In the morning, after I've dropped off the kids at school, I usually find myself looking to score a bit of breakfast. While ideally this would mean some time spent lingering in a diner clacking happily away on my laptop while a delightfully haggard waitress brings me cup after cup of liquid peppiness, it usually means a quick spin through a drive through.
Near my home, there are basically three options for morning nourishment... The local Starbucks, with its overpriced mochafrappawhatsis and stale croissants, The local Burger King, and the local McDonalds. The BK and McD's stand nearly opposite each other on the main drag in our neighborhood, and one could almost imagine Ronald on the rooftop of one in a sentry tower, keeping a wary eye through binoculars on King Burger as he readies his seige catapult.
Lately for breakfast I've been favoring the King for two reasons... One, it's slightly cheaper, and two, they now have an iced mocha drink that is just as tasty as anything that Starbucks has to offer down the street. As the local McD's has yet to get on the bandwagon with the rollout of the corporations new gourmet coffee machines, I am left with little actual choice in the matter.
This morning, I roll up to BK and order a Sausage Croissant with egg combo, With hash browns and an Iced Mocha.
Hesitantly, a voice came back to me over the speaker saying, "I'm sorry, sir... but we're out of sausage. We only have bacon or ham right now."
"Okay... I'll just take bacon then."
Another pause... then, "We also have no hash browns this morning."
I was beging to feel a little discriminated against as I asked why.
"Well, the fire went out on the fryer, and we can't get it to come back on."
I thought about it for a second, imagining a guy sticking his head into the darkness under the fryer and lighting a match to see where the gas leak was, then decided I would go across the street to McD's instead. I got through to the second window at McDonalds without incident, but as the girl handed me my Egg McMuffin, I noticed a sign above her window.
The sign said "Picture and Braille menus available on request". Now I ask you dear reader, does the thought of this sign make your head want to explode like it did mine?
Fact one: This sign was situated in such a way that only the driver of an SUV could see it.
Fact two: The Blind rarely drive, and furthermore, can't actually see the sign.
Fact three: It's really doubtful that anyone that needs a picture menu would be able to read the sign.
Now tell me... Who in blazes is that sign for?
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Multimedia message
One of short stuffs favorite songs is 'star trekkin' on my doctor demento cd. Here we see him singing his favorite part. He's saying 'it's worse than that he's dead, jim!'. I love my geeky kid.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
When your past catches up with you...
Because I moved here to the south in my mid twenties, I always have more of a detachment to this city and its people than most of my friends do. It's not that I don't love living here, particularly in a year that saw snow falling in my hometown on the first day of spring... it's just that a lot of the more personal connections that define how natives of a city feel about living in the city they grew up in don't tend to happen to me.
What I mean is that I'm not real likely to run into someone that knew me growing up in say, the grocery store. This is good and bad... bad in that I sometimes feel like an outsider when Silverfox runs into someone she knew from high school... but good in that the odds are astronomically against me ever being forced to uncomfortably introduce a woman I've been intimate with to Silverfox at a cocktail party. Most of the women that I have made it to second base or beyond with are safely 1500 miles away, or in the ex-wife's case probably safely behind rubberized walls.
However, I sometimes forget that I have lived here for a very long time at this point... almost 20 years when you think about it... and that sci-fi and fantasy fandom here is a much smaller group of people than where I grew up. In fact, it's really kind of surprising that Silverfox and I didn't meet sooner than we did when you consider how many mutual friends and interests we have... we even went to the same college at the same time. All it would have taken would be me deciding to check out the local Rocky Horror fandom (with a close friend that was a fixture at it) and Silverfoxes and my relationship might have been very different indeed.
So, this past weekend was CoastCon 32, a local fan run convention that both Silverfox and I sit on the governing board for, and as such we had some advance warning that some Star Wars stuff would be going on there. Knowing that Short Stuff loves Star Wars, we convinced his Bio-dad to bring the boy to the con on Saturday afternoon. We were surprised when he agreed, and said that he would bring his new girlfriend along, as she's a fangirl.
I'm guessing that you can see where I'm going here... his new flame turned out to be a girl I made out with at a con about ten years ago. I told Silverfox immediately about it, but it sill seemed a little awkward when the Bio-dad introduced us. I wasn't even positive about it, but I found out that she confessed the whole thing to Short Stuff's Dad when they got back to the car. She thought that we had slept together, but she was really drunk at the time, and probably doesn't remember that it didn't go that far.
It was a new experience for me, but now I live in mortal terror that Pint Size's Bio-dad will show up with Charity on his arm one day.
What I mean is that I'm not real likely to run into someone that knew me growing up in say, the grocery store. This is good and bad... bad in that I sometimes feel like an outsider when Silverfox runs into someone she knew from high school... but good in that the odds are astronomically against me ever being forced to uncomfortably introduce a woman I've been intimate with to Silverfox at a cocktail party. Most of the women that I have made it to second base or beyond with are safely 1500 miles away, or in the ex-wife's case probably safely behind rubberized walls.
However, I sometimes forget that I have lived here for a very long time at this point... almost 20 years when you think about it... and that sci-fi and fantasy fandom here is a much smaller group of people than where I grew up. In fact, it's really kind of surprising that Silverfox and I didn't meet sooner than we did when you consider how many mutual friends and interests we have... we even went to the same college at the same time. All it would have taken would be me deciding to check out the local Rocky Horror fandom (with a close friend that was a fixture at it) and Silverfoxes and my relationship might have been very different indeed.
So, this past weekend was CoastCon 32, a local fan run convention that both Silverfox and I sit on the governing board for, and as such we had some advance warning that some Star Wars stuff would be going on there. Knowing that Short Stuff loves Star Wars, we convinced his Bio-dad to bring the boy to the con on Saturday afternoon. We were surprised when he agreed, and said that he would bring his new girlfriend along, as she's a fangirl.
I'm guessing that you can see where I'm going here... his new flame turned out to be a girl I made out with at a con about ten years ago. I told Silverfox immediately about it, but it sill seemed a little awkward when the Bio-dad introduced us. I wasn't even positive about it, but I found out that she confessed the whole thing to Short Stuff's Dad when they got back to the car. She thought that we had slept together, but she was really drunk at the time, and probably doesn't remember that it didn't go that far.
It was a new experience for me, but now I live in mortal terror that Pint Size's Bio-dad will show up with Charity on his arm one day.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Why it pays to know me....
It has been said that I have an effect on those around me, and generally it's a good one... case in point: This is a photo of my friend Ducky taken just after we became friends:
And this is a photo of Ducky taken this past weekend at Coastcon 32:
Any questions?
And this is a photo of Ducky taken this past weekend at Coastcon 32:
Any questions?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Why do I always get the comedians?
Today in a fit of sympathy for my wife, I went to the pharmacy for her... on the way out the door, she also said she needed some "feminine protection".
"A pink flamethrower?" I asked before she batted me in the head. I am a man that is secure enough with himself to buy pads for his woman, but not secure enough not to give her a hard time about it after all...
So I get in the car and head to the drugstore, completely unprepared for the decision that awaits me. In the "feminine hygiene" aisle, there are at least thirty seven new categories and options for these things than I remember seeing the last time a woman asked me to buy them for her. I stand there and stare for a bit... I think about it logically, trying to estimate my lady's potential for heavy to moderate flow... and then just get the cheapest ones they had.
If I'm wrong I figure she'll never have me buy them for her again... A win-win for team Cerio.
I grabbed myself a pint of my favorite ice cream to celebrate my cleverness in the face of female domination, and then went to pick up Silverfoxes prescription for her. The girl behind the counter was really sweet... if a little perky, but she said the following after seeing my purchases:
"Oh, you're so sweet to get her migraine medication, pads, and the ice cream. You know, I had the worst craving for this ice cream before my first child was born... but on the bright side, you know that she's not pregnant."
"A pink flamethrower?" I asked before she batted me in the head. I am a man that is secure enough with himself to buy pads for his woman, but not secure enough not to give her a hard time about it after all...
So I get in the car and head to the drugstore, completely unprepared for the decision that awaits me. In the "feminine hygiene" aisle, there are at least thirty seven new categories and options for these things than I remember seeing the last time a woman asked me to buy them for her. I stand there and stare for a bit... I think about it logically, trying to estimate my lady's potential for heavy to moderate flow... and then just get the cheapest ones they had.
If I'm wrong I figure she'll never have me buy them for her again... A win-win for team Cerio.
I grabbed myself a pint of my favorite ice cream to celebrate my cleverness in the face of female domination, and then went to pick up Silverfoxes prescription for her. The girl behind the counter was really sweet... if a little perky, but she said the following after seeing my purchases:
"Oh, you're so sweet to get her migraine medication, pads, and the ice cream. You know, I had the worst craving for this ice cream before my first child was born... but on the bright side, you know that she's not pregnant."
Friday, March 13, 2009
Uh-oh.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
and for my 600th post... some political humor...
For those of you that don't know or care about such things, John Stewart has been doing an awesome job lately of picking apart the financial advice of CNBC, and in particular their obnoxious financial guru, Jimmy Cramer. I've watched Cramer's show, and have been decidedly unimpressed by his use of sound effects for cheap theatrics, and am really glad that The Daily Show called this jackass out. Apparently, Cramer is intending on coming on TDS tonight to defend himself and his financial advice giving skills.
You know, if you're stupid enough to listen to these jokers on TV about where the "safe place" for your money is, maybe you deserve to have your 401k tank. At least Stewart is honest about the fact that he's just a comic at the end of the day, not a newsman.
