Thursday, November 06, 2008

The TMI post...

There are lots of things that I choose not to post here because they fall into the category of "Too Much Information"... For instance, I don't feel that the world wants to hear how my back itches today, or how the manly-as-hell big pink comb I keep by my bedside is primarily used to scratch said back, no matter how funny I thought it was when I told Silverfox that I was actually styling my back hair this morning.

Things that fall into this category include tales of changing diapers, how bloody my mouth was after having the teeth pulled yesterday, or the challenges involved in taping large painkiller patches to my wife's butt. I also tend to shy away from talking about my sex life, no matter how much these tales would enhance the legend of my god-like prowess between the sheets. It just seems ungentlemanly somehow... not to mention that the funnier stories of such exploits would bring forth uneeded mental imagery in some of my friends, and I can't afford to pay for psychological counciling for all my readers.

All of this is a warning that today's post may be a little TMI for some.

Tuesday, I went with Silverfox to her pre-op appointment for her back surgery on friday. I made it a point to listen carefully to exactly what the surgery entailed, and what restrictions she would be under and for how long. The surgery involves cutting open her back just above her butt crack, removing part of a disc and some bone to give her nerve clusters room to heal and work properly, reliving the pain in her lower back and legs.

No, that wasn't the TMI part... I'm getting to it...

I was reading the list of restrictions that she will be under, and in addition to not being able to bathe for a couple of days, and no heavy lifting or housework for a week or two, right there in the middle of the page it said "No sex for three weeks". The nurse was prattling on about the proper way to change Silverfoxes bandages when I meekly raised my hand like a kid in first grade that doesn't want to say something stupid.

"Excuse me..." I said, "is this a typo?"

The nurse smiled at me. "No. It's not a typo. No sex for three weeks."

Silverfox went wide eyed. It was the first time she was hearing it. "Really?"

"Really."

"Well, that sucks." I said, trying not to sound like I only think about getting some. Silverfoxes reaction wasn't much better, talking about how life on morphine isn't all that bad.

"Look..." the nurse said, "I know you two are very active, but..."

"What?" I said, "How do you know that?"

"High white cell count in her urine." She said, "Usually means y'all go at it like rabbits."

Silverfox blushed... I blushed... then Silverfox smiled at me and said "You have to blog about this."

Sigh... It's gonna be a long three weeks.

1 comment:

Melinda Barton said...

OMG! BUSTED! That's too funny. Thanks for avoiding the mental images.