Inlaw Tech support

I'm on the road to recovery from the pneumonia I wound up with... the bad news is that I still had to miss almost three weeks of work. God willing, I should be able to go back next week.

Anyway, I'm riding to the doctors office the other day with Silverfox when she gets a call from her Mom, who wants to move her computer desk, but doesn't know if she can just unplug it and move it or not. She tells Silvermama that it should be fine, as long as she turns it off first. problem is, she's not sure how to do do that. Silverfox tells her to pull up the start menu and click on "turn computer off". Silvermama can't seem to do it.

Well, as amazing and talented as she is, Silverfox can't deal with this and drive without running us into a canal, so she hands me the phone.

Me: "Tech support..."
Her:"I'm looking at the screen and it's blank."
Me:"Is it on?"
Her:"I don't know."
Me: "push the switch on the base of the monitor."
Her:"A light came on. It's blue."
Me: "that's good. It should come right up."
Her:"Wait. it just turned orange. is that bad?"
Me:"No. it's just in standby mode. Move the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard and it should come up."
Her: "Does it matter which key?"
Me:"No. tap on any of them."
Her: "Nothing's happening."
Me: "Really?"
Her:"Just the orange light, sugar."
Me: "silvermama, look at the front of the CPU. are any lights on?"
Her:"The what?"
Me:"The tower under the desk. Is there a blue light on in front of it?"
Her:"No."
Me: (trying not to laugh) "your computer is already off. just unplug it if you want to move it."
Her:"It was already off?"
Me: "Yep."
Her: "Lord help me... I hate these machines."

I tell her it's alright and chuckle before hanging up the phone. Silverfox just looks at me and shakes her head before cracking up.

Some funny on a friday...

From the DOA management: We apologize for the dearth in posts, but Rob has been wrestling with pneumonia for the past week or so. He has assured us that regular posts will resume as soon as he can reach the keyboard without falling over. Now on to today's joke:

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

Today's inspirational poster...

Culinary pet peeves... (continued from yesterday)

I'll tell ya... there's only one thing worse than the one post you make in about a month glitching after it leaves the cell phone... when a dear friend takes the time to poke fun at you for it. (see the comments from yesterday's post)

Yes, I'm looking at you Lauren.

Anyway... to continue... I'm not what you call a refined diner. Beer and pizza suits me just as well as wine and tapas. I do know however, what I like and dislike about restaurants... even more so with restaurants I go to all the time. Generally, I enjoy a well prepared meal and passable service... I'm not one to send stuff back to the kitchen, but a poor meal will usually factor into whether I go to that particular place again. I also don't feel that I hold wait staff to some ideal... people in that profession have it pretty rough, and I try to remember that.

Then there are things that just piss me off. I've noticed that this happens more often when I'm not dining in, but getting something to bring home with me. Still, these are my pet peeves...

Pet peeve #1: When I go into an ethnic restaurant, and the person taking the order assumes that just because I can't pronounce the name of the dish correctly, that I have no idea what I'm ordering. It irritates me even more when I just order the number of the dish off the menu and they still question me with "You sure that's what you want? That's noodles, not rice." It's called "being worldly" toots, look it up when you get home and you'll see a picture of me. Now get off my case and fetch me my number 23 pronto before I start cursing in italian.

Pet peeve #2: When I order a meal for six people and they give me one fork. While I appreciate that someone of my carriage is often assumed to have an exceptional appetite, I am not going to eat six entrees and two appetizers by myself. Maybe I'm just being a little over sensitive, but this really insults me. I am a man, not an eating machine.

Pet peeve #3: When the person behind the counter insists I haven't ordered enough. "do you want fries with that?" is one thing... but when I order something without rice, noodles, or bread, who are you to tell me "You big man. you eat rice."? I used to go to this one Chinese place that did this to me constantly when I worked in the french quarter.

Pet peeve #4: When a waiter acts irritated when I ask what's in a dish, or for specifics about how it's prepared. I'm usually asking because I have food allergies and I'm embarrassed enough that I have to ask, so lose that freaking attitude. My Mom is allergic to soy and corn, so she has to do this all the time... I wonder how she deals with it.

Pet peeve #5: When I'm in the drive through and the person on the other end of the speaker says anything but "Welcome to (our fast food joint) may I take your order?" Anything else just confuses me, especially in the morning before I've had my coffee. There's a McD's not far from where I work where they say "What can I make for you this morning?" every time. No "Welcome." No "Good morning." Just some pain in the ass piece of homespun crapola that I have to get her to repeat twice before it registers in my head. GOD, THIS BUGS ME!!!! I was tempted to write to McDonalds and complain about it, but realized my opinions matter to McDonalds about as much as a field mouse matters to the President of the United States, which is to say not at all.

Okay. End of rant.

Culinary pet peeve #1.

When I go into an ethnic restaurant and the person taking my order assumes i have no idea wh

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Some funny for a Monday...

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

Today's inspirational poster...

Some funny on a friday...

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Some funny on a thursday....

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."

Some funny on a wednesday...

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.

"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I'd rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads!"

Boy, I wish I'd thought of this first...

I don't know why I found Garfield Minus Garfield so funny, but I laughed pretty heartily at it.

Absolutely amazing....

The following sight snapped with my cameraphone on my morning commute last Friday is familiar to most of us around election time... particularly in the south, where the weather is generally good enough to allow for such things. A bunch of campaign volunteers out on the street corner of a busy intersection waving signs, in the vain hope that it will prompt you to suddenly slap yourself in the head and say "WOW! SOMEONE WAVING A SIGN! I need to vote for that guy!" Normally, I just ignore these folks, drive happily by and continue not giving a damn. Friday was different though, because in this picture is something I have never seen before.


I know that the resolution sucks, but if you look closely, you will see that the gentleman in the red and blue tie is Mr. Steve Scalise, candidate for my local congressional seat (left vacant when Bobby Jindal was made governor of Louisiana) . That's right... it's not just a bunch of dumbass volunteers waving furiously to keep from freezing on a blustery Louisiana morning... the actual CANDIDATE is out there with them, smiling and waving at passerby. I double checked this fact by looking at his website, and sure enough it was him.

It's refreshing that a candidate for public office is humble enough to actually stand side by side with those campaigning for him. It shows character and humility. The man's got my vote.

Of course, this is probably exactly why he did it, and I have just been manipulated royaly. Is it just me? Would this make a difference to you?

Okay, so it's been a while.

I'm thinking that a lot of you are out there wondering why this blog has been so quiet lately... well, I've been busy focusing my creative efforts in other directions, and so that means that something had to give. Unfortunately, it was my blog that cracked under the pressure like a fat guy sitting on a watermelon.

Being a Writer with a blog is very different from being a blogger that writes. While I love my blog in that it gives me a creative channel to use when I really, really need to write, it is also a bit of a distraction when I'm trying to write something more substantial. The short of it is that I'm working on something, and on top of it i've been buisier at work lately too, leaving me no time to blog. I'd love to hear from other writers that have blogs about how they manage it.

But enough excuses... How is everyone? I'm fine, if a little worn around the edges. I'm still working on how to manage to write ten pages a day while balancing family and work... but Silverfox has been really encouraging about my writing efforts and that helps a lot. It isn't easy being in love with a writer as I understand it... it's a fairly solitary thing for the most part, even when it seems like I'm napping on the couch, I'm really fitting plot details together like legos in my head to spit out onto the screen later. It's my process, and it works for me...but loved ones don't usually understand this. To much of the world, it seems i'm being lazy, or procrastinating... they offer platitudes about writers block, even though I sit there and assure them that when I'm ready to write it, I'll write it.

But not Silverfox. She's been extremely patient as she tries to get a grip on how I work on something like a screenplay. Yes, occasionally she'll chide me when she knows I'm putting off writing to spend time with the kids, but I can tell it's only cause she's worried that i'm not getting any "Me" time.

It's really kinda awsome :)

I have a lot more to talk about, so today may be a multiple entry day. We'll see how it all shapes up as my day progresses.

The smartest TV shows of all time?

I came across this story on the internet where A big MENSA muck-a-muck (Jim Werdell, chairman of MENSA international) made a list of what he thinks are the smartest TV shows of all time. This is a topic I hold very near and dear to my heart, because in addition to being a fairly smart guy, I also watch a great deal more TV than I should. I was extremely surprised by most of his list, which I'll share with you instead of making you read the story:

Top ten smartest shows of all time (in no particular order):

1. M*A*S*H
2. Cosmos (with Carl Sagan)
3. CSI
4. House
5. West Wing
6. Boston Legal
7. All in the Family
8. Frasier
9. Mad About You
10. Jeopardy

What's on this list bothers me, but less than the glaring ommisions bother me. There is no mention of ANY sci-fi show, for starters... and you can't tell me that the new Battlestar Galactica isn't just as smart as many on this list. Also, while I appreciate CSI, you're not gonna sit there and tell me that it's smarter than Columbo or Monk. I like that Cosmos is on there, but where the heck is NOVA? And excuse me, but Mad About You? All this list really shows me is that MENSA membership is not rewarded because of good taste.

In any event, I have come up with my own list of the ten smartest shows of all time, in no particular order:

1. Northern Exposure- Smart and vibrant characters were the hallmark of this show ten years before anyone heard of Gilmore Girls. If you are unfimiliar with this show, I highly advise checking it out.
2. The Twilight Zone- It's one thing to be smart, it's another thing entirely to be as consistantly smart as Rod Serling week after week, with entirely new characters and situations.
3. Soap- This show was so smart and so ahead of it's time, it couldn't find the audience it needed to survive. It had among other things the first openly Gay regular character in prime time.
4. Mythbusters- Educating and entertaining. Need I say more?
5. Dr Who- With complex plots, characters, historical accuracy, and flair, Dr. Who manages to be smart by simply never talking down to it's audience.
6. NOVA- the first and still the greatest PBS science show ever produced.
7. Dead Like Me-It always bothers me that this show never seems to get its due. It's very smart and clever in it's execution, and in the way it examines how we as a species deal with our own mortality.
8. House- Smart and very, very funny. Still I wonder how many unusual cases they can come up with before he starts treating common colds and such...
9. Firefly- Just edged out Galactica for a spot on my list. The details of this show are what make it smart... the amount of thought that went into creating the 'Verse that the crew of Serenity lives in are an uncommonly rich and full world for us to explore.
10. The Daily Show- Not only smart, but consitantly edgy. Political satire isn't easy to do, but they do it really, really well without talking down to their audience. Their coverage of "Indecision 2000" should and probably will go into the ranks of classic television.

But then again, that's just my opinion... Maybe i'm just too cool for MENSA. Discuss?

I am so there.

Best. Year. Ever.

To all that posted on their blogs wishing me a happy Birthday/Robbie Gras, I thank you all for your kind wishes and warm fuzzies... but I think Melinda won the comedy award this year, by saying this:

For those of you who don't know, today marks a holiday celebrated throughout the United Federation of Planets, Robbie Gras! Today, the great and powerful Rob has completed yet another trip around Sol. But don't give him too much credit. The planet did most of the work.

Short, to the point and very, very funny. I laughed for at least five minutes.

Robbie Gras 2008 started out for me at 5 am with my clock radio belting out my favorite Billy Joel song. Silverfox even rolled over and said "Wow... that's kinda weird... Your favorite song on your birthday?"

"Through Robbie Gras, all things are possible, my dear."

We went out to the Metarie Parade Route to set up Camp Kahunah, (Pictured below with Brouhaha in front of the tiki god acting like his usual ham-tastic self.)
Note the palm tree cooler and tiki god... it was quite a sight.

I sat out on the parade route by myself for a while to reserve our territory, as Silverfox had to head back home to load up the food, kids, and my Dad. As I watched others clamber about in the early morning light setting up folding chairs, tents and ladders I had some time to think.

This has been an extraordinary year to be Rob... and it's only February. I'm finally getting the hang of this "Dad" thing, My birthday fell on Mardi Gras which fell on "super Tuesday", I'm with an incredible, funny, charming woman that can cook an equally incredible barbeque meal for me and thirty of my closest friends, my Dad came down to visit for the first time in years, the Giants won the effing super bowl, and had their victory parade on my birthday as well.

I'm truly beginning to think that somebody up there likes me.

Robbie Gras prep...

I've been a little busy lately, what with Dad in town and Mardi Gras parades, that I haven't posted in a while... Still I had to share the cake that Silverfox made me for tomorrow with the world:

I don't know what I did to deserve someone as smart, funny and talented as Silverfox in my life, but I'm so glad I did it.

Robbie Gras 2008

Friends, compadres, well wishers, and true funk soldiers...

As many of you are well aware, the stars and planets have aligned to make it that Robbie Gras (my birthday) and Mardi Gras will both fall upon February 5 this year. The Krewe of Kahunah will be celebrating this rare event in style this year on the metarie parade route. Pops Kahunah and I are feverishly working on resurecting my beloved paper mache tiki god from the ashes just for the occasion, and the lovely Silverfox is woking on special "Krewe of Kahunah" medalions as well.

We will be eating, drinking and enjoying the wonders of mardi gras at Camp Kahunah, which will be located on the Veterans neutral ground across from houstons. We will have much food, drink and good times to offer any that wish to join us, but more food, drink and good times are always welcome.

All who read these words are invited to attend, and we hope to see you there. Please RSVP with either me or Silverfox.

Dad in his element

Dad is in town for a few days. Rather than hit the french quarter, we hit a muddy rail yard. That's dad for ya.

Adventures in parenting...

From the Big Book of parental lessons, Volume 1... Why you should never give your child a cardboard mailing tube:

Pint Size had endless fun wacking me with it over and over again. You'll note that instead of helping me avoid further pummelling, Silverfox took pictures. Clicking on it will pull up the animated version of my humiliation at the hands of a toddler. I refuse to take that test circulating the internet of "How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight". The answer is none.