Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A thought for all saints day...

I was reading over at Behind The Counter, where the unnamed wal-mart associate that keeps the blog had to ring up a purchase of 60 pumpkins, leaving our intrepid reporter to wonder just what they were all for. I know that you’re thinking, “Well, Halloween decoration of course”. And it is the obvious answer… but 60 pumpkins is a LOT of freakin gourds. More to the point, it got me thinking, “What the heck is this lady gonna do with all these pumpkins come November 1st?”

Alternative uses for 60 pumpkins the day after Halloween:

Pie. Lots and lots of pie.

A cheap 'b' horror movie for release next Halloween called "Attack of the Killer Pumpkins"

Spray paint them white, for easily compostable, warm weather climate snowmen.

Cheap Trebuchet ammo. (Not my idea, but really funny… posted in BTC’s comments, and the inspiration behind this post)

Impressive but cheap orange bricks to make a pyramid for a grade school production of "the ten commandments".

Festive way to smash windshields, so that the local glass companies get a much needed economic boost.*

Let them rot in the crawl space under the house of someone you don't like.*

Cheap Tourist attraction- "Rotting Gourd City"

Smash em on the desk of each co-worker that didn’t attend your Halloween party. Claim it’s an ancient religious forgiveness ceremony for your people (so you don’t get in trouble). Wear safety goggles and a raincoat while you do it.*

Pick a house at random and leave one on the doorstep. Replace it each time they throw one away until there are none left. (this gets even funnier as they begin to rot).

Sandbags? who needs stinkin sandbags?

Carve all into Jack-o-lanterns, place them all around co-workers car in the parking lot or their cubicle and say in a creepy voice "Ve have you surrounded." or "Surrender now, and ve vill kill you quickly." Better yet, just leave a note in red crayon saying such.

Dodgeball practice. (if you can dodge a pumpkin…)

Leave them all outside your local green grocer in a line with picket signs that say "Halloween unfair to pumpkins", "Pumpkins are people too!" and "Stop killing our Kin!"

Cut them in half, and use them as “biodegradeable siding” to tick off the local facist homeowners association.*

Two words… Highway overpass.*

Five more words… Empire State Building Observation Deck.*

and of course... (my favorite), create instant high ground in the event of levee breaches.

*the Dogs Of Atlantis Management does not condone or approve any acts of violence/revenge/vandalism, no matter how side-splitingly funny or silly they may be... unless of course you send us a video tape of such acts of violence/revenge/vandalism that we can win 10,000 dollars with, In which case... high five.

No comments: