I guess that makes the score Rob 1, universe 100,000,000,000.
To Recap: When last we left our hero, he had managed to get officially divorced from psychoex, and skipped merrily from there to the courthouse to get a marriage license. (By my watch, that means I was legally a bachelor for all of 32 minutes, 17 seconds... barely enough time to scratch myself and belch a few times.) The judge at the courthouse waived the requirement for his birth certificate, and the required 72 hour waiting period so that he and his true love could tie the knot all legal- like. On the way home form the courthouse however, further perils awaited our intrepid duo as their faithful truck started making horrible clunking sounds and had to be put down (the rear differential went out... a 7638 to 1 probability).
The next day was spent mostly entertaining my high school chum that had flown in for the wedding, and insisting that Silverfox not stress out about cleaning Casa Kahunah. She met my buddy and I later in Starbucks, after taking the time out to get her hair done. I swear, she looked like her blood pressure was about to make Krakatoa look like a bottle rocket.
"Honey?" I asked innocently, "Why are you stressing so hard about the condo being clean? It's not like the wedding is there."
"No," Silverfox said, "But if your aunt and uncle are coming in from out of town, they'll want to stay there..."
"Look Foxy..." I said, trying to put her mind at ease, "there is no way my Aunt and Uncle are crazy enough to try to make that trip. It's a 22 hour drive!"
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Yep." I said, pulling out my cell phone, "Here... let me call them right now so you'll know that Uncle Lou is safe on his couch watching American Chopper."
Except of course, he wasn't. My Aunt Jo, (god love her) had decided that she was not going to miss her godson's second wedding, so she jumped into the car and drove for two and a half days to make it. She intended on just showing up and surprising us at the park, but my Cousin Jessie spilled the beans on the phone when I called.
So, the morning of the wedding was more stressful than I had hoped, but I was still stoked that I was actually going to have some family there. There were a million and one things that needed doing, people that needed rides to the ceremony co-ordinated for them, a bridesmaid that backed out at the last minute due to a death in the family. My brain was racing at about warp 3 and in the middle of it all, I remembered something that I had left undone at work. So I call my co-worker Mama Janet, who had already handled what I had called about, and gave me some advice that would be my mantra for the day:
"At the end of the day, you'll still be married. Just keep reminding yourself that."
We got to the park, and it was a beautiful day... it was overcast enough that everyone was cool and comfortable. Silverfox decided that rather than get hitched on the beach, we should have the ceremony at the pavilion that we rented for the reception. After a few bumps in the road (Confusion about the dress code and the time of the ceremony, our grillmaster coming in at the last minute) Silverfox made herself scarce to change into her wedding dress, while I sat around chatting with my friends and trying not to look nervous:
After an eternity, the Reverend Captain David Brou Haydel greeted our assembled guests with a cheery "Aloha!":Yes, I still look nervous, I know. We had no music as our wedding party approached our makeshift altar or as each of them made a traditional blessing to our wedding, but Dave had everyone hum "here comes the bride" when Silverfox came out of hiding and was escorted by her brother to my side: Boy, Charlotte (lower right) sure looks happy that we're getting married, don't she? to be fair, that is her kid on the table in front of her, about to make a break for it.
"Mawidge is the weason we are gaddered here two day. For Wov…True Wov is what this couple found, and they have come here today to unite and take on wife as one force." Dave began, "And if you don't know why that's funny, you're probably at the wrong wedding."Silverfox and I had written the entire ceremony ourselves, and I was really happy when most of our friends said the line "Wov, true Wov" along with Dave.
Dave continued after the laughter died down, making it through the sand ceremony with the kids, adding a few song lyrics of his own, but making it quickly to the vows.
"Cheri, do you take Rob to be your husband, and promise to put up with his stupid jokes, encourage his dreams of being a rock star/super hero/scientist/writer, and just let him win every third argument?"
(big laugh from the crowd)
"I do." She said as I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Do you also promise to put up with his fanboy obsessions and quirks, let him have the remote and cherish him with devoted love and faithfulness from this day forward to infinity and beyond?"
(another laugh at the Toy Story reference)
"Are you sure?"
(another big laugh)
God, she was beautiful... I felt weak just looking at her as Dave began my vows.
"Rob, You have the right to remain silent."
(big laugh from the crowd)
"Anything you say can and will be held against you for the rest of your life. You have the right to cry on her shoulder whenever you need to. If you cannot afford undermining your masculinity in this way, you are allowed to vent your frustrations during your gaming sessions or pre-approved guy nights. Under no circumstances are you permitted to self medicate with street pharmaceuticals, however social drinking will be tolerated in pre-designated rationing.
You can decide at any time from this moment on to terminate this union but fear her wrath and the wrath of all in attendance should you choose to do so. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"
"And knowing this, to you still take her to be your wife, and to love and cherish her to infinity and beyond?"
"I Do."At this point... and I swear I am not kidding here... the distant sound of thunder interrupted the ceremony. Everyone laughed at the timing, but I wondered silently to myself if the universe was a little pissed off that we made it to this moment despite everything it had thrown at us. We exchanged rings, and before I could blink, we were pronounced Kahunah and Wahini.
The torches behind us, while most would think were just there to set the mood, served a larger function... one was there to represent Silverfoxes Dad, who passed away a few years ago. The others were there to represent my parents and brother, who couldn't make it down for the ceremony.
Our wedding cake was almost too cute to cut into:
But we did, and it was yummy. The surf board cookies around the edge were wonderful.
The reception was informal, but exhausting... here is pint size falling asleep on a friend of our family as proof...
According to the ranger at the front gate, 50 people attended our wedding... not too shabby for a Friday afternoon.
It seemed like it took forever for Silverfox and I to get to the B&B we had booked for our wedding night, but it was totally worth it. The room was beautiful, and the innkeeper had some snacks and champagne waiting for us.
As we lounged together in the swimming pool outside our room with a blanket of stars above us, I looked at the ring on my finger and realized that Mama Janet was right... here it was, the end of the day, and we were married.
Thank you to everyone that pitched in that day, and everyone that came to celebrate the moment with us. Your thank you cards will be in the mail soon.
Next time, I'll tell you about my Aunts New Orleans adventures, and her first gay pride parade.