Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas with the Cerios, day 4

Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,

You could hear the loud snoring of Pint Size passed out:

And every five minutes Short Stuff did check,

for Santa's progress on NORAD, but saw not a speck:

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3.5.

Pint Size also got a visit from one of Santa's elves and Elvis. This confused me until I realized you can't spell "elvish" without "Elvis". They released Pint Size late last night, the best Christmas present ever.

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3

Pint Size is in the hospital as the big day approaches, but no one is too sick for a visit from Santa. The Doctors tell us that he has some kind of stomach virus, and we have high hopes he'll be home for Christmas

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Christmas with the Cerios...

In the spirit of the holidays, I present to you Short Stuff's Favorite Holiday song:

Right now, he's jumping around the living room yelling "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" at the top of his lungs.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Look! It's a boy! And he has Rhythm!

This video works best on "repeat"...

Isn't he adorable?

Now that I've given my Mom a heart attack, let's talk about what this ultrasound is really of... my heart. Not only is it doing the bump in this video, but it also seems to be full of Christmas spirit (and blood). You see, last week I had a bad cough and my doc decided to do a full workup for heart disease as a precaution. It seems that a dry cough could be a sign of a coronary problem. I told him I thought just had a cold, but he wanted to be sure and he is the doctor...

In addition to the ultrasound, I also had to sit through an EKG. Doc Mai figured I would have an enlarged heart or some other god-awful problem with my ticker, but was surprised to find out that my assesment of being as healthy as an ox with a cold was accurate. My love muscle will be pumping gallons and gallons of healthy type A through my system for a good long while to come.

(You should all know that I have a bet with Silverfox that Y'all will be picking up the phone and calling her and congratulating her before reading the explanation above.)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm Dreaming of a white christmas...

This morning, as I put Pint Size on the bus, it was raining. I joked with the bus driver that if it was just a few degrees colder, it would all be snow. Strangely, as I drove Short Stuff to school, it suddenly was. For the first time in his young life, Short Stuff got to play in the snow before school. I stopped outside his school long enough to take the following picture of said childhood wonder:
While taking it, a complete stranger rolled down her window and yelled "IT'S SNOWING!!!" at me. I Laughed at our mutual amazement. After I dropped off Short stuff, I called Silverfox, who couldn't believe that it was snowing in Louisiana in mid-December... This did not change the fact that snow was indeed accumulating on the palm trees outside Casa Cerio:
I talked Silverfox into coming outside with me and enjoying the weather, and she for the first time in her life tried to catch snowflakes on her tongue:

She succeeded after her third attempt, and looked at me startled... "It tastes... cold." She said, smiling. We then went inside, and I made hot cocoa while Silverfox addressed our Christmas cards.

After Short Stuff got out of school for the day, I took him to the park, where I taught him to make snowballs and snowmen:
Sadly, he took to the snowball thing like a duck to water, and proceeded to pelt me with snow until his fingers turned red from the cold.

What a great day.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Because once just isn't enough...

Pint size decided to take another dip in the porcelin pond, making a mockery at any and all of our childproofing attempts. Turns out he does this at grandmas house all the time and she thinks it's adorable. (sigh)

I told Silverfox that if he becomes a swimmer in the special olympics when he's a teenager, have we ever got us some blackmail material.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Well, there goes another Nablopomo....

and I can turn my attention to some of my other writing endeavors for a while... I've got ideas for two books, a potential screenplay, and two screenplays in the can that I need to get cracking marketing. Dave has also been talking about collaborating on a pitch for a TV series. In any event, I need to compound on what has become a daily writing habit for as long as it lasts.

I have a few issues with one of my screenplays, in that I really need a few people to read it and give me some feedback/ constructive criticism on it. I think it's really good, and Silverfox loved it, but her opinion may be a bit biased. I have three close friends that I use as a barometer for such things, but none of them has found the time to read it since I sent it to them a few months ago...

Any volunteers? I promise I will mention you when i accept my golden globe for "best screenplay" :)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

We may have not had our Fry-Day tradition this year...

But that didn't stop me and Silverfox from buying an on-sale-after-thanksgiving turkey and bringing it over to Uncle Leo's for the hot oil torture:

MMMMMM fried turkey. Indeed, this must be nature's most perfect food.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Some thanksgiving funny on a saturday...

I have turkey on the brain after trying to make a Roburducken this thanksgiving... (A chicken, stuffed into a duck, stufed into my tummy), so I present the following turkey joke:

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line!

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!! You made the team and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey shouted, "I want to know if I’ll be playing Thanksgiving Day?!!"

Friday, November 28, 2008

And to round out the week...