You know, if you're stupid enough to listen to these jokers on TV about where the "safe place" for your money is, maybe you deserve to have your 401k tank. At least Stewart is honest about the fact that he's just a comic at the end of the day, not a newsman.
the latest bailout news
Apparently, even supervillians can fall on hard times with the current economic downturn...
I swear, I lost it at the part where Lex curses.
"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm - watch more funny videos
I swear, I lost it at the part where Lex curses.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Beware the minds of the youth...
One of the joys of my new Househubby existence is that I get to spend a lot more time with the kids than usual. After getting Pint Size to his bus each morning, I have the pleasure of sitting in the car with Short Stuff for about twenty minutes while we wait for his school to open. Some of the conversations I have with him during this Father-son bonding time are real mind-twisters... like this morning, for instance...
Short stuff was looking around in the cupholder for loose change when he suddenly held up a penny.
"Hey! This penny has Abraham Lincoln on it!" he said, astonished.
"That's right." I said snickering, "They all do."
"We learned about him in class! He's my favorite."
"Really?" I asked, "Why is that?"
"He was very smart, and handsome." Short Stuff said with an authoritative nod.
"You're right... he was a smart guy." I said, "What else did you learn about him?"
"He was very brave, and died a long time ago."
"Do you know how he died?"
"Old age."
"No, Shorty... President Lincoln was shot. He was the first American President to be killed in office."
Short Stuff's eyes went wide with anger. "What? By who?"
"A very bad man named John Wilkes Booth."
This enraged Short Stuff even further. "Well, They need to make him pay!"
"He did pay a long time ago, kiddo. They killed him for killing President Lincoln."
"Well, I need to find him and kill him again!"
"Son... this all happened a very long time ago. He's as dead as it gets."
"No! I need to kill him again so he won't come back as a zombie!"
Right then I was saved by the school bell from laughing in the poor kid's face.
Short stuff was looking around in the cupholder for loose change when he suddenly held up a penny.
"Hey! This penny has Abraham Lincoln on it!" he said, astonished.
"That's right." I said snickering, "They all do."
"We learned about him in class! He's my favorite."
"Really?" I asked, "Why is that?"
"He was very smart, and handsome." Short Stuff said with an authoritative nod.
"You're right... he was a smart guy." I said, "What else did you learn about him?"
"He was very brave, and died a long time ago."
"Do you know how he died?"
"Old age."
"No, Shorty... President Lincoln was shot. He was the first American President to be killed in office."
Short Stuff's eyes went wide with anger. "What? By who?"
"A very bad man named John Wilkes Booth."
This enraged Short Stuff even further. "Well, They need to make him pay!"
"He did pay a long time ago, kiddo. They killed him for killing President Lincoln."
"Well, I need to find him and kill him again!"
"Son... this all happened a very long time ago. He's as dead as it gets."
"No! I need to kill him again so he won't come back as a zombie!"
Right then I was saved by the school bell from laughing in the poor kid's face.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Overheard at the DMV...
Today, I had to go to the DMV to transfer the address of the Buick to our Kenner home. I had kept putting it off, but with Silverfoxes impending return to work looming, I realized I needed to get off my duff and return us to two-car family status. For some reason, I apparently picked the day that all of the high schoolers that just started their Driver's Ed course picked to get their learners permits. In Louisiana, the driving age starts at sixteen.
(I'm sorry, but having pubes should be a requirement to operate an automobile.)
Anyway, as I sat in the waiting room, I was privy to the following heartfelt exchange:
Dingy blond teenage girl: "I think I got one wrong. How far do you have to park from a railroad crossing?"
Her equally dingy friend checks the driver's manual: "fifty feet."
DBTG:"Fifty feet? How do they expect you to judge that?"
EDF:"I don't know."
DBTG:"Isn't that like, the length of a football field?"
EDF:"Like, I think that's fifty yards, not feet."
DBTG: "So, how far is it?"
EDF: "Well, there's three feet in a yard..."
DBTG: "So, three football fields? That's really far!"
EDF: "Yah... no one pays attention to that. People always park closer to the railroad than that."
DBTG: "What a stupid question."
All I could think of as I snickered and relayed the conversation to Silverfox via text message is that the Metro area schools have failed these girls, and our society is about to put both of them behind the wheel.
(I'm sorry, but having pubes should be a requirement to operate an automobile.)
Anyway, as I sat in the waiting room, I was privy to the following heartfelt exchange:
Dingy blond teenage girl: "I think I got one wrong. How far do you have to park from a railroad crossing?"
Her equally dingy friend checks the driver's manual: "fifty feet."
DBTG:"Fifty feet? How do they expect you to judge that?"
EDF:"I don't know."
DBTG:"Isn't that like, the length of a football field?"
EDF:"Like, I think that's fifty yards, not feet."
DBTG: "So, how far is it?"
EDF: "Well, there's three feet in a yard..."
DBTG: "So, three football fields? That's really far!"
EDF: "Yah... no one pays attention to that. People always park closer to the railroad than that."
DBTG: "What a stupid question."
All I could think of as I snickered and relayed the conversation to Silverfox via text message is that the Metro area schools have failed these girls, and our society is about to put both of them behind the wheel.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Underdog Begins
I spent most of this morning creating this animation on a new website I discovered. it was a lot of fun, but Silverfox is really tired of the Underdog theme now... I may try a Star Trek one next.
GoAnimate.com: Underdog Begins
Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!
GoAnimate.com: Underdog Begins
Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Spreading the love...
I made this for Silverfox as a Valentines day gift... She loved it, and I'm fairly proud of it.
A few Valentines Day Memes...
Today, Silverfox and I will be spending some quality time together. I decided to do a quick post just to spread the love, but don't want to take too much time from my lady. Enjoy the memes...
Your Valentine's Day Personality is Practical |
 As far as you're concerned, Valentine's Day is simply a commercial holiday. You don't place any real meaning on it. You don't think it deserves too much celebration. For you, Valentine's Day is just the day you avoid restaurants and candy stores. If you love someone, you already show it. You don't need to go all out for a silly holiday to prove your love. |
Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
 A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Paging Dr. Love...
Last night, we wound up making another trip to children's hospital because Pint Size was having a bit of respiratory distress after his surgery. It seems that one of the many wonderful mutations that kids with Downs get to live with is a narrow esophagus. He's fine now, as they pumped him up with a weeks worth of steroids and a bit of epinephrine. Still, this ER trip wasn't without its entertainment value... the on duty pediatrician last night was one Andrew Love, M.D.
That's right kids... Pint Size was being healed by Doctor Love.
I kept trying not to snicker, especially when the doc had to stick Pint Size with a needle, and my brain kept screaming at me "My boy is getting a shot from Dr. Love three days before Valentine's day!!! Bwah-hah-ha!!!" Every time Silverfox asked me to go find the man, a chorus of Motley Crue's "Calling Dr. Love" strted playing in my head over and over again.
I couldn't help before they discharged us to tell the good Doctor that I imagined he takes a great deal of ribbing for his name this time of year... he just grinned and replied "Yeah... I won't work on Valentines day."
That's right kids... Pint Size was being healed by Doctor Love.
I kept trying not to snicker, especially when the doc had to stick Pint Size with a needle, and my brain kept screaming at me "My boy is getting a shot from Dr. Love three days before Valentine's day!!! Bwah-hah-ha!!!" Every time Silverfox asked me to go find the man, a chorus of Motley Crue's "Calling Dr. Love" strted playing in my head over and over again.
I couldn't help before they discharged us to tell the good Doctor that I imagined he takes a great deal of ribbing for his name this time of year... he just grinned and replied "Yeah... I won't work on Valentines day."
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Again with the hospital...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Strange dreams indeed...
This post is dedicated to the queen of weird dreams, my pal Stacey.
The other night, my loving wife fed me a meatloaf sandwich in bed to make up for the fact that she was making me sit through "RuPaul's Drag Race" before bedtime. It is a sad fact that if Silverfox has one weakness, it is for cheesy reality shows featuring drag queens being catty to one another. Me, I couldn't care less which dude looks more like a chick, and I fell asleep thinking about how Pint Size needed his school uniforms washed the next day.
My subconcious (as anyone who has slept in my vacinity will tell you) is notorious for being suggestable when I'm sleeping. The combination of drag queens, meatloaf, and my worries about my youngest son led to a dream that kind of looked like the following:
In the dream, Pint Size was a contestant on the show, and came toddling down the runway in front of RuPaul and his/her judges in a lovely blue chiffon dress. He paused for a moment at the end of the runway and yelled "DA DA DA-DA DA!" at them before toddling right back. Sadly, Pint size got eliminated at the end of the show, and started crying loudly when RuPaul told him to "sashay away" for good.
When I woke up the next morning, I set our DVR to record the RuPaul show for Silverfox, so she will never need to watch it in our bedroom again.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Sunday with the Cerios ...
Friday, February 06, 2009
Recliner thief...
Thursday, February 05, 2009
I just made 39 trips around the sun....
...and boy, are my arms tired.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, is my birthday. Longtime readers of my blog are probably asking themselves some burning questions right now, such as "What? It's Robbie Gras time again? Where's the hype? Where are the parades? The annual Robbie Gras Ball? The Robbie Gras bobble head dolls?"
Well, readers... the sad truth is that I'm kinda ambivalent to my birthday this year... with everything else going on around me, (Sick kids, surgeries, joblessness, etc...) it seems kinda frivolous somehow to make a big deal out of it this time.
Of course, there's always next year :)
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Some funny on a wednesday...
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, ''I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip.''
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, ''Follow me.''
The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
''Thanks so much,'' says the theatergoer, ''This seat is perfect.'' He then hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, ''The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.''
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, ''Follow me.''
The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
''Thanks so much,'' says the theatergoer, ''This seat is perfect.'' He then hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, ''The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.''
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Life lessons from TV...
One of the things I find myself putting a lot of thought into lately is what TV shows are appropriate for a six year old like Short Stuff. Generally, I try to keep him away from anything that involves a bullet riddled death scene or two. As a result, he's not allowed to watch a lot of the shows I love, such as Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and Chuck.
I also however, have decided to make exceptions to this rule upon occasion... For those of you that may have missed it, Last night's episode of Chuck was in 3D, so I decided to let the kid watch it with us:
I mean, come on... It's in 3D for crying out loud! Sure, there's a little more sexiness than he's used to seeing on Spongebob, and Casey on the whole is way more violent than the Muppets generally are, but 3D TV in HD!!
This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. At one point in the episode, Chuck gets trapped in a hotel suite with two hot chicks that undress him, and then try to kill him by throwing knives at him.
This scene unexpectedly turned out to be a little more intense than Short Stuff could handle. At the next commercial break, he took off his 3D glasses and curled up into the corner of the couch.
"You okay, kiddo?" I asked.
"I'm scared." Short Stuff said, "Those women with the knives are scary. Why did they try to kill him?"
"Because they're strangers." I said, ad-libbing, "Let that be a lesson to you... never let women you don't know take you to a hotel to take your pants off."
"Because they will throw knives at me?"
"That's right."
"Women are evil."
Silverfox chimed in at this.... "Nice. You're turning our son off of women. Great job, 'father of the year'."
"Shush. The point isn't that women are evil, Short Stuff... the point is that you shouldn't trust strangers."
"Especially strangers that try to take my pants off?"
"That's right."
"Or they will throw knives at me?"
"Not always, but it's still a bad idea."
"Can I go play on the computer now?"
(Sigh)"Sure."
I also however, have decided to make exceptions to this rule upon occasion... For those of you that may have missed it, Last night's episode of Chuck was in 3D, so I decided to let the kid watch it with us:
I mean, come on... It's in 3D for crying out loud! Sure, there's a little more sexiness than he's used to seeing on Spongebob, and Casey on the whole is way more violent than the Muppets generally are, but 3D TV in HD!!
This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. At one point in the episode, Chuck gets trapped in a hotel suite with two hot chicks that undress him, and then try to kill him by throwing knives at him.
This scene unexpectedly turned out to be a little more intense than Short Stuff could handle. At the next commercial break, he took off his 3D glasses and curled up into the corner of the couch.
"You okay, kiddo?" I asked.
"I'm scared." Short Stuff said, "Those women with the knives are scary. Why did they try to kill him?"
"Because they're strangers." I said, ad-libbing, "Let that be a lesson to you... never let women you don't know take you to a hotel to take your pants off."
"Because they will throw knives at me?"
"That's right."
"Women are evil."
Silverfox chimed in at this.... "Nice. You're turning our son off of women. Great job, 'father of the year'."
"Shush. The point isn't that women are evil, Short Stuff... the point is that you shouldn't trust strangers."
"Especially strangers that try to take my pants off?"
"That's right."
"Or they will throw knives at me?"
"Not always, but it's still a bad idea."
"Can I go play on the computer now?"
(Sigh)"Sure."
Monday, February 02, 2009
Everyone needs more silverfox...
Too cool for school.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Holy Nerdgasm, Batman!
This year's Super Bowl was full of nerderrific Movie Trailers... (which you can catch here if you're some kinda communist and missed the big game) Of them, I really nerded out at the GI JOE and STAR TREK trailers. The new Enterprise emptying her photon torpedo bays looked fraking awesome, and I gotta admit that the idea of Cobra felling the Eiffel tower just warmed my heart.
Honorable mentions need to go out to the shot of what I can only assume is Devastator from the Transformers trailer, and the awsome three-deeness of the Monsters vs Aliens trailer. Totally worth the extra trip to the grocery store for the glasses.
Gonna be a great summer to be a geek.
Honorable mentions need to go out to the shot of what I can only assume is Devastator from the Transformers trailer, and the awsome three-deeness of the Monsters vs Aliens trailer. Totally worth the extra trip to the grocery store for the glasses.
Gonna be a great summer to be a geek.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Well, I suppose I have to post something in January...
I know, I know... I haven't posted anything since Christmas Eve. There are a few reasons behind this, but suffice it to say that I really wish that I could go one lousy week of 2009 without Me, Silverfox or the boys having surgery, being sick, needing a doctors visit, a dentist visit, or going to physical therapy.
Seriously. I could have counted the number of hospital visits I had taken in my ENTIRE LIFE on one hand before I met Silverfox... but if you count trips to the pediatrician, I have had no less than 37 visits to hospitals, doctors, and dentists in the past 5 months Silverfox and I have been enjoying marital bliss. At least ten of these have involved something that places some kind of restriction on our love life, so I'm just a little testy about it at this point.
Fortunately for Y'all, I didn't decide to post today to talk about my sex life or lack thereof... I instead am going to make this post about the kids.
Pint Size Cute Story #1:
Pint Size is officially walking. Well, maybe a more appropriate term would be toddling... in any case, he will start out at my recliner, throw his hands up in the air, and bolt all the way to the door. When he gets there, he calmly turns around and runs back... it's just freaking adorable.
Short Stuff cute story #1:
It always amazes me when the boys pick up one of my mannerisms, particularly ones that I got from my Dad.
The other day, Short Stuff was trying to get Pint Size up the stairs to their bedroom because it was bedtime. This basically involves him following his brother up the stairs, into the bedroom, and securing the child gate behind him. Short Stuff is then free to Play a video game or watch some TV before lights out. He had just gotten a new Video game the other day for getting on the honor roll, and was anxious to try it.
Pint Size was not cooperating, and taking his time getting up the stairs. Short Stuff attempted to speed up the process by saying in a stern voice "Come on (Pint Size)! I'm bigger than you are. that makes me the boss of you. Now go upstairs!"
Pint Size thought this was hysterical, and started to laugh at his older brother.
Then Short Stuff says "This isn't funny. Look at my face. Do I LOOK like I'm joking?" in the same tone of voice my Dad has said it to me since I was two years old.
I couldn't help but smile.
Pint Size Cute Story #2:
Pint Size it seems, has a serious case of recliner envy. If I lean forward on my recliner/rocker to say, nail the guitar solo for "Call Me" on Rock Band, Pint Size climbs onto the chair with me, squirms behind my back and proceeds to try to force me off the recliner with his feet. I usually just pick him up and bounce him on my knee for a bit when I'm done and send him on his way.
Lately though he's developed a new, more annoying habit... if I get up for anything, he climbs into the chair and sprawls, claiming it for his own. When I try to get him to move, he just grins at me with a smile that says "move your feet, loose your seat, dude..."
Short Stuff Cute Story #2
Short Stuff is rapidly discovering how to construct a good joke. It's been a little touch and go for him in this endeavor, and that's partially my fault. The first joke I told him was "What's Black and White and has sixteen wheels? A Zebra on roller skates".
He then surmised that the secret to "funny" was "what's (insert color) and (insert second color) and has (random number) wheels? A (insert animal) on (insert something with wheels)"
The results were... less than funny. I explained that he could just repeat the original joke, and most people that hadn't heard it before would laugh... and told him a few elephant jokes to increase his joke library. He would still try the occasional original joke (now about elephants) but again, the results were not very funny.
About a week later, he asked me what makes a joke funny. We then talked for a bit about what actually makes a joke work, how elephant jokes work because of the image they create in your mind, and what a punchline was. As I dropped him off at school that morning, he looked deep in thought about it.
A few days later, he says "Dad, I have a joke for you." I braced myself, inwardly promising that I would smile politely no matter how bad it was. "What did the teddy bear say after dinner?" He said smiling, "I'm Stuffed!". It was a great joke! I couldn't help but laugh at it!
"Was it funny?" Short Stuff asked with concern. I assured him it was. "Good!" He smiled broadly, "I got another one for you. How did the Tortoise beat the Hare? With boxing gloves!"
At this rate, it won't be long before I start a joke blog called "Puppies of Atlantis".
Seriously. I could have counted the number of hospital visits I had taken in my ENTIRE LIFE on one hand before I met Silverfox... but if you count trips to the pediatrician, I have had no less than 37 visits to hospitals, doctors, and dentists in the past 5 months Silverfox and I have been enjoying marital bliss. At least ten of these have involved something that places some kind of restriction on our love life, so I'm just a little testy about it at this point.
Fortunately for Y'all, I didn't decide to post today to talk about my sex life or lack thereof... I instead am going to make this post about the kids.
Pint Size Cute Story #1:
Pint Size is officially walking. Well, maybe a more appropriate term would be toddling... in any case, he will start out at my recliner, throw his hands up in the air, and bolt all the way to the door. When he gets there, he calmly turns around and runs back... it's just freaking adorable.
Short Stuff cute story #1:
It always amazes me when the boys pick up one of my mannerisms, particularly ones that I got from my Dad.
The other day, Short Stuff was trying to get Pint Size up the stairs to their bedroom because it was bedtime. This basically involves him following his brother up the stairs, into the bedroom, and securing the child gate behind him. Short Stuff is then free to Play a video game or watch some TV before lights out. He had just gotten a new Video game the other day for getting on the honor roll, and was anxious to try it.
Pint Size was not cooperating, and taking his time getting up the stairs. Short Stuff attempted to speed up the process by saying in a stern voice "Come on (Pint Size)! I'm bigger than you are. that makes me the boss of you. Now go upstairs!"
Pint Size thought this was hysterical, and started to laugh at his older brother.
Then Short Stuff says "This isn't funny. Look at my face. Do I LOOK like I'm joking?" in the same tone of voice my Dad has said it to me since I was two years old.
I couldn't help but smile.
Pint Size Cute Story #2:
Pint Size it seems, has a serious case of recliner envy. If I lean forward on my recliner/rocker to say, nail the guitar solo for "Call Me" on Rock Band, Pint Size climbs onto the chair with me, squirms behind my back and proceeds to try to force me off the recliner with his feet. I usually just pick him up and bounce him on my knee for a bit when I'm done and send him on his way.
Lately though he's developed a new, more annoying habit... if I get up for anything, he climbs into the chair and sprawls, claiming it for his own. When I try to get him to move, he just grins at me with a smile that says "move your feet, loose your seat, dude..."
Short Stuff Cute Story #2
Short Stuff is rapidly discovering how to construct a good joke. It's been a little touch and go for him in this endeavor, and that's partially my fault. The first joke I told him was "What's Black and White and has sixteen wheels? A Zebra on roller skates".
He then surmised that the secret to "funny" was "what's (insert color) and (insert second color) and has (random number) wheels? A (insert animal) on (insert something with wheels)"
The results were... less than funny. I explained that he could just repeat the original joke, and most people that hadn't heard it before would laugh... and told him a few elephant jokes to increase his joke library. He would still try the occasional original joke (now about elephants) but again, the results were not very funny.
About a week later, he asked me what makes a joke funny. We then talked for a bit about what actually makes a joke work, how elephant jokes work because of the image they create in your mind, and what a punchline was. As I dropped him off at school that morning, he looked deep in thought about it.
A few days later, he says "Dad, I have a joke for you." I braced myself, inwardly promising that I would smile politely no matter how bad it was. "What did the teddy bear say after dinner?" He said smiling, "I'm Stuffed!". It was a great joke! I couldn't help but laugh at it!
"Was it funny?" Short Stuff asked with concern. I assured him it was. "Good!" He smiled broadly, "I got another one for you. How did the Tortoise beat the Hare? With boxing gloves!"
At this rate, it won't be long before I start a joke blog called "Puppies of Atlantis".
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas with the Cerios, day 4
Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,
You could hear the loud snoring of Pint Size passed out:
And every five minutes Short Stuff did check,
for Santa's progress on NORAD, but saw not a speck:
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Christmas with the Cerios, day 3.5.
Christmas with the Cerios, day 3
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Christmas with the Cerios...
In the spirit of the holidays, I present to you Short Stuff's Favorite Holiday song:
Right now, he's jumping around the living room yelling "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" at the top of his lungs.
Right now, he's jumping around the living room yelling "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" at the top of his lungs.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Look! It's a boy! And he has Rhythm!
This video works best on "repeat"...
Isn't he adorable?
Now that I've given my Mom a heart attack, let's talk about what this ultrasound is really of... my heart. Not only is it doing the bump in this video, but it also seems to be full of Christmas spirit (and blood). You see, last week I had a bad cough and my doc decided to do a full workup for heart disease as a precaution. It seems that a dry cough could be a sign of a coronary problem. I told him I thought just had a cold, but he wanted to be sure and he is the doctor...
In addition to the ultrasound, I also had to sit through an EKG. Doc Mai figured I would have an enlarged heart or some other god-awful problem with my ticker, but was surprised to find out that my assesment of being as healthy as an ox with a cold was accurate. My love muscle will be pumping gallons and gallons of healthy type A through my system for a good long while to come.
(You should all know that I have a bet with Silverfox that Y'all will be picking up the phone and calling her and congratulating her before reading the explanation above.)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I'm Dreaming of a white christmas...
This morning, as I put Pint Size on the bus, it was raining. I joked with the bus driver that if it was just a few degrees colder, it would all be snow. Strangely, as I drove Short Stuff to school, it suddenly was. For the first time in his young life, Short Stuff got to play in the snow before school. I stopped outside his school long enough to take the following picture of said childhood wonder:
While taking it, a complete stranger rolled down her window and yelled "IT'S SNOWING!!!" at me. I Laughed at our mutual amazement. After I dropped off Short stuff, I called Silverfox, who couldn't believe that it was snowing in Louisiana in mid-December... This did not change the fact that snow was indeed accumulating on the palm trees outside Casa Cerio:
I talked Silverfox into coming outside with me and enjoying the weather, and she for the first time in her life tried to catch snowflakes on her tongue:
She succeeded after her third attempt, and looked at me startled... "It tastes... cold." She said, smiling. We then went inside, and I made hot cocoa while Silverfox addressed our Christmas cards.
After Short Stuff got out of school for the day, I took him to the park, where I taught him to make snowballs and snowmen:
Sadly, he took to the snowball thing like a duck to water, and proceeded to pelt me with snow until his fingers turned red from the cold.
What a great day.
While taking it, a complete stranger rolled down her window and yelled "IT'S SNOWING!!!" at me. I Laughed at our mutual amazement. After I dropped off Short stuff, I called Silverfox, who couldn't believe that it was snowing in Louisiana in mid-December... This did not change the fact that snow was indeed accumulating on the palm trees outside Casa Cerio:I talked Silverfox into coming outside with me and enjoying the weather, and she for the first time in her life tried to catch snowflakes on her tongue:
She succeeded after her third attempt, and looked at me startled... "It tastes... cold." She said, smiling. We then went inside, and I made hot cocoa while Silverfox addressed our Christmas cards.
After Short Stuff got out of school for the day, I took him to the park, where I taught him to make snowballs and snowmen:
Sadly, he took to the snowball thing like a duck to water, and proceeded to pelt me with snow until his fingers turned red from the cold.What a great day.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Because once just isn't enough...
Pint size decided to take another dip in the porcelin pond, making a mockery at any and all of our childproofing attempts. Turns out he does this at grandmas house all the time and she thinks it's adorable. (sigh)
I told Silverfox that if he becomes a swimmer in the special olympics when he's a teenager, have we ever got us some blackmail material.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Well, there goes another Nablopomo....
and I can turn my attention to some of my other writing endeavors for a while... I've got ideas for two books, a potential screenplay, and two screenplays in the can that I need to get cracking marketing. Dave has also been talking about collaborating on a pitch for a TV series. In any event, I need to compound on what has become a daily writing habit for as long as it lasts.
I have a few issues with one of my screenplays, in that I really need a few people to read it and give me some feedback/ constructive criticism on it. I think it's really good, and Silverfox loved it, but her opinion may be a bit biased. I have three close friends that I use as a barometer for such things, but none of them has found the time to read it since I sent it to them a few months ago...
Any volunteers? I promise I will mention you when i accept my golden globe for "best screenplay" :)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
We may have not had our Fry-Day tradition this year...
But that didn't stop me and Silverfox from buying an on-sale-after-thanksgiving turkey and bringing it over to Uncle Leo's for the hot oil torture:
MMMMMM fried turkey. Indeed, this must be nature's most perfect food.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Some thanksgiving funny on a saturday...
I have turkey on the brain after trying to make a Roburducken this thanksgiving... (A chicken, stuffed into a duck, stufed into my tummy), so I present the following turkey joke:
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.
While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line!
When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!! You made the team and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey shouted, "I want to know if I’ll be playing Thanksgiving Day?!!"
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.
While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line!
When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!! You made the team and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey shouted, "I want to know if I’ll be playing Thanksgiving Day?!!"
Friday, November 28, 2008
And to round out the week...
Great... so much for my plans of world domination :(
You're so evil, it's cute.
Aww, you think you're evil? That's adorable. We could just pinch your not-so-evil cheeks and pat your friendly little head. You seem like someone who feels massively guilty if you have even the slightest negative thought. If you were really evil, you'd lie, cheat, and hatch diabolical plans without feeling the slightest hint of remorse. It looks like your conscience is leading you down the "good" path, which is great... unless you're planning to take over the world someday.
You're so evil, it's cute.
Aww, you think you're evil? That's adorable. We could just pinch your not-so-evil cheeks and pat your friendly little head. You seem like someone who feels massively guilty if you have even the slightest negative thought. If you were really evil, you'd lie, cheat, and hatch diabolical plans without feeling the slightest hint of remorse. It looks like your conscience is leading you down the "good" path, which is great... unless you're planning to take over the world someday.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
Or, as Silverfox likes to call it, "We shoulda scalped the pilgrims day".
Today we give thanks for all that the year has blessed us with... and I have a lot to be thankful for this year... I could make a list, but it comes down to this... I am surrounded by the warmth and love of close friends and family. For that I am very, very thankful.
May your thanksgiving find you as blessed this year as I am.
Remember...Dave asked for more memes...
You know, I joke about this all the time... why, just the other day, I told Short Stuff that if he dumped me into the north atlantic for a few hours, he'd have a "Pop-cicle".
You might've been a passenger on the Titanic.
You have an inner strength and calmness that could have developed during a traumatic past life experience. You seem very protective of the people you love, and you'd do anything to keep them safe from harm. Maybe you were a child's nanny on the Titanic, and your only thought after the ship hit that iceberg was to get the baby onto a lifeboat. If you stay focused in the face of danger, it could be because you developed that ability a hundred years ago on the open sea.
You might've been a passenger on the Titanic.
You have an inner strength and calmness that could have developed during a traumatic past life experience. You seem very protective of the people you love, and you'd do anything to keep them safe from harm. Maybe you were a child's nanny on the Titanic, and your only thought after the ship hit that iceberg was to get the baby onto a lifeboat. If you stay focused in the face of danger, it could be because you developed that ability a hundred years ago on the open sea.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
No fair! I wanted to be part of the "couple making out in the woods" that gets hacked apart!
You know, I always thought the fat guy is the first one killed by the axe murderer in a horror movie... this Quiz seems to differ.
When Action Figures Turn Violent
"You devoted your life to acquiring all the dolls, toys and memorabilia you could get your hands on, but ironically, one of your precious collectibles chose to take that life away. Maybe the creepy lady down the block had a garage sale and you accidentally bought a puppet possessed by a murderer. Maybe your new toy robot was programmed to destroy humanity. Or maybe that dirty old clown doll you found on the street really was evil. In a frightening collectible rebellion, the malicious toy tried to sell you on eBay, but then it found out you were more valuable in parts. Not pretty. "
Still, that is so me.
When Action Figures Turn Violent
"You devoted your life to acquiring all the dolls, toys and memorabilia you could get your hands on, but ironically, one of your precious collectibles chose to take that life away. Maybe the creepy lady down the block had a garage sale and you accidentally bought a puppet possessed by a murderer. Maybe your new toy robot was programmed to destroy humanity. Or maybe that dirty old clown doll you found on the street really was evil. In a frightening collectible rebellion, the malicious toy tried to sell you on eBay, but then it found out you were more valuable in parts. Not pretty. "
Still, that is so me.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sweet... bring on the sacrificial virgins!
Lifted from Charlottes blog:
Now, if I could only get in on one of those sweet village "protection" gigs...
Now, if I could only get in on one of those sweet village "protection" gigs...
Monday, November 24, 2008
A reward of being a dad...
Pint Size has added to his skillset...
Yesterday, Silverfox and I were playing Rock Band when we smelled a horrid stink. A stench, really... coming from Pint Size.
This in and of itself isn't remarkable... Pint Size drops one in his diaper all the time, to the horror of the noses of those around him. So, we finished the song we were on, and went to change his diaper.
There was no poop to be found.
This means one of two things... either Pint Size has suddenly gained the ability to produce horrible flatus, or during his time with his no-good Bio-dad he was forced to learn to change his own diaper out of necessity. (like he was forced to learn to talk)
I choose to believe the latter, because the thought of him poofing baby powder at his own butt makes me chuckle.
Still, it makes me wonder what he would learn if we left him with the Bio-jerk for a full month... he'd probably be able to fill his own bottles at 4 am and cook himself breakfast in the morning.
This in and of itself isn't remarkable... Pint Size drops one in his diaper all the time, to the horror of the noses of those around him. So, we finished the song we were on, and went to change his diaper.
There was no poop to be found.
This means one of two things... either Pint Size has suddenly gained the ability to produce horrible flatus, or during his time with his no-good Bio-dad he was forced to learn to change his own diaper out of necessity. (like he was forced to learn to talk)
I choose to believe the latter, because the thought of him poofing baby powder at his own butt makes me chuckle.
Still, it makes me wonder what he would learn if we left him with the Bio-jerk for a full month... he'd probably be able to fill his own bottles at 4 am and cook himself breakfast in the morning.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
To Short Stuff, at age 26 and Pint Size, at age 23:
Boys,
Let me apologize now for all the mistakes I'm gonna make in the next twenty years... but I want you both to know that I only had your best interests at heart... I think I'm a fair man, but I am also a worrier and overprotective... but there is no way either of you is getting a car out of me till you're eighteen, and even then, no eating Nachos in the car. Ask your Uncle Chris why.
Short Stuff... Right now you are six, and a lot of fun to be around. Your favorite thing in the world is Star Wars, and your favorite toy is your Legos. Your mother and I joke all the time that you will grow up to be a fanboy like your parents... so chances are you're helping us plan Coastcon 52 right now. You're really smart, to the point where your first grade teacher tells us you have problems in school because you didn't want to pair up with other kids you feel slow down your learning. You just learned how to read books on your own, and your favorite ones are about animals. You also have a great empathy about those around you, and I have a feeling no matter where life takes you, you'll wind up helping people. My guess is that you'll be either a Psychologist or a Vet by the time you read this. I know that whatever you choose, you'll make me proud of you.
Pint Size... Right now you are three and just learning to walk and talk, but you have a wonderful happiness about you that is infectious. Your favorite show is the Wonder Pets, and your favorite nursery rhyme is "itsy bitsy spider". Your favorite toy is an animatronic Elmo that you use to practice your Lucha Libre moves on. You have a fascination with belts and straps, and will play endlessly with one if you get your hands on it. Despite your being a person of special needs, I am convinced that you will be a Scientist when you grow up, because you have a fascination with how the world around you works that I think goes beyond simple childhood curiosity. A lot of people around us that care about you worry about how you will get by as an adult with the challenges that life has presented you, but not me and Mom. We both have a strange faith that you'll do just fine, and make us just as proud as your brother will.
Twenty years isn't as long as it seems at your age. As I write these words, you are already developing the personalities that I know have made you the exceptional men that I know you will become. Your Mom and I are thinking about adding another child to our already unusual family, primarily because of all the joy and laughter you both bring us on a daily basis. I have only been your Stepdad for about a year, but you both mean more to me than I think I will ever be able to express. I hope that one day, you will both choose to take my last name as your own, but I'll totally understand if you choose not to.
Really, just think about it, okay? No pressure... Just remember that you both have several kicks to the crotch coming to you from your old man in revenge for these first years as your Dad, and even if my legs don't work, I'll find a goddamn bat. If you're both Cerios by the time you read this, I may reconsider. Either way, when you have kids of your own, grandpa's gonna spend his weekends teaching them how to take a knee to Dad's groin.
Love,
Dad, age 38.
Let me apologize now for all the mistakes I'm gonna make in the next twenty years... but I want you both to know that I only had your best interests at heart... I think I'm a fair man, but I am also a worrier and overprotective... but there is no way either of you is getting a car out of me till you're eighteen, and even then, no eating Nachos in the car. Ask your Uncle Chris why.
Short Stuff... Right now you are six, and a lot of fun to be around. Your favorite thing in the world is Star Wars, and your favorite toy is your Legos. Your mother and I joke all the time that you will grow up to be a fanboy like your parents... so chances are you're helping us plan Coastcon 52 right now. You're really smart, to the point where your first grade teacher tells us you have problems in school because you didn't want to pair up with other kids you feel slow down your learning. You just learned how to read books on your own, and your favorite ones are about animals. You also have a great empathy about those around you, and I have a feeling no matter where life takes you, you'll wind up helping people. My guess is that you'll be either a Psychologist or a Vet by the time you read this. I know that whatever you choose, you'll make me proud of you.
Pint Size... Right now you are three and just learning to walk and talk, but you have a wonderful happiness about you that is infectious. Your favorite show is the Wonder Pets, and your favorite nursery rhyme is "itsy bitsy spider". Your favorite toy is an animatronic Elmo that you use to practice your Lucha Libre moves on. You have a fascination with belts and straps, and will play endlessly with one if you get your hands on it. Despite your being a person of special needs, I am convinced that you will be a Scientist when you grow up, because you have a fascination with how the world around you works that I think goes beyond simple childhood curiosity. A lot of people around us that care about you worry about how you will get by as an adult with the challenges that life has presented you, but not me and Mom. We both have a strange faith that you'll do just fine, and make us just as proud as your brother will.
Twenty years isn't as long as it seems at your age. As I write these words, you are already developing the personalities that I know have made you the exceptional men that I know you will become. Your Mom and I are thinking about adding another child to our already unusual family, primarily because of all the joy and laughter you both bring us on a daily basis. I have only been your Stepdad for about a year, but you both mean more to me than I think I will ever be able to express. I hope that one day, you will both choose to take my last name as your own, but I'll totally understand if you choose not to.
Really, just think about it, okay? No pressure... Just remember that you both have several kicks to the crotch coming to you from your old man in revenge for these first years as your Dad, and even if my legs don't work, I'll find a goddamn bat. If you're both Cerios by the time you read this, I may reconsider. Either way, when you have kids of your own, grandpa's gonna spend his weekends teaching them how to take a knee to Dad's groin.
Love,
Dad, age 38.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
And to think, I joined this family willingly...
Three things that I have need to note:
1) Short Stuff has a habit of butting in whenever Silverfox and I are arguing within earshot. His point is always "You shouldn't yell. You're married now. You have to love each other! It's required." Makes us laugh and calm down every time. We've taken to calling him our 6-year-old marriage councilor.
2) Silverfox gave her brother a truck she had when he got out of jail as a "I have faith that you're a responsible adult now" gift. Two weeks ago, he totaled it by running into the back of a parked police car. His reason? He was eating Nachos.
3) We picked up Pint Size from his bio-dad today, as he had been staying with him during Silverfoxes recovery. Much to our delight and surprise, he has learned to speak English. When his mom offered him a bottle today, he said clearly and distinctly "Yes, I want a baa." Our theory is that the bio-dad is such a horrid father that Pint Size was forced for the first time to use language if he wanted to get his point across.
1) Short Stuff has a habit of butting in whenever Silverfox and I are arguing within earshot. His point is always "You shouldn't yell. You're married now. You have to love each other! It's required." Makes us laugh and calm down every time. We've taken to calling him our 6-year-old marriage councilor.
2) Silverfox gave her brother a truck she had when he got out of jail as a "I have faith that you're a responsible adult now" gift. Two weeks ago, he totaled it by running into the back of a parked police car. His reason? He was eating Nachos.
3) We picked up Pint Size from his bio-dad today, as he had been staying with him during Silverfoxes recovery. Much to our delight and surprise, he has learned to speak English. When his mom offered him a bottle today, he said clearly and distinctly "Yes, I want a baa." Our theory is that the bio-dad is such a horrid father that Pint Size was forced for the first time to use language if he wanted to get his point across.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Some true funny on a Friday...
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed.
George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation.
Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation.
Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Real Conversations...
The following conversation took place this morning, as I was getting Short Stuff ready for school:
Me: Okay, kiddo... get your jacket. It's almost time to leave.
Short Stuff: I don't want to wear a jacket.
Me: Too bad. It's cold out this morning, and you have to wear a jacket.
SS: No I don't. The President says I have a choice.
Me: Oh, really?
SS: That's right. I Don't have to wear a jacket if I don't want to.
Me: Sadly son, that assumes this house is a democracy. You live in a dictatorship, and I am the supreme leader. Now, put on that jacket before I exercise my choice to punish you!
(Begrudgingly, Short Stuff puts on his jacket.)
Me: Good... wait a minute... where are your shoes, boy?
SS: My teacher also taught us about pastive resissance. (6-year-old-ese for passive resistance)
Me: Sigh....
Me: Okay, kiddo... get your jacket. It's almost time to leave.
Short Stuff: I don't want to wear a jacket.
Me: Too bad. It's cold out this morning, and you have to wear a jacket.
SS: No I don't. The President says I have a choice.
Me: Oh, really?
SS: That's right. I Don't have to wear a jacket if I don't want to.
Me: Sadly son, that assumes this house is a democracy. You live in a dictatorship, and I am the supreme leader. Now, put on that jacket before I exercise my choice to punish you!
(Begrudgingly, Short Stuff puts on his jacket.)
Me: Good... wait a minute... where are your shoes, boy?
SS: My teacher also taught us about pastive resissance. (6-year-old-ese for passive resistance)
Me: Sigh....
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The perfect toy..
Monday, November 17, 2008
And they say video games never hurt anyone...
See that blue line? That's where the doctor is gonna cut into my hand and stitch it back together to correct my carpal tunnel syndrome. No injections, no braces, do not pass go, go right to surgery. Doctor said it's a really serious case, and this is my only option if I want to feel what I touch with my left hand ever again.
Sigh.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I went on an investigation last night...
And boy, are my arms tired. Last night was the first official investigation of my new ghost hunting/paranormal investigation group, the Jefferson Parish Paranormal Society. The team did great, and I'll make sure I give y'all more info as I get around to setting up the official website, and reviewing last night's evidence.
Some funny on a Sunday...
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are ... you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are ... you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Funny Things To Do At Wal-Mart While Your Spouse Is Taking Her Sweet Time
The Christmas shopping season is upon us, Ladies and Gentlemen... and if you're like me, you find shopping a bit... tedious when it primarily involves following the woman you love around the store, while keeping an eye on her purse. Try one of the following the next time sheer absurdity of the situation gets to you (most of which will work just as well in K-mart, Target, or Walgreens Pharmacy):
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
21. If the store has a McDonalds, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
22. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud ..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
21. If the store has a McDonalds, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
22. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud ..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
Friday, November 14, 2008
Some funny on a Friday...
From the DOA management: "Rob's wacky friends week" will begin on Monday, to give Rob a chance to compose his thoughts and warn certain individuals what he intends to post. In the meantime:
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's." The hands had never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man "And whose clock is that one?" *
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock." The hands had moved twice. Telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"President Bush's clock is in Jesus' office." St. Peter responded.
"President Bush's clock is so important it is in Jesus' office?" Asked, the man.
"Yes, he's using it as a ceiling fan." Responded St. Peter.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's." The hands had never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man "And whose clock is that one?" *
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock." The hands had moved twice. Telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"President Bush's clock is in Jesus' office." St. Peter responded.
"President Bush's clock is so important it is in Jesus' office?" Asked, the man.
"Yes, he's using it as a ceiling fan." Responded St. Peter.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I don't feel like posting today...
Even though it's nablopomo. I'm having some difficulty getting Dave's story nailed down with the right tone I want it to have... not because I don't know how to tell the story, but because making sure my Wife doesn't push herself too hard and re-injure herself is becoming a full-time job now that she's out of bed. Today, I turned my back for a second and she was about to mop the kitchen floor.
Plus that, Short Stuff has a serious case of cabin fever... he really needs me to sit down and play with him for a while...
(Sigh)... the life of a stay at home dad isn't all sitting on the couch and eating bon-bons, I guess.
Plus that, Short Stuff has a serious case of cabin fever... he really needs me to sit down and play with him for a while...
(Sigh)... the life of a stay at home dad isn't all sitting on the couch and eating bon-bons, I guess.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Oh man... I may pass out from the possibilities...
While cruising the interwebz, I came accross the following video... Now, before you watch it, let me tell you I got seriously twitterpaited by the subject matter:
Models... in Superheroine costumes... made of Chocolate.
There is no noun in that sentence that doesn't make me drool.
There is no noun in that sentence that doesn't make me drool.
Among the designs I liked not shown in the video... Lara Croft:
Barbarella:
and Batgirl:
Whoever came up with the idea for this... fanboys all over the world will sing your name for years.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Favorite memories...
Well, that'll learn me to ask for topics... thanks to my homies Dave and Stacey for the ideas, which I will definately use at least a few of, starting today. Gimme a few days and I'll see if I can return the favor.
From the DOA mailbag, Stacey writes:
Um... What is your favorite memory of Dave, Melinda, Andy, Lauren, and Drew? Blog friendly, of course.
The funniest part of this is that my favorite memories of all these people are decidedly NOT blog-friendly by any stretch of the imagination... Three of the memories in question (Lauren, Dave, and Andy) all revolve around the same event (Andy's bachelor party) And are by no stretch of the imagination the kind of things I should be talking about in public... My favorite Melinda memory involves a strip club and is a really dirty story... and as for Drew, while it involves a strip club it's a fairly clean story, but one that Drew would probably find embarassing.
So, where does that leave me, other than noting that for many years I spent waaay too much time in strip clubs?
Well, I could just let my readers come up with speculation as to what these memories actually are... and y'all will probably come up with stuff that is way worse than the actual events... Or I could come up with my favorite "Clean" memory of each of them which is not nearly as much fun, and requires way more thought than my chores-and-children addled brain is up to right now.
So, what I will do instead, is declare this week "Rob's wacky friends" week, wherin I will post about one of these people each day, tell you a story about them, and explain what it says about my friendship with them. If you are one of my friends and for some reason don't want me talking about you on these pages, please let me know in the comments. If you are Dave, Lauren, Andy, Melinda, or Drew and genuinely want to know which stories I am refering to above, give me permission in the comments to post it and I will. (in a PG-13 way) I'll begin tommorrow with Dave.
From the DOA mailbag, Stacey writes:
Um... What is your favorite memory of Dave, Melinda, Andy, Lauren, and Drew? Blog friendly, of course.
The funniest part of this is that my favorite memories of all these people are decidedly NOT blog-friendly by any stretch of the imagination... Three of the memories in question (Lauren, Dave, and Andy) all revolve around the same event (Andy's bachelor party) And are by no stretch of the imagination the kind of things I should be talking about in public... My favorite Melinda memory involves a strip club and is a really dirty story... and as for Drew, while it involves a strip club it's a fairly clean story, but one that Drew would probably find embarassing.
So, where does that leave me, other than noting that for many years I spent waaay too much time in strip clubs?
Well, I could just let my readers come up with speculation as to what these memories actually are... and y'all will probably come up with stuff that is way worse than the actual events... Or I could come up with my favorite "Clean" memory of each of them which is not nearly as much fun, and requires way more thought than my chores-and-children addled brain is up to right now.
So, what I will do instead, is declare this week "Rob's wacky friends" week, wherin I will post about one of these people each day, tell you a story about them, and explain what it says about my friendship with them. If you are one of my friends and for some reason don't want me talking about you on these pages, please let me know in the comments. If you are Dave, Lauren, Andy, Melinda, or Drew and genuinely want to know which stories I am refering to above, give me permission in the comments to post it and I will. (in a PG-13 way) I'll begin tommorrow with Dave.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Some funny on a Monday...
Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
Sunday, November 09, 2008
I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous...
Silverfox is still bed-ridden, but doing well... However, I'm finding that taking care of her takes up most of my time, and seriously disrupts what little sleep I'm getting. I'm really concerned that tonight, (when the boys are added back into the mix) I may not be up to the challenge. Silverfox has said that i'll do fine, but I can see the same concern behind her eyes... I mean, only a year ago, I was barely taking care of myself... now I have three other people counting on me to manage their schedules, do their laundry, and make sure that they eat... Plus that, right now I'm still unemployed, with few prospects, and none that I feel I can devote my time to seriously until Silverfox is at least able to get around the house on her own.
Gonna be a long month.
Gonna be a long month.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Pimp my blog... Kahunah style.
Hey, Y'all... I've been asked by Silverfox to tell everyone that the one thing that would make her happy while she's bedridden is to see the hit counter go up on her new blog, Silverfoxes Canvas. She's trying NaBloPoMo even though she's in some serious pain from the surgery... so, how about you show my lady some love and pop on over there, would ya?
Also, because I know how hard it is to generate site traffic, and how tough it is to post daily for NaBloPoMo when you think no one is reading, if you give me a shout in the comments, I will be more than happy to talk nice about you and give a link to your blog here on Dogs of Atlantis*.
*A Note From the DOA Management- It seems that Rob is actually worried that he'll run out of topics this month, and this would obviously give him something to write about when he has writer's block. We of course, know that we won't be able to shut him up no matter what we do, so please give him something constructive to do...
Also, because I know how hard it is to generate site traffic, and how tough it is to post daily for NaBloPoMo when you think no one is reading, if you give me a shout in the comments, I will be more than happy to talk nice about you and give a link to your blog here on Dogs of Atlantis*.
*A Note From the DOA Management- It seems that Rob is actually worried that he'll run out of topics this month, and this would obviously give him something to write about when he has writer's block. We of course, know that we won't be able to shut him up no matter what we do, so please give him something constructive to do...
Keeping the insurance company on their toes...
According to MSNBC, A man was washing his car when his dog got behind the wheel and put it in reverse. Now, the funniest part of the story to me is that the guy's car was impounded because he had no insurance.
Like anyone is gonna give him insurance now...
Of course, this also got me to wondering if something similar happened to me, would I be covered?
So I call my insurance company to ask (Seriously), and the helpful Progressive customer service guy I got was more than happy to answer my strange request, and only laughed out loud twice. Apparently, during training they are hit with much, much stranger questions during simulated phone calls, and are required to answer the dumbest of questions sincerely and correctly.
Turns out I am covered under my liability coverage and my collision coverage for whatever the dog hits, and any damage done to our Truck, but not the Buick, because I only have the basic liability on it. Important to know is that this also extends to kids playing in the vehicle, which apparently happens a lot. (Of course, my kids would just cut the brake line and push me into the river...)
Before I hung up, the agent told me that the next time he attends a training seminar, he is totally bringing this one up.
Like anyone is gonna give him insurance now...
Of course, this also got me to wondering if something similar happened to me, would I be covered?
So I call my insurance company to ask (Seriously), and the helpful Progressive customer service guy I got was more than happy to answer my strange request, and only laughed out loud twice. Apparently, during training they are hit with much, much stranger questions during simulated phone calls, and are required to answer the dumbest of questions sincerely and correctly.
Turns out I am covered under my liability coverage and my collision coverage for whatever the dog hits, and any damage done to our Truck, but not the Buick, because I only have the basic liability on it. Important to know is that this also extends to kids playing in the vehicle, which apparently happens a lot. (Of course, my kids would just cut the brake line and push me into the river...)
Before I hung up, the agent told me that the next time he attends a training seminar, he is totally bringing this one up.
Friday, November 07, 2008
The Wife is okay...and the children are trying to kill me.
Today was the much-anticipated surgery on Silverfoxes lower back, and she came through it just fine. She's sore and resting right now, and it looks like she's gonna make a full recovery... but she will be on her back for the next few days.
Last night, Silverfox had intended on making good use of our last night before our imposed three weeks of no sex... we were going to send the kids off to bed, and then make with the boom-chicka-wah-wah, but it seems the children had other plans. First, Short Stuff, while playing around running back and forth past my recliner, stumbles and head butts me right in the part of my jaw where I had the two teeth removed on Wednesday.
As I lay there howling in pain, clutching the side of my face, Pint Size pulls his way up onto my lap, and does this to my crotch:
Last night, Silverfox had intended on making good use of our last night before our imposed three weeks of no sex... we were going to send the kids off to bed, and then make with the boom-chicka-wah-wah, but it seems the children had other plans. First, Short Stuff, while playing around running back and forth past my recliner, stumbles and head butts me right in the part of my jaw where I had the two teeth removed on Wednesday.
As I lay there howling in pain, clutching the side of my face, Pint Size pulls his way up onto my lap, and does this to my crotch:
While I'm sure the Hulkster would be proud, I nearly passed out. I told my Dad about it today when I called him to let him know Cheri was okay, and he just snickered and said "Welcome to fatherhood." I spent the rest of the night with one ice pack on my groin and one on my face.
Needless to say, there was no matress durability testing at casa Cerio last night.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
The TMI post...
There are lots of things that I choose not to post here because they fall into the category of "Too Much Information"... For instance, I don't feel that the world wants to hear how my back itches today, or how the manly-as-hell big pink comb I keep by my bedside is primarily used to scratch said back, no matter how funny I thought it was when I told Silverfox that I was actually styling my back hair this morning.
Things that fall into this category include tales of changing diapers, how bloody my mouth was after having the teeth pulled yesterday, or the challenges involved in taping large painkiller patches to my wife's butt. I also tend to shy away from talking about my sex life, no matter how much these tales would enhance the legend of my god-like prowess between the sheets. It just seems ungentlemanly somehow... not to mention that the funnier stories of such exploits would bring forth uneeded mental imagery in some of my friends, and I can't afford to pay for psychological counciling for all my readers.
All of this is a warning that today's post may be a little TMI for some.
Tuesday, I went with Silverfox to her pre-op appointment for her back surgery on friday. I made it a point to listen carefully to exactly what the surgery entailed, and what restrictions she would be under and for how long. The surgery involves cutting open her back just above her butt crack, removing part of a disc and some bone to give her nerve clusters room to heal and work properly, reliving the pain in her lower back and legs.
No, that wasn't the TMI part... I'm getting to it...
I was reading the list of restrictions that she will be under, and in addition to not being able to bathe for a couple of days, and no heavy lifting or housework for a week or two, right there in the middle of the page it said "No sex for three weeks". The nurse was prattling on about the proper way to change Silverfoxes bandages when I meekly raised my hand like a kid in first grade that doesn't want to say something stupid.
"Excuse me..." I said, "is this a typo?"
The nurse smiled at me. "No. It's not a typo. No sex for three weeks."
Silverfox went wide eyed. It was the first time she was hearing it. "Really?"
"Really."
"Well, that sucks." I said, trying not to sound like I only think about getting some. Silverfoxes reaction wasn't much better, talking about how life on morphine isn't all that bad.
"Look..." the nurse said, "I know you two are very active, but..."
"What?" I said, "How do you know that?"
"High white cell count in her urine." She said, "Usually means y'all go at it like rabbits."
Silverfox blushed... I blushed... then Silverfox smiled at me and said "You have to blog about this."
Sigh... It's gonna be a long three weeks.
Things that fall into this category include tales of changing diapers, how bloody my mouth was after having the teeth pulled yesterday, or the challenges involved in taping large painkiller patches to my wife's butt. I also tend to shy away from talking about my sex life, no matter how much these tales would enhance the legend of my god-like prowess between the sheets. It just seems ungentlemanly somehow... not to mention that the funnier stories of such exploits would bring forth uneeded mental imagery in some of my friends, and I can't afford to pay for psychological counciling for all my readers.
All of this is a warning that today's post may be a little TMI for some.
Tuesday, I went with Silverfox to her pre-op appointment for her back surgery on friday. I made it a point to listen carefully to exactly what the surgery entailed, and what restrictions she would be under and for how long. The surgery involves cutting open her back just above her butt crack, removing part of a disc and some bone to give her nerve clusters room to heal and work properly, reliving the pain in her lower back and legs.
No, that wasn't the TMI part... I'm getting to it...
I was reading the list of restrictions that she will be under, and in addition to not being able to bathe for a couple of days, and no heavy lifting or housework for a week or two, right there in the middle of the page it said "No sex for three weeks". The nurse was prattling on about the proper way to change Silverfoxes bandages when I meekly raised my hand like a kid in first grade that doesn't want to say something stupid.
"Excuse me..." I said, "is this a typo?"
The nurse smiled at me. "No. It's not a typo. No sex for three weeks."
Silverfox went wide eyed. It was the first time she was hearing it. "Really?"
"Really."
"Well, that sucks." I said, trying not to sound like I only think about getting some. Silverfoxes reaction wasn't much better, talking about how life on morphine isn't all that bad.
"Look..." the nurse said, "I know you two are very active, but..."
"What?" I said, "How do you know that?"
"High white cell count in her urine." She said, "Usually means y'all go at it like rabbits."
Silverfox blushed... I blushed... then Silverfox smiled at me and said "You have to blog about this."
Sigh... It's gonna be a long three weeks.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Thought I'd celebrate...
Obamas victory by having a few teeth pulled. Kinda reminded me of watching the election returns last night.
Things you never want to hear your Dentist say:
1) "Check again, sir... are you sure you still have a tooth there?"
2) "What do you mean you voted for McCain?"
3)"Boy, you're really making me earn my money today..."
4)"You just don't want to let go of that tooth, do you?"
5)"Wait... did I give you any anesthetic? I can't remember..."
6)"God, I partied so hard last night my hands are shaking."
7)"Oh, come on... that doesn't really hurt!"
8)"Wait... was that the right tooth I just pulled?"
9)"Do you mind if I watch Ellen during your procedure?"
10)anything that goes like this:
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Who we should be voting for...
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Damn... I knew I should have gone with a third party candidate. I wonder if one of his campaign contributors is Colt 45 malt liquor?
Election day...
Today we Americans get to show our faith in the United States system of government by participating in it. Yes, it sucks to have to choose between poop soup and a poop sandwich, but we are lucky in that our system allows for change of leadership without bloodshed. Most places in the world are not as lucky.
Do your civic duty today and go vote. I don't care who for, but take the time to learn where your guy stands on the issues that matter to you... don't let SNL's latest skit or the Daily Show decide for you. Make your own informed choice.
If you're too young to vote, make sure those around you of voting age get out and vote. Guilt them if you have to... but get an opinion on who should win and share it with them.
Do your civic duty today and go vote. I don't care who for, but take the time to learn where your guy stands on the issues that matter to you... don't let SNL's latest skit or the Daily Show decide for you. Make your own informed choice.
If you're too young to vote, make sure those around you of voting age get out and vote. Guilt them if you have to... but get an opinion on who should win and share it with them.
Monday, November 03, 2008
What to write about....
You know, it's not when I have nothing going on that it's hard to write a blog... quite to the contrary, I tend to post the least when I have everything and then some to write about. Part of the problem is that I have trouble deciding sometimes what is appropriate for these pages and what isn't... part of it is that I don't really want to leave anything cool out, and thereby always seem to.
