Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Maybe I'm getting a little jaded in my old age...

So, I'm in the grocery store the other day, trying to decide on what cut of steak I should buy to grill up for Ringo's farewell to bachelorhood. I know a little about steaks and such, but I've always wondered a little which was more tender, a porterhouse or a t-bone. (Not that I can afford the needed amount of either cut for the party... but if that penny I planted in the back yard sprouts into a money tree in the next few weeks we can talk...)

So I ask the butcher out of curiosity. He's a fairly dumpy looking little man who looks like he would smell like an anchiovy pizza, with two of the reddest cheeks I have ever seen framing his cynical smile.

"Well, they're good cuts of meat, sir. The porterhouse just has more of the filet."

"But are they tender?"

"They're both tender as a woman's heart."

"So I should probably go with sausage then..."

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This is just all kinds of wrong...

I generally am not for games that make light of peoples mental instability... but this game had me laughing for longer than I am comfortable to admit.

Mardi Gras 2007/New Orleans Update

Well, this Mardi Gras I decided to just spend at home vegging out in front of the tube. It was nice to have the day off, but it occurred to me that it's been a while since my last update on the state of the city....

The city is definately on the rebound. There are at least 4 fast food places on my daily commute, and last I checked all but one of the gas stations had re-opened. Plus that, the algiers KFC finally re-opened this week, just in time for Mardi Gras. Still, there are neighborhoods that show little sign of life, most notably the Lower 9th, New Orleans east, and the Lakefront. All of which were the ones worst devistated by the storm, so I guess it's not really surprising.

More people are moving back into their homes as damage is repaired, and bitching that they don't get to keep the butt-ugly FEMA trailers that people have come to think of as home. Many still haven't gotten the money from insurance companies or the road home program that they need to raise thier homes to the suggested levels. Crime is a little higher than you would expect, as I'm sure the media has probably informed everyone reading these words by now. Still, there is a feeling of optimism in the air here now that had been lacking... I've only heard one mention in the media that Hurricane season is only 3 months away, which surprises me when I think about how paniced people were last year this time.

So overall, things are getting back to normal in our little post-katrina world of new homes, jobs, and lives. I'm begining to think that should the apocolypse come tomorrow, next February there would still be revelers on Bourbon street, alive with the sprit of our city.

Gotta love this town.

Oh, and the best news of the week for many of my friends now living out of town.... Jeager's seafood and beer garden has officially opened at their new inland location on Clearview... anyone up for a "big A" platter?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Breaking News...

Or in this case, not braking sufficiently... In any event, my younger brother is off the Cannonball team. Unless of course, he ponys up the 10 grand... then he can be on it all he wants. I'll even let him be HIM.*

(Sorry, Bro... I just couldn't resist at least one joke about it.)

In other startling news, I am not the father of Anna Nicole's child. Just putting the rumors to rest.

Also, Al Gore can kiss the fattest part of my fanny. Global warming is just a scam to sell more sun block. Not only was the temperature here in sub-tropical New Orleans in the low thirties for most of the day, but Poor Becca up in the northeast won't be driving her Porche till spring thaw after getting an ice storm.

"But Rob!" I'm sure the former VP would say to me if reading these words, "the seas will rise over the next decade by almost 6 inches!"

WHICH EFFECTIVELY MEANS NOTHING! So instead of walking thirty yards from my car to the water at the beach, I'll have to only walk twenty-nine... and then only twenty five to get back to the hot dog stand. That's a good deal for everyone concerned. Even if it was as bad as some of the over the top wackos are saying**, it means longer summers, which means more time for me to scope out hot chicks in bikinis, and more time for said hot chicks in bikinis to get desperate enough for a summer fling to go home with yours truly. Again, a win-win situation.

*this joke makes much more sense if you've watched The Cannonball Run, starring Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise.
**Said over the top wackos are only 'over the top wackos' rather than 'respected scientists' dependant on who's in the white house, and what other polititans think they should be saying... makes me sick to see men of science used to further an agenda.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


The other day, Dave and I were discussing the Cannonball Run... specifically, how cool it would be to participate in such a thing, complete with wacky costumes, hot chicks, and fast cars. We even discussed possibly starting our own.

Of course, that was before I saw This. For the low, low price of $10,000 USD you too can have a wacky team reaching for the ambiguous noteriety of the fastest scofflaw around.

Anyone happen to know where I can find a corporate sponsor?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

For those of you that don't get to celebrate Mardi Gras...

This almost makes up for it. I would be there with bells on, were it not that the local IHOP will more than likely be closed on Mardi Gras Day.

Can I get an "MMMM panckaes" from the peanut gallery?

Friday, February 09, 2007

Breaking News...

No, Anna Nicole hasn't died again. Does it disturb anyone else that the news channels gave more coverage to the death of America's favorite golddigger than they did to the death of President Ford? Lord help us when the drugs finally catch up with Paris.

Anyway, my breaking news is about how I spent a portion of last weekend putting new brakes on the Buick.

That's right, the 93 Buick now comes fully equipped with stopping at lights being more than just a happy suggestion.

"Doc Kahunah" can fix almost any car problem you see, so don't treat your lemon like a lemming... bring it to Doc Kahunah, and he'll doctor it up but good.

I have done literally dozens of brake jobs, and once you get over the intimidation of certain death if you should screw it up, they're pretty easy to do. You take the tire off, remove 2 bolts, take the old brake pads off, put the new pads on, put the bolts back, put the tire back on and you're done. It takes an hour if you have the right tools. The thing you absolutely need though, is a special tool to remove the two bolts I mentioned.

Fortunately, every GM car since 1970 has used the same tool for this... a 3/8 allen wrench. I got one at Autozone when I bought the new pads, but after I got the tire off, I went to use it and found out on the first bolt that the Buick is different. Inexplicably, it had a bolt that usually is only used on foreign cars.

So, I borrow a neighbor's car, go back to Autozone, face the humiliation of my former co-workers telling me that I don't know jack about my own car, and swap the wrong key for the right one. Finally, I get back under the Buick, remove the first bolt, and discover that the second bolt needs the tool I just returned.

I swear, my Dad could probably hear me cursing from his house 1500 miles away.

After I got over the sheer disgust of the situation, it was back to Autozone. This time, the former co-workers suggested politely that my school bus must have been very short indeed, and wondered aloud if the new job gets special money from the government for employing me. I took it all like a man, and just bought a full set of brake bolt removal tools.

Gladly, that was the last surprise the car had in store for me, for I was done about an hour later, and enjoying a celebratory beer. The Buick didn't take her 'surgery' well though, as evidenced by the two inch gash I wound up with on my left hand.

The Buick is a harsh mistress... she demands a blood sacrifice every time I pop the hood.

And so, another week passes...

Boy, where did this week go? It feels like it just slipped through my fingers like sand on a beach.

Damn, that's all kinds of poetic... I should write that down.

This weekend, I'm gonna take soem time out to try and make one of my favorite italian easter dishes, Pizza Gain (also known as Pizza Rustica). It's one of the few things I simply can't find here in the south, but I came across a recipie that sounds fundementally like Grandpa Ferdinando's, so 'I'm-a gonna give it a try' (insert cheesy italian american accent in the quotes)I'm also gonna do some research for Ringo's bachelor party with Dave and Drew. I dare them to mock my newly-golden tresses.

In honor if the fact that this week seemed so darn short, I present the "Time Flies" Meme:

1. How long does it take you to get ready to leave the house? about 30 minutes, 40 if I shave that morning.

2. If you commute to work or a regularly scheduled meeting, how long does it take you to get there? It takes me 49 minutes to get to work, depending on traffic. I hate my commute. I used to enjoy a pleasant boat ride and walk... now I curse at strangers that don't know how to step on a gas pedal.

3. How much time do you spend watching TV or playing video games each day? I average Two to three hours of TV, and an hour of video games. Mind you, that is an average... some nights I watch no TV, and soem nights I play video games for four hours streight.

4. How much time do you spend preparing/acquiring/eating meals on an average day? Hmmm... I never bothered to clock it. I would guess an hour prep time, an hour of actual eating, about 10 minutes of shopping (an hour and a half once a week averaged per day) and an hour of conversation depending on who I'm having my meal with... so that's 3 hours, 10 minutes.

5. How much sleep do you get each day? Too little. I average 6 hours a night.

6. Time for to tag: Anyone who forgot to mention my Birthday on their blog. (this only excludes my brother, folks... get to bloggin.)

Monday, February 05, 2007

Robbie Gras 2007, and the state of the Rob address...

My fellow citizens of planet Earth… another year has passed and much has changed in the life of your favorite charming and witty, but ever-so-humble blogger. I’ve entered a period of renewal in my life and have come to the conclusion that this year, I need to cross a few more things off the “needs doin before I die” list… to wit, I present number 10 on that list:

Do blondes have more fun? I’ve always wanted to know. So, last night after the game, I went to Walgreens, got a box of “Just for Men” hair dye, and this was the result… what does everyone think? I know, I know... but I couldn't bring myself to dye the eyebrows.

So, this year could have been better, could have been worse, but overall, I think I had a good year this year. I completed a screenplay, got a decent start on a second one and a novel, and generally had a good time all around. Things have certainly changed though... I've grown apart from some people and closer to others... learned to embrace parts of myself that wouldn't have occurred to me needed embracing and most of all, found it in my heart to forgive a bunch of folk that needed forgiving.

Yep. Definately a good year.

Some funny for a Monday Morning....

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?

A pool table.

How many old timey gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

We ain't sayin' nuthin', see?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

the Thursday Threesome...

Culled from the Back Porch:

The Thursday Thresome is a weekly meme of three silly but related questions... enjoy!

Onesome: Slicing-- your way through the fairways of life? Terrible metaphor, -eh? Do you have metaphor or simile that just drives you bonkers when you hear it?

The meataphors that drive me nuts are the ones I keep hearing about the 'Information Super Highway'. Like "My new computer is like a ferrari on the information super highway" or "that chick blocked me so fast I was like roadkill on the information super highway" There are no freaking on-ramps, toll bridges, speeding tickets, or billboards (okay, maybe some billboards...) STOP USING IT, PEOPLE!!!!

Twosome: and-- on and on and on. What's the duration of your 'long' phone calls? You know, the ones where you just chat and chat and chat? Guys, you may be able to pull an exemption on this one...

My longer phone calls tend to be with my Dad... once we get on a topic, we tend to talk for about an hour or so. It's funny, because if we don't have a topic, the call is usually over before he can ask me when I'm gonna start paying him back the money I owe him for raising me. (about 750,000 dollars at his last estimation.) Or about ten minutes.

Threesome: dicing-- up anything for the game this weekend? ...or are you taking advantage of the sales? ...or is it a case of "what game?"

I will probably watch the game where god intended... at my local Hooters. Of course, should I make the aquaintence of any beautiful, sexy women looking to give me an early birthday present, (that's right, kids... Monday is Robbie Gras 2007) I may not watch the game at all...