Sometime in the year 2386...

A fairly unusual meme:

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Fine, but where do I buy the textbook?

Warning: possible violation of the prime directive ahead.

So, I'm having dinner with New Girlfriend and her kids, when her oldest (5 years old) looks up at me with big wide eyes and says, "Rob, you need to be my new Dad."

I look over at New Girlfriend and she's grinning from ear to ear. He doesn't take too everyone, apparently. I look down at him and say politely, "But you already have a Dad, kiddo. He's way more qualified than I am."

He thinks about this for a second, then says "Well, then you need to take lessons."

I laughed at this for ten minutes..

While I appreciate the manager's sense of humor... that is just wrong to do to someone. I Googled the girl's name on the internet, and it turns out that Hooters actually settled out of court for an undisclosed sum of money on this.

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mmmmm... sushi.

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Beware the paperwork surfing penguin of doom!

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Look what was on my desk this morning! Does my boss love me or what?

the "P&G' s scheduling sucks" pub crawl...

The story goes like this...

I was helping plan the next Area 504 pub crawl with the understanding that the date for it was going to be the 17th. Fortunately, My new Girlfriend had off that night from the Folgers plant, and was really looking forward to it

Problem was, we were misinformed... the pub crawl in question is actually the week after this one.... rather than dissapoint my sweetie, I'm inviting everyone who isn't in Area 504 to help us do a "not-so-dry" run this week. If you are in 504 and wish to do both events, you are of course welcome to join us.

the plan is to meet at Crazy Johnnies in Metairie around six for dinner this Friday, and proceed to sample the finest bars fat city has to offer.

for further details, or the rest of the evenings itinerary, please call or e-mail me.

The number of the beast...

Came across these on James Randi's website, and promptly laughed my butt off:

666 = number of the Beast
665 = older brother of the Beast
660 = approximate number of the Beast
66600 = zip code of the Beast
$665.95 = retail price of the Beast
DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 = Number of the High-Precision Beast
0.666 = Number of the Millibeast
/666 = Beast Common Denominator
-666^½ = Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66^e3 = Floating point Beast
1010011010 = Binary number of the Beast
6, uh . . . what was that number again? = Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 = Area code of the Beast
666 mph = Speed limit of the Beast
$699.30 = Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 = Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 = Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 = Way of the Beast
666 F = Oven temperature for roast Beast
352 – Oven temperature for roast Beast in Europe
666(k) = Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66% = 5-yr CD interest rate at 1st Beast of Hell Nat. Bank, $666 min. deposit
$666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 = Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 = CPU of the Beast
665.9997856 = Number of the Beast on a Pentium
666i = BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address
668 = Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333 = The semi-Christ

This post brought to you by the letter "B"...

I got the letter “B” from Cheri… Here's how it works…. You ask me for a letter in the comments, I give you one, then you post that letter in your journal along with ten words of significance to you that start with that letter, and why they're significant. What a fun game! You know you want to play! :)

1) “Batman: The Dark Knight Returns”- the classic Frank Miller Batman story that made the teenage Rob realize that comics were for grown ups, too. Proof that every time I have tried to get out of a hobby, I always manage to get sucked right back in.

2) Bob- The one nickname derived from Robert that I REFUSE to answer to. I’m sorry, but I’m just not a quadrapelegic in the middle of the ocean.

3) Buick- my current ride. I adore my Maybelline… She’s got the personality of a Camaro, and the luxury of a Cadillac.

4) Brazil nuts- one of my few life-threatening allergies.

5) “Big man”- the one “nickname” a complete stranger can call me that will give me an immediate dislike of them. It’s not that I don’t think I am a big man… I just think it’s kinda rude for a stranger to label you as such.

6) Brannagan, (Zap)- my favorite Futurama character… “I suffer from a very sensual learning disability… I call it sexlexia.”

7) Blogging- my addiction, your entertainment.

8) “Build me up, Buttercup”- the ringtone I recently assigned to my new special someone.

9) Becca- one of my oldest and dearest friends.

10) Brooklyn Tech- my high school alma mater.

Bonus number 11) Boy... that was harder than I thought!
Bonus number 12) Bonus- lucky you, you get two of em!

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Found this under my desk while cleaning my office. It's a kareoke machine. I would ask why it's there, but i don't wanna know.

For those that think their lives couldn't get any better...

I refer you to this post on my brother's blog.

