Originally, this post was going to be all about the fun and festivities at CoastCon this year, but it took another turn when I came across this picture of me and Silverfox on Flickr:
This picture you see, is not the original. In the original photo, my thinning hair is much more prominent. I wanted a picture of us to show y'all, but found myself almost subconsciously importing it into Photoshop for the express purpose of giving myself more hair.
Yes, I feel pathetic... Yes, I feel stupid... And, yes, I feel old.
You see, this has been a particularly rough week on my ego. Early this week, we took a trip to Silverfoxes dermatologist because she had a funny little lump on her back that she wanted removed. Doctors always start salivating when they see us coming because they know that Silverfoxes health insurance covers damn near everything. So we knew that it would be no big deal.
The doc took one look at me and said "Damn, you're ugly. We could help you with that."
Okay, he didn't quite say that, but he did tell his nurses to hurry the hell up and book me for the procedure to remove my acne scars. I tried to tell him that I like my face the way it is, but he just turned and walked away from me like I was crazy to suggest such a thing. He later tried to convince Silverfox that she should talk me into it...
It's enough to give a guy a complex.
Then, last night while watching the Simpsons, I came to the grim realization that my age has caught up with Homer Simpson. I mentioned this to Silverfox, and we realized that I'm also older than Batman, older than all of the people on the show "Friends", older than Captain Kirk when he took command of the Enterprise, and older than JFK when he became president.
To top it off, we also realized that we have several adult friends that i'm easily old enough to be their father. Almost makes me wish that people had stopped procreating in the late eighties... though that would have certinaly spelled doom for the human race, and my ego simply isn't worth that. Not to mention that that means I wouldn't have been getting any for the past 20 years or so...
It's not aging that bothers me so much, you see. Like falling off a tall building, it's just the prospect of the sudden stop at the end that scares me. I had always thought that I would grow old gracefully, not real hung up on my aging apperance or memory loss... but here I am pushing forty, and my subconcious is pushing back with a vengence.
Well, that's not the kind of man I want to be. That's not the kind of example I want to set for my kids, either. I will not try to make myself seem younger than I am... I will not go out and buy a new sports car to make myself more attractive... I will not get the scars that give my face such character "fixed", and I will not be one of those leisure-suit wearing guys that uses spray on hair to cover his bald spot.
In the interests of this new realization, I proudly present the undoctored version of the photo above, of two people very much in love:
Take that, society's definition of attractive.