Friday, September 28, 2007

A double dose of funny on a friday...

Seeing as how the posts have been sparse lately, I figured my readers were due a few giggles while I finish writing the entry about the NYC trip...

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

I got another one for ya...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

So where ya been, Rob?

New York, New York, kids. The place so nice they had to name it twice :) While the picture above clearly violates the Prime Directive, I don't really give a rat's fart cause we look so darn cute together on a blustery fall day in the most amazing city on the planet.

Behind us, for those not in the know... is the Verrazano Narrows bridge between Staten Island and Brooklyn. It was the longest suspension bridge in the world when it was completed, and always makes me think of my hometown.

Among the other notable pictures taken on the trip:

Me and Dad in his apartment. Cheri loves this shot because we both have the same goofy "why take a picture of us?" face going on.

Me and Cheri being saved from certain doom by the man of steel. one might assume from the picture that I am Superman's biggest fan... the little known fact is that Superman is actually my biggest fan.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Some funny for a Monday...

A waiter asks a man, "May I take your order, sir?"

"Yes," the man replies. "I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

A couple of one liners for funny on a wednesday...

Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls?

You can drop them off anywhere.

How does the man on the moon get his hair cut?

Eclipse it!

On my way to work...

I spotted this dude sporting a mullet as he rode his bike to work this morning:
Now, That's commuting in style. For some reason, I was reminded of "Joe Dirt".

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Movie Props...

Because the TV one worked so well, and sparked many a conversation... Here are a list of Movie props I would love to have on my shelf. Remember, we're talking the real prop here... not a replica.

R2-D2: although I hear there's a club that specializes in replicas of what is perhaps the cinema's most loveable robot, I would love to have one of the ones built by Grant Imahara for Phantom Menace. (signed, of course)

The original Captain Chaos mask and cape: Of course, I don't know if I could resist wearing it...

A Batarang: One of the throwing star types from Batman Begins... although I would settle for the boomerang one that Val Kilmer used in Batman Forever.

The Green Crystal that created the fortress of solitude: from the Superman movies, of course.

The Maltese Falcon: Just because it's cool.

Indy's Whip: Because Indy was so cool that it was his prefered weapon, and it saves his life at least once per movie.

Mechagodzilla's Head: I love Godzilla movies, but Mechagodzilla was the bad guy to beat all bad guys.

The Bowler II's bowling ball: From Mystery Men, complete with the skull of Carmine the Bowler in it thanks to the pro shop.

A neuralizer: from Men in Black. so cool it immediately became a sci-fi cliche.

The arm of the original Terminator: From Terminator 2. It just looked so cool sitting in that glass case at cyberdyne.

I tag anyone who likes movies!

Some funny for a Monday... cept of course it's tuesday...

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."