Sunday, April 24, 2005

a moment of levity...

Reason number 47 why I love the paranormal job: It's the only place i've ever worked where it's perfectly ordinary for my clairvoyant co-worker to say "Goodnight Rob, have a safe trip home... but remember... the sun's in taurus, with a full moon in scorpio and a total lunar eclipse tonight, so be extra careful."

I couldn't help but smile. I love this job.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Letter to Rob, age 20, From Rob, age 35.

Dear Rob,

Congratulations, Kid... you will indeed make it to age 35, where you will meet a time traveling version of yourself from further in the future who refused to tell me at what age I will (that is... you will... or maybe it’s he did) travel through time. Anyway, he will make contact with your future self (i.e. me) and offer to take a letter further into the past (i.e. to you). Of course, I kind of feel like I’m just talking to myself, and I’m sure you’ll understand that the older version of us gave me, (the middle aged version of us) a huge protacted speech about the temporal prime directive, knowing full well I’ll only loosely pay attention to it anyway.

God, time travel gives me a headache... do us both a favor and pick up a book on temporal mechanics so you’ll be less confused when you’re me, and I’ll be less confusing when I’m him, okay?

Ouch. Head hurt.

So, young Rob... what should I be giving you the heads up on? I know that when I was you, I was at a very strange time in our life. I guess if you hear nothing else from this letter after our older self gets ahold of it and censors any information that could alter the timeline, it’s this: You will live to see some amazing stuff. As interesting as you find the early ninties, the next ten years or so will bring about much of the things that you consider to be science fiction.

Like all humans, you will experience your own triumphs and tragedies along the way to becoming me. You will wind up moving out of Your hometown to live in a city that is just as remarkable and charming as the big apple ever was. I would tell you where, but figuring it out was one of the things that made me the man I am, so you’re on your own. You will get married and divorced once by the time you’re me, but (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) . I know you’re probably surprised by that little fact, but remember that your life will seldom turn out the way you expect.

As you got older, your priorities changed, and your life changed a lot as well. You lose a few friends, and gain a few more. Your talent for drawing people to you is an asset that will never leave you, so learn to relax a little, chum. You will have a lot more fun than you think in the dating department, or the way one of your future friends puts it a few years from now, “you have an uncanny ability to make women comfortable around you.”

Your future wife will be an amazing person. Her name is (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) Unfortunately, she will also bring to light one of your personal greatest fears. Think “the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” and I think you’ll get what I mean without the temporal police beating down my door. Still, don’t be too disturbed by this. By the time you’re me, you’ll realize that the experiences that you have make you the man you are... and everyone has their own cross to bear. You will come out of it all a stronger person, and when a friend of yours says “you are closer to the end of this mess than the begining” try to listen!

When you go to on a trip to Utah in (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) , you will (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU)and(CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) but if you (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) Remember that the bats dont have rabies, which means that (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU) So, make sure you find Jesus before all this happens, okay?

Oh, and in the presidential election of 1992, bet all your money on (CENSORED BY AUTHORITY OF THE TEMPORAL AFFAIRS BUREAU). Vegas gave some great odds on that one.

Well, Good luck Rob... see you in the mirror in fifteen years.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

been a long week...

Well, I guess the more things change the more they stay the same. The Ex went missing again saturday morning, and after a few days of worry, was sighted in the shereveport area. Now, by all legalities and moral reasoning, this was no longer my problem. Unfortunately, my hero complex invoulentarily kicked in, and I drove the six hours up to Shereveport to look for her.

The cops caught up with her before I did, and put her in the hospital about the same time I got there. I guess it was a good thing I was there, because she wasn't real co-operative with the medical history and such.

Of course, now I wonder to myself how many times am I gonna come charging to the rescue for her before I manage to supress this weird instinct of mine to do so. All the talk I do about moving on will be useless if I keep making her my responsibility.