Great... so much for my plans of world domination :(

You're so evil, it's cute.
Aww, you think you're evil? That's adorable. We could just pinch your not-so-evil cheeks and pat your friendly little head. You seem like someone who feels massively guilty if you have even the slightest negative thought. If you were really evil, you'd lie, cheat, and hatch diabolical plans without feeling the slightest hint of remorse. It looks like your conscience is leading you down the "good" path, which is great... unless you're planning to take over the world someday.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Or, as Silverfox likes to call it, "We shoulda scalped the pilgrims day".

Today we give thanks for all that the year has blessed us with... and I have a lot to be thankful for this year... I could make a list, but it comes down to this... I am surrounded by the warmth and love of close friends and family. For that I am very, very thankful.

May your thanksgiving find you as blessed this year as I am.

Remember...Dave asked for more memes...

You know, I joke about this all the time... why, just the other day, I told Short Stuff that if he dumped me into the north atlantic for a few hours, he'd have a "Pop-cicle".

You might've been a passenger on the Titanic.
You have an inner strength and calmness that could have developed during a traumatic past life experience. You seem very protective of the people you love, and you'd do anything to keep them safe from harm. Maybe you were a child's nanny on the Titanic, and your only thought after the ship hit that iceberg was to get the baby onto a lifeboat. If you stay focused in the face of danger, it could be because you developed that ability a hundred years ago on the open sea.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

No fair! I wanted to be part of the "couple making out in the woods" that gets hacked apart!

You know, I always thought the fat guy is the first one killed by the axe murderer in a horror movie... this Quiz seems to differ.

When Action Figures Turn Violent
"You devoted your life to acquiring all the dolls, toys and memorabilia you could get your hands on, but ironically, one of your precious collectibles chose to take that life away. Maybe the creepy lady down the block had a garage sale and you accidentally bought a puppet possessed by a murderer. Maybe your new toy robot was programmed to destroy humanity. Or maybe that dirty old clown doll you found on the street really was evil. In a frightening collectible rebellion, the malicious toy tried to sell you on eBay, but then it found out you were more valuable in parts. Not pretty. "

Still, that is so me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

A reward of being a dad...

Is witnessing moments like this after the pure terror you experience when bringing your youngest child to the emergency room. Pint size had a bit of the croup tonight, and sacred the crap out of me trying to breathe. He's feeling much better now. :)

Pint Size has added to his skillset...

Yesterday, Silverfox and I were playing Rock Band when we smelled a horrid stink. A stench, really... coming from Pint Size.

This in and of itself isn't remarkable... Pint Size drops one in his diaper all the time, to the horror of the noses of those around him. So, we finished the song we were on, and went to change his diaper.

There was no poop to be found.

This means one of two things... either Pint Size has suddenly gained the ability to produce horrible flatus, or during his time with his no-good Bio-dad he was forced to learn to change his own diaper out of necessity. (like he was forced to learn to talk)

I choose to believe the latter, because the thought of him poofing baby powder at his own butt makes me chuckle.

Still, it makes me wonder what he would learn if we left him with the Bio-jerk for a full month... he'd probably be able to fill his own bottles at 4 am and cook himself breakfast in the morning.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

To Short Stuff, at age 26 and Pint Size, at age 23:


Let me apologize now for all the mistakes I'm gonna make in the next twenty years... but I want you both to know that I only had your best interests at heart... I think I'm a fair man, but I am also a worrier and overprotective... but there is no way either of you is getting a car out of me till you're eighteen, and even then, no eating Nachos in the car. Ask your Uncle Chris why.

Short Stuff... Right now you are six, and a lot of fun to be around. Your favorite thing in the world is Star Wars, and your favorite toy is your Legos. Your mother and I joke all the time that you will grow up to be a fanboy like your parents... so chances are you're helping us plan Coastcon 52 right now. You're really smart, to the point where your first grade teacher tells us you have problems in school because you didn't want to pair up with other kids you feel slow down your learning. You just learned how to read books on your own, and your favorite ones are about animals. You also have a great empathy about those around you, and I have a feeling no matter where life takes you, you'll wind up helping people. My guess is that you'll be either a Psychologist or a Vet by the time you read this. I know that whatever you choose, you'll make me proud of you.

Pint Size... Right now you are three and just learning to walk and talk, but you have a wonderful happiness about you that is infectious. Your favorite show is the Wonder Pets, and your favorite nursery rhyme is "itsy bitsy spider". Your favorite toy is an animatronic Elmo that you use to practice your Lucha Libre moves on. You have a fascination with belts and straps, and will play endlessly with one if you get your hands on it. Despite your being a person of special needs, I am convinced that you will be a Scientist when you grow up, because you have a fascination with how the world around you works that I think goes beyond simple childhood curiosity. A lot of people around us that care about you worry about how you will get by as an adult with the challenges that life has presented you, but not me and Mom. We both have a strange faith that you'll do just fine, and make us just as proud as your brother will.

Twenty years isn't as long as it seems at your age. As I write these words, you are already developing the personalities that I know have made you the exceptional men that I know you will become. Your Mom and I are thinking about adding another child to our already unusual family, primarily because of all the joy and laughter you both bring us on a daily basis. I have only been your Stepdad for about a year, but you both mean more to me than I think I will ever be able to express. I hope that one day, you will both choose to take my last name as your own, but I'll totally understand if you choose not to.

Really, just think about it, okay? No pressure... Just remember that you both have several kicks to the crotch coming to you from your old man in revenge for these first years as your Dad, and even if my legs don't work, I'll find a goddamn bat. If you're both Cerios by the time you read this, I may reconsider. Either way, when you have kids of your own, grandpa's gonna spend his weekends teaching them how to take a knee to Dad's groin.

Dad, age 38.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

And to think, I joined this family willingly...

Three things that I have need to note:

1) Short Stuff has a habit of butting in whenever Silverfox and I are arguing within earshot. His point is always "You shouldn't yell. You're married now. You have to love each other! It's required." Makes us laugh and calm down every time. We've taken to calling him our 6-year-old marriage councilor.

2) Silverfox gave her brother a truck she had when he got out of jail as a "I have faith that you're a responsible adult now" gift. Two weeks ago, he totaled it by running into the back of a parked police car. His reason? He was eating Nachos.

3) We picked up Pint Size from his bio-dad today, as he had been staying with him during Silverfoxes recovery. Much to our delight and surprise, he has learned to speak English. When his mom offered him a bottle today, he said clearly and distinctly "Yes, I want a baa." Our theory is that the bio-dad is such a horrid father that Pint Size was forced for the first time to use language if he wanted to get his point across.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Some true funny on a Friday...

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed.

George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation.

Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Real Conversations...

The following conversation took place this morning, as I was getting Short Stuff ready for school:

Me: Okay, kiddo... get your jacket. It's almost time to leave.

Short Stuff: I don't want to wear a jacket.

Me: Too bad. It's cold out this morning, and you have to wear a jacket.

SS: No I don't. The President says I have a choice.

Me: Oh, really?

SS: That's right. I Don't have to wear a jacket if I don't want to.

Me: Sadly son, that assumes this house is a democracy. You live in a dictatorship, and I am the supreme leader. Now, put on that jacket before I exercise my choice to punish you!

(Begrudgingly, Short Stuff puts on his jacket.)

Me: Good... wait a minute... where are your shoes, boy?

SS: My teacher also taught us about pastive resissance. (6-year-old-ese for passive resistance)

Me: Sigh....

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The perfect toy..

Is the tumble tower. I got one when I was three, and played with it well into my teens. It is a kind of puzzle that builds manual dexterity by moving marbles though it's various parts. Simple, yet stupid amounts of fun. It is, in a word, awsome.

Monday, November 17, 2008

And they say video games never hurt anyone...

See that blue line? That's where the doctor is gonna cut into my hand and stitch it back together to correct my carpal tunnel syndrome. No injections, no braces, do not pass go, go right to surgery. Doctor said it's a really serious case, and this is my only option if I want to feel what I touch with my left hand ever again.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

I went on an investigation last night...

And boy, are my arms tired. Last night was the first official investigation of my new ghost hunting/paranormal investigation group, the Jefferson Parish Paranormal Society. The team did great, and I'll make sure I give y'all more info as I get around to setting up the official website, and reviewing last night's evidence.

Some funny on a Sunday...

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are ... you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Funny Things To Do At Wal-Mart While Your Spouse Is Taking Her Sweet Time

The Christmas shopping season is upon us, Ladies and Gentlemen... and if you're like me, you find shopping a bit... tedious when it primarily involves following the woman you love around the store, while keeping an eye on her purse. Try one of the following the next time sheer absurdity of the situation gets to you (most of which will work just as well in K-mart, Target, or Walgreens Pharmacy):

1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
21. If the store has a McDonalds, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
22. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud ..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Friday, November 14, 2008

Some funny on a Friday...

From the DOA management: "Rob's wacky friends week" will begin on Monday, to give Rob a chance to compose his thoughts and warn certain individuals what he intends to post. In the meantime:

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's." The hands had never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man "And whose clock is that one?" *

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock." The hands had moved twice. Telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"President Bush's clock is in Jesus' office." St. Peter responded.

"President Bush's clock is so important it is in Jesus' office?" Asked, the man.

"Yes, he's using it as a ceiling fan." Responded St. Peter.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I don't feel like posting today...

Even though it's nablopomo. I'm having some difficulty getting Dave's story nailed down with the right tone I want it to have... not because I don't know how to tell the story, but because making sure my Wife doesn't push herself too hard and re-injure herself is becoming a full-time job now that she's out of bed. Today, I turned my back for a second and she was about to mop the kitchen floor.

Plus that, Short Stuff has a serious case of cabin fever... he really needs me to sit down and play with him for a while...

(Sigh)... the life of a stay at home dad isn't all sitting on the couch and eating bon-bons, I guess.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Oh man... I may pass out from the possibilities...

While cruising the interwebz, I came accross the following video... Now, before you watch it, let me tell you I got seriously twitterpaited by the subject matter:

Models... in Superheroine costumes... made of Chocolate.

There is no noun in that sentence that doesn't make me drool.
Among the designs I liked not shown in the video... Lara Croft:


and Batgirl:

Whoever came up with the idea for this... fanboys all over the world will sing your name for years.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Favorite memories...

Well, that'll learn me to ask for topics... thanks to my homies Dave and Stacey for the ideas, which I will definately use at least a few of, starting today. Gimme a few days and I'll see if I can return the favor.

From the DOA mailbag, Stacey writes:
Um... What is your favorite memory of Dave, Melinda, Andy, Lauren, and Drew? Blog friendly, of course.

The funniest part of this is that my favorite memories of all these people are decidedly NOT blog-friendly by any stretch of the imagination... Three of the memories in question (Lauren, Dave, and Andy) all revolve around the same event (Andy's bachelor party) And are by no stretch of the imagination the kind of things I should be talking about in public... My favorite Melinda memory involves a strip club and is a really dirty story... and as for Drew, while it involves a strip club it's a fairly clean story, but one that Drew would probably find embarassing.

So, where does that leave me, other than noting that for many years I spent waaay too much time in strip clubs?

Well, I could just let my readers come up with speculation as to what these memories actually are... and y'all will probably come up with stuff that is way worse than the actual events... Or I could come up with my favorite "Clean" memory of each of them which is not nearly as much fun, and requires way more thought than my chores-and-children addled brain is up to right now.

So, what I will do instead, is declare this week "Rob's wacky friends" week, wherin I will post about one of these people each day, tell you a story about them, and explain what it says about my friendship with them. If you are one of my friends and for some reason don't want me talking about you on these pages, please let me know in the comments. If you are Dave, Lauren, Andy, Melinda, or Drew and genuinely want to know which stories I am refering to above, give me permission in the comments to post it and I will. (in a PG-13 way) I'll begin tommorrow with Dave.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Some funny on a Monday...

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."

Sunday, November 09, 2008

I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous...

Silverfox is still bed-ridden, but doing well... However, I'm finding that taking care of her takes up most of my time, and seriously disrupts what little sleep I'm getting. I'm really concerned that tonight, (when the boys are added back into the mix) I may not be up to the challenge. Silverfox has said that i'll do fine, but I can see the same concern behind her eyes... I mean, only a year ago, I was barely taking care of myself... now I have three other people counting on me to manage their schedules, do their laundry, and make sure that they eat... Plus that, right now I'm still unemployed, with few prospects, and none that I feel I can devote my time to seriously until Silverfox is at least able to get around the house on her own.

Gonna be a long month.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Pimp my blog... Kahunah style.

Hey, Y'all... I've been asked by Silverfox to tell everyone that the one thing that would make her happy while she's bedridden is to see the hit counter go up on her new blog, Silverfoxes Canvas. She's trying NaBloPoMo even though she's in some serious pain from the surgery... so, how about you show my lady some love and pop on over there, would ya?

Also, because I know how hard it is to generate site traffic, and how tough it is to post daily for NaBloPoMo when you think no one is reading, if you give me a shout in the comments, I will be more than happy to talk nice about you and give a link to your blog here on Dogs of Atlantis*.

*A Note From the DOA Management- It seems that Rob is actually worried that he'll run out of topics this month, and this would obviously give him something to write about when he has writer's block. We of course, know that we won't be able to shut him up no matter what we do, so please give him something constructive to do...

Keeping the insurance company on their toes...

According to MSNBC, A man was washing his car when his dog got behind the wheel and put it in reverse. Now, the funniest part of the story to me is that the guy's car was impounded because he had no insurance.

Like anyone is gonna give him insurance now...

Of course, this also got me to wondering if something similar happened to me, would I be covered?

So I call my insurance company to ask (Seriously), and the helpful Progressive customer service guy I got was more than happy to answer my strange request, and only laughed out loud twice. Apparently, during training they are hit with much, much stranger questions during simulated phone calls, and are required to answer the dumbest of questions sincerely and correctly.

Turns out I am covered under my liability coverage and my collision coverage for whatever the dog hits, and any damage done to our Truck, but not the Buick, because I only have the basic liability on it. Important to know is that this also extends to kids playing in the vehicle, which apparently happens a lot. (Of course, my kids would just cut the brake line and push me into the river...)

Before I hung up, the agent told me that the next time he attends a training seminar, he is totally bringing this one up.

Friday, November 07, 2008

The Wife is okay...and the children are trying to kill me.

Today was the much-anticipated surgery on Silverfoxes lower back, and she came through it just fine. She's sore and resting right now, and it looks like she's gonna make a full recovery... but she will be on her back for the next few days.

Last night, Silverfox had intended on making good use of our last night before our imposed three weeks of no sex... we were going to send the kids off to bed, and then make with the boom-chicka-wah-wah, but it seems the children had other plans. First, Short Stuff, while playing around running back and forth past my recliner, stumbles and head butts me right in the part of my jaw where I had the two teeth removed on Wednesday.

As I lay there howling in pain, clutching the side of my face, Pint Size pulls his way up onto my lap, and does this to my crotch:

While I'm sure the Hulkster would be proud, I nearly passed out. I told my Dad about it today when I called him to let him know Cheri was okay, and he just snickered and said "Welcome to fatherhood." I spent the rest of the night with one ice pack on my groin and one on my face.

Needless to say, there was no matress durability testing at casa Cerio last night.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

The TMI post...

There are lots of things that I choose not to post here because they fall into the category of "Too Much Information"... For instance, I don't feel that the world wants to hear how my back itches today, or how the manly-as-hell big pink comb I keep by my bedside is primarily used to scratch said back, no matter how funny I thought it was when I told Silverfox that I was actually styling my back hair this morning.

Things that fall into this category include tales of changing diapers, how bloody my mouth was after having the teeth pulled yesterday, or the challenges involved in taping large painkiller patches to my wife's butt. I also tend to shy away from talking about my sex life, no matter how much these tales would enhance the legend of my god-like prowess between the sheets. It just seems ungentlemanly somehow... not to mention that the funnier stories of such exploits would bring forth uneeded mental imagery in some of my friends, and I can't afford to pay for psychological counciling for all my readers.

All of this is a warning that today's post may be a little TMI for some.

Tuesday, I went with Silverfox to her pre-op appointment for her back surgery on friday. I made it a point to listen carefully to exactly what the surgery entailed, and what restrictions she would be under and for how long. The surgery involves cutting open her back just above her butt crack, removing part of a disc and some bone to give her nerve clusters room to heal and work properly, reliving the pain in her lower back and legs.

No, that wasn't the TMI part... I'm getting to it...

I was reading the list of restrictions that she will be under, and in addition to not being able to bathe for a couple of days, and no heavy lifting or housework for a week or two, right there in the middle of the page it said "No sex for three weeks". The nurse was prattling on about the proper way to change Silverfoxes bandages when I meekly raised my hand like a kid in first grade that doesn't want to say something stupid.

"Excuse me..." I said, "is this a typo?"

The nurse smiled at me. "No. It's not a typo. No sex for three weeks."

Silverfox went wide eyed. It was the first time she was hearing it. "Really?"


"Well, that sucks." I said, trying not to sound like I only think about getting some. Silverfoxes reaction wasn't much better, talking about how life on morphine isn't all that bad.

"Look..." the nurse said, "I know you two are very active, but..."

"What?" I said, "How do you know that?"

"High white cell count in her urine." She said, "Usually means y'all go at it like rabbits."

Silverfox blushed... I blushed... then Silverfox smiled at me and said "You have to blog about this."

Sigh... It's gonna be a long three weeks.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Thought I'd celebrate...

Obamas victory by having a few teeth pulled. Kinda reminded me of watching the election returns last night.

Things you never want to hear your Dentist say:

1) "Check again, sir... are you sure you still have a tooth there?"

2) "What do you mean you voted for McCain?"

3)"Boy, you're really making me earn my money today..."

4)"You just don't want to let go of that tooth, do you?"

5)"Wait... did I give you any anesthetic? I can't remember..."

6)"God, I partied so hard last night my hands are shaking."

7)"Oh, come on... that doesn't really hurt!"

8)"Wait... was that the right tooth I just pulled?"

9)"Do you mind if I watch Ellen during your procedure?"

10)anything that goes like this:

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Who we should be voting for...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Damn... I knew I should have gone with a third party candidate. I wonder if one of his campaign contributors is Colt 45 malt liquor?

Election day...

Today we Americans get to show our faith in the United States system of government by participating in it. Yes, it sucks to have to choose between poop soup and a poop sandwich, but we are lucky in that our system allows for change of leadership without bloodshed. Most places in the world are not as lucky.

Do your civic duty today and go vote. I don't care who for, but take the time to learn where your guy stands on the issues that matter to you... don't let SNL's latest skit or the Daily Show decide for you. Make your own informed choice.

