It's been a while...

For many of those that don't know me real well, it seems that I simply stop publishing my blog for the summer months...

Well, that's not far from the truth, but I do keep writing about my experiences all the time, and am constantly taking pictures to back up my claims of derring do. Then what tends to happen is that I sit down to form the pictures and ideas into complete blog entries, but get distracted by The Kids/Wife/Condition of the house/facebook/whatever. Basically, I believe that I get more writing and blogging done when I have a chance to sit somewhere quiet for a few hours, with a cup of joe and my laptop and no distractions.

Yes, this means leaving my USB wireless modem widget at home. The internet is proving to be one of my biggest time wasters lately. Being a father is also a much bigger distraction than I had initially thought it would be... it's really hard to tell Short Stuff that I don't want to play with his legos with him, when in fact, I totally do.

Yesterday, there was a commercial for the new Indiana Jones Lego set... and Short Stuff looks at me with a frown, obviously wanting it...

"We don't need that, right Dad?" He said, mirroring what has become my pat response is to I want that!
"Actually, Shorty..." I said, "We TOTALLY need that. I'll get permission from Mom."

Anyway, I figure that I will write a few entries over the next couple of weeks titled "How I spent my summer vacation" detailing the road trip to NY that we took with the kids, because those events look way better the longer I delay writing about them. It's not that anything particularly horrible happened, it's just that it was a long car trip with the kids.... and took a lot out of me and Silverfox. I've been going through the 1600 pictures Silverfox took, trying to find my faorites to include with my posts, but it is 1600 pictures. I only wish I was joking.

On our trip, the boy bought a really neat toy from a Cracker Barrel in North Carolina:
What it is is a Dinosaur egg that hatches when submerged in water for a few days:
The instructions say to put it water... within 12-24 hours it will start to crack, and a Dinosaur will emerge and begin growing from the egg within 72 hours. Needless to say, Short Stuff has been bugging me to help him make it hatch since we got home from NY. Today, I buckled...
I'll take a picture of it every day and let y'all know how it goes.

After beating Chuck Norris to death...

Pint size is eating his nunchucks for desert.

When geeks find love...

Now, I take great pride in the fact that Silverfox and I are a true geek couple... We met at a con, and realized we were meant to be when we knew the same phrase in klingon. (Where's the bathroom) Just last night in fact, we spent an hour or so looking for the newly released "Star Trek Scene it!" (Dave, Drew... there is a game night in your immediate future.) I love my geek girl with all my heart.

These folks however, take it to a whole new level...

A little funeral humor...

DaNiece: I heard about your great grandma, Short Stuff.

Short Stuff: You heard she died?

DaNiece: Yeah. I'm so sorry.

Short Stuff: It wasn't your fault. Great grandma's the one who died. It's her fault.

So, What's new Rob?

Other than making sure that Short Stuff has stuff to do this summer, nothing much. I entered a few screenplay contests, and am gearing up for a trip to NYC... but that's really business as usual for me.

A lot has been going on in the lives of the wife and kids, however... Short Stuff's great Grandma just passed away yesterday and they were very close, so the kid is taking it kinda hard... I've been trying to explain to him the concept of an afterlife (specifically heaven) But I feel like I'm falling short. How do you explain the concept of a place that the living can't visit, but is lots of fun and happy to a seven year old? Any suggestions?

In other news, Silverfox got a turbulent time in her life spread all over the front page of the Times Picyune for the world to see today. You can read the article if you want, but the upshot is this... some corrupt administrators said that they gave her some money to help rebuild after Katrina, but it actually went to line their own pockets by way of Silverfoxes bank account. Needless to say Silverfox is telling the truth about what happened, but having some a-hole lawyer threatening to sue her for perjury on the front page of the city news has her a little rattled... not to mention that there are quite a few personal details in the article that Silverfox would like to put safely into her past.

I can sooo relate... see any post about my ex-wife to see how.

Quite a night...

As I posted previously, last night presented a few unusual opportunities for me.. One was to go see a minor league baseball game. I realized that it's been almost twenty years since I last went to see a baseball game, mostly because without a major league team here in New Orleans, it all seems kinda pointless somehow... Still, there's something about a couple of ballpark franks and an ice cold beer that makes a night game magic.

The usual gang turned out... Dave, Danielle, Ringo and Sondra... sadly, Silverfox had to work, and the boys were with their respective bio-dads so I was flying solo. Just as well, as Short Stuff has the attention span of a goldfish, and Pint Size isn't really ready for such events yet. Here's a really blurry shot of the gang in the stands:
(BTW Dave, we really need to come up with a better name for the usual gang than "the usual gang"... we're geeks, for crying out loud! I'm thinking "the Battlestar Irregulars".)

This next picture will amuse my long distance readers, I think... Remember last week when I said only in Louisiana would an ugly, orange toothed rat be mascot material? I present to you Boudreaux, Mascot of the New Orleans Zephