Sunday, November 26, 2006

a passionate italian... who knew?

There's something I need to get off my chest, and so this post will be a fairly serious one. Those of you that hate maudlin rants, tune in tomorrow for stories of this year's Fry-day.

Warning: You must be at least this emotionally mature to ride this ride--------------

It occured to me the other day that at 209 some-odd entries, this blog is probably the longest thing I've ever written. It is also in many ways the most dishonest. I don't post a lot about my personal life here, primarily because almost everyone I know reads this blog, and I am constantly worried about hurting those I care about, or making bad situations worse. Plus that, I really try to write to entertain.

I'm thinking that needs to change. (the not writing about my personal life and those important to me part... hopefully not the entertaining part). I can already see in my mind's eye some folk cringing as I say that. "Oh, great" you're thinking, "he's gonna tell the world about that story with the three hookers and the Chimpanzee". No... I have no desire to air the dirty laundry of others. "Uh-Oh..." Others are thinking, "so he's gonna rat me out for pantsing him in front of the girl he had a crush on in high school". No, sorry... my personal pain and humiliation isn't on today's menu either.

What I'm talking about today is passion.

I am passionate about a lot of ideas, people and things. I tend not to let it creep into these pages, and I think that is doing a disservice to my readers. My passions tend to get me into a lot of trouble... and are directly responsible for many errors in judgement over the years... I say this not for any sort of absolution, but simply as an obsevation. I think that a passionate soul is simply something no writer can be without... Just like the fractured parts of my personality that make for vivid characters in my stories (shizophrenia isn't just for actors anymore:)). I think that by not including my passions on these pages, it has led this Blog to be perhaps the most unreal thing I've ever written.

But I am passionate. I get very, very angry at more than just mice. I have been very deeply hurt by people I care about more times than I care to recount, each time leaving a permenant scar on my silent soul. I have cared so deeply about some people that I would tell them that daily if I didn't think that they would find it just a little bit creepy. I have been through things that have made me question my existance. I have and still do deeply love many women that i've known, even though all common sense says I'm a complete idiot for doing so (Yes, despite any ex-wife jokes to the contrary, Charity is still among that number). I am forceful with my ideas, and would gladly give my life for my right to express them... even the stupid frustrated artist type ones. I believe in many things not just with my mind, but with my soul.

Most of all... I am really passionate about my life... and I'm thinking it's time these pages reflected that.

Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed... maybe I'm being overly dramatic, but it's something I needed to say...and that's what a blog is really about, isn't it?

1 comment:

Dreamwalker said...

I did not find that to be maudlin or a rant, just an honest passionate post :)

I am the world's worst for not being honest on my blog for fear of offending people. And that is just wrong...it is my little patch of cyberspace after all!