If you're too young to vote, make sure those around you of voting age get out and vote. Guilt them if you have to... but get an opinion on who should win and share it with them.

Monday, November 03, 2008

What to write about....

You know, it's not when I have nothing going on that it's hard to write a blog... quite to the contrary, I tend to post the least when I have everything and then some to write about. Part of the problem is that I have trouble deciding sometimes what is appropriate for these pages and what isn't... part of it is that I don't really want to leave anything cool out, and thereby always seem to.

In terms of appropriateness, I waffle a lot on what does belong here and what doesn't... for instance, I try to keep the mood of this blog light, and so I probably won't talk much about my job loss and the resulting financial situation... even though I was told today by a representative of Louisiana's department of unemployment insurance that it may be eight weeks before I see a dime, because I was honest about receiving one freaking days worth of vacation pay from my former employer...

I am beginning to understand why some people simply lie about their situation. When I said to the lady that I had bills to pay, she explained to me that that wasn't what UI is for... it should all go toward finding a job.

Apparently a computer, food and a working shower are not high on the list of "things needed to help in a job search".

Coming back to my point, although that's all pretty funny, there are those that read my blog that it would cause to worry (Such as Aunt Jo and Mom... Dad would just take the time to remind me that it's all small shit*) and I really don't like for people to worry about me. I worry enough on my own. So, sometimes I sit here as my world seems to be collapsing around me and write exactly nada.

Being a parent has changed that a little bit, I've noticed... Today was parent-teacher conference day, and I found out that both boys are doing exceptionally in class, and Short Stuff made the honor roll. I also found out today that I'm a bad influence on the kids... Short Stuff refuses to partner up with other kids sometimes, Citing that it "would just be easier to do it" himself because he would have to bring the other kids up to speed. On one hand, I'm proud I'm raising an honest, independent boy... on the other hand, the last thing I need is for him to develop my attitude. Silverfox has enough trouble with just me.

*Pop Cerio's fool-proof rules for getting through any situation:
Rule 1: Don't sweat the small shit.
Rule 2: It's all small shit.
Rule 3: When in doubt, laugh at the situation and refer to rule one.
Rule 4: There's no shame in asking a woman about her mental health history on the first date.
Rule 5: Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to know for the rest of your life.
Rule 6: Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented and determined fool.

Oddly enough, he and I came up with rule 4 together after my first marriage.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Today is a sunday...

And I have spent it sitting in my easy chair watching movies. The Bio-dads both have visitation with their respective genetic offspring, allowing me and Silverfox to spend a little "quality time" together.

(Cue the boom-chicka-wah-wah)

Seriously though, Short stuff and Pint Size have become such a big part of my life that I really miss them when they're not here... I have almost forgotten what it's like to watch a whole movie without a single question from Short Stuff. (Is Godzilla a t-rex? Why don't those japanese guys like him? Why do people keep moving their lips after talking in Japan? Is Mothra real? what about those little women that sing to him? How do they find clothes in their size? Why aren't you fast forwarding past the boring parts? Why do you look mad?)

Sigh... I feel like a Dad.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Halloween and NaBloPoMo!

That's right... it's November again, and that means that it's National Blog Posting Month, where bloggers are encouraged to post once a day for the entire month of November. I haven't really decided whether of not I'm up to that challenge right now, as I have a lot going on... but I think I'm gonna give it a shot.

Last night was of course Halloween, and that meant a night of trick-or-treating for the Cerio family. We got together with the kids cousins, Luckfish and DaNeice over at Silvermom-in-laws house for dinner and costumes. Silverfox broke out the makeup to create herself a psychoclown face while Short Stuff ran around in his stormtrooper costume trying to save the galaxy from the evil separatist Droid army.

Pint Size was looking simply adorable in his Yoda Costume, alternating his time between dispensing Jedi wisdom and beating Dad with his lightsaber:

Me, I just threw on a cape and my Superman T-Shirt and I was good to go. Here we have a group photo of our little candy-gathering group:

DaNiece, (dressed as the punk rocker above) decided that she is officially too cool to go Trick-or treating, and instead went off to a friend's costume party. She turned thirteen this year, so i figure that gives me a good seven years before Short Stuff feels the same way. Luckfish was wearing the same Hannah Montana outfit she wore at Hallowfest, minus the flammable blond wig for obvious reasons.

I love this next picture because it shows not only how big Short Stuffs helmet was compared to his head, but also shows Pint Size reacting to a disturbance in the force.

"It was like a thousand bags of candy were given away and then snuffed out all at once..."
Yes, I know that was Obi-wan, not Yoda... how about "Candy, you sense.... hmmm?"? There... now that I have proven what a geek I am for today, lets move on.

Here's the only pic we have of Silverfox for the evening (she is rapidly becoming the Dogs of Atlantis photographer) Again, Master Yoda seems disturbed. Probably just looking at his brother scarfing down caramels as fast as his hands can stuff them into his mouth...
We went into Algiers point, a known Trick-or-treating hot spot. People sit out on their porches in costume waiting for the hordes of children to come out. I thought it was really cute as we walked around with Pint Size that nearly every kid in a Star Wars costume (and there were many) would point at him and yell "It's Master Yoda!" he would then smile and wave a wave that conveyed silent Jedi wisdom.
Either that or he had gas.
People in the Point take their Halloween very seriously, and a few take their decorating to the next level as evidenced by this house:

His neighbors assured me that he does such things for a living, but I just know that Silverfox would be just as bad with an unlimited budget. Short Stuff loved it, though... and he kept fighting with the fog generator like it was a monster. Ah, to have the imagination and energy of a child....

We covered what felt like 20 blocks (although I counted it to be only 15) before the kids plopped back into the truck, happy, tired and covered in candy:

For next year, Short Stuff has already informed me that he wants to be Jabba the Hutt. I love my geeky kids.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I love my woman, but she's insane.

Tonight, my channel flipping alighted on a broadcast of the Rocky Horror Picture Show for a few minutes. Before I could change the channel, My darling bride jumps up and starts acting along with the movie, making all the appropriate and inappropriate callouts, and doing her own one-woman show along with the images on the screen:

Blurry, I know, but I was laughing too hard to hold my cameraphone straight. It was like watching "Dude, Where's my car?"... a sight so incredibly silly that you feel stupid and guilty watching it, but at the same time are endlessly entertained by it. I really wanted to change the channel, but just couldn't bring myself to because Silverfox was just having such a good time. Then to my horror, as the "Time warp" segment started, Short Stuff got up and started dancing around the living room with his mom.

Note the look of relief on Pint Size's face as he watches in wonder from the couch... We are a family of goobers, it seems.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Hallofest 08'... (Or how I learned to stop worrying about occupancy levels and love the party)

Well, joblessness and finances aside, Silverfox and I hosted our Halloween Party/Rock Band 2 Jam session on Saturday night, and it was freaking awesome, with lots of folks getting into the spirit of the evening, and imbibing the spirits of the evening as well. By my count, there were at least 25 people at any given time at our place throughout the night.
We four happy Cerios decided to do a family costume as the Village People... here we see me as the Biker, and Pint Size as the cowboy:
Silverfox was the construction worker, and Short Stuff was the Cop... I had to give the "Don't use the handcuffs on your brother or cousins" speech to him twice though... He was still happy, because he got to have a toy gun, and a nightstick to beat people with. (sigh...)

Ringo and his Wife came over early to give us a much needed hand setting up (for which we are eternally grateful) Ringo went full-on with our theme, and came as the zombie of Kurt Cobain:
And Sondra came as Angus Young:
Both of whom looked really awesome. Sadly, Silverfox didn't get a shot of the back of Ringo's wig, where she made a totally realistic gaping head wound out of hot glue and makeup. My wife is apparently quite the whiz at making people look dead. (who knew?)
Before long, our other guests started arriving... including Timmy as a rather convincing Jim Morrison:
And Dave as Prince:
Prince only did 2 songs and left, (as he is wont to do) leaving behind a rather confused Keith Moon. Some say it was just that Dave couldn't pull off the "formally known as" persona for an entire night... I say it's just because Dave realized it was a lot more fun to play Keith Moon. In fact, Dave and I spent about 30 minutes in the kitchen trying to "out-Keith-Moon" each other with made up stories of trashing hotels and what a bitch Roger Daltrey can be. Neither of us could find it in our hearts to speak ill of Pete Townsend though. (He lost his hearing for your rock and roll sins, people... show some respect.)
The ones that truly stole the show though, had to be the Spiehlers as Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne: Yes, ladies and gentlemen... that is Drew as Sharon (complete with little fluffy dog and screechy voice) and Stacey as "the f'ing prince of darkness". At some point, Stacey pointed at Drew and asked Short Stuff if he knew who it was... Short Stuff without hesitation replied "That's Ace's Mom!" and the ensuing laughter nearly cracked our windows.

Rick and Angie looked fantastic as Ike and Tina:
But I'm still wondering where the hell he got that 70's leisure suit.
Cutest kid of the night, I have to admit wasn't one of ours... but was Silverfoxes godson Little Joe as a punk rocker:He kept getting up in front of everyone playing Rock Band and jamming away with his little plastic guitar.
Thank you to all that got into the spirit and turned out and helped out for this one (I know I'm leaving out so many of you)... it was truly a night to remember. I think Stacey put it best over on her blog, where she wrote "You ever have one of those nights where you smile so much that your face hurts?"
Dave's already talking about putting together a cover of us all singing "Do they know it's Christmas" for a YouTube video before this Christmas. I am so there.

