Friday, August 31, 2007

Some funny on a friday...

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Only in new orleans

Behold the heart attack on a bun that was my dinner! It is an angus burger stuffed with cheddar cheese, then battered, deep fried, and served on a bun with a fried egg, lettuce and tomato. I love this town.

I figure y'all deserve a threefer funny on a thursday because I'm an idiot...

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:

"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."

"When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion," she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget her few moments of weakness.

"I'm curious though," he said, "Where did the thirty dollars come from?"

"Oh that, " his wife replied, "Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!"

Some funny on a thursday.... this time without repeating myself...

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

Some funny on a thursday....

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

"How do we enter?" asked the first man.

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex."

"O.K. I guess 7, " said the first man.

"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again"

The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex."

"2" said the second man

"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."

As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man,"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said the second man. "My wife won twice last week."

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The ultimate collection...

Over on the TV squad blog, there was an interesting post about Television Props... As a memorabilia collector, what are the the top ten items from TV you would like to have in your personal collection? The original author had a few clever ones, like the ottoman that Dick Van Dyke trips over at the beginning of the Dick Van Dyke Show, The ring Tom Magnum wears, and Tom Servo. It got me thinking about my own list though, and I thought I'd share it here. Keep in mind, we're talking the real prop, not a replica...

The Photo of Mel Torme from Harry's Office on Night Court. Or the armadillo he keeps on the shelf.

Murphy Brown's dart board. Each week she had someone else's face on it... I would just put Dan Quale.

Archie Bunker's Chair. with permission of the Smithsonian, of course...

Norm's Bar Stool from Cheers. If only to see how well my butt print compares to George Wendt.

K.I.T.T.'s steering column. I would say the whole car, but that would attract way too much attention.

The Nomad space probe from Star Trek. I know... of all the Trek stuff I could wish for, why that? because it would look great next to:

A Dalek from Doctor Who. And then they could fight... I can hear it now...
Dalek: "You are inferior!"
Nomad: "You are imperfect!"
Nomad: "STERILIZE!!!"

and so on... It would be like a fanboy tastes great/less filling commercial without all the fat, sweaty guys. I give 4-1 odds on Nomad. But I digress...back to the topic...

The palm trees and dinosaurs Wash keeps on the dashboard of Serenity. Cause they are just so freaking cool.

A bottle of Vitameatavegimin.
Still my favorite Lucy routine.

The Radio from Gilligan's Island. But I think the guy who played the professor grabbed that one.

The Bat-bulletproof shield. The one gadget I can remember Adam West pulling from the utility belt that made sense to me.

So, what's in your collection?

Monday, August 27, 2007

Pub crawl re-tread...

You know, as I stumbled haphazardly from "The Bar" to "The Boom-Boom Bar" During the Area 504 Fat city Pub Crawl, the idea that I could do a live photo blog from my cell phone popped into my head. I mean, I had already promised to provide New Girlfriend with regular updates about the debauchery, so it seemed like a brilliant idea to just copy my blog about it.

Of course, the problem is that camera phones take extremely dark pictures, and my usually elegant prose and metaphors apparently break down when I'm tipsy like a Canoe full of drunk boy scouts. Maybe Live blogging just isn't for me... maybe it's just not for me when I'm any event, here are the photoshoped-to-be-brighter pictures and better descriptions:After dinner at Crazy Johnnies and A drink or two at "The Bar" we wound up at the Boom-Boom... Here's Amy delighting in my misery as she tells Sandi, Rebecca and Raymond about me and the Assless Chaps. (Long story... I do not own any, nor do I ever intend to... but Amy thinks the concept of me in a pair is hysterical)
Next on the list was Pat's Pub, a bar of note primarily for it's blaring Heavy metal music and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer on tap for $1.50 a mug. (and worth every penny) here, we see my empty mug. The bartender was kind enough to hold a flashlight over it for the right lighting :)Sandi, A.J. and Amy playing pool at our next stop, the Whisky bar. I love the lighting in this shot... but it came out blurry because by the time I took it I was on my 6th or 7th beer...Raymond insisted that we couldn't leave the Whisky Bar without one of us getting up to do Karaoke (which I have been informed by those wiser than I means 'bad singing' in Japanese) I got up and did my best rendition of "I'm just a Gigolo". Amy said I started out like Louis Prima, but ended up all Diamond Dave. The photo of me representing in my Area 504 bowling shirt was taken for me by the very pregnant Charlotte, who was out drinking all the soft drinks she could in honor of Baby's first pub crawl... Watching her get on and off bar stools was extremely entertaining as the evening progressed. Before we left, the Bartender/owner and the DJ said that we were welcome back any time.Raymond and Rebecca at Sweets 'again' (our next stop) in the VIP area. I believe when I snapped this, she was saying "We should have a meeting here!" We were invited back by this bartender as well, for their weekly Monday night football party once the season starts.From there, we went to Cheers, (where they still don't know my name) and I took a few drunken moments to delete some pictures from my phone... I then willingly and knowingly broke this blog's Prime Directive, and posted this picture of Me and New Girlfriend. This violation was primarily because she wasn't in attendance, and I missed her. I believe I got kinda mushy about it too... Don't like it? Tough. I'm in love.I then took this picture (my favorite of the night) of the remaining group of Area 504 members gathered around a table at Cheers. I think it speaks for itself. Shortly after it was taken, we took a vote and wound up back at the Whisky Bar. I had wanted to sing another song, but as I began to sober up for the inevitable drive home, I decided against it. Some of the folks that had shown up were obviously Karaoke ringers, and were way better than I would be. Overall, It was a fun night of camaraderie and laughter, although Our beloved 504 Captain did express her disappointment that she wasn't three sheets to the wind by the time 2am rolled around... Raymond and I simply smiled and complimented her on her pacing. As I headed off for home, Rebecca, Raymond and the drunken Fin stumbled off to Uncle Larry's in hopes of yet more fun and adventure.

