Some funny on a rainy tuesday

It's raining here in New Orleans today, but we have a saying... you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes. If it doesn't clear up, then it wasn't the right ten minutes :)

On to the joke:

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''

14 reasons why it's better to date a fangirl...

1) She's much less likely to drag you to a chick flick, but way more likely to drag you to a Harry Potter flick.
2) She gets your joke about how many Pakleds it takes to screw in a light bulb.
The answer is two... one to replicate the bulb, the other to kidnap Geordi.
3) She finds the stories about the exploits of your D&D character fascinating.
4) Her response to you bragging about how you detailed your Millennium Falcon model with the blast marks in the right position: "Coooool."
5) The day after you sit through a ten hour Dr. Who marathon with your friends, she asks you if you want to watch the Dr. Who episodes she has on her DVR without even thinking you might refuse. (You wouldn't.)
6) She understands completely how cool the Midnight Harry Potter release was.
7) She has no problem meeting you over coffee just to discuss the latest episode of Heroes.
8) She thinks your facination with Superheroines and Orion Slave Girls is funny, not creepy.
9) You drop a Princess Bride reference in your conversation, and she not only gets it, but comes up with a more obscure one.
10) She's just as likely to have an attic full of action figures as you are.
11) She's not surprised that you have a Superhero/Jedi/Star Trek costume... she's just impressed that you made them yourself.
12) You don't have to explain to her who Dr. Franknfurter, Gort, Fezzig, or Neil Gaiman are.
13) She giggles when you call non-fanfolk "Mundanes" or "Muggles".
14) She insists you need to see just as many movies as you insist she needs to see.

About the prime directive...

The Prime Directive, as stated by the branch of Starfleet with it's meathooks sunk into the DOA management reads as follows:

Directive 001- No post shall be made to Dogs of Atlantis that would interfere with the natural development of the authors relationship with a female. This includes, but is not limited to revealing feelings, emotions, and/or funny/flattering situations which may or may not make said female's heart melt like a ice sculpture at a Hawaiian lava festival, no matter how funny/flattering said anecdotes may or may not be.

Directive 001.1- Remember, my Mom reads my blog.

Directive 001.2- (the James T. Kirk clause) These laws are binding unless said female is an exceptionally hot Orion slave girl or a genuine Superheroine, in which case it would be impossible to get the blog's author to shut up about it.

The Prime Directive is perhaps the biggest and most necessary limitation I put upon what goes on these pages. As such, it also turns out to be one of the more questionable ones, as evidenced by this post, titled "Prime Directive my ass!" which includes one of the best verbal descriptions of me I have ever read (and may have put on my next business cards). It's the part with all the slashes in it. :) I am linking to it so that I will not be accused of not providing my readers with a fair and balanced point of view. Think of it as the 'democratic response'.

In short, kids... your beloved Webkahunah once again has a love life that he won't talk about, but is enjoying immensely.

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And this is the agony of defeat. At least the wings were good :)

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Tonight, Ducky and i are at hooters. He won a gas card here a few weeks ago, and is entered in tonight's drawing for a trip to vegas. He has a one in eight chance.

Posting from the past...

I was talking to a new friend about certain posts on my blog, specifically those pertaining to why I don't post about my love life, my Mission: Impressable posts, and that period of my life when life was just one adventure after another that nearly involved me getting killed.

Mission: Impressable 1
Mission: Impressable 2
Why I don't post about my love life
Nearly getting myself killed by drinking the water
Nearly getting myself killed by getting hit by a train
Nearly getting myself killed on the highway

So, what is it about this new friend that warrants me talking about such things? Well as we all know, I am forbidden by the prime directive to talk about certain things, but she put up a very flattering post about me on her MySpace blog that I think explains it.

No, I'm not linking to it. That would be a direct violation of the prime directive, kids. Starfleet doesn't f#@k around with those that violate it.

About that last post...

The post below was my first test of the new system blogger has in place to allow people to post blog entries from their cell phone.

It worked, and this is a very awesome thing. The only issue I have with it is that I can't change the subject line from the cell phone, and it will always come up as "multimedia message".

Well, no one ever said being an early innovator was easy.

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This is a test of the DOA text blogging system. This is only a test. Had this been an actual blog, it would have been funnier. :)

Cue creepy theme music

Okay, I scored 100% on this test, which challenges you to tell the difference between crimes in Scooby Doo episodes and real-world crimes.

This means I either have a good memory for unusual crimes or I watch way too many cartoons.

Life is funny...

It always amazes me how life just sort of happens to most people... unsummoned and without warning, the lives we lead have a tendancy to simply shape themselves into existence. How chance encounters lead us in directions uncharted, and unexpected.

Pretty deep thought for a sunday, but I'm in a fairly good mood with nowhere else to direct the idea. :)

Sandifest (tm) results

I know that the burning question is on the minds of some: Who won the
Sandifest ™ scavenger hunt?

Well, when the three teams arrived at the Rendezvous Cafe, all were
psyched and ready to compete. Originally, I had wanted the hunt to
begin in the parking lot of the restaurant, but as it was raining we
all met inside by the bar. The wait staff (while obviously bewildered
at the sudden surge of buisiness on this rainy Saturday) were very
nice and accommodating to the hordes of silliness I had unleashed upon
them in the name of Sandi's birthday.