School spirit week for Short Stuff:-)

So we invested in a propeller beanie for funny hat day. Adorable, ain't he?

Friday, October 24, 2008

The ecomomic crisis comes home...

For those of you that haven't heard, Today I lost my job at Joval, and move into the ranks of the unemployed. The worst part of it is that it came as a bit of a shock... I hadn't done anything wrong, per se... it was just that times are rough, and the company decided that they needed to scale their office staff back. It was all fairly amicable... although it seemed to me like they were just waiting for me to screw up the computer system or do something equally vindictive while I was cleaning out my desk. I even offered to do some graphic design work for them as an outside contractor once I've had a chance to cool off.

I may still be in shock or something, but I'm not really all that upset about this.

I drove home the long way so I would have a little time to myself, and I got to thinking... this whole thing might turn out to be a really good thing... I mean, I liked my job... but there were days I dreaded going to it. It probably wasn't the best fit for me, especially now that my priorities have changed since meeting and then marrying Silverfox.

Fact is that we had been worried ablut the child care situation with Silverfoxes impending back surgery, and that's not a problem if I'm not having to go to work every day... Unemployment doesn't pay that much less than I had been making, so financially, we're in pretty good shape right now. I'm on Silverfoxes insurance plan, and I have free time while the kids are in school to work on getting some of my writing sold.

The truth of it is, I had already been having issues with our lifestyle, and this gives us a chance to come up with a whole new paradigm... one that will allow either me or Silverfox to devote more time to the kids.

I'm still a little worried... but I really think that this is going to turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I gots the mad pumpkin carving skills:-)

Tonight, short stuff and I carved pumpkins in what i hope will become an annual event. I think we did pretty good, even if he did insist that i loudly say "ewww" every time I put my hand inside it. :)

As the Party nears...

Silverfox is going nuts trying to get everything just right for her big Rock Band Halloween party. (also known as Hallowfest 08') but she is only one woman, and there are a lot of songs for her to unlock in RB2 before the party starts. It doesn't help that we were all sick earlier this week... she posted the following on her blog for those inclined to help her make Hallowfest the most rocktacular night ever:

Please post to volunteer to bring something and text me as the kids are monopolizing the computer as we desperately try to unlock as many songs as possable before party time...

This is the drink stash...If what you want is missing... bring it... I cannot guarantee the root beer, coke, or diet coke will last as that is all I have in the house and I don't get paid again till halloween.

This is the contents of the bar... 2 photos... Rob may choose not to open un-opened bottles...(note from Rob-Yeah, Right! I fully intend on getting my buzz on!) I can't drink right now cause of meds... we will need ice... we do have a blender for margarittas...

I need to borrow someone's food processor... mine died making hummus for Angie's party... I would like to make some for my own party... this would be needed ahead of time no later than an hour before the party at least... I would be grateful...

Plastic utencils are needed and bowls... I am making jambalaya... just a filler food...

I couldn't find the Lime sherbert or the lime aid when i had the money for the party signature drink... so if someone would like to volunteer to bring that... we can have yoda soda...

If someone wants to make the party meatballs/cocktail sausages... we will accept...

We will accept potato salad...and we need chips, dips and crackers (all I have are saltines)

I am also making chicken salad and deviled eggs

I do already have...

but I fear that I don't have nearly enough fog juice to last for 30 min... so if someone could pick up a jug... i will sign an IOU...

Well, there ya go, folks... anyone that wants to help the love of my life out on this one, it would sure be appreciated. Call or text us if you do, and know that I will officially owe you one :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

After his bathroom fun...

Pint size decides to get some practice time in on Rock band 2 in preparation for saturday's party.

Pint size is such a goober.

Last night, pint size worked out how to turn the bathroom doorknob. We found him in this comprimising position a few minutes later.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Rock and Roll kootchie-coo...

Dave reported over on his blog that Prince may not be in evidence at our Rock Band Halloween party, but instead the event would be attended by a KISS cover band comprised entirely of midgets known as the "love guns"... little did he know how close truth is to his comedy, as my research has found not one but TWO midget/dwarf KISS cover bands.

That's right... Midgets that dress like kiss are on the verge of having a tiny KISS army of their very own.

The first, known as MiniKISS claims to be the first ones to have the idea of a midget KISS cover band:Their rivals are known as Tiny KISS, and apparently the two get into regular fights about who was indeed the first.You can't make this stuff up people, although apparently Dave tried to.

I would watch out if I were you, Dave... these little glam rockers seem to take themselves pretty seriously, and I have no desire to see our Halloween party picketed by Midgets dressed like KISS.

Oh, and Dave... next time you need publicity stills for the "Love Guns" hype machine, come to the master: