* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
* Tag five other people to do the same
"Be Prepared. Have a pre-determined plan and necessary supplies. Turn on soft music, watch a funny video, or meditate.
Comforting Children: Children experience relief if adults have taken reasonable precautions to protect them from harm. Adults should manage their own anxiety."
Excerpt from "The real yellow pages", specifically, their hurricane and severe weather planner section.
By the powers invested in me, I hereby tag:
Silverfox
brouhahah
Drew
Java Foo Foo
dreamwalker
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Yarr.... it be that time o' the year, matey....
Arrrr! Today be talk like a pirate day. Much thanks to Mama Janet fer pointin out the fact, or I probably would have forgotten it, like the landlubber I am.
As many of you are frightfully aware, tis my tradition t'tell a funny or interestin' story from my briny past in the style of a pirate on this happiest of days...
This one be the tale of a devil of a storm called Gustav, which caused me and mine t'run fer the hills lest we be sent to the bottom of Davey Jones' locker. Durin our voyage into the heart of Mississippi, me beauty, (Silverfox), and our boy, (Short Stuff) were fallin victim to a sense of dread that only sailors feel as they leave port fer the last time.
To take their minds off of our perdicament, I told them to think "EGBAR".
"Egbar?" Me beauty asked, never hearing the term before, "What in the seven seas is egbar?"
"Tis an acronym, my sweet." I said, "Stands fer 'Everything is Gonna Be All Right'. Egbar!"
"Egbar!" Short Stuff shouted from the back seat in a merry voice.
"Egbar!" Silverfox agreed. And so we drove on inta the night.
Twas a longer voyage than we had figured to get to safe harbor that night, and as fatigue began to wrap its scurvey arms around me, I got snippy with Silverfox (about something that was of no consequence, no less) and we began to argue. We were glaring at each other when Short stuff piped up from the back seat:
"Mom! Dad! Egbar!"
Yar... we both smiled at each other and laughed, the fog lifting from our hearts like a calm morning on the north atlantic. The boy spoke the wisdom of an old salt...
Next time ye be under stress with you and yours, take a lesson from the child, and remind yerself that Everything is Gonna Be All Right... for years from now, you and yer mates will be drinking rum and singing shantys about that day.
Now... all together... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Multiple languages, and perfect for "talk like a pirate day"...
or, for you old traditionalists...
As many of you are frightfully aware, tis my tradition t'tell a funny or interestin' story from my briny past in the style of a pirate on this happiest of days...
This one be the tale of a devil of a storm called Gustav, which caused me and mine t'run fer the hills lest we be sent to the bottom of Davey Jones' locker. Durin our voyage into the heart of Mississippi, me beauty, (Silverfox), and our boy, (Short Stuff) were fallin victim to a sense of dread that only sailors feel as they leave port fer the last time.
To take their minds off of our perdicament, I told them to think "EGBAR".
"Egbar?" Me beauty asked, never hearing the term before, "What in the seven seas is egbar?"
"Tis an acronym, my sweet." I said, "Stands fer 'Everything is Gonna Be All Right'. Egbar!"
"Egbar!" Short Stuff shouted from the back seat in a merry voice.
"Egbar!" Silverfox agreed. And so we drove on inta the night.
Twas a longer voyage than we had figured to get to safe harbor that night, and as fatigue began to wrap its scurvey arms around me, I got snippy with Silverfox (about something that was of no consequence, no less) and we began to argue. We were glaring at each other when Short stuff piped up from the back seat:
"Mom! Dad! Egbar!"
Yar... we both smiled at each other and laughed, the fog lifting from our hearts like a calm morning on the north atlantic. The boy spoke the wisdom of an old salt...
Next time ye be under stress with you and yours, take a lesson from the child, and remind yerself that Everything is Gonna Be All Right... for years from now, you and yer mates will be drinking rum and singing shantys about that day.
Now... all together... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Multiple languages, and perfect for "talk like a pirate day"...
or, for you old traditionalists...
Monday, September 15, 2008
V-v-v-ote P-p-p-alin.
I laughed for five minutes at this "Get Fuzzy" cartoon:
The reason, (I am ashamed to admit) is that the first Palin I thought of when I heard about McCain's pick for running mate was Michael Palin as well. (Moreso because I actually knew of the Alaskan Governor before the big announcement) It just disappoints me that no one has made any "A Fish Called Wanda" jokes, choosing instead to go with the more obvious Monty Python gags.
Still, "NOBODY expects the Alskan Politician!" is pure comic genius.
The reason, (I am ashamed to admit) is that the first Palin I thought of when I heard about McCain's pick for running mate was Michael Palin as well. (Moreso because I actually knew of the Alaskan Governor before the big announcement) It just disappoints me that no one has made any "A Fish Called Wanda" jokes, choosing instead to go with the more obvious Monty Python gags.Still, "NOBODY expects the Alskan Politician!" is pure comic genius.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Friends and family...
For those of you concerned that I have not contacted personally... Me, Silverfox, and the boys evacuated on friday before Gustav hit the gulf coast south of New Orleans. Once again thanks to Drew and Stacey, me and mine were sheltered from the storm in beautiful Brandon, MS.
As far as going home goes, it's a little more complicated... Power and essential services are out across the area, but we have heard our Condo is fine, apparently minus one fireplace cap. We're not sure when we will be returning, as the Boys are a handful even with working power and toilets.
Not gonna lie to you, folks... this one was scary. More so now that I have a full on family to worry about. Silverfox and I have had a few discussions at this point about possibly moving out of the gulf south.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Came across this...
I laughed for at least five minutes about this anecdote on snopes.com and just had to share it.
Remember as you read it that these people can vote.
Remember as you read it that these people can vote.
Friday, August 15, 2008
The Wedding... (also known as the best day of my life)
Well, it's official... even though at times the entire universe seemed to be trying to stop us, on 8/8/08, Silverfox and I tied the knot in Fountainebleu state park.
I guess that makes the score Rob 1, universe 100,000,000,000.
To Recap: When last we left our hero, he had managed to get officially divorced from psychoex, and skipped merrily from there to the courthouse to get a marriage license. (By my watch, that means I was legally a bachelor for all of 32 minutes, 17 seconds... barely enough time to scratch myself and belch a few times.) The judge at the courthouse waived the requirement for his birth certificate, and the required 72 hour waiting period so that he and his true love could tie the knot all legal- like. On the way home form the courthouse however, further perils awaited our intrepid duo as their faithful truck started making horrible clunking sounds and had to be put down (the rear differential went out... a 7638 to 1 probability).
The next day was spent mostly entertaining my high school chum that had flown in for the wedding, and insisting that Silverfox not stress out about cleaning Casa Kahunah. She met my buddy and I later in Starbucks, after taking the time out to get her hair done. I swear, she looked like her blood pressure was about to make Krakatoa look like a bottle rocket.
"Honey?" I asked innocently, "Why are you stressing so hard about the condo being clean? It's not like the wedding is there."
"No," Silverfox said, "But if your aunt and uncle are coming in from out of town, they'll want to stay there..."
"Look Foxy..." I said, trying to put her mind at ease, "there is no way my Aunt and Uncle are crazy enough to try to make that trip. It's a 22 hour drive!"
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Yep." I said, pulling out my cell phone, "Here... let me call them right now so you'll know that Uncle Lou is safe on his couch watching American Chopper."
Except of course, he wasn't. My Aunt Jo, (god love her) had decided that she was not going to miss her godson's second wedding, so she jumped into the car and drove for two and a half days to make it. She intended on just showing up and surprising us at the park, but my Cousin Jessie spilled the beans on the phone when I called.
So, the morning of the wedding was more stressful than I had hoped, but I was still stoked that I was actually going to have some family there. There were a million and one things that needed doing, people that needed rides to the ceremony co-ordinated for them, a bridesmaid that backed out at the last minute due to a death in the family. My brain was racing at about warp 3 and in the middle of it all, I remembered something that I had left undone at work. So I call my co-worker Mama Janet, who had already handled what I had called about, and gave me some advice that would be my mantra for the day:
"At the end of the day, you'll still be married. Just keep reminding yourself that."
We got to the park, and it was a beautiful day... it was overcast enough that everyone was cool and comfortable. Silverfox decided that rather than get hitched on the beach, we should have the ceremony at the pavilion that we rented for the reception. After a few bumps in the road (Confusion about the dress code and the time of the ceremony, our grillmaster coming in at the last minute) Silverfox made herself scarce to change into her wedding dress, while I sat around chatting with my friends and trying not to look nervous:
After an eternity, the Reverend Captain David Brou Haydel greeted our assembled guests with a cheery "Aloha!":
Yes, I still look nervous, I know. We had no music as our wedding party approached our makeshift altar or as each of them made a traditional blessing to our wedding, but Dave had everyone hum "here comes the bride" when Silverfox came out of hiding and was escorted by her brother to my side: 
Boy, Charlotte (lower right) sure looks happy that we're getting married, don't she? to be fair, that is her kid on the table in front of her, about to make a break for it.
To continue...
God, she was beautiful... I felt weak just looking at her as Dave began my vows.
"Rob, You have the right to remain silent."
(big laugh from the crowd)
At this point... and I swear I am not kidding here... the distant sound of thunder interrupted the ceremony. Everyone laughed at the timing, but I wondered silently to myself if the universe was a little pissed off that we made it to this moment despite everything it had thrown at us. We exchanged rings, and before I could blink, we were pronounced Kahunah and Wahini.
The torches behind us, while most would think were just there to set the mood, served a larger function... one was there to represent Silverfoxes Dad, who passed away a few years ago. The others were there to represent my parents and brother, who couldn't make it down for the ceremony.
Our wedding cake was almost too cute to cut into:
But we did, and it was yummy. The surf board cookies around the edge were wonderful.
The reception was informal, but exhausting... here is pint size falling asleep on a friend of our family as proof...
According to the ranger at the front gate, 50 people attended our wedding... not too shabby for a Friday afternoon.
It seemed like it took forever for Silverfox and I to get to the B&B we had booked for our wedding night, but it was totally worth it. The room was beautiful, and the innkeeper had some snacks and champagne waiting for us.
As we lounged together in the swimming pool outside our room with a blanket of stars above us, I looked at the ring on my finger and realized that Mama Janet was right... here it was, the end of the day, and we were married.
Thank you to everyone that pitched in that day, and everyone that came to celebrate the moment with us. Your thank you cards will be in the mail soon.
Next time, I'll tell you about my Aunts New Orleans adventures, and her first gay pride parade.
I guess that makes the score Rob 1, universe 100,000,000,000.
To Recap: When last we left our hero, he had managed to get officially divorced from psychoex, and skipped merrily from there to the courthouse to get a marriage license. (By my watch, that means I was legally a bachelor for all of 32 minutes, 17 seconds... barely enough time to scratch myself and belch a few times.) The judge at the courthouse waived the requirement for his birth certificate, and the required 72 hour waiting period so that he and his true love could tie the knot all legal- like. On the way home form the courthouse however, further perils awaited our intrepid duo as their faithful truck started making horrible clunking sounds and had to be put down (the rear differential went out... a 7638 to 1 probability).
The next day was spent mostly entertaining my high school chum that had flown in for the wedding, and insisting that Silverfox not stress out about cleaning Casa Kahunah. She met my buddy and I later in Starbucks, after taking the time out to get her hair done. I swear, she looked like her blood pressure was about to make Krakatoa look like a bottle rocket.
"Honey?" I asked innocently, "Why are you stressing so hard about the condo being clean? It's not like the wedding is there."
"No," Silverfox said, "But if your aunt and uncle are coming in from out of town, they'll want to stay there..."
"Look Foxy..." I said, trying to put her mind at ease, "there is no way my Aunt and Uncle are crazy enough to try to make that trip. It's a 22 hour drive!"
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Yep." I said, pulling out my cell phone, "Here... let me call them right now so you'll know that Uncle Lou is safe on his couch watching American Chopper."
Except of course, he wasn't. My Aunt Jo, (god love her) had decided that she was not going to miss her godson's second wedding, so she jumped into the car and drove for two and a half days to make it. She intended on just showing up and surprising us at the park, but my Cousin Jessie spilled the beans on the phone when I called.
So, the morning of the wedding was more stressful than I had hoped, but I was still stoked that I was actually going to have some family there. There were a million and one things that needed doing, people that needed rides to the ceremony co-ordinated for them, a bridesmaid that backed out at the last minute due to a death in the family. My brain was racing at about warp 3 and in the middle of it all, I remembered something that I had left undone at work. So I call my co-worker Mama Janet, who had already handled what I had called about, and gave me some advice that would be my mantra for the day:
"At the end of the day, you'll still be married. Just keep reminding yourself that."
We got to the park, and it was a beautiful day... it was overcast enough that everyone was cool and comfortable. Silverfox decided that rather than get hitched on the beach, we should have the ceremony at the pavilion that we rented for the reception. After a few bumps in the road (Confusion about the dress code and the time of the ceremony, our grillmaster coming in at the last minute) Silverfox made herself scarce to change into her wedding dress, while I sat around chatting with my friends and trying not to look nervous:
After an eternity, the Reverend Captain David Brou Haydel greeted our assembled guests with a cheery "Aloha!":
Yes, I still look nervous, I know. We had no music as our wedding party approached our makeshift altar or as each of them made a traditional blessing to our wedding, but Dave had everyone hum "here comes the bride" when Silverfox came out of hiding and was escorted by her brother to my side: 
Boy, Charlotte (lower right) sure looks happy that we're getting married, don't she? to be fair, that is her kid on the table in front of her, about to make a break for it.To continue...
"Mawidge is the weason we are gaddered here two day. For Wov…True Wov is what this couple found, and they have come here today to unite and take on wife as one force." Dave began, "And if you don't know why that's funny, you're probably at the wrong wedding."
Silverfox and I had written the entire ceremony ourselves, and I was really happy when most of our friends said the line "Wov, true Wov" along with Dave.
Dave continued after the laughter died down, making it through the sand ceremony with the kids, adding a few song lyrics of his own, but making it quickly to the vows.
"Cheri, do you take Rob to be your husband, and promise to put up with his stupid jokes, encourage his dreams of being a rock star/super hero/scientist/writer, and just let him win every third argument?"
(big laugh from the crowd)
"I do." She said as I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Do you also promise to put up with his fanboy obsessions and quirks, let him have the remote and cherish him with devoted love and faithfulness from this day forward to infinity and beyond?"
(another laugh at the Toy Story reference)
"I do."
"Are you sure?"
(another big laugh)
"Yes."
God, she was beautiful... I felt weak just looking at her as Dave began my vows.
"Rob, You have the right to remain silent."
(big laugh from the crowd)
"Anything you say can and will be held against you for the rest of your life. You have the right to cry on her shoulder whenever you need to. If you cannot afford undermining your masculinity in this way, you are allowed to vent your frustrations during your gaming sessions or pre-approved guy nights. Under no circumstances are you permitted to self medicate with street pharmaceuticals, however social drinking will be tolerated in pre-designated rationing.
You can decide at any time from this moment on to terminate this union but fear her wrath and the wrath of all in attendance should you choose to do so. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"
"I Do."
"And knowing this, to you still take her to be your wife, and to love and cherish her to infinity and beyond?"
"I Do."
At this point... and I swear I am not kidding here... the distant sound of thunder interrupted the ceremony. Everyone laughed at the timing, but I wondered silently to myself if the universe was a little pissed off that we made it to this moment despite everything it had thrown at us. We exchanged rings, and before I could blink, we were pronounced Kahunah and Wahini.
The torches behind us, while most would think were just there to set the mood, served a larger function... one was there to represent Silverfoxes Dad, who passed away a few years ago. The others were there to represent my parents and brother, who couldn't make it down for the ceremony.Our wedding cake was almost too cute to cut into:
But we did, and it was yummy. The surf board cookies around the edge were wonderful.The reception was informal, but exhausting... here is pint size falling asleep on a friend of our family as proof...
According to the ranger at the front gate, 50 people attended our wedding... not too shabby for a Friday afternoon.It seemed like it took forever for Silverfox and I to get to the B&B we had booked for our wedding night, but it was totally worth it. The room was beautiful, and the innkeeper had some snacks and champagne waiting for us.
As we lounged together in the swimming pool outside our room with a blanket of stars above us, I looked at the ring on my finger and realized that Mama Janet was right... here it was, the end of the day, and we were married.
Thank you to everyone that pitched in that day, and everyone that came to celebrate the moment with us. Your thank you cards will be in the mail soon.
Next time, I'll tell you about my Aunts New Orleans adventures, and her first gay pride parade.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
One step forward, two steps back:
)Good news- got the divorce final and the marriage licence. Bad news- on the way
--
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Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Great... thanks to neumerology...
China is all jumping on our bandwason, but not without consequences.
I already knew that the opening day of the Bejing olympics was scheduled for my and Silverfoxes wedding day, but this is going a little too far...
So, I'm reading the news today and I come across this article about how the Chinese are all tripping over themselves to get married on 8-8-08. Apparently, due to a quirk of their language, the date sounds like "money, money, money!"
But then it gets worse... the article goes on to say:
My birthday: 2-5-70
Silverfoxes birthday: 1-5-71
2+5+7+0
+ 1+5+7+1
______________
3+10-14+1= 8!
You see, this is why numerology sucks... you can make numbers say whatever you want them to by being a little clever. It reminds me of an old Abbott and Costello sketch:
The fact of the matter is that 8/8/08 will contain the happiest moment of my life, No matter what the numbers say.
I already knew that the opening day of the Bejing olympics was scheduled for my and Silverfoxes wedding day, but this is going a little too far...
So, I'm reading the news today and I come across this article about how the Chinese are all tripping over themselves to get married on 8-8-08. Apparently, due to a quirk of their language, the date sounds like "money, money, money!"
But then it gets worse... the article goes on to say:
But, as China has learnt to its cost in a turbulent 2008, not all is positive energy in the Year of the Rat, which also symbolises the turbulent relationship between earth and water.
China was hit by crippling blizzards at the start of the year, rioting erupted in Tibet which prompted worldwide protests surrounding the Olympic torch relay and then the Sichuan earthquake struck.
Those grim milestones for China had an intriguing symmetry.
The snowstorms struck on 25/01. 2+5+1=8.
The Tibet riots erupted on 14/03. 1+4+3=8.
The earthquake struck on 12/05. 1+2+5=8. That was also 88 days before the start of the Olympics.
"The number eight can be negative as well," Lo warned -- and the worst may not be over.
Oh, but it gets much worse... My divorce from the ex was supposed to be final on 9-15-05...
9-1+5-05= 8!
that's creepy... but still worse...
The ex's birthday was 11-03..
11-3=8
My birthday: 2-5-70
Silverfoxes birthday: 1-5-71
2+5+7+0
+ 1+5+7+1
______________
3+10-14+1= 8!
You see, this is why numerology sucks... you can make numbers say whatever you want them to by being a little clever. It reminds me of an old Abbott and Costello sketch:
The fact of the matter is that 8/8/08 will contain the happiest moment of my life, No matter what the numbers say.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Really neat toy... Nearly latte, yo...
I found a link to an anagram generator, ( Internet Anagram Server = Isn't rearrangement rave?) and spent at least an hour typing things in...
Among the more interesting ones for "Robert Cerio":
"Orbiter Core", "Erotic Borer", and "Rob tore rice"
Among the more interesting ones for "Dogs of Atlantis":
"Fatalist Godson", "a tasting floods", "looting ads fast", "Fatal dingo toss" and "Analog dot fists"
UPDATE: Ooooo... If I type in "Rob and Cheri" it comes up ""Brand Heroic" and "Carbide Horn" I wonder if Silverfox would go for those as baby names when the time comes?
Among the more interesting ones for "Robert Cerio":
"Orbiter Core", "Erotic Borer", and "Rob tore rice"
Among the more interesting ones for "Dogs of Atlantis":
"Fatalist Godson", "a tasting floods", "looting ads fast", "Fatal dingo toss" and "Analog dot fists"
UPDATE: Ooooo... If I type in "Rob and Cheri" it comes up ""Brand Heroic" and "Carbide Horn" I wonder if Silverfox would go for those as baby names when the time comes?
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Some funny on a saturday...
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?" "Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?" "Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..." "What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?" "Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Some funny on a thursday....
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wedding woes...
For those of you that have been wondering about the wedding, it's still on... but there are a lot of issues that have cropped up that have put everything in jeopardy. After much deliberation, Silverfox and I have decided that it's okay to make the recent stumbling blocks we've hit public knowledge.
And I'm not talking small "speed bump in the wal-mart parking lot" stumbling blocks, either... I'm talking "Someone flew the Matterhorn in and expects you to climb it, fat boy" kinda stumbling blocks.
I don't even know where to begin... Many of you know about Silverfoxs Back problems, of course, Silverfox found out then that her wedding dress no longer fit (she has put on a little weight due to her back problems) So she orders a bigger one, and it doesn't fit either...
Still, we soldiered on... the dress thing sucks, but isn't insurmountable, right?
Then we found out that none of my family (including my brother/best man) is gonna be able to make it to the ceremony. I admit that I was dissapointed, but I understood completely... with gas at 4 bucks a gallon, I'll be lucky if I can make it to the wedding. After Silverfox and I talked about it, it seemed like we should still go ahead with it all (particularly with the idea of taking a trip up to new york for a second reception for my family bringing a smile to both our faces) My friend Janet has even offered to stand in for my Mom.
Even when Silverfoxes bridesmaids all tried to bail on us at the same time (figuring that my side was now a man short... a condition which only lasted the three minutes until I could contact a backup groomsman) we still were going through with it.
But then her uncle Vic had a stroke, and his house was the one we were planning on using as a staging area for the wedding (because he's only 5 minutes away from the location). Still, her uncle Leo had offered to pitch in and do all the grilling for us as a wedding gift... so we were still all gung-ho about it.
With love in our hearts and optimism in our step, last week we head down to the courthouse for the marriage license only to find out that we don't have the proper paperwork... specifically , our divorce papers and birth certificates. Silverfox freaked out a little (She lost most of the paperwork during Katrina) but I wasn't worried. All it would take is a phone call to the clerk of court for the divorce stuff, and an internet search to get a copy of my birth certificate (lost in a move, I think).
Except of course that to get a birth certificate over the internet (or phone) you need a debit card in the name of the person who needs the certificate, and my bank suspended mine when I had pneumonia. Still, I figured no problem... I can talk to the judge and maybe he can waive the requirement... So I call the county clerk and tell them I need a copy of my divorce papers.
They tell me that I'm not divorced at all, but still married to my ex wife.
You see, I had been told by my lawyer friend that all I had to do was file for divorce, wait 180 days, and the court system would take care of the rest... they would eventually mail me something that said 'you are officially divorced' to prove it. I fully intended on calling the court on the date (September 18th, 2005) and making sure that was what would happen. Unfortunately on August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall and things were absolute chaos down at the courthouse for months. Still, I had been assured that my divorce should now be legal and binding, (in fact, Stacey and Drew took me out on sept 18th for drinks to celebrate) so I didn't think to follow up on it.
So I ask the clerk what I have to do to clear this up, and they refuse to tell me because that would constitute 'Legal Advice' and I could sue them. I then called my friend, who tells me what I need to do (file for judgment) and exactly how to say this to the clerk of court. I call them back and they say 'you can't do that without a lawyer'.
I somehow restrain myself from buying a rifle and finding a clocktower, and figure at this point I have to somehow explain this to Silverfox. I thought for a moment that I should first hide her tazer, but then simply decided to do it over the phone (Tazers don't work over phone lines, do they?) . She was surprisingly understanding about it...but immediately rushes down to the courthouse to make sure that she's actually divorced (she is). I could still tell that it upsets her, and I vow to make this right somehow.
So I talk to a different lawyer, and he tells me that he thinks he can clear this up, but I'm gonna need the ex's co-operation to do so.
I haven't spoken to The ex in over a year at this point, and had no good contact info on her either. So I call her Mom, who tells me she ain't telling me nothing, my ex is in no condition to deal with any of this, and she (the mom) will only talk to my attorney. (I still don't officially have one because the guy who said he could clear it up said it was contingent on the ex's cooperation..) So I ask her what she means by "unable to deal", mostly out of concern. She again requests that my attorney call her, and hangs up on me.
After nearly breaking half the bones in my wrist and hand punching Silverfox's marble topped table in frustration, I have my Lawyer friend (the one who gave me the divorce advice to begin with) call her. He finds out Charity's in the loony bin again, (commited or just another two week vacation? your guess is as good as mine) but for sure unable to consent to anything legaly.
My hopes for settling this quickly evaporated like a puff of smoke flying out of a Dragon's butt after eating too many mexicans.
Silverfox and I talked it over (while I wished to myself that I was a widower rather than a non-divorcee) and decided that going forward with the ceremony was the thing to do... sure, it wouldn't be super official, but we have friends already coming in from out of town, deposits on the location, and the sincere desire to commit to each other... a bonus would be that we could later have the legally binding ceremony up in NY with my family present...
Of course, Janet isn't sure how she feels about going from "stand in mother of the groom" to "Stand in mother of the polygamist".
Then Silverfoxes Uncle Leo got hospitalized after a car accident. He's stable, but probably won't make the wedding. This left us without any food for what we estimate to be around thirty guests.
As the icing on the cake, Silverfox has been summoned for Jury Duty on the day of the wedding. Sure, getting married would be enough to get her out of it, but they're gonna want to see the Marriage license. It doesn't help her state of mind (or mine) that her Mom keeps telling her that she should postpone the wedding, and her brother has refused to walk her down the aisle.
Though, on the beach we won't really have an aisle...
Ever feel like somebody was trying to tell you something?
The short of it is that we're still going through with it... weither or not it will be legal and if I will be a bigamist or not is questionable. But I'll tell ya... if a hurricane or tropical storm even so much as twitches in our direction the week of the wedding they may have to fit both me and Silverfox for adjoining rubber rooms in the nuthouse next to the ex.
Update: The second Lawyer informed me today that because of the exs condition, he would need a 1500 dollar retainer to tackle this, but I should be prepared to face court costs of 3000 bucks. Also, because the papers were filed back in 2005, we would have to start the whole thing from scratch. That's just freaking lovely.
And I'm not talking small "speed bump in the wal-mart parking lot" stumbling blocks, either... I'm talking "Someone flew the Matterhorn in and expects you to climb it, fat boy" kinda stumbling blocks.
I don't even know where to begin... Many of you know about Silverfoxs Back problems, of course, Silverfox found out then that her wedding dress no longer fit (she has put on a little weight due to her back problems) So she orders a bigger one, and it doesn't fit either...
Still, we soldiered on... the dress thing sucks, but isn't insurmountable, right?
Then we found out that none of my family (including my brother/best man) is gonna be able to make it to the ceremony. I admit that I was dissapointed, but I understood completely... with gas at 4 bucks a gallon, I'll be lucky if I can make it to the wedding. After Silverfox and I talked about it, it seemed like we should still go ahead with it all (particularly with the idea of taking a trip up to new york for a second reception for my family bringing a smile to both our faces) My friend Janet has even offered to stand in for my Mom.
Even when Silverfoxes bridesmaids all tried to bail on us at the same time (figuring that my side was now a man short... a condition which only lasted the three minutes until I could contact a backup groomsman) we still were going through with it.
But then her uncle Vic had a stroke, and his house was the one we were planning on using as a staging area for the wedding (because he's only 5 minutes away from the location). Still, her uncle Leo had offered to pitch in and do all the grilling for us as a wedding gift... so we were still all gung-ho about it.
With love in our hearts and optimism in our step, last week we head down to the courthouse for the marriage license only to find out that we don't have the proper paperwork... specifically , our divorce papers and birth certificates. Silverfox freaked out a little (She lost most of the paperwork during Katrina) but I wasn't worried. All it would take is a phone call to the clerk of court for the divorce stuff, and an internet search to get a copy of my birth certificate (lost in a move, I think).
Except of course that to get a birth certificate over the internet (or phone) you need a debit card in the name of the person who needs the certificate, and my bank suspended mine when I had pneumonia. Still, I figured no problem... I can talk to the judge and maybe he can waive the requirement... So I call the county clerk and tell them I need a copy of my divorce papers.
They tell me that I'm not divorced at all, but still married to my ex wife.
You see, I had been told by my lawyer friend that all I had to do was file for divorce, wait 180 days, and the court system would take care of the rest... they would eventually mail me something that said 'you are officially divorced' to prove it. I fully intended on calling the court on the date (September 18th, 2005) and making sure that was what would happen. Unfortunately on August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall and things were absolute chaos down at the courthouse for months. Still, I had been assured that my divorce should now be legal and binding, (in fact, Stacey and Drew took me out on sept 18th for drinks to celebrate) so I didn't think to follow up on it.
So I ask the clerk what I have to do to clear this up, and they refuse to tell me because that would constitute 'Legal Advice' and I could sue them. I then called my friend, who tells me what I need to do (file for judgment) and exactly how to say this to the clerk of court. I call them back and they say 'you can't do that without a lawyer'.
I somehow restrain myself from buying a rifle and finding a clocktower, and figure at this point I have to somehow explain this to Silverfox. I thought for a moment that I should first hide her tazer, but then simply decided to do it over the phone (Tazers don't work over phone lines, do they?) . She was surprisingly understanding about it...but immediately rushes down to the courthouse to make sure that she's actually divorced (she is). I could still tell that it upsets her, and I vow to make this right somehow.
So I talk to a different lawyer, and he tells me that he thinks he can clear this up, but I'm gonna need the ex's co-operation to do so.
I haven't spoken to The ex in over a year at this point, and had no good contact info on her either. So I call her Mom, who tells me she ain't telling me nothing, my ex is in no condition to deal with any of this, and she (the mom) will only talk to my attorney. (I still don't officially have one because the guy who said he could clear it up said it was contingent on the ex's cooperation..) So I ask her what she means by "unable to deal", mostly out of concern. She again requests that my attorney call her, and hangs up on me.
After nearly breaking half the bones in my wrist and hand punching Silverfox's marble topped table in frustration, I have my Lawyer friend (the one who gave me the divorce advice to begin with) call her. He finds out Charity's in the loony bin again, (commited or just another two week vacation? your guess is as good as mine) but for sure unable to consent to anything legaly.
My hopes for settling this quickly evaporated like a puff of smoke flying out of a Dragon's butt after eating too many mexicans.
Silverfox and I talked it over (while I wished to myself that I was a widower rather than a non-divorcee) and decided that going forward with the ceremony was the thing to do... sure, it wouldn't be super official, but we have friends already coming in from out of town, deposits on the location, and the sincere desire to commit to each other... a bonus would be that we could later have the legally binding ceremony up in NY with my family present...
Of course, Janet isn't sure how she feels about going from "stand in mother of the groom" to "Stand in mother of the polygamist".
Then Silverfoxes Uncle Leo got hospitalized after a car accident. He's stable, but probably won't make the wedding. This left us without any food for what we estimate to be around thirty guests.
As the icing on the cake, Silverfox has been summoned for Jury Duty on the day of the wedding. Sure, getting married would be enough to get her out of it, but they're gonna want to see the Marriage license. It doesn't help her state of mind (or mine) that her Mom keeps telling her that she should postpone the wedding, and her brother has refused to walk her down the aisle.
Though, on the beach we won't really have an aisle...
Ever feel like somebody was trying to tell you something?
The short of it is that we're still going through with it... weither or not it will be legal and if I will be a bigamist or not is questionable. But I'll tell ya... if a hurricane or tropical storm even so much as twitches in our direction the week of the wedding they may have to fit both me and Silverfox for adjoining rubber rooms in the nuthouse next to the ex.
Update: The second Lawyer informed me today that because of the exs condition, he would need a 1500 dollar retainer to tackle this, but I should be prepared to face court costs of 3000 bucks. Also, because the papers were filed back in 2005, we would have to start the whole thing from scratch. That's just freaking lovely.
Some funny on a tuesday...
A Man away on buisness calls home. The Maid answers phone. He says, "Can I speak to my wife?" She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." He's mad-- so he says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." 5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?" He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home." She says, "We don't have a pool." He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Some funny on a sunday...
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
Friday, July 25, 2008
Some funny on a friday...
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Some funny on a wednesday...
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
Monday, July 21, 2008
Some funny on a monday...
A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills!! He's the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!!"
A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!!!" When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town.
As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks. He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer NOW!!" He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp. As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave.
"Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out.
"Dang it, I don't have time!!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town!!! Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin??"
A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!!!" When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town.
As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks. He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer NOW!!" He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp. As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave.
"Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out.
"Dang it, I don't have time!!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town!!! Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin??"
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Some funny on a saturday...
Fred got home from his Saturday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
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