Sandi and I unpacked the trophies and door prizes (several very cool
buttons). I then made sure I had all the team captains contact numbers
before reading the rules. Team Exhibition, (in their Expedition,
consisting of team captain Raymond, Rebecca, Petri, Charlotte, Ragnar,
and the still gestating Fin spawn) seemed confident of an easy win.
Team Slaughter, (in a mini van, consisting of team captain and forum
newcomer Cheri, and four of her friends whose names I can't remember),
obviously had the eye of the tiger thing going on. Team Gilbeau (in
the Gilbeau family jeep, consisting of Amy, Bobby, Paige, and Amy's
librarian friend whose name I cannot seem to remember either. Damn
this short term memory loss!) was fairly sure of themselves as well
despite the other teams having numerical superiority and larger
vehicles. After a quick review of the rules, (and some disagreement
about the `no interpretive dance during the hunt' rule) the teams were
given their scavenger lists, and the race was on.

The list consisted of 58 items, 27 photos of varying point value, and
instructions for finding the finish line. Among the items and photos I
was more proud of including were:

A birthday gift for Sandi
A piece of clothing from a member of another team
A male stripper
A photo of Sandi prior to 1977
A nationally recognized celebrity
A speeding ticket dated that evening
A street sign that reads "Sandy Cove"
A photo of the team re-enacting a historical event
A photo of the team in a fountain
A photo of the team with a wal-mart greeter
A photo of a team member pumping a stranger's gas for them
A photo of the team with a cop, (extra points if team is in handcuffs,
assuming the position holding donuts)
A photo of the team re-creating a Beatles album cover

The finish line clues were a shopping list… teams needed to get
specific digits of each product's upc code, when all were obtained,
they would give them a phone number of a friend of mine that would
reveal the finish line to be at the Fox and Hound, where Sandi and I
waited patiently for the teams to arrive. After all the teams were in,
the points were tallied, team Slaughter edged out team Exhibition by a
narrow 161 point margin to win first place.

That's right... the team that started at 7:1 odds won. Anyone who had
taken me up on a ten dollar bet would have won 70 bucks. Thank
goodness it was just a joke.

Among the highlights of the evening (for me, anyway… anyone who
participated feel free to add their own)
Team Exhibition's photo of Rebecca, Ragnar, and Raymond re-enacting
the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
Team Slaughter's story about how each time they convinced a cop to
pose for a picture, the cop would get called away on police buisiness.
Team Gilbeau tracking down Sandi's Mom to get childhood photos of her.
And what had to be the best pic of the evening… team Exhibition's
recreation of the "Abbey Road" album.

The important thing is that everyone had a great time. Thank you to
all who participated. We'll have to do it all again soon!

A post dedicated to Stacey

Because I read this and immediataely thought of those pink flip flops she always wears

fun with quantum physics...

I have a bet on this one, that at least 10 of my friends will get this joke... If you get it, please leave me a comment saying so. I laughed pretty hard at it.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Sandifest (tm) 2007

This year for Dizzy's birthday, I've put together something special... Heck, it beats buying a gift :) the official press release follows:

Attention, attention, and hear ye hear ye!

Sandifest(tm) 2007 will be on July 14, 2007, at whereupon we shall begin the celebration of the latest anniversary of Sandi's (Dizzy, to regular readers of this blog) 29th trip around the sun.

The staging area for the traditional Sandifest(tm) Scavenger Hunt will be in the parking lot of the Rendezvous cafe, 3001 General Degaulle in algiers at 6:30pm.

Teams participating in the hunt will be competing for a lovely trophy, or perhaps a few loving cups if we can find them cheap on ebay.

Teams should bring:
A swimsuit
A digital camera or cameraphone
A flashlight
A car
A map
A sense of humor
A change of underwear
A friend :)

I would also recommend that the teams carpool to the starting point.

The location of the actual party will not be at the Rendezvous, but will be part of the hunt. It will also be revealed to all teams unable to find the location if the party before 8pm at 8pm. Teams should be aware though, that finding the party will be the highest point value
on the scavenger hunt. If you are not planning on participating in the hunt, please register with Sandifest (tm)'s official promoter and sponsor (Rob "the Webkahunah" Cerio) and he will let you in on this closely guarded secret.

Teams may be any size. Remember that the point is to have fun! All who read these words are welcome to attend. This includes any readers of my blog that may be so inclined. I'll be the fat guy in the loud Hawaiian Shirt.

Please feel free to ask questions :)

Some funny on a wednesday...

A 2007 study (recently completed) found that the average Cajun walks about 900 miles per year.

A separate study found that Cajuns drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

That conclusively means, on average, Cajuns get about 41 miles per gallon.

Braaaaaains!

Becca sent out a Myspace bulletin with this, but I thought it was funny enough to post here:
Now all you wannabe Zombies remember... intestines are very high in cholesterol.

USA! USA! USA!

While you were all enjoying a day off and maybe a backyard barbeque in the company of friends on the 4th, on coney island our country's bragging rights were being re-secured for the first time in six years.

That's right, boys and girls... read for yourself the thrilling story about the mustard belt coming home.

Talk about your effective advertizing...

This clip is enough to make me buy this product immediately, and a box for everyone I know.



Fight Noise pollution, Y'all... don't have kids.