Okay, I will admit that I did not see this particular stunt in advertising first hand, (read about it on TV Squad's blog) but I am offended none the less. We have all gotten used to the stupid promos that invade our favorite television shows, taking up more and more of the screen over the years, sometimes not allowing us to view crucial information or subtitles... I chalk it up to being the down side of living in our DVR/ DVD box set age.
It's all simple math, really... Advertisers want your money. To get that money, they need to get you their message. To get you that message, the networks need you to watch their other shows. They need to make sure that you know about said other shows to convince the advertisers that you will, in fact watch them.
TBS however, has crossed a very real line.
In the following clip, Bill Engvall steps onto the screen and pauses the show to deliver his pitch about his show.
Sure, it's only 2 seconds before commercial, but that really isn't the point. If this campaign is at all successful, what's to stop them from "pausing" your favorite show during the really intense, dramatic parts to pitch you something that will make your shirts whiter than white?
You know, it's totally unnecessary, too... I still watch commercials, even when I'm fast forwarding... if I see one that catches my eye, (a product I want, or something that looked clever in FF mode) I will invariably stop and watch it anyway. I suspect I am not alone in this.
Anyway, I think that if they continue to do this, or do it during something like pro wrestling, they will experience a backlash that will not only effect them, but the whole medium. We have other choices now, after all. Internet TV has less commercials and convenience going for it... plus, I have many friends that just wait for the whole season of their favorite show to come out on DVD, without ever watching it in "real time".
Bastards. When will they realize that I don't give a rat's bottom about "natural male enhancement", the latest A.P.R. on the new Prius, or some yuppies scarfing down sonic cheesburgers in a mini-van? If I want to shop, I can log onto ebay. Just get to entertaining me, damn you.
Okay, end of rant... but I would love to know what some of my readers think about this development.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Some funny on a wednesday...
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
Monday, June 02, 2008
Kahunah of cakes....
Silverfox's godson wanted a Spider-man cake for his birthday party, so we stepped up to the plate. Grand designs were made involving fondant, heartache and a serious lack of sleep.
At one point, I even had a dream that Stan "the man" Lee himself was admonishing me for not making the Spidey cake the "mighty marvel way". He went on to tell me that Steve Ditko never would have approved of our cake design because it lacked the grace and action that Spidey is known for. Fortunately, Stan was full of ideas, so I sat there with my sketch pad in the dream penciling out a few. The next morning, I asked Silverfox to indulge me while I tried to make a few of the better ones from my dream out of fondant. The results were disastrous.
Apparently, whichever side of my subconscious produced "Stan" has a lot to learn about the physics of Fondant.
After much ado, my sculpting skills and Silverfoxes mad cake-making skills produced the following cake:
At one point, I even had a dream that Stan "the man" Lee himself was admonishing me for not making the Spidey cake the "mighty marvel way". He went on to tell me that Steve Ditko never would have approved of our cake design because it lacked the grace and action that Spidey is known for. Fortunately, Stan was full of ideas, so I sat there with my sketch pad in the dream penciling out a few. The next morning, I asked Silverfox to indulge me while I tried to make a few of the better ones from my dream out of fondant. The results were disastrous.
Apparently, whichever side of my subconscious produced "Stan" has a lot to learn about the physics of Fondant.
After much ado, my sculpting skills and Silverfoxes mad cake-making skills produced the following cake:
Yes, it's a larger than life Spidey perched atop an office building over a city street. I sculpted Spidey, and the cars on the street. Originally, Silverfox and I had talked about having Spidey swinging between two office buildings, but were at a loss as to how much of the city around him we would have to build in that case. Still, the cake looked great... if only it had arrived at it's destination that way.
A hint for any aspiring cake makers: New Orleans streets+90 plus degree weather+butter cream icing= melted building and Spidey sidewalk pizza. Still tasted good though, and the kid was only two, so it's not like he's gonna remember it... Short Stuff's birthday is in another two weeks... he wants a Death Star cake.
Bring it.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
A chip off the nerdy block...
Because Pint Size has been getting a lot of good coverage here lately, I thought I would give equal time to my other stepson-to-be, Short Stuff. After all, he is just as adorable as Pint Size, but in a completely different way...
Short Stuff is about to turn 6 in a few weeks, and wants a Star Wars birthday party. Silverfox and I are working on a Death Star cake, and having one of our friends in fandom come to the party dressed as his favorite bad guy, Darth Vader. It's just awesome that his favorite thing in the world right now is Star Wars, and I giggle every time we're playing with our toy lightsabers and he tries to use the force to choke me.
Even more awesome, however is the fact that he so easily embraces everything fannish. Case in point: The other night, we all watched The Princess Bride. He loved it... and was sitting next to me on my recliner asking all sorts of questions about the bad guys, the good guys, and the Rodents Of Unusual Size.
While at the pool the next day he came across a dead bug, which he brought over to show to me. I told him politely to get rid of it because it was dead. He grinned at me and said "Shows how much you know... it's only mostly dead."
I'm so proud.
Short Stuff is about to turn 6 in a few weeks, and wants a Star Wars birthday party. Silverfox and I are working on a Death Star cake, and having one of our friends in fandom come to the party dressed as his favorite bad guy, Darth Vader. It's just awesome that his favorite thing in the world right now is Star Wars, and I giggle every time we're playing with our toy lightsabers and he tries to use the force to choke me.
Even more awesome, however is the fact that he so easily embraces everything fannish. Case in point: The other night, we all watched The Princess Bride. He loved it... and was sitting next to me on my recliner asking all sorts of questions about the bad guys, the good guys, and the Rodents Of Unusual Size.
While at the pool the next day he came across a dead bug, which he brought over to show to me. I told him politely to get rid of it because it was dead. He grinned at me and said "Shows how much you know... it's only mostly dead."
I'm so proud.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Why banks suck...
For the first time in about two months, I checked my bank account on payday and had a positive bank balance. I breathed a sigh of relief that I would no longer have to rely on the kindness of strangers for gas money, and pulled the Buick up to my local bank branches ATM to withdraw my hard earned cash.
Upon putting in my bank card, I got an unusual response...
UNAUTHORIZED TRANSACTION. CONTACT YOUR BANK FOR DETAILS.
"Huh? For all intents and purposes, this box full of money is my bank" I thought to myself, reaching for my cell phone. So I called the bank... to be told that my access to my account has been restricted because of excessive overdraft fees.
"I know all about the overdraft fees..." I explained, "I've spent the past three weeks living a cash-free existence to pay them all back to your fine institution, but I would like my hard earned cash now, please. Please reactivate my card so we can all move on."
"I'm sorry, sir." The young woman said, "You have to go for six months with no overdrafts before we can issue another card."
"Lady, April Fools day was almost two months ago, and this isn't funny."
"I'm not joking, sir."
"But I was out of work for a month with pneumonia, Lady! Can't y'all cut me a break here? I have bills to pay!"
"I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to talk to a branch manager."
I hung up the phone and tried not to sob aloud. At 9:01 (they opened at 9) I was in the bank and sitting with a banker. I explained my case, and asked for an ATM card a little sooner than six months from now.
"The best we can do is three months sir." the Banker explained to me, "If you still have no more overdrafts in that period, then we can give you one."
"How am I supposed to pay my bills?"
"Well, you can still write checks, Mr. Cerio."
This struck me as the stupidest damn thing I had ever heard, and I felt obligated to point out that it was just as easy for me to overdraft my account with checks as with my Debit card.
"Well," She said, "It's hoped that by having your checkbook with you, it will encourage you to use the ledger we provide to keep better track of your bank balances."
I sighed, got up and wrote a check for cash so I could fill the gas tank of the Buick and left, disgusted. I worked out how much they charged me in overdraft fees, and it really pisses me off that I paid them all that money and they can't cut me some slack for being sick.
Overdraft fees accrued and paid in the past month: $352.00
Amount of work required from bank personnel to earn this money: None
Number of warning letters that the bank says they sent me: 3
Number that reached me but were unopened because I thought they were just another overdraft notice: 2
The look on my face when I realize that I'm taking it up the pooper without the benefit of KY: Priceless.
Upon putting in my bank card, I got an unusual response...
UNAUTHORIZED TRANSACTION. CONTACT YOUR BANK FOR DETAILS.
"Huh? For all intents and purposes, this box full of money is my bank" I thought to myself, reaching for my cell phone. So I called the bank... to be told that my access to my account has been restricted because of excessive overdraft fees.
"I know all about the overdraft fees..." I explained, "I've spent the past three weeks living a cash-free existence to pay them all back to your fine institution, but I would like my hard earned cash now, please. Please reactivate my card so we can all move on."
"I'm sorry, sir." The young woman said, "You have to go for six months with no overdrafts before we can issue another card."
"Lady, April Fools day was almost two months ago, and this isn't funny."
"I'm not joking, sir."
"But I was out of work for a month with pneumonia, Lady! Can't y'all cut me a break here? I have bills to pay!"
"I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to talk to a branch manager."
I hung up the phone and tried not to sob aloud. At 9:01 (they opened at 9) I was in the bank and sitting with a banker. I explained my case, and asked for an ATM card a little sooner than six months from now.
"The best we can do is three months sir." the Banker explained to me, "If you still have no more overdrafts in that period, then we can give you one."
"How am I supposed to pay my bills?"
"Well, you can still write checks, Mr. Cerio."
This struck me as the stupidest damn thing I had ever heard, and I felt obligated to point out that it was just as easy for me to overdraft my account with checks as with my Debit card.
"Well," She said, "It's hoped that by having your checkbook with you, it will encourage you to use the ledger we provide to keep better track of your bank balances."
I sighed, got up and wrote a check for cash so I could fill the gas tank of the Buick and left, disgusted. I worked out how much they charged me in overdraft fees, and it really pisses me off that I paid them all that money and they can't cut me some slack for being sick.
Overdraft fees accrued and paid in the past month: $352.00
Amount of work required from bank personnel to earn this money: None
Number of warning letters that the bank says they sent me: 3
Number that reached me but were unopened because I thought they were just another overdraft notice: 2
The look on my face when I realize that I'm taking it up the pooper without the benefit of KY: Priceless.
You ever get the feeling God is trying to tell you something?
So, I have this big revelation that I need to loose weight. I promise myself that I'm gonna cut back on the sweets, watch what I eat, and generally slim down.
What happens? Yesterday, my boss goes out and buys a bunch of apple fritters for everyone for breakfast, Janet brings in a chocolate Easter bunny that has been tempting her from the freezer for weeks, (not just chocolate, either... worlds finest chocolate!) my friend offers to buy me lunch and buys a giant tub of rugalah at Sam's club for the office to share, and my bosses son's girlfriend brings in a giant tray of brownies and cookies for all us hard working folks (meaning me and Janet, who's a diabetic) that are still warm and freaking gooey.
Chocolate chip cookies... brownies... rugalah... if there was a fantasy bakery somewhere that just catered to me, it would make a fine living just making those three items.
Then to top off my day, my future mother in law invites us over for a family dinner- southern style. Panneed pork chops, creamed potatoes, smothered peas and macaroni and cheese, while surrounded by Silverfoxes big uncles, who kept making fun of me for only eating one pork chop.
It's not fair, damn it.
What happens? Yesterday, my boss goes out and buys a bunch of apple fritters for everyone for breakfast, Janet brings in a chocolate Easter bunny that has been tempting her from the freezer for weeks, (not just chocolate, either... worlds finest chocolate!) my friend offers to buy me lunch and buys a giant tub of rugalah at Sam's club for the office to share, and my bosses son's girlfriend brings in a giant tray of brownies and cookies for all us hard working folks (meaning me and Janet, who's a diabetic) that are still warm and freaking gooey.
Chocolate chip cookies... brownies... rugalah... if there was a fantasy bakery somewhere that just catered to me, it would make a fine living just making those three items.
Then to top off my day, my future mother in law invites us over for a family dinner- southern style. Panneed pork chops, creamed potatoes, smothered peas and macaroni and cheese, while surrounded by Silverfoxes big uncles, who kept making fun of me for only eating one pork chop.
It's not fair, damn it.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A thank you and the "Before" Pictures...
I wanted to take the time to thank everyone I have heard from in the past few days concerning both my finally proposing to Silverfox and my sudden seriousness about losing my extra poundage. Everyone has been very positive and encouraging about both matters, and I thank you all for all the warm fuzzies. One of the funnier E-mails I got was from the "prodigal son" Fratnip, who realized that he only knows about Silverfox from my blog, and as such has no idea what her real name is.
Anyhow, the other e-mails were mostly about the weight loss, and inquiring about my plan for such.
Brouhahhah went so far as to issue his own "Not so celebrity fit club" challenge on his blog as a direct response to my post, but I regret to say that I ain't interested in turning it into a competition. There are two reasons for this... one, I'm way more likely to just give up if I think I'm in danger of losing (Italian pride is a very finicky thing) and Two, one of the terms of his challenge involves knowing your current weight, which I have no clue about, nor do I really feel is relevant to weight loss.
Some of you are scratching your heads... it's okay... allow me to explain. (No... is too much... allow me to sum up...). Scales aren't built with guys my size in mind. Even most doctors office scales top out at about 350 lbs. I easily weigh more than 390. Silverfox has a brand new digital scale that I refuse to get on because I couldn't bear to hear the sickening crunch of it breaking into a million little digital pieces. I would get one of those nifty talking ones from Brookstone, (which go up to 500 lbs I've been told) but I have this odd feeling that the guys who programmed it made it to say snarky things to people over 350lbs... like "one at a time folks" or "hey, not designed to weigh cows here!"
It's what I would do anyway...
So, as I was saying, my weight is largely irrelevant to me, and always has been. I will instead judge my progress by how I look and feel. This is how I looked last august:
On the beach... lookin and feelin pretty good, but way tubby. This is me (and Pint Size) as of good friday, wearing basically the same clothes, still lookin good and feelin fine, if slightly more worried about Pint Size taking an unscheduled bath in his Granduncle's fish pond:
Now maybe I'm deluding myself, but I think I look slightly thinner in the second photo... Which was taken after I had been living with Silverfox and the kids for a few months.
The difference? Physical activity. I went from a mostly vertical, sedentary lifestyle to having to walk up two flights of stairs every day and chasing Short Stuff around the playground. I've noticed this effect before, when I was ghost hunting on a regular basis (just before Katrina) I was in some of the best shape of my life then because I was walking up a huge flight of stairs 10 times a night, three nights a week. I even remember Stacey remarking how much thinner I looked when she picked me up from the train station when I evacuated for the storm.
I have never been on a diet that worked for me, but every time I have gotten more physical activity going, I have wound up looking and feeling better for it. I also recognize that there are minor changes in my eating habits which would have huge effects on my health, like cutting out soft drinks in favor of water.
In short, my plan for weight loss is simple and time honored: Eat less, exercise more. It's really just the smartest way to go. Furthermore, by not killing myself about my sticking to or not sticking to a diet, my mind will be free to concentrate on simply making smarter choices about what I eat.
Any questions?
Anyhow, the other e-mails were mostly about the weight loss, and inquiring about my plan for such.
Brouhahhah went so far as to issue his own "Not so celebrity fit club" challenge on his blog as a direct response to my post, but I regret to say that I ain't interested in turning it into a competition. There are two reasons for this... one, I'm way more likely to just give up if I think I'm in danger of losing (Italian pride is a very finicky thing) and Two, one of the terms of his challenge involves knowing your current weight, which I have no clue about, nor do I really feel is relevant to weight loss.
Some of you are scratching your heads... it's okay... allow me to explain. (No... is too much... allow me to sum up...). Scales aren't built with guys my size in mind. Even most doctors office scales top out at about 350 lbs. I easily weigh more than 390. Silverfox has a brand new digital scale that I refuse to get on because I couldn't bear to hear the sickening crunch of it breaking into a million little digital pieces. I would get one of those nifty talking ones from Brookstone, (which go up to 500 lbs I've been told) but I have this odd feeling that the guys who programmed it made it to say snarky things to people over 350lbs... like "one at a time folks" or "hey, not designed to weigh cows here!"
It's what I would do anyway...
So, as I was saying, my weight is largely irrelevant to me, and always has been. I will instead judge my progress by how I look and feel. This is how I looked last august:
On the beach... lookin and feelin pretty good, but way tubby. This is me (and Pint Size) as of good friday, wearing basically the same clothes, still lookin good and feelin fine, if slightly more worried about Pint Size taking an unscheduled bath in his Granduncle's fish pond:
Now maybe I'm deluding myself, but I think I look slightly thinner in the second photo... Which was taken after I had been living with Silverfox and the kids for a few months.The difference? Physical activity. I went from a mostly vertical, sedentary lifestyle to having to walk up two flights of stairs every day and chasing Short Stuff around the playground. I've noticed this effect before, when I was ghost hunting on a regular basis (just before Katrina) I was in some of the best shape of my life then because I was walking up a huge flight of stairs 10 times a night, three nights a week. I even remember Stacey remarking how much thinner I looked when she picked me up from the train station when I evacuated for the storm.
I have never been on a diet that worked for me, but every time I have gotten more physical activity going, I have wound up looking and feeling better for it. I also recognize that there are minor changes in my eating habits which would have huge effects on my health, like cutting out soft drinks in favor of water.
In short, my plan for weight loss is simple and time honored: Eat less, exercise more. It's really just the smartest way to go. Furthermore, by not killing myself about my sticking to or not sticking to a diet, my mind will be free to concentrate on simply making smarter choices about what I eat.
Any questions?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Order of Chaos?
In 1981, a legend made its way onto the silver screen. With a musical "DUM DUM DAH!" and a flash of red cape, Captain Chaos stole every scene of The Cannonball Run he was in, and with the scenes, he stole an eleven year old boy's imagination.
Victor had been a fat kid, (much like that eleven year old boy), and one day while being beat up by playground bullies, Captain Chaos appeared for the first time and beat the crap out of the evildoers. Victor genuinely believed in the superhero inside himself, that only came out when needed. It took many years, but eventually the eleven year old boy (now 37) emulated his hero. prepared to mete out justice at Mobicon 10:
Unexpectedly, he also picked up a sidekick that fateful evening, Catastrophe boy. The Mexican immigrant worker that Chaos had picked up in front of home depot proved a staunch ally in combating the forces of evil. The first appearance of Captain Chaos was such a success, that he also decided to appear at the next Coast Con where he met his first supervillian, Mistress Sinister. As you can see by the photo, it wasn't long before Mistress Sinister fell victim to the good Captain's charms as supervillianesses are often wont to do:
And by the time Mobicon 11 rolled around, not only was the charming Captain Chaos in evidence:
But Mistress Sinister had come over to the side of justice as Mistress Chaos (seen here with the Corset of Righteousness):
Now there is talk of forming the Order of Chaos, (a contradiction in terms at best), which would be an entire fan group centered around HIM. This fan group would be dedicated to preserving the super-hero genre at conventions, Captain Chaos costuming, and there is even talk of a "So you want to be a super-hero?" style contest to be judged by members of the order.
I wonder if we'll have a secret handshake, or just yell "DUM DUH DUN!" at each other?
Victor had been a fat kid, (much like that eleven year old boy), and one day while being beat up by playground bullies, Captain Chaos appeared for the first time and beat the crap out of the evildoers. Victor genuinely believed in the superhero inside himself, that only came out when needed. It took many years, but eventually the eleven year old boy (now 37) emulated his hero. prepared to mete out justice at Mobicon 10:
Unexpectedly, he also picked up a sidekick that fateful evening, Catastrophe boy. The Mexican immigrant worker that Chaos had picked up in front of home depot proved a staunch ally in combating the forces of evil. The first appearance of Captain Chaos was such a success, that he also decided to appear at the next Coast Con where he met his first supervillian, Mistress Sinister. As you can see by the photo, it wasn't long before Mistress Sinister fell victim to the good Captain's charms as supervillianesses are often wont to do:
And by the time Mobicon 11 rolled around, not only was the charming Captain Chaos in evidence:
But Mistress Sinister had come over to the side of justice as Mistress Chaos (seen here with the Corset of Righteousness):
Now there is talk of forming the Order of Chaos, (a contradiction in terms at best), which would be an entire fan group centered around HIM. This fan group would be dedicated to preserving the super-hero genre at conventions, Captain Chaos costuming, and there is even talk of a "So you want to be a super-hero?" style contest to be judged by members of the order.
I wonder if we'll have a secret handshake, or just yell "DUM DUH DUN!" at each other?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The next party game to grace Casa Kahunah...
This weekend, Silverfox and I decided to use the 70 bucks in Best Buy coupons that were sent to us after she dropped her tax refund on our new entertainment system, and she picked up a new game that I predict now will be a huge hit at our next party.
Rockbandahaulics... are you ready for Singstar?
Now, understand me when I say I LOVE Rock Band. It is the coolest game ever, and they will pry my Fender Stratocaster controller from my cold dead hands when Guitar Hero 4 comes out. (the Guitar Hero 4 vs. Rock Band argument has become quite heated of late around Casa Kahunah) But having said that, I have noticed two problems with it...
One is that we always seem to have a lot of our friends that want to sing, but much fewer that want to pick up the guitar or drumsticks. Singstar is all song, and you can battle head to head with your friends or do duets.
Two, the selection of downloadable songs tends to leave me wanting. True, more come out every week, but when I saw all the fantastic songs available on Singstar my jaw dropped, and my hands reached for Silverfoxs credit card. They have a lot of the 80's songs Silverfox and I grew up on, and even better... while you sing, it shows the original music video for the song in the background.
Just the straight from the box game has a number of great songs on it, most notably "I wanna be sedated" by the Ramones (which I totally served Silverfox on! Go me.), "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, "Suspicious Minds" by the King, and "All the small things" By Blink 182. As far as downloads go, I immediately and without running it past the woman I love downloaded "Just a Gigolo" by Diamond Dave. (anyone that has seen me do this in Karaoke knows why) With her input (and after much laughter), we downloaded songs by Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, Duran Duran, and of course Billy Joel. We only stopped because the PS3 lost it's connection briefly.
I also noticed a couple of MC Hammer and Run DMC songs on there, which I would pay cash money to see my friends Mike or Ronnie sing.
So, when is everyone free?
Rockbandahaulics... are you ready for Singstar?
Now, understand me when I say I LOVE Rock Band. It is the coolest game ever, and they will pry my Fender Stratocaster controller from my cold dead hands when Guitar Hero 4 comes out. (the Guitar Hero 4 vs. Rock Band argument has become quite heated of late around Casa Kahunah) But having said that, I have noticed two problems with it...
One is that we always seem to have a lot of our friends that want to sing, but much fewer that want to pick up the guitar or drumsticks. Singstar is all song, and you can battle head to head with your friends or do duets.
Two, the selection of downloadable songs tends to leave me wanting. True, more come out every week, but when I saw all the fantastic songs available on Singstar my jaw dropped, and my hands reached for Silverfoxs credit card. They have a lot of the 80's songs Silverfox and I grew up on, and even better... while you sing, it shows the original music video for the song in the background.
Just the straight from the box game has a number of great songs on it, most notably "I wanna be sedated" by the Ramones (which I totally served Silverfox on! Go me.), "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, "Suspicious Minds" by the King, and "All the small things" By Blink 182. As far as downloads go, I immediately and without running it past the woman I love downloaded "Just a Gigolo" by Diamond Dave. (anyone that has seen me do this in Karaoke knows why) With her input (and after much laughter), we downloaded songs by Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, Duran Duran, and of course Billy Joel. We only stopped because the PS3 lost it's connection briefly.
I also noticed a couple of MC Hammer and Run DMC songs on there, which I would pay cash money to see my friends Mike or Ronnie sing.
So, when is everyone free?
Saturday, May 24, 2008
My big fat greek post...
Today I feel I have officially turned a proverbial corner. I have decided for the first time in my life that I need to lose weight.
I know, another idle diet promise from a fat guy that takes great pride in being fat... but this time is different. As many of my friends will tell you, I kind of enjoy being fat. I also like tearing down the stereotype that you can't be fat and healthy... my recent bout with pneumonia aside, I am both... Furthermore, I feel that my size has always served the vital function of keeping shallow people at arms length, allowing me to develop more true friendships than most people will ever have the pleasure of having. I also really like the whole "fat and jolly" thing that most people associate with the overweight. I am fat. I am also jolly. A pretty good fit, all things considered. I have certainly never been ashamed of something that makes me... well, me.
So, what's changed? Let me tell you about my day...
Today was the first day of the Greek festival here in New Orleans. I look forward to getting my fix of Greek food every year, and have always had a good time doing it. This year me, Silverfox and Short Stuff decided to make a family outing of it.
There are a lot more kids activities to do at the Greek fest in recent years. They've added a few moon walks, a sand pit, face painting, a climbing wall, and several other things for families to do. One of these things is Canoeing on Bayou St. John.
I will admit that I haven't been in a canoe in years... not since college, at any rate... But I enjoy canoeing... I'm actually fairly good at it. I know how to steer one, what to do if you capsize, and how to get into one from the water. (thank you boy scouts) In short, while I may be a little rusty, I am probably a better canoer (sp?) than your average Joe shmoe off the street that has been mixing his Grappa and his Ouzu all day.
So, Silverfox and I decided that we would take Short Stuff for a ride out on the bayou. It didn't hurt that under the Filmore street bridge is a Geocache that is only accessible from the water... Silverfox was down with the idea on that basis alone. We had actually been planning for about a week to do this. Short Stuff was pretty psyched about it too, and he kept asking when we were going in the canoe from the moment I pulled up in front of the festival to the moment we walked up to the rental tent.
There were waivers that we had to sign, and we happily signed them. there were fees to be paid, and we happily paid them. We even borrowed plastic baggies to put our cell phones in, just in case. As I stepped forward in anticipation, I was approached by a gruff old man.
"I'm sorry, but I can't let you have a canoe." he said.
It took a second for me to realize what he said. "Huh?" I said, "why not?"
"I don't have a life jacket that will fit you." he said.
"Okay..." I replied, looking at the long adjusting straps on the life jackets, "I'm an excellent swimmer, and the bayou is only five feet deep at it's deepest, but I understand that you have liability issues. Can I at least try one on and we'll see?"
"No. I'm not giving you a canoe." He said.
"Look, I've been in a canoe before... I know what I'm doing."
"No." he said, getting a little nasty with his tone, "I've seen guys your size capsize too many times to let you in one of my canoes. Plus that, you'll break the seats. I don't want to deal with that."
I admit I was at a loss for words at this. Anyone who has ever been in a canoe knows that you don't actually sit on the seats in a canoe... you kneel on the hull and sort of lean against the seat, never putting you full weight on it.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"You're too heavy." he said, like that was what I wasn't understanding.
"First of all..." I said, trying to keep my tone civil, "You have no idea how much I weigh. Secondly, you're trying to tell me that I'm gonna capsize when you have no idea what my skill level is with this based solely on my size. Doesn't that strike you as a little bigoted?"
"Just give him his money back!" he barked at the kids working the table as he walked away.
I stood there for a moment as Silverfox took our money back, not really sure what to do. I thought for a moment about making a scene... but I realized that this guy was just being an ass and there was little I could do to change his mind. I mentally chalked it up to his stupidity and took a deep breath and walked away.
Then I saw Short Stuff's face. "We're not going on the canoe?" he said in a very small voice, with tears welling up in his eyes.
I had to explain to this child that it wasn't his fault, that he had been a very good boy, but it was my fault we weren't going on the canoe ride we had promised him.
Never again.
I know, another idle diet promise from a fat guy that takes great pride in being fat... but this time is different. As many of my friends will tell you, I kind of enjoy being fat. I also like tearing down the stereotype that you can't be fat and healthy... my recent bout with pneumonia aside, I am both... Furthermore, I feel that my size has always served the vital function of keeping shallow people at arms length, allowing me to develop more true friendships than most people will ever have the pleasure of having. I also really like the whole "fat and jolly" thing that most people associate with the overweight. I am fat. I am also jolly. A pretty good fit, all things considered. I have certainly never been ashamed of something that makes me... well, me.
So, what's changed? Let me tell you about my day...
Today was the first day of the Greek festival here in New Orleans. I look forward to getting my fix of Greek food every year, and have always had a good time doing it. This year me, Silverfox and Short Stuff decided to make a family outing of it.
There are a lot more kids activities to do at the Greek fest in recent years. They've added a few moon walks, a sand pit, face painting, a climbing wall, and several other things for families to do. One of these things is Canoeing on Bayou St. John.
I will admit that I haven't been in a canoe in years... not since college, at any rate... But I enjoy canoeing... I'm actually fairly good at it. I know how to steer one, what to do if you capsize, and how to get into one from the water. (thank you boy scouts) In short, while I may be a little rusty, I am probably a better canoer (sp?) than your average Joe shmoe off the street that has been mixing his Grappa and his Ouzu all day.
So, Silverfox and I decided that we would take Short Stuff for a ride out on the bayou. It didn't hurt that under the Filmore street bridge is a Geocache that is only accessible from the water... Silverfox was down with the idea on that basis alone. We had actually been planning for about a week to do this. Short Stuff was pretty psyched about it too, and he kept asking when we were going in the canoe from the moment I pulled up in front of the festival to the moment we walked up to the rental tent.
There were waivers that we had to sign, and we happily signed them. there were fees to be paid, and we happily paid them. We even borrowed plastic baggies to put our cell phones in, just in case. As I stepped forward in anticipation, I was approached by a gruff old man.
"I'm sorry, but I can't let you have a canoe." he said.
It took a second for me to realize what he said. "Huh?" I said, "why not?"
"I don't have a life jacket that will fit you." he said.
"Okay..." I replied, looking at the long adjusting straps on the life jackets, "I'm an excellent swimmer, and the bayou is only five feet deep at it's deepest, but I understand that you have liability issues. Can I at least try one on and we'll see?"
"No. I'm not giving you a canoe." He said.
"Look, I've been in a canoe before... I know what I'm doing."
"No." he said, getting a little nasty with his tone, "I've seen guys your size capsize too many times to let you in one of my canoes. Plus that, you'll break the seats. I don't want to deal with that."
I admit I was at a loss for words at this. Anyone who has ever been in a canoe knows that you don't actually sit on the seats in a canoe... you kneel on the hull and sort of lean against the seat, never putting you full weight on it.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"You're too heavy." he said, like that was what I wasn't understanding.
"First of all..." I said, trying to keep my tone civil, "You have no idea how much I weigh. Secondly, you're trying to tell me that I'm gonna capsize when you have no idea what my skill level is with this based solely on my size. Doesn't that strike you as a little bigoted?"
"Just give him his money back!" he barked at the kids working the table as he walked away.
I stood there for a moment as Silverfox took our money back, not really sure what to do. I thought for a moment about making a scene... but I realized that this guy was just being an ass and there was little I could do to change his mind. I mentally chalked it up to his stupidity and took a deep breath and walked away.
Then I saw Short Stuff's face. "We're not going on the canoe?" he said in a very small voice, with tears welling up in his eyes.
I had to explain to this child that it wasn't his fault, that he had been a very good boy, but it was my fault we weren't going on the canoe ride we had promised him.
Never again.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Mobicon highlights...
Last weekend, as many of you know, was Mobicon... and Friday found Silverfox and I transporting an elaborate Stargate prop for Area 504, who take their decorating way too seriously. The main reason that we were asked to transport this Stargate was not because it was about to overload and take half the world with it, but because our truck was one of the few owned by club members that was actually big enough to do the job... without even having to open a hyperspace window.
Okay... that reference was way geeky even for me. The drive was nice, if a little rainy. We passed the three hours with topics like "What do you think Short Stuff wants for his birthday?", "When are you gonna ask me to marry you, you jerk?" (my answer: "before the wedding."), "Do you think it's too early to teach Pint Size to swim?", "Damn, gas is expensive." and the ever popular "Should I pass this trailered boat on the port or on the starboard?"
It was worth the gas money though, because The Gate looked great when fully assembled:
After arriving at the hotel, I pulled Silverfox aside and asked her to indulge my romantic side for a moment. I took her out to the hotel courtyard, where just a year before I first laid eyes on this incredible woman that would change my life forever, and explained to her just how much she means to me. I then pulled out the biggest ring I could find:
and officially asked her to marry me. That's right... the entire time that she had been telling me in the car how I needed to hurry up and ask, I was quietly smirking to myself knowing that I was about to. There were tears... there was laughter... and it was the perfect moment. "Now I can have my bachelorette party, right?" she asked. I knew full well that she had rounded up a veritable posse of chickdom to come to the con with just that purpose in mind... and I also knew that people would want to see her ring, which is why it was important for me to pop the question before the party.
I would have actually done it weeks ago, but somehow proposing while wheezing in bed with pneumonia seems less than romantic. I admit I was pretty proud of myself every time she waved the ring (which she wore on her wrist most of the con) and said "Check out the size of the rock Rob got me!"
The Friday night was mostly uneventful, but I did get to network a little with a fellow paranormal researcher that was a guest at the con. I introduced myself and found out for the first time in my life that my fame had proceeded me. Apparently at the guest Meet and greet, someone had told him that I would be at the con, and he had to meet me. We sat there and talked shop until another con guest started bending spoons. I snickered and made Uri Geller jokes until my lovely but drunk fiance totally ruined this poor guy's game with "drunk logic":
Her: "If I can't see the spoon at all times, how can I tell for sure that you really bent it?"
Him:"The spoon is bent, isn't it?"
Her:"You could have switched spoons!"
Him:"When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?"
Her:"Irrelevant. show me that spoon, damn you!"
I know from my own studies that spoon bending is a load of crapola, but I really felt sorry for the poor guy.
Saturday was fun. The video gamers room had Rock Band, and at any given time it seemed like either Dave or I (or both) were in there playing. We went out as a group to dinner at Carrabas, which was awesome. Saturday night Captain Chaos and Catastrophe boy made an appearance:
And were completely overshadowed by Mistress Chaos (Silverfox lookin Superfoxy!) :
And of course, her bevy of babeage... pictured below are Mrs Ringo and Itchygoya. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which:
I know... I know... the groom-to-be isn't supposed to interact with the bachelorette party... and he didn't. That's the ever dashing Captain Chaos, not me.
So, the ladies bought themselves a couple of slaves for the evening, who Mistress Chaos took great delight in completely humiliating through various points during the night... the funniest had to be when I walked past them and one slave was walking the other on a dog leash.
The whole charity slave auction was big fun on a bun this year, even if it did drag on for a bit. My buddy Mike came as a British admiral intent on catching pirates...
and nearly caused me to pass out with laughter when he bought himself a slave. It was so out of character for the guy. here he is pictured with said slave: 
I later found out he sold her to another guy after getting a back rub. The cool thing is he didn't keep the money, but instead donated it all to the charity the slave auction was raising money for. Dude is a surprisingly class act.
The next day found me in the middle of a heated Risk game that was the stuff of legend. All I will say beyond that is that I adore my friends for all the laughter and fun they bring into my life.
Traffic on the way home wasn't bad with the exception of an accident caused by a shipwreck:
When we passed it, I smiled at Silverfox and said "He obviously didn't pass to starboard."
It was a great weekend.
Okay... that reference was way geeky even for me. The drive was nice, if a little rainy. We passed the three hours with topics like "What do you think Short Stuff wants for his birthday?", "When are you gonna ask me to marry you, you jerk?" (my answer: "before the wedding."), "Do you think it's too early to teach Pint Size to swim?", "Damn, gas is expensive." and the ever popular "Should I pass this trailered boat on the port or on the starboard?"
It was worth the gas money though, because The Gate looked great when fully assembled:
After arriving at the hotel, I pulled Silverfox aside and asked her to indulge my romantic side for a moment. I took her out to the hotel courtyard, where just a year before I first laid eyes on this incredible woman that would change my life forever, and explained to her just how much she means to me. I then pulled out the biggest ring I could find:
and officially asked her to marry me. That's right... the entire time that she had been telling me in the car how I needed to hurry up and ask, I was quietly smirking to myself knowing that I was about to. There were tears... there was laughter... and it was the perfect moment. "Now I can have my bachelorette party, right?" she asked. I knew full well that she had rounded up a veritable posse of chickdom to come to the con with just that purpose in mind... and I also knew that people would want to see her ring, which is why it was important for me to pop the question before the party.I would have actually done it weeks ago, but somehow proposing while wheezing in bed with pneumonia seems less than romantic. I admit I was pretty proud of myself every time she waved the ring (which she wore on her wrist most of the con) and said "Check out the size of the rock Rob got me!"
The Friday night was mostly uneventful, but I did get to network a little with a fellow paranormal researcher that was a guest at the con. I introduced myself and found out for the first time in my life that my fame had proceeded me. Apparently at the guest Meet and greet, someone had told him that I would be at the con, and he had to meet me. We sat there and talked shop until another con guest started bending spoons. I snickered and made Uri Geller jokes until my lovely but drunk fiance totally ruined this poor guy's game with "drunk logic":
Her: "If I can't see the spoon at all times, how can I tell for sure that you really bent it?"
Him:"The spoon is bent, isn't it?"
Her:"You could have switched spoons!"
Him:"When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?"
Her:"Irrelevant. show me that spoon, damn you!"
I know from my own studies that spoon bending is a load of crapola, but I really felt sorry for the poor guy.
Saturday was fun. The video gamers room had Rock Band, and at any given time it seemed like either Dave or I (or both) were in there playing. We went out as a group to dinner at Carrabas, which was awesome. Saturday night Captain Chaos and Catastrophe boy made an appearance:
And were completely overshadowed by Mistress Chaos (Silverfox lookin Superfoxy!) :
And of course, her bevy of babeage... pictured below are Mrs Ringo and Itchygoya. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which:
I know... I know... the groom-to-be isn't supposed to interact with the bachelorette party... and he didn't. That's the ever dashing Captain Chaos, not me.So, the ladies bought themselves a couple of slaves for the evening, who Mistress Chaos took great delight in completely humiliating through various points during the night... the funniest had to be when I walked past them and one slave was walking the other on a dog leash.
The whole charity slave auction was big fun on a bun this year, even if it did drag on for a bit. My buddy Mike came as a British admiral intent on catching pirates...
and nearly caused me to pass out with laughter when he bought himself a slave. It was so out of character for the guy. here he is pictured with said slave: 
I later found out he sold her to another guy after getting a back rub. The cool thing is he didn't keep the money, but instead donated it all to the charity the slave auction was raising money for. Dude is a surprisingly class act.The next day found me in the middle of a heated Risk game that was the stuff of legend. All I will say beyond that is that I adore my friends for all the laughter and fun they bring into my life.
Traffic on the way home wasn't bad with the exception of an accident caused by a shipwreck:
When we passed it, I smiled at Silverfox and said "He obviously didn't pass to starboard."It was a great weekend.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Stone Knives and Bearskins
"I am endeavoring, ma'am, to construct a mnemonic circuit using stone knives and bearskins."- Mr. Spock, City on the Edge of Forever
Technology sucks.
To wit: This is a small representation of the absolutely brilliant marketing campaign I've come up with for the company a series of posters that we will give to our customers to advertise using our product with their customers, the contractors presently engaged in rebuilding our city...
Great, right? It conveys our commitment to the region while showing that we know our stuff, and asking that people think about buying locally. Anyway, the V.P. of sales loves it and wants to make up a bunch of full sized posters (22" x 28") to distribute to all of our customers by Wednesday.
"No problem!" I optimistically think to myself as I activate photoshop. "All I have to do is make a larger image, with better resolution, and turn it into a PDF file that our local Kinko's can turn into postery goodness.
HAH! How naive I was. I put it all together, asked the computer to turn it into a PDF, and the machine bogs down; processing my request for TWO HOURS only to tell me that it can't do it.
Computers suck. They suck hard.
Now, I know that there are friends of mine out there saying "But Rob, why didn't you just use Pagemaker to do it?" I did on the rough draft I gave to my boss to display in his office. the problem is that in incorporating the JOVAL logo and artwork into Pagemaker, I wind up with a little eggshell white box printed around the two logos because Pagemaker doesn't recognize transparencies in an image file.
Sometimes I long for the simplicity of a drafting board and glue stick.
Technology sucks.
To wit: This is a small representation of the absolutely brilliant marketing campaign I've come up with for the company a series of posters that we will give to our customers to advertise using our product with their customers, the contractors presently engaged in rebuilding our city...
Great, right? It conveys our commitment to the region while showing that we know our stuff, and asking that people think about buying locally. Anyway, the V.P. of sales loves it and wants to make up a bunch of full sized posters (22" x 28") to distribute to all of our customers by Wednesday.
"No problem!" I optimistically think to myself as I activate photoshop. "All I have to do is make a larger image, with better resolution, and turn it into a PDF file that our local Kinko's can turn into postery goodness.
HAH! How naive I was. I put it all together, asked the computer to turn it into a PDF, and the machine bogs down; processing my request for TWO HOURS only to tell me that it can't do it.
Computers suck. They suck hard.
Now, I know that there are friends of mine out there saying "But Rob, why didn't you just use Pagemaker to do it?" I did on the rough draft I gave to my boss to display in his office. the problem is that in incorporating the JOVAL logo and artwork into Pagemaker, I wind up with a little eggshell white box printed around the two logos because Pagemaker doesn't recognize transparencies in an image file.
Sometimes I long for the simplicity of a drafting board and glue stick.
Monday, May 12, 2008
The generation gap widens...
When you're sick for an extended period of time, things that are not yours find their way magically into your desk. As a result of this phenomenon, today I found myself using a wooden ruler since the first time since grade school.
It was one of the old school ones with a little strip of brass embedded into the edge to keep it straight... a curiosity in a world that has moved on to superhard plastics and ceramic composite drafting tools that never lose their edge no matter how many times you tap the desk in thought with them. I commented to my co-worker that they don't really make them like that anymore, which prompted the following exchange as I returned her ruler:
Me: Here's your antiquated ruler back...
Her: Antiquated? What do you mean?
Me: Well, it's tough to find them... most of the world has moved on to plastic.
Her: It's just a simple wooden ruler, Rob... you can buy them in any office supply store.
Me: Yeah, and you can buy two rocks to bang together in a garden store, but personally I'd rather use a lighter.
I suppose it's a good thing I didn't find a slide rule in my desk or my laughter would have put me in the hospital with a worse case of pleurisy than I already have.
It was one of the old school ones with a little strip of brass embedded into the edge to keep it straight... a curiosity in a world that has moved on to superhard plastics and ceramic composite drafting tools that never lose their edge no matter how many times you tap the desk in thought with them. I commented to my co-worker that they don't really make them like that anymore, which prompted the following exchange as I returned her ruler:
Me: Here's your antiquated ruler back...
Her: Antiquated? What do you mean?
Me: Well, it's tough to find them... most of the world has moved on to plastic.
Her: It's just a simple wooden ruler, Rob... you can buy them in any office supply store.
Me: Yeah, and you can buy two rocks to bang together in a garden store, but personally I'd rather use a lighter.
I suppose it's a good thing I didn't find a slide rule in my desk or my laughter would have put me in the hospital with a worse case of pleurisy than I already have.
So, Rob... How's the ex?
Still batty as a freaking bedbug, as evidenced by the following myspace bulletin posted by her sister:
On Saturday, me and my mom and my schizophrenic sister were driving home and then a drunk driver quickly drove in front of us! he was in a big truck with a Copeland boat connected to the back. My mom looked at him and said she was almost sure it was Al Copeland's son! Well we quickly stopped when the truck drove in front of us. My sister rolled down her window and yelled "SEX POT F@#KHEAD!" at him. This made him very mad, so he started trying to hit us with his boat by trying to back it into our car. Eventually we just backed up until the boat was no longer a threat and he eventually drove away. The entire time my mom and sister were dramatically screaming! After the incident, they started talking about philosophy and how Jesus spared our lives.
It was an exciting experience!
I'll bet. It's remembering "excitement" like this that still wakes me up in the middle of the night thanking god that I finally realized I needed to move on with my life. I've been struggling with whether I should tell the ex that I'm
about to get married again... but then I hear about things like this and I can't help but think that keeping her out of my life completely is the way to go. Maybe I'll just tell her sister, and let her tell her.
On Saturday, me and my mom and my schizophrenic sister were driving home and then a drunk driver quickly drove in front of us! he was in a big truck with a Copeland boat connected to the back. My mom looked at him and said she was almost sure it was Al Copeland's son! Well we quickly stopped when the truck drove in front of us. My sister rolled down her window and yelled "SEX POT F@#KHEAD!" at him. This made him very mad, so he started trying to hit us with his boat by trying to back it into our car. Eventually we just backed up until the boat was no longer a threat and he eventually drove away. The entire time my mom and sister were dramatically screaming! After the incident, they started talking about philosophy and how Jesus spared our lives.
It was an exciting experience!
I'll bet. It's remembering "excitement" like this that still wakes me up in the middle of the night thanking god that I finally realized I needed to move on with my life. I've been struggling with whether I should tell the ex that I'm
about to get married again... but then I hear about things like this and I can't help but think that keeping her out of my life completely is the way to go. Maybe I'll just tell her sister, and let her tell her.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Inlaw Tech support
I'm on the road to recovery from the pneumonia I wound up with... the bad news is that I still had to miss almost three weeks of work. God willing, I should be able to go back next week.
Anyway, I'm riding to the doctors office the other day with Silverfox when she gets a call from her Mom, who wants to move her computer desk, but doesn't know if she can just unplug it and move it or not. She tells Silvermama that it should be fine, as long as she turns it off first. problem is, she's not sure how to do do that. Silverfox tells her to pull up the start menu and click on "turn computer off". Silvermama can't seem to do it.
Well, as amazing and talented as she is, Silverfox can't deal with this and drive without running us into a canal, so she hands me the phone.
Me: "Tech support..."
Her:"I'm looking at the screen and it's blank."
Me:"Is it on?"
Her:"I don't know."
Me: "push the switch on the base of the monitor."
Her:"A light came on. It's blue."
Me: "that's good. It should come right up."
Her:"Wait. it just turned orange. is that bad?"
Me:"No. it's just in standby mode. Move the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard and it should come up."
Her: "Does it matter which key?"
Me:"No. tap on any of them."
Her: "Nothing's happening."
Me: "Really?"
Her:"Just the orange light, sugar."
Me: "silvermama, look at the front of the CPU. are any lights on?"
Her:"The what?"
Me:"The tower under the desk. Is there a blue light on in front of it?"
Her:"No."
Me: (trying not to laugh) "your computer is already off. just unplug it if you want to move it."
Her:"It was already off?"
Me: "Yep."
Her: "Lord help me... I hate these machines."
I tell her it's alright and chuckle before hanging up the phone. Silverfox just looks at me and shakes her head before cracking up.
Anyway, I'm riding to the doctors office the other day with Silverfox when she gets a call from her Mom, who wants to move her computer desk, but doesn't know if she can just unplug it and move it or not. She tells Silvermama that it should be fine, as long as she turns it off first. problem is, she's not sure how to do do that. Silverfox tells her to pull up the start menu and click on "turn computer off". Silvermama can't seem to do it.
Well, as amazing and talented as she is, Silverfox can't deal with this and drive without running us into a canal, so she hands me the phone.
Me: "Tech support..."
Her:"I'm looking at the screen and it's blank."
Me:"Is it on?"
Her:"I don't know."
Me: "push the switch on the base of the monitor."
Her:"A light came on. It's blue."
Me: "that's good. It should come right up."
Her:"Wait. it just turned orange. is that bad?"
Me:"No. it's just in standby mode. Move the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard and it should come up."
Her: "Does it matter which key?"
Me:"No. tap on any of them."
Her: "Nothing's happening."
Me: "Really?"
Her:"Just the orange light, sugar."
Me: "silvermama, look at the front of the CPU. are any lights on?"
Her:"The what?"
Me:"The tower under the desk. Is there a blue light on in front of it?"
Her:"No."
Me: (trying not to laugh) "your computer is already off. just unplug it if you want to move it."
Her:"It was already off?"
Me: "Yep."
Her: "Lord help me... I hate these machines."
I tell her it's alright and chuckle before hanging up the phone. Silverfox just looks at me and shakes her head before cracking up.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Some funny on a friday...
From the DOA management: We apologize for the dearth in posts, but Rob has been wrestling with pneumonia for the past week or so. He has assured us that regular posts will resume as soon as he can reach the keyboard without falling over. Now on to today's joke:
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Culinary pet peeves... (continued from yesterday)
I'll tell ya... there's only one thing worse than the one post you make in about a month glitching after it leaves the cell phone... when a dear friend takes the time to poke fun at you for it. (see the comments from yesterday's post)
Yes, I'm looking at you Lauren.
Anyway... to continue... I'm not what you call a refined diner. Beer and pizza suits me just as well as wine and tapas. I do know however, what I like and dislike about restaurants... even more so with restaurants I go to all the time. Generally, I enjoy a well prepared meal and passable service... I'm not one to send stuff back to the kitchen, but a poor meal will usually factor into whether I go to that particular place again. I also don't feel that I hold wait staff to some ideal... people in that profession have it pretty rough, and I try to remember that.
Then there are things that just piss me off. I've noticed that this happens more often when I'm not dining in, but getting something to bring home with me. Still, these are my pet peeves...
Pet peeve #1: When I go into an ethnic restaurant, and the person taking the order assumes that just because I can't pronounce the name of the dish correctly, that I have no idea what I'm ordering. It irritates me even more when I just order the number of the dish off the menu and they still question me with "You sure that's what you want? That's noodles, not rice." It's called "being worldly" toots, look it up when you get home and you'll see a picture of me. Now get off my case and fetch me my number 23 pronto before I start cursing in italian.
Pet peeve #2: When I order a meal for six people and they give me one fork. While I appreciate that someone of my carriage is often assumed to have an exceptional appetite, I am not going to eat six entrees and two appetizers by myself. Maybe I'm just being a little over sensitive, but this really insults me. I am a man, not an eating machine.
Pet peeve #3: When the person behind the counter insists I haven't ordered enough. "do you want fries with that?" is one thing... but when I order something without rice, noodles, or bread, who are you to tell me "You big man. you eat rice."? I used to go to this one Chinese place that did this to me constantly when I worked in the french quarter.
Pet peeve #4: When a waiter acts irritated when I ask what's in a dish, or for specifics about how it's prepared. I'm usually asking because I have food allergies and I'm embarrassed enough that I have to ask, so lose that freaking attitude. My Mom is allergic to soy and corn, so she has to do this all the time... I wonder how she deals with it.
Pet peeve #5: When I'm in the drive through and the person on the other end of the speaker says anything but "Welcome to (our fast food joint) may I take your order?" Anything else just confuses me, especially in the morning before I've had my coffee. There's a McD's not far from where I work where they say "What can I make for you this morning?" every time. No "Welcome." No "Good morning." Just some pain in the ass piece of homespun crapola that I have to get her to repeat twice before it registers in my head. GOD, THIS BUGS ME!!!! I was tempted to write to McDonalds and complain about it, but realized my opinions matter to McDonalds about as much as a field mouse matters to the President of the United States, which is to say not at all.
Okay. End of rant.
Yes, I'm looking at you Lauren.
Anyway... to continue... I'm not what you call a refined diner. Beer and pizza suits me just as well as wine and tapas. I do know however, what I like and dislike about restaurants... even more so with restaurants I go to all the time. Generally, I enjoy a well prepared meal and passable service... I'm not one to send stuff back to the kitchen, but a poor meal will usually factor into whether I go to that particular place again. I also don't feel that I hold wait staff to some ideal... people in that profession have it pretty rough, and I try to remember that.
Then there are things that just piss me off. I've noticed that this happens more often when I'm not dining in, but getting something to bring home with me. Still, these are my pet peeves...
Pet peeve #1: When I go into an ethnic restaurant, and the person taking the order assumes that just because I can't pronounce the name of the dish correctly, that I have no idea what I'm ordering. It irritates me even more when I just order the number of the dish off the menu and they still question me with "You sure that's what you want? That's noodles, not rice." It's called "being worldly" toots, look it up when you get home and you'll see a picture of me. Now get off my case and fetch me my number 23 pronto before I start cursing in italian.
Pet peeve #2: When I order a meal for six people and they give me one fork. While I appreciate that someone of my carriage is often assumed to have an exceptional appetite, I am not going to eat six entrees and two appetizers by myself. Maybe I'm just being a little over sensitive, but this really insults me. I am a man, not an eating machine.
Pet peeve #3: When the person behind the counter insists I haven't ordered enough. "do you want fries with that?" is one thing... but when I order something without rice, noodles, or bread, who are you to tell me "You big man. you eat rice."? I used to go to this one Chinese place that did this to me constantly when I worked in the french quarter.
Pet peeve #4: When a waiter acts irritated when I ask what's in a dish, or for specifics about how it's prepared. I'm usually asking because I have food allergies and I'm embarrassed enough that I have to ask, so lose that freaking attitude. My Mom is allergic to soy and corn, so she has to do this all the time... I wonder how she deals with it.
Pet peeve #5: When I'm in the drive through and the person on the other end of the speaker says anything but "Welcome to (our fast food joint) may I take your order?" Anything else just confuses me, especially in the morning before I've had my coffee. There's a McD's not far from where I work where they say "What can I make for you this morning?" every time. No "Welcome." No "Good morning." Just some pain in the ass piece of homespun crapola that I have to get her to repeat twice before it registers in my head. GOD, THIS BUGS ME!!!! I was tempted to write to McDonalds and complain about it, but realized my opinions matter to McDonalds about as much as a field mouse matters to the President of the United States, which is to say not at all.
Okay. End of rant.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Culinary pet peeve #1.
When I go into an ethnic restaurant and the person taking my order assumes i have no idea wh
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Monday, March 24, 2008
Some funny for a Monday...
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."
"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."
"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Friday, March 07, 2008
Some funny on a friday...
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Some funny on a thursday....
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.
"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question
"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Some funny on a wednesday...
Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"
"I'd rather not say who it was."
"Was it with Betty Smith?"
"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.
"Yes, and two very good leads!"
Boy, I wish I'd thought of this first...
I don't know why I found Garfield Minus Garfield so funny, but I laughed pretty heartily at it.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Absolutely amazing....
The following sight snapped with my cameraphone on my morning commute last Friday is familiar to most of us around election time... particularly in the south, where the weather is generally good enough to allow for such things. A bunch of campaign volunteers out on the street corner of a busy intersection waving signs, in the vain hope that it will prompt you to suddenly slap yourself in the head and say "WOW! SOMEONE WAVING A SIGN! I need to vote for that guy!" Normally, I just ignore these folks, drive happily by and continue not giving a damn. Friday was different though, because in this picture is something I have never seen before.
I know that the resolution sucks, but if you look closely, you will see that the gentleman in the red and blue tie is Mr. Steve Scalise, candidate for my local congressional seat (left vacant when Bobby Jindal was made governor of Louisiana) . That's right... it's not just a bunch of dumbass volunteers waving furiously to keep from freezing on a blustery Louisiana morning... the actual CANDIDATE is out there with them, smiling and waving at passerby. I double checked this fact by looking at his website, and sure enough it was him.
It's refreshing that a candidate for public office is humble enough to actually stand side by side with those campaigning for him. It shows character and humility. The man's got my vote.
Of course, this is probably exactly why he did it, and I have just been manipulated royaly. Is it just me? Would this make a difference to you?
I know that the resolution sucks, but if you look closely, you will see that the gentleman in the red and blue tie is Mr. Steve Scalise, candidate for my local congressional seat (left vacant when Bobby Jindal was made governor of Louisiana) . That's right... it's not just a bunch of dumbass volunteers waving furiously to keep from freezing on a blustery Louisiana morning... the actual CANDIDATE is out there with them, smiling and waving at passerby. I double checked this fact by looking at his website, and sure enough it was him.
It's refreshing that a candidate for public office is humble enough to actually stand side by side with those campaigning for him. It shows character and humility. The man's got my vote.
Of course, this is probably exactly why he did it, and I have just been manipulated royaly. Is it just me? Would this make a difference to you?
Okay, so it's been a while.
I'm thinking that a lot of you are out there wondering why this blog has been so quiet lately... well, I've been busy focusing my creative efforts in other directions, and so that means that something had to give. Unfortunately, it was my blog that cracked under the pressure like a fat guy sitting on a watermelon.
Being a Writer with a blog is very different from being a blogger that writes. While I love my blog in that it gives me a creative channel to use when I really, really need to write, it is also a bit of a distraction when I'm trying to write something more substantial. The short of it is that I'm working on something, and on top of it i've been buisier at work lately too, leaving me no time to blog. I'd love to hear from other writers that have blogs about how they manage it.
But enough excuses... How is everyone? I'm fine, if a little worn around the edges. I'm still working on how to manage to write ten pages a day while balancing family and work... but Silverfox has been really encouraging about my writing efforts and that helps a lot. It isn't easy being in love with a writer as I understand it... it's a fairly solitary thing for the most part, even when it seems like I'm napping on the couch, I'm really fitting plot details together like legos in my head to spit out onto the screen later. It's my process, and it works for me...but loved ones don't usually understand this. To much of the world, it seems i'm being lazy, or procrastinating... they offer platitudes about writers block, even though I sit there and assure them that when I'm ready to write it, I'll write it.
But not Silverfox. She's been extremely patient as she tries to get a grip on how I work on something like a screenplay. Yes, occasionally she'll chide me when she knows I'm putting off writing to spend time with the kids, but I can tell it's only cause she's worried that i'm not getting any "Me" time.
It's really kinda awsome :)
I have a lot more to talk about, so today may be a multiple entry day. We'll see how it all shapes up as my day progresses.
Being a Writer with a blog is very different from being a blogger that writes. While I love my blog in that it gives me a creative channel to use when I really, really need to write, it is also a bit of a distraction when I'm trying to write something more substantial. The short of it is that I'm working on something, and on top of it i've been buisier at work lately too, leaving me no time to blog. I'd love to hear from other writers that have blogs about how they manage it.
But enough excuses... How is everyone? I'm fine, if a little worn around the edges. I'm still working on how to manage to write ten pages a day while balancing family and work... but Silverfox has been really encouraging about my writing efforts and that helps a lot. It isn't easy being in love with a writer as I understand it... it's a fairly solitary thing for the most part, even when it seems like I'm napping on the couch, I'm really fitting plot details together like legos in my head to spit out onto the screen later. It's my process, and it works for me...but loved ones don't usually understand this. To much of the world, it seems i'm being lazy, or procrastinating... they offer platitudes about writers block, even though I sit there and assure them that when I'm ready to write it, I'll write it.
But not Silverfox. She's been extremely patient as she tries to get a grip on how I work on something like a screenplay. Yes, occasionally she'll chide me when she knows I'm putting off writing to spend time with the kids, but I can tell it's only cause she's worried that i'm not getting any "Me" time.
It's really kinda awsome :)
I have a lot more to talk about, so today may be a multiple entry day. We'll see how it all shapes up as my day progresses.
Monday, February 18, 2008
The smartest TV shows of all time?
I came across this story on the internet where A big MENSA muck-a-muck (Jim Werdell, chairman of MENSA international) made a list of what he thinks are the smartest TV shows of all time. This is a topic I hold very near and dear to my heart, because in addition to being a fairly smart guy, I also watch a great deal more TV than I should. I was extremely surprised by most of his list, which I'll share with you instead of making you read the story:
Top ten smartest shows of all time (in no particular order):
What's on this list bothers me, but less than the glaring ommisions bother me. There is no mention of ANY sci-fi show, for starters... and you can't tell me that the new Battlestar Galactica isn't just as smart as many on this list. Also, while I appreciate CSI, you're not gonna sit there and tell me that it's smarter than Columbo or Monk. I like that Cosmos is on there, but where the heck is NOVA? And excuse me, but Mad About You? All this list really shows me is that MENSA membership is not rewarded because of good taste.
In any event, I have come up with my own list of the ten smartest shows of all time, in no particular order:
1. Northern Exposure- Smart and vibrant characters were the hallmark of this show ten years before anyone heard of Gilmore Girls. If you are unfimiliar with this show, I highly advise checking it out.
2. The Twilight Zone- It's one thing to be smart, it's another thing entirely to be as consistantly smart as Rod Serling week after week, with entirely new characters and situations.
3. Soap- This show was so smart and so ahead of it's time, it couldn't find the audience it needed to survive. It had among other things the first openly Gay regular character in prime time.
4. Mythbusters- Educating and entertaining. Need I say more?
5. Dr Who- With complex plots, characters, historical accuracy, and flair, Dr. Who manages to be smart by simply never talking down to it's audience.
6. NOVA- the first and still the greatest PBS science show ever produced.
7. Dead Like Me-It always bothers me that this show never seems to get its due. It's very smart and clever in it's execution, and in the way it examines how we as a species deal with our own mortality.
8. House- Smart and very, very funny. Still I wonder how many unusual cases they can come up with before he starts treating common colds and such...
9. Firefly- Just edged out Galactica for a spot on my list. The details of this show are what make it smart... the amount of thought that went into creating the 'Verse that the crew of Serenity lives in are an uncommonly rich and full world for us to explore.
10. The Daily Show- Not only smart, but consitantly edgy. Political satire isn't easy to do, but they do it really, really well without talking down to their audience. Their coverage of "Indecision 2000" should and probably will go into the ranks of classic television.
But then again, that's just my opinion... Maybe i'm just too cool for MENSA. Discuss?
Top ten smartest shows of all time (in no particular order):
1. M*A*S*H
2. Cosmos (with Carl Sagan)
3. CSI
4. House
5. West Wing
6. Boston Legal
7. All in the Family
8. Frasier
9. Mad About You
10. Jeopardy
What's on this list bothers me, but less than the glaring ommisions bother me. There is no mention of ANY sci-fi show, for starters... and you can't tell me that the new Battlestar Galactica isn't just as smart as many on this list. Also, while I appreciate CSI, you're not gonna sit there and tell me that it's smarter than Columbo or Monk. I like that Cosmos is on there, but where the heck is NOVA? And excuse me, but Mad About You? All this list really shows me is that MENSA membership is not rewarded because of good taste.
In any event, I have come up with my own list of the ten smartest shows of all time, in no particular order:
1. Northern Exposure- Smart and vibrant characters were the hallmark of this show ten years before anyone heard of Gilmore Girls. If you are unfimiliar with this show, I highly advise checking it out.
2. The Twilight Zone- It's one thing to be smart, it's another thing entirely to be as consistantly smart as Rod Serling week after week, with entirely new characters and situations.
3. Soap- This show was so smart and so ahead of it's time, it couldn't find the audience it needed to survive. It had among other things the first openly Gay regular character in prime time.
4. Mythbusters- Educating and entertaining. Need I say more?
5. Dr Who- With complex plots, characters, historical accuracy, and flair, Dr. Who manages to be smart by simply never talking down to it's audience.
6. NOVA- the first and still the greatest PBS science show ever produced.
7. Dead Like Me-It always bothers me that this show never seems to get its due. It's very smart and clever in it's execution, and in the way it examines how we as a species deal with our own mortality.
8. House- Smart and very, very funny. Still I wonder how many unusual cases they can come up with before he starts treating common colds and such...
9. Firefly- Just edged out Galactica for a spot on my list. The details of this show are what make it smart... the amount of thought that went into creating the 'Verse that the crew of Serenity lives in are an uncommonly rich and full world for us to explore.
10. The Daily Show- Not only smart, but consitantly edgy. Political satire isn't easy to do, but they do it really, really well without talking down to their audience. Their coverage of "Indecision 2000" should and probably will go into the ranks of classic television.
But then again, that's just my opinion... Maybe i'm just too cool for MENSA. Discuss?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Best. Year. Ever.
To all that posted on their blogs wishing me a happy Birthday/Robbie Gras, I thank you all for your kind wishes and warm fuzzies... but I think Melinda won the comedy award this year, by saying this:
For those of you who don't know, today marks a holiday celebrated throughout the United Federation of Planets, Robbie Gras! Today, the great and powerful Rob has completed yet another trip around Sol. But don't give him too much credit. The planet did most of the work.
Short, to the point and very, very funny. I laughed for at least five minutes.
Robbie Gras 2008 started out for me at 5 am with my clock radio belting out my favorite Billy Joel song. Silverfox even rolled over and said "Wow... that's kinda weird... Your favorite song on your birthday?"
"Through Robbie Gras, all things are possible, my dear."
We went out to the Metarie Parade Route to set up Camp Kahunah, (Pictured below with Brouhaha in front of the tiki god acting like his usual ham-tastic self.)
Note the palm tree cooler and tiki god... it was quite a sight.
I sat out on the parade route by myself for a while to reserve our territory, as Silverfox had to head back home to load up the food, kids, and my Dad. As I watched others clamber about in the early morning light setting up folding chairs, tents and ladders I had some time to think.
This has been an extraordinary year to be Rob... and it's only February. I'm finally getting the hang of this "Dad" thing, My birthday fell on Mardi Gras which fell on "super Tuesday", I'm with an incredible, funny, charming woman that can cook an equally incredible barbeque meal for me and thirty of my closest friends, my Dad came down to visit for the first time in years, the Giants won the effing super bowl, and had their victory parade on my birthday as well.
I'm truly beginning to think that somebody up there likes me.
For those of you who don't know, today marks a holiday celebrated throughout the United Federation of Planets, Robbie Gras! Today, the great and powerful Rob has completed yet another trip around Sol. But don't give him too much credit. The planet did most of the work.
Short, to the point and very, very funny. I laughed for at least five minutes.
Robbie Gras 2008 started out for me at 5 am with my clock radio belting out my favorite Billy Joel song. Silverfox even rolled over and said "Wow... that's kinda weird... Your favorite song on your birthday?"
"Through Robbie Gras, all things are possible, my dear."
We went out to the Metarie Parade Route to set up Camp Kahunah, (Pictured below with Brouhaha in front of the tiki god acting like his usual ham-tastic self.)
Note the palm tree cooler and tiki god... it was quite a sight.I sat out on the parade route by myself for a while to reserve our territory, as Silverfox had to head back home to load up the food, kids, and my Dad. As I watched others clamber about in the early morning light setting up folding chairs, tents and ladders I had some time to think.
This has been an extraordinary year to be Rob... and it's only February. I'm finally getting the hang of this "Dad" thing, My birthday fell on Mardi Gras which fell on "super Tuesday", I'm with an incredible, funny, charming woman that can cook an equally incredible barbeque meal for me and thirty of my closest friends, my Dad came down to visit for the first time in years, the Giants won the effing super bowl, and had their victory parade on my birthday as well.
I'm truly beginning to think that somebody up there likes me.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Robbie Gras prep...
I've been a little busy lately, what with Dad in town and Mardi Gras parades, that I haven't posted in a while... Still I had to share the cake that Silverfox made me for tomorrow with the world:
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Robbie Gras 2008
Friends, compadres, well wishers, and true funk soldiers...
As many of you are well aware, the stars and planets have aligned to make it that Robbie Gras (my birthday) and Mardi Gras will both fall upon February 5 this year. The Krewe of Kahunah will be celebrating this rare event in style this year on the metarie parade route. Pops Kahunah and I are feverishly working on resurecting my beloved paper mache tiki god from the ashes just for the occasion, and the lovely Silverfox is woking on special "Krewe of Kahunah" medalions as well.
We will be eating, drinking and enjoying the wonders of mardi gras at Camp Kahunah, which will be located on the Veterans neutral ground across from houstons. We will have much food, drink and good times to offer any that wish to join us, but more food, drink and good times are always welcome.
All who read these words are invited to attend, and we hope to see you there. Please RSVP with either me or Silverfox.
As many of you are well aware, the stars and planets have aligned to make it that Robbie Gras (my birthday) and Mardi Gras will both fall upon February 5 this year. The Krewe of Kahunah will be celebrating this rare event in style this year on the metarie parade route. Pops Kahunah and I are feverishly working on resurecting my beloved paper mache tiki god from the ashes just for the occasion, and the lovely Silverfox is woking on special "Krewe of Kahunah" medalions as well.
We will be eating, drinking and enjoying the wonders of mardi gras at Camp Kahunah, which will be located on the Veterans neutral ground across from houstons. We will have much food, drink and good times to offer any that wish to join us, but more food, drink and good times are always welcome.
All who read these words are invited to attend, and we hope to see you there. Please RSVP with either me or Silverfox.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Dad in his element
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Adventures in parenting...
From the Big Book of parental lessons, Volume 1... Why you should never give your child a cardboard mailing tube:
Pint Size had endless fun wacking me with it over and over again. You'll note that instead of helping me avoid further pummelling, Silverfox took pictures. Clicking on it will pull up the animated version of my humiliation at the hands of a toddler. I refuse to take that test circulating the internet of "How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight". The answer is none.
Pint Size had endless fun wacking me with it over and over again. You'll note that instead of helping me avoid further pummelling, Silverfox took pictures. Clicking on it will pull up the animated version of my humiliation at the hands of a toddler. I refuse to take that test circulating the internet of "How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight". The answer is none.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
After an I.V. ...
Ya wanna check that again, doc?
Friday, January 04, 2008
In 2008, less is more...
In 2008, rather than make any resolutions that I'll just abandon by Robbie Gras, I have decided I will instead try to do the following:
Eat less, exercise more.
Drive less, walk more.
Work less, write more.
Worry less, laugh more.
Watch TV less, read more.
Plan less, travel more.
Complain less, do more.
Hate less, Love more.
I'll let you know how it goes :)
Eat less, exercise more.
Drive less, walk more.
Work less, write more.
Worry less, laugh more.
Watch TV less, read more.
Plan less, travel more.
Complain less, do more.
Hate less, Love more.
I'll let you know how it goes :)
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
The full story....A red hot New Year's eve
It all started out to be a fun and happening New Year's eve, with a nice diverse crowd showing up for our party... here we see Dizzy, Fin, and Finwife reasonably in the spirit... what is Finwife looking off camera at you ask?
She's looking at my nominees for "Cutest couple of the new year"... Mrs and Mr Ringo! They were just adorable last night.
So we got together in the parking lot of the complex to watch the fireworks... being surrounded by rich folk has it's benefits, because at midnight, the entire skyline around us exploded with color as they all tried to outdo each other. It was pretty spectacular. After midnight, Silverfox gathered everyone together to toast the new year and give thanks for the past one. I admit, I blushed a bit when Silverfox said that she was thankful for finding a man that taught her the "true meaning of being rich beyond words." Pretty sure she meant me, I joked around a bit and for my toast, said "Back at ya toots. To a loving home and the company of friends." It continued around the room, and I realized that 2007 was an incredible year for so many that touch my life. It was a heartwarming moment, and a great start to the new year. We entertained our guests till about 2:30, playing board games and such.
Silverfox and I then cuddled together on the couch, chatting a bit about our hopes and goals for the new year, when we heard someone going door to door pounding on all the doors in the condo complex. Before he got to our door I stuck my head out, and was told that our building was on fire. Apparently, embers from the local fireworks alighted upon the roof of the building, and had been smoldering there since midnight. From the other side of the pool, Silverfox and I watched as our New Years hopes we had been talking about just moments before were in danger of going up in smoke, quite literally.
She's looking at my nominees for "Cutest couple of the new year"... Mrs and Mr Ringo! They were just adorable last night. 
So we got together in the parking lot of the complex to watch the fireworks... being surrounded by rich folk has it's benefits, because at midnight, the entire skyline around us exploded with color as they all tried to outdo each other. It was pretty spectacular. After midnight, Silverfox gathered everyone together to toast the new year and give thanks for the past one. I admit, I blushed a bit when Silverfox said that she was thankful for finding a man that taught her the "true meaning of being rich beyond words." Pretty sure she meant me, I joked around a bit and for my toast, said "Back at ya toots. To a loving home and the company of friends." It continued around the room, and I realized that 2007 was an incredible year for so many that touch my life. It was a heartwarming moment, and a great start to the new year. We entertained our guests till about 2:30, playing board games and such.Silverfox and I then cuddled together on the couch, chatting a bit about our hopes and goals for the new year, when we heard someone going door to door pounding on all the doors in the condo complex. Before he got to our door I stuck my head out, and was told that our building was on fire. Apparently, embers from the local fireworks alighted upon the roof of the building, and had been smoldering there since midnight. From the other side of the pool, Silverfox and I watched as our New Years hopes we had been talking about just moments before were in danger of going up in smoke, quite literally.
Three fire engines full of Kenner's bravest responded to the scene, and got the fire under control fairly quickly (quickly being about twenty of the longest minutes I have ever spent)
For a while there, it looked like we would have to find somewhere else to stay for a few days, as the fire damaged the building's electrical system... but the fire marshal inspected the wiring, and said that we were clear to go back in. Some of our neighbors weren't so lucky, as the fire damaged three of the units in the building.
Our adrenaline pumping in overtime, Silverfox and I chatted some more before falling asleep, and I told her that when it comes down to it, all of the stuff that was in danger were really just things... that the most important thing in my life was standing next to me by the pool that night.
Uncharacteristically mushy, I know... But she was right. We are truly rich in ways beyond monetary or property value. It will be a great year... no matter what life throws at us.
In other news, Pint size learned to climb all the way up the stairs in the condo. (Nearly gave Silverfox a heart attack) till he slowly and carefully started climbing back down again. We're so proud.
The morning after...
New years fireworks...
Friday, December 28, 2007
The last Meme of the year...
Culled from RPP’s Blog, just before Melinda tagged me for it anyway…
The 2007 meme- What you do is take the first sentence of the first post of each month for the whole year… doing so will cause you to see some great revalation and enlighten your way into being one with the bloggosphere or something. I don’t know. It still sounded cool, though… so here goes:
January- Apparently, we have a bit of a situation here in southeast
February- Culled from the Back Porch: The Thursday Thresome is a weekly meme of three silly but related questions... enjoy!
March- WARNING: This blog entry may not be suitable for children. Parental discretion is advised.
April- As many of you know, it is one of my lifelong goals to pull off a sensational hoax.
May- Over on Trading Up, I am off to a rousing start in my quest for a boat, and I couldn't be happier.
June- A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside
July-This clip is enough to make me buy this product immediately, and a box for everyone I know.
August- I’ve got a fever that only a Play-Doh Cowbell can cure.
September- Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year.
October- I hate being sick.
November- For those of you that don't know, November is National Blog Posting Month.
December- I did it!!!!
My Great revelation: I joke around a lot.
Wait, that’s no revelation. I feel gypped. :(
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Fun with photoshop...
A few people have asked me about the photoshop web site I mentioned last week, Worth 1000. Specifically, they wanted to know what kind of stuff I have produced for their contests...
the first one I entered was "stained glass 3" which was to create a stained glass window you'd never see in a church...
I like the way it came out, but I don't think I got the face to look glassy enough. The next one was "out of their environment" for which I put a cow on a glacier...
The next one I entered was "soap bubble world" which had you replace any element of an image with a soap bubble... the hot air balloon seemed an obvious choice...
The most recent one I entered asked you to add extra limbs or appendages to any image, thus the giraffapede:
I have more, but Blogger only lets me post so much at a time... I think I've gotten better over time, tho...
the first one I entered was "stained glass 3" which was to create a stained glass window you'd never see in a church...
I like the way it came out, but I don't think I got the face to look glassy enough. The next one was "out of their environment" for which I put a cow on a glacier...
The next one I entered was "soap bubble world" which had you replace any element of an image with a soap bubble... the hot air balloon seemed an obvious choice...
The most recent one I entered asked you to add extra limbs or appendages to any image, thus the giraffapede:
I have more, but Blogger only lets me post so much at a time... I think I've gotten better over time, tho...
Sweeter...
Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Although I would have been more psyched if I was Gigantor...
How dumb am I?
Like, I'm real dumb. Totally!
Quoth the web quiz: "If you're lucky, your abject stupidity will become the stuff of legend. For decades to come, people will recall how you ran into a lamppost at your cousin's barbecue, or how you brought the world to the brink of nuclear war by peeing into Jiang Zemin's bidet.
Not that you know who Jiang Zemin is. Or what a bidet is. Fool."
How Dumb Are You?
A Rum and Monkey stupidity.
Quoth the web quiz: "If you're lucky, your abject stupidity will become the stuff of legend. For decades to come, people will recall how you ran into a lamppost at your cousin's barbecue, or how you brought the world to the brink of nuclear war by peeing into Jiang Zemin's bidet.
Not that you know who Jiang Zemin is. Or what a bidet is. Fool."
How Dumb Are You?
A Rum and Monkey stupidity.
Sweeet.
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
I really wish I could say I'm surprised...
Monday, December 24, 2007
A very geeky Christmas- part 12- Norad tracking santa...
For those of you that don't know, NORAD tracks Santa's trip around the world using the latest satellite technology to follow Rudolph's nose. Short Stuff and I have been checking on his progress every few hours, but when we saw that St, Nick had hit Mexico, we decided that Short stuff and Pint size needed to be in bed.
For those of you that have never heard the story, a department store in Colorado accidentally printed a NORAD phone number as a "Santa hot line" one holiday season. As a result, hundreds of kids called NORAD instead of the recording the store had set up. Rather than be grumpy about it, the NORAD staff told each child that called that they were tracking Santa's sleigh, and it was heading their way soon. NORAD volunteers have done the same thing every year since.
Now, I have a date on the sofa with Silverfox and some egg nog while we watch the fire burn low... But to all that read these words, May your Christmas find you wherever you are, and may you have as much Joy and Peace this holiday season as you desire.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
For those of you that have never heard the story, a department store in Colorado accidentally printed a NORAD phone number as a "Santa hot line" one holiday season. As a result, hundreds of kids called NORAD instead of the recording the store had set up. Rather than be grumpy about it, the NORAD staff told each child that called that they were tracking Santa's sleigh, and it was heading their way soon. NORAD volunteers have done the same thing every year since.
Now, I have a date on the sofa with Silverfox and some egg nog while we watch the fire burn low... But to all that read these words, May your Christmas find you wherever you are, and may you have as much Joy and Peace this holiday season as you desire.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
A very geeky Christmas- part 11- Klingon Christmas carols...
Just so you know, the University of Saint Paul, Minnesota did s complete adaptation of "a Christmas Carol" in Klingon this year... But in the pots title, I really mean Christmas Carols that Klingons would sing.
The Klingon Christmas Song
("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire....")
Phasers flashing in the depths of space,
Ripping up an airtight hull;
Signs of fear on you enemy's face,
And life-support signs reading null!
Ev'rybody knows a Romulan's a spineless foe
Who lacks the Klingon will to fight!
Phaser beams set his torso aglow --
He'll find it hard to breathe tonight!
He knows that Gowron's on his way
And soon he'll be the object of the verb "to slay"!
And ev'ry slinking Rom and Pakled spy
Will soon be the subject of the verb "to die"!
And so, I'm offering this simple threat
To Feds, and all those Cardies, too:
You'll be as dead as a life-form can get --
Merry Christmas to you!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Klingon Beast of Burden
Translated by Nick Nicholas
ghIch Doq ghaj wa' 'er *ru'Dov*.
bochqu' ghIchDaj 'e' vIDIS.
chaq 'ervam leghchugh neH vay',
"wewqu' ghIchvam" jatlhu'nIS.
HaghtaH 'ej reH luvaqtaH
'ermey latlh Hoch, bejtaHDI'.
'er Quj vay' jeS-choH *ru'Dov*,
chIch reH 'e' lu-tuch naSwI'!
qaSSI' *QISmaS* 'eng ram nung,
'a jatlh *SantatlhoS*:
"ghIch wewqu'wI' ru'DovwIj,
DujwIj'e' DaHjaj HIchIj!"
tugh jupDaj DachoH 'ermey.
Quchqu'choH 'ej jach 'er Hoch:
"ghIch Doq Daghajbogh *ru'Dov*,
quv'a'lIj'e' not wItlhoch!"
The Klingon Christmas Song
("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire....")
Phasers flashing in the depths of space,
Ripping up an airtight hull;
Signs of fear on you enemy's face,
And life-support signs reading null!
Ev'rybody knows a Romulan's a spineless foe
Who lacks the Klingon will to fight!
Phaser beams set his torso aglow --
He'll find it hard to breathe tonight!
He knows that Gowron's on his way
And soon he'll be the object of the verb "to slay"!
And ev'ry slinking Rom and Pakled spy
Will soon be the subject of the verb "to die"!
And so, I'm offering this simple threat
To Feds, and all those Cardies, too:
You'll be as dead as a life-form can get --
Merry Christmas to you!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Klingon Beast of Burden
Translated by Nick Nicholas
ghIch Doq ghaj wa' 'er *ru'Dov*.
bochqu' ghIchDaj 'e' vIDIS.
chaq 'ervam leghchugh neH vay',
"wewqu' ghIchvam" jatlhu'nIS.
HaghtaH 'ej reH luvaqtaH
'ermey latlh Hoch, bejtaHDI'.
'er Quj vay' jeS-choH *ru'Dov*,
chIch reH 'e' lu-tuch naSwI'!
qaSSI' *QISmaS* 'eng ram nung,
'a jatlh *SantatlhoS*:
"ghIch wewqu'wI' ru'DovwIj,
DujwIj'e' DaHjaj HIchIj!"
tugh jupDaj DachoH 'ermey.
Quchqu'choH 'ej jach 'er Hoch:
"ghIch Doq Daghajbogh *ru'Dov*,
quv'a'lIj'e' not wItlhoch!"
Saturday, December 22, 2007
A very geeky Christmas- part 10- the Star Wars holiday special
I have been a Geeky Christmas guy for a very long time. While moving into the new digs, I came across my "Christmas in the stars" album. It was a record of Star-Wars themed christmas songs like the immortal "What do you buy a wookie when he already has a comb?". I don't really know what disturbed me more... the fact that I had this album or the fact that it was on Compact Disc.
I'll just let that sink in for a minute...
The other great Geek Christmas memory I have is the "Star Wars Christmas Special" that only aired once in 1978. I remember it vividly, but it was never re-released (Lucas was embarrassed by it). Fortunately, through the magic of the internet and Youtube...
I'll just let that sink in for a minute...
The other great Geek Christmas memory I have is the "Star Wars Christmas Special" that only aired once in 1978. I remember it vividly, but it was never re-released (Lucas was embarrassed by it). Fortunately, through the magic of the internet and Youtube...
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