In terms of appropriateness, I waffle a lot on what does belong here and what doesn't... for instance, I try to keep the mood of this blog light, and so I probably won't talk much about my job loss and the resulting financial situation... even though I was told today by a representative of Louisiana's department of unemployment insurance that it may be eight weeks before I see a dime, because I was honest about receiving one freaking days worth of vacation pay from my former employer...
I am beginning to understand why some people simply lie about their situation. When I said to the lady that I had bills to pay, she explained to me that that wasn't what UI is for... it should all go toward finding a job.
Apparently a computer, food and a working shower are not high on the list of "things needed to help in a job search".
Coming back to my point, although that's all pretty funny, there are those that read my blog that it would cause to worry (Such as Aunt Jo and Mom... Dad would just take the time to remind me that it's all small shit*) and I really don't like for people to worry about me. I worry enough on my own. So, sometimes I sit here as my world seems to be collapsing around me and write exactly nada.
Being a parent has changed that a little bit, I've noticed... Today was parent-teacher conference day, and I found out that both boys are doing exceptionally in class, and Short Stuff made the honor roll. I also found out today that I'm a bad influence on the kids... Short Stuff refuses to partner up with other kids sometimes, Citing that it "would just be easier to do it" himself because he would have to bring the other kids up to speed. On one hand, I'm proud I'm raising an honest, independent boy... on the other hand, the last thing I need is for him to develop my attitude. Silverfox has enough trouble with just me.
*Pop Cerio's fool-proof rules for getting through any situation:
Rule 1: Don't sweat the small shit.
Rule 2: It's all small shit.
Rule 3: When in doubt, laugh at the situation and refer to rule one.
Rule 4: There's no shame in asking a woman about her mental health history on the first date.
Rule 5: Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to know for the rest of your life.
Rule 6: Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented and determined fool.
Oddly enough, he and I came up with rule 4 together after my first marriage.
In terms of appropriateness, I waffle a lot on what does belong here and what doesn't... for instance, I try to keep the mood of this blog light, and so I probably won't talk much about my job loss and the resulting financial situation... even though I was told today by a representative of Louisiana's department of unemployment insurance that it may be eight weeks before I see a dime, because I was honest about receiving one freaking days worth of vacation pay from my former employer...
I am beginning to understand why some people simply lie about their situation. When I said to the lady that I had bills to pay, she explained to me that that wasn't what UI is for... it should all go toward finding a job.
Apparently a computer, food and a working shower are not high on the list of "things needed to help in a job search".
Coming back to my point, although that's all pretty funny, there are those that read my blog that it would cause to worry (Such as Aunt Jo and Mom... Dad would just take the time to remind me that it's all small shit*) and I really don't like for people to worry about me. I worry enough on my own. So, sometimes I sit here as my world seems to be collapsing around me and write exactly nada.
Being a parent has changed that a little bit, I've noticed... Today was parent-teacher conference day, and I found out that both boys are doing exceptionally in class, and Short Stuff made the honor roll. I also found out today that I'm a bad influence on the kids... Short Stuff refuses to partner up with other kids sometimes, Citing that it "would just be easier to do it" himself because he would have to bring the other kids up to speed. On one hand, I'm proud I'm raising an honest, independent boy... on the other hand, the last thing I need is for him to develop my attitude. Silverfox has enough trouble with just me.
*Pop Cerio's fool-proof rules for getting through any situation:
Rule 1: Don't sweat the small shit.
Rule 2: It's all small shit.
Rule 3: When in doubt, laugh at the situation and refer to rule one.
Rule 4: There's no shame in asking a woman about her mental health history on the first date.
Rule 5: Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to know for the rest of your life.
Rule 6: Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented and determined fool.
Oddly enough, he and I came up with rule 4 together after my first marriage.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Today is a sunday...
And I have spent it sitting in my easy chair watching movies. The Bio-dads both have visitation with their respective genetic offspring, allowing me and Silverfox to spend a little "quality time" together.
(Cue the boom-chicka-wah-wah)
Seriously though, Short stuff and Pint Size have become such a big part of my life that I really miss them when they're not here... I have almost forgotten what it's like to watch a whole movie without a single question from Short Stuff. (Is Godzilla a t-rex? Why don't those japanese guys like him? Why do people keep moving their lips after talking in Japan? Is Mothra real? what about those little women that sing to him? How do they find clothes in their size? Why aren't you fast forwarding past the boring parts? Why do you look mad?)
Sigh... I feel like a Dad.
(Cue the boom-chicka-wah-wah)
Seriously though, Short stuff and Pint Size have become such a big part of my life that I really miss them when they're not here... I have almost forgotten what it's like to watch a whole movie without a single question from Short Stuff. (Is Godzilla a t-rex? Why don't those japanese guys like him? Why do people keep moving their lips after talking in Japan? Is Mothra real? what about those little women that sing to him? How do they find clothes in their size? Why aren't you fast forwarding past the boring parts? Why do you look mad?)
Sigh... I feel like a Dad.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Halloween and NaBloPoMo!
That's right... it's November again, and that means that it's National Blog Posting Month, where bloggers are encouraged to post once a day for the entire month of November. I haven't really decided whether of not I'm up to that challenge right now, as I have a lot going on... but I think I'm gonna give it a shot.
Last night was of course Halloween, and that meant a night of trick-or-treating for the Cerio family. We got together with the kids cousins, Luckfish and DaNeice over at Silvermom-in-laws house for dinner and costumes. Silverfox broke out the makeup to create herself a psychoclown face while Short Stuff ran around in his stormtrooper costume trying to save the galaxy from the evil separatist Droid army.
Pint Size was looking simply adorable in his Yoda Costume, alternating his time between dispensing Jedi wisdom and beating Dad with his lightsaber:
Me, I just threw on a cape and my Superman T-Shirt and I was good to go. Here we have a group photo of our little candy-gathering group:
DaNiece, (dressed as the punk rocker above) decided that she is officially too cool to go Trick-or treating, and instead went off to a friend's costume party. She turned thirteen this year, so i figure that gives me a good seven years before Short Stuff feels the same way. Luckfish was wearing the same Hannah Montana outfit she wore at Hallowfest, minus the flammable blond wig for obvious reasons.
His neighbors assured me that he does such things for a living, but I just know that Silverfox would be just as bad with an unlimited budget. Short Stuff loved it, though... and he kept fighting with the fog generator like it was a monster. Ah, to have the imagination and energy of a child....
We covered what felt like 20 blocks (although I counted it to be only 15) before the kids plopped back into the truck, happy, tired and covered in candy:
For next year, Short Stuff has already informed me that he wants to be Jabba the Hutt. I love my geeky kids.
Last night was of course Halloween, and that meant a night of trick-or-treating for the Cerio family. We got together with the kids cousins, Luckfish and DaNeice over at Silvermom-in-laws house for dinner and costumes. Silverfox broke out the makeup to create herself a psychoclown face while Short Stuff ran around in his stormtrooper costume trying to save the galaxy from the evil separatist Droid army.
Pint Size was looking simply adorable in his Yoda Costume, alternating his time between dispensing Jedi wisdom and beating Dad with his lightsaber:
Me, I just threw on a cape and my Superman T-Shirt and I was good to go. Here we have a group photo of our little candy-gathering group:
DaNiece, (dressed as the punk rocker above) decided that she is officially too cool to go Trick-or treating, and instead went off to a friend's costume party. She turned thirteen this year, so i figure that gives me a good seven years before Short Stuff feels the same way. Luckfish was wearing the same Hannah Montana outfit she wore at Hallowfest, minus the flammable blond wig for obvious reasons.
I love this next picture because it shows not only how big Short Stuffs helmet was compared to his head, but also shows Pint Size reacting to a disturbance in the force.
"It was like a thousand bags of candy were given away and then snuffed out all at once..." 
We went into Algiers point, a known Trick-or-treating hot spot. People sit out on their porches in costume waiting for the hordes of children to come out. I thought it was really cute as we walked around with Pint Size that nearly every kid in a Star Wars costume (and there were many) would point at him and yell "It's Master Yoda!" he would then smile and wave a wave that conveyed silent Jedi wisdom.
"It was like a thousand bags of candy were given away and then snuffed out all at once..." Yes, I know that was Obi-wan, not Yoda... how about "Candy, you sense.... hmmm?"? There... now that I have proven what a geek I am for today, lets move on.
Here's the only pic we have of Silverfox for the evening (she is rapidly becoming the Dogs of Atlantis photographer) Again, Master Yoda seems disturbed. Probably just looking at his brother scarfing down caramels as fast as his hands can stuff them into his mouth...
Here's the only pic we have of Silverfox for the evening (she is rapidly becoming the Dogs of Atlantis photographer) Again, Master Yoda seems disturbed. Probably just looking at his brother scarfing down caramels as fast as his hands can stuff them into his mouth...
We went into Algiers point, a known Trick-or-treating hot spot. People sit out on their porches in costume waiting for the hordes of children to come out. I thought it was really cute as we walked around with Pint Size that nearly every kid in a Star Wars costume (and there were many) would point at him and yell "It's Master Yoda!" he would then smile and wave a wave that conveyed silent Jedi wisdom.Either that or he had gas.
People in the Point take their Halloween very seriously, and a few take their decorating to the next level as evidenced by this house:
His neighbors assured me that he does such things for a living, but I just know that Silverfox would be just as bad with an unlimited budget. Short Stuff loved it, though... and he kept fighting with the fog generator like it was a monster. Ah, to have the imagination and energy of a child....We covered what felt like 20 blocks (although I counted it to be only 15) before the kids plopped back into the truck, happy, tired and covered in candy:
For next year, Short Stuff has already informed me that he wants to be Jabba the Hutt. I love my geeky kids.
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