Me, I'm content to wait till the next pub crawl.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Live from the 504 pub crawl

the group at cheers, where oddly, no one knew our name.

Live (kinda) from the pub crawl.

I just wanted to post this picture because even though she isn't here tonight, i absolutely adore Cheri, and wish she was here. :(

Live from the 504 pub crawl

Rebecca and Raymond at 'sweets'. Buzzing less after the song. Jukebox is awesome :)

Live from the 504 pub crawl

me singing 'just a gigalo' at the whisky bar. Apparently i was just awesome. :)

Live from the 504 pub crawl

amy and sandi playing pool. Getting harder to make reports as i get tipsier. :)

Live from the 504 pub crawl

gotta love pabst blue ribbon on tap. :)

Live from the 504 pub crawl

the gang at the boom boom.. Amy won't let the assless chaps joke drop. :)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


You have a 61% chance of being abducted

You have an above average chance of being abducted. You are into thinking about conspiracies and thinking for yourself � keep it up. But avoid going into the woods by yourself late at night.

Take this quiz at

Sometime in the year 2386...

A fairly unusual meme:

Take this quiz at

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Fine, but where do I buy the textbook?

Warning: possible violation of the prime directive ahead.

So, I'm having dinner with New Girlfriend and her kids, when her oldest (5 years old) looks up at me with big wide eyes and says, "Rob, you need to be my new Dad."

I look over at New Girlfriend and she's grinning from ear to ear. He doesn't take too everyone, apparently. I look down at him and say politely, "But you already have a Dad, kiddo. He's way more qualified than I am."

He thinks about this for a second, then says "Well, then you need to take lessons."

Monday, August 20, 2007

I laughed at this for ten minutes..

While I appreciate the manager's sense of humor... that is just wrong to do to someone. I Googled the girl's name on the internet, and it turns out that Hooters actually settled out of court for an undisclosed sum of money on this.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

the "P&G' s scheduling sucks" pub crawl...

The story goes like this...

I was helping plan the next Area 504 pub crawl with the understanding that the date for it was going to be the 17th. Fortunately, My new Girlfriend had off that night from the Folgers plant, and was really looking forward to it

Problem was, we were misinformed... the pub crawl in question is actually the week after this one.... rather than dissapoint my sweetie, I'm inviting everyone who isn't in Area 504 to help us do a "not-so-dry" run this week. If you are in 504 and wish to do both events, you are of course welcome to join us.

the plan is to meet at Crazy Johnnies in Metairie around six for dinner this Friday, and proceed to sample the finest bars fat city has to offer.

for further details, or the rest of the evenings itinerary, please call or e-mail me.

Friday, August 10, 2007

The number of the beast...

Came across these on James Randi's website, and promptly laughed my butt off:

666 = number of the Beast
665 = older brother of the Beast
660 = approximate number of the Beast
66600 = zip code of the Beast
$665.95 = retail price of the Beast
DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 = Number of the High-Precision Beast
0.666 = Number of the Millibeast
/666 = Beast Common Denominator
-666½ = Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66e3 = Floating point Beast
1010011010 = Binary number of the Beast
6, uh . . . what was that number again? = Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 = Area code of the Beast
666 mph = Speed limit of the Beast
$699.30 = Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 = Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 = Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 = Way of the Beast
666 F = Oven temperature for roast Beast
352 – Oven temperature for roast Beast in Europe
666(k) = Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66% = 5-yr CD interest rate at 1st Beast of Hell Nat. Bank, $666 min. deposit
$666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 = Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 = CPU of the Beast
665.9997856 = Number of the Beast on a Pentium
666i = BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address
668 = Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333 = The semi-Christ

Thursday, August 09, 2007

This post brought to you by the letter "B"...

I got the letter “B” from Cheri… Here's how it works…. You ask me for a letter in the comments, I give you one, then you post that letter in your journal along with ten words of significance to you that start with that letter, and why they're significant. What a fun game! You know you want to play! :)

1) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns”- the classic Frank Miller Batman story that made the teenage Rob realize that comics were for grown ups, too. Proof that every time I have tried to get out of a hobby, I always manage to get sucked right back in.

2) Bob- The one nickname derived from Robert that I REFUSE to answer to. I’m sorry, but I’m just not a quadrapelegic in the middle of the ocean.

3) Buick- my current ride. I adore my Maybelline… She’s got the personality of a Camaro, and the luxury of a Cadillac.

4) Brazil nuts- one of my few life-threatening allergies.

5) Big man”- the one “nickname” a complete stranger can call me that will give me an immediate dislike of them. It’s not that I don’t think I am a big man… I just think it’s kinda rude for a stranger to label you as such.

6) Brannagan, (Zap)- my favorite Futurama character… “I suffer from a very sensual learning disability… I call it sexlexia.”

7) Blogging- my addiction, your entertainment.

8) Build me up, Buttercup”- the ringtone I recently assigned to my new special someone.

9) Becca- one of my oldest and dearest friends.

10) Brooklyn Tech- my high school alma mater.

Bonus number 11) Boy... that was harder than I thought!
Bonus number 12) Bonus- lucky you, you get two of em!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Multimedia message

Found this under my desk while cleaning my office. It's a kareoke machine. I would ask why it's there, but i don't wanna know.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

For those that think their lives couldn't get any better...

I refer you to this post on my brother's blog.

Of course, it could be even more awesome if they were opening for Atomic Thump...