On the way to Coast Con a few months ago, I suggested to Silverfox that we should buy ourselves a slave from the annual charity slave auction. I was unsure how she would take it, (seeing as how part of the amazing multi-ethnic genetic makeup that makes my soul mate one of the most beautiful women in history is African-american), and I certainly didn’t want to offend any part of her.
“A slave?” She responded innocently, “I’ve never bought one before. What would we do with one?”
“Have them serve us drinks, for one…” I said, glad that she wasn’t about to kill me for suggesting it, “and we could make them dance with anyone who asks us to.”
“We can do that?” She said.
“Sure. We could even insist that they answer to another name for the night.” I said, “Like Chim-Chim or something.”
“Chim-Chim! Dance for the man!” She said, clapping and laughing.
We wound up buying two slaves the next day, but released them both early as there was no bar at the Coast Con dance, so we had little for them to do. I could tell that Silverfox really enjoyed it when I told both slaves to refer to her as “mistress” for the entire evening.
Turns out she enjoyed it a bit too much.
At Mobicon, she was ready with a dog collar and whip for her slaves. It was innocent enough, I figured, as she needed a servant for her bachlorette party. But She bought two, and made one walk the other. I have a feeling that they’re lucky she didn’t think to bring one of those royal litters that they carried Cleopatra around on.
Now, she buys up all of our friends on MySpace with the “Own Your Friends” application, and "brands" them with the label of "Silverfox's Posse". I constantly buy them back and liberate them, but I’m running out of the imaginary money to do so. The other day I pointed out to her the ethical and moral implications of all this, and was told flatly that she can trade in human flesh if she wants to.
I believe I have created a monster.
Now, I should probably mention here that in stark contrast to this, Silverfox is nobody's servant. She is as fiery and independent a woman as I have ever known. Her likely response if I were to order her to do something would normally be to laugh in my face. Except in one place... Her mom's house.
For some reason, when she is at her Mom's, her mother insists that she wait on me hand and foot, which she does. She gets me drinks, brings me food, and makes sure I'm comfortable. When I joke about it, she glares at me and her mom starts going on about how "she wasn't raised to give you attitude like that, Rob. I Don't know where she gets that from." Which makes me laugh even more. I once asked her how she could suddenly be so subservient around her Mom, but nowhere else and she replied, "Because I would never hear the end of it from her. It's a southern thing, Rob"
Maybe I just need to create a MySpace app that will act like her Mom :)