on the road to recovery from the pneumonia I wound up with... the bad news is that I still had to miss almost three weeks of work. God willing, I should be able to go back next week.

Anyway, I'm riding to the doctors office the other day with Silverfox when she gets a call from her Mom, who wants to move her computer desk, but doesn't know if she can just unplug it and move it or not. She tells Silvermama that it should be fine, as long as she turns it off first. problem is, she's not sure how to do do that. Silverfox tells her to pull up the start menu and click on "turn computer off". Silvermama can't seem to do it.

Well, as amazing and talented as she is, Silverfox can't deal with this and drive without running us into a canal, so she hands me the phone.

Me: "Tech support..."
Her:"I'm looking at the screen and it's blank."
Me:"Is it on?"
Her:"I don't know."
Me: "push the switch on the base of the monitor."
Her:"A light came on. It's blue."
Me: "that's good. It should come right up."
Her:"Wait. it just turned orange. is that bad?"
Me:"No. it's just in standby mode. Move the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard and it should come up."
Her: "Does it matter which key?"
Me:"No. tap on any of them."
Her: "Nothing's happening."
Me: "Really?"
Her:"Just the orange light, sugar."
Me: "silvermama, look at the front of the CPU. are any lights on?"
Her:"The what?"
Me:"The tower under the desk. Is there a blue light on in front of it?"
Her:"No."
Me: (trying not to laugh) "your computer is already off. just unplug it if you want to move it."
Her:"It was already off?"
Me: "Yep."
Her: "Lord help me... I hate these machines."

I tell her it's alright and chuckle before hanging up the phone. Silverfox just looks at me and shakes her head before cracking up.

Some funny on a friday...

From the DOA management: We apologize for the dearth in posts, but Rob has been wrestling with pneumonia for the past week or so. He has assured us that regular posts will resume as soon as he can reach the keyboard without falling over. Now on to today's joke:

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

Today's inspirational poster...

Culinary pet peeves... (continued from yesterday)

I'll tell ya... there's only one thing worse than the one post you make in about a month glitching after it leaves the cell phone... when a dear friend takes the time to poke fun at you for it. (see the comments from yesterday's post)

Yes, I'm looking at you Lauren.

Anyway... to continue... I'm not what you call a refined diner. Beer and pizza suits me just as well as wine and tapas. I do know however, what I like and dislike about restaurants... even more so with restaurants I go to all the time. Generally, I enjoy a well prepared meal and passable service... I'm not one to send stuff back to the kitchen, but a poor meal will usually factor into whether I go to that particular place again. I also don't feel that I hold wait staff to some ideal... people in that profession have it pretty rough, and I try to remember that.

Then there are things that just piss me off. I've noticed that this happens more often when I'm not dining in, but getting something to bring home with me. Still, these are my pet peeves...

Pet peeve #1: When I go into an ethnic restaurant, and the person taking the order assumes that just because I can't pronounce the name of the dish correctly, that I have no idea what I'm ordering. It irritates me even more when I just order the number of the dish off the menu and they still question me with "You sure that's what you want? That's noodles, not rice." It's called "being worldly" toots, look it up when you get home and you'll see a picture of me. Now get off my case and fetch me my number 23 pronto before I start cursing in italian.

Pet peeve #2: When I order a meal for six people and they give me one fork. While I appreciate that someone of my carriage is often assumed to have an exceptional appetite, I am not going to eat six entrees and two appetizers by myself. Maybe I'm just being a little over sensitive, but this really insults me. I am a man, not an eating machine.

Pet peeve #3: When the person behind the counter insists I haven't ordered enough. "do you want fries with that?" is one thing... but when I order something without rice, noodles, or bread, who are you to tell me "You big man. you eat rice."? I used to go to this one Chinese place that did this to me constantly when I worked in the french quarter.

Pet peeve #4: When a waiter acts irritated when I ask what's in a dish, or for specifics about how it's prepared. I'm usually asking because I have food allergies and I'm embarrassed enough that I have to ask, so lose that freaking attitude. My Mom is allergic to soy and corn, so she has to do this all the time... I wonder how she deals with it.

Pet peeve #5: When I'm in the drive through and the person on the other end of the speaker says anything but "Welcome to (our fast food joint) may I take your order?" Anything else just confuses me, especially in the morning before I've had my coffee. There's a McD's not far from where I work where they say "What can I make for you this morning?" every time. No "Welcome." No "Good morning." Just some pain in the ass piece of homespun crapola that I have to get her to repeat twice before it registers in my head. GOD, THIS BUGS ME!!!! I was tempted to write to McDonalds and complain about it, but realized my opinions matter to McDonalds about as much as a field mouse matters to the President of the United States, which is to say not at all.

Okay. End of rant.

Culinary pet peeve #1.

When I go into an ethnic restaurant and the person taking my order assumes i have no idea wh

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Some funny for a Monday...

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

Today's inspirational poster...

Some funny on a friday...

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Some funny on a thursday....

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."

Some funny on a wednesday...

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.

"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I'd rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads!"

Boy, I wish I'd thought of this first...

I don't know why I found Garfield Minus Garfield so funny, but I laughed pretty heartily at it.

Absolutely amazing....

The following sight snapped with my cameraphone on my morning commute last Friday is familiar to most of us around election time... particularly in the south, where the weather is generally good enough to allow for such things. A bunch of campaign volunteers out on the street corner of a busy intersection waving signs, in the vain hope that it will prompt you to suddenly slap yourself in the head and say "WOW! SOMEONE WAVING A SIGN! I need to vote for that guy!" Normally, I just ignore these folks, drive happily by and continue not giving a damn. Friday was different though, because in this picture is something I have never seen before.


I know that the resolution sucks, but if you look closely, you will see that the gentleman in the red and blue tie is Mr. Steve Scalise, candidate for my local congressional seat (left vacant when Bobby Jindal was made governor of Louisiana) . That's right... it's not just a bunch of dumbass volunteers waving furiously to keep from freezing on a blustery Louisiana morning... the actual CANDIDATE is out there with them, smiling and waving at passerby. I double checked this fact by looking at his website, and sure enough it was him.

It's refreshing that a candidate for public office is humble enough to actually stand side by side with those campaigning for him. It shows character and humility. The man's got my vote.

Of course, this is probably exactly why he did it, and I have just been manipulated royaly. Is it just me? Would this make a difference to you?

Okay, so it's been a while.

I'm thinking that a lot of you are out there wondering why this blog has been so quiet lately... well, I've been busy focusing my creative efforts in other directions, and so that means that something had to give. Unfortunately, it was my blog that cracked under the pressure like a fat guy sitting on a watermelon.

Being a Writer with a blog is very different from being a blogger that writes. While I love my blog in that it gives me a creative channel to use when I really, really need to write, it is also a bit of a distraction when I'm trying to write something more substantial. The short of it is that I'm working on something, and on top of it i've been buisier at work lately too, leaving me no time to blog. I'd love to hear from other writers that have blogs about how they manage it.

But enough excuses... How is everyone? I'm fine, if a little worn around the edges. I'm still working on how to manage to write ten pages a day while balancing family and work... but Silverfox has been really encouraging about my writing efforts and that helps a lot. It isn't easy being in love with a writer as I understand it... it's a fairly solitary thing for the most part, even when it seems like I'm napping on the couch, I'm really fitting plot details together like legos in my head to spit out onto the screen later. It's my process, and it works for me...but loved ones don't usually understand this. To much of the world, it seems i'm being lazy, or procrastinating... they offer platitudes about writers block, even though I sit there and assure them that when I'm ready to write it, I'll write it.

But not Silverfox. She's been extremely patient as she tries to get a grip on how I work on something like a screenplay. Yes, occasionally she'll chide me when she knows I'm putting off writing to spend time with the kids, but I can tell it's only cause she's worried that i'm not getting any "Me" time.

It's really kinda awsome :)

I have a lot more to talk about, so today may be a multiple entry day. We'll see how it all shapes up as my day progresses.