Of course, it could be even more awesome if they were opening for Atomic Thump...

I've got a fever...

That only a Play-Doh cowbell can cure.

Some funny on a rainy tuesday

It's raining here in New Orleans today, but we have a saying... you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes. If it doesn't clear up, then it wasn't the right ten minutes :)

On to the joke:

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''

14 reasons why it's better to date a fangirl...

1) She's much less likely to drag you to a chick flick, but way more likely to drag you to a Harry Potter flick.
2) She gets your joke about how many Pakleds it takes to screw in a light bulb.
The answer is two... one to replicate the bulb, the other to kidnap Geordi.
3) She finds the stories about the exploits of your D&D character fascinating.
4) Her response to you bragging about how you detailed your Millennium Falcon model with the blast marks in the right position: "Coooool."
5) The day after you sit through a ten hour Dr. Who marathon with your friends, she asks you if you want to watch the Dr. Who episodes she has on her DVR without even thinking you might refuse. (You wouldn't.)
6) She understands completely how cool the Midnight Harry Potter release was.
7) She has no problem meeting you over coffee just to discuss the latest episode of Heroes.
8) She thinks your facination with Superheroines and Orion Slave Girls is funny, not creepy.
9) You drop a Princess Bride reference in your conversation, and she not only gets it, but comes up with a more obscure one.
10) She's just as likely to have an attic full of action figures as you are.
11) She's not surprised that you have a Superhero/Jedi/Star Trek costume... she's just impressed that you made them yourself.
12) You don't have to explain to her who Dr. Franknfurter, Gort, Fezzig, or Neil Gaiman are.
13) She giggles when you call non-fanfolk "Mundanes" or "Muggles".
14) She insists you need to see just as many movies as you insist she needs to see.

About the prime directive...

The Prime Directive, as stated by the branch of Starfleet with it's meathooks sunk into the DOA management reads as follows:

Directive 001- No post shall be made to Dogs of Atlantis that would interfere with the natural development of the authors relationship with a female. This includes, but is not limited to revealing feelings, emotions, and/or funny/flattering situations which may or may not make said female's heart melt like a ice sculpture at a Hawaiian lava festival, no matter how funny/flattering said anecdotes may or may not be.

Directive 001.1- Remember, my Mom reads my blog.

Directive 001.2- (the James T. Kirk clause) These laws are binding unless said female is an exceptionally hot Orion slave girl or a genuine Superheroine, in which case it would be impossible to get the blog's author to shut up about it.

The Prime Directive is perhaps the biggest and most necessary limitation I put upon what goes on these pages. As such, it also turns out to be one of the more questionable ones, as evidenced by this post, titled "Prime Directive my ass!" which includes one of the best verbal descriptions of me I have ever read (and may have put on my next business cards). It's the part with all the slashes in it. :) I am linking to it so that I will not be accused of not providing my readers with a fair and balanced point of view. Think of it as the 'democratic response'.

In short, kids... your beloved Webkahunah once again has a love life that he won't talk about, but is enjoying immensely.

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And this is the agony of defeat. At least the wings were good :)

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Tonight, Ducky and i are at hooters. He won a gas card here a few weeks ago, and is entered in tonight's drawing for a trip to vegas. He has a one in eight chance.

Posting from the past...

I was talking to a new friend about certain posts on my blog, specifically those pertaining to why I don't post about my love life, my Mission: Impressable posts, and that period of my life when life was just one adventure after another that nearly involved me getting killed.

Mission: Impressable 1
Mission: Impressable 2
Why I don't post about my love life
Nearly getting myself killed by drinking the water
Nearly getting myself killed by getting hit by a train
Nearly getting myself killed on the highway

So, what is it about this new friend that warrants me talking about such things? Well as we all know, I am forbidden by the prime directive to talk about certain things, but she put up a very flattering post about me on her MySpace blog that I think explains it.

No, I'm not linking to it. That would be a direct violation of the prime directive, kids. Starfleet doesn't f#@k around with those that violate it.

About that last post...

The post below was my first test of the new system blogger has in place to allow people to post blog entries from their cell phone.

It worked, and this is a very awesome thing. The only issue I have with it is that I can't change the subject line from the cell phone, and it will always come up as "multimedia message".

Well, no one ever said being an early innovator was easy.

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This is a test of the DOA text blogging system. This is only a test. Had this been an actual blog, it would have been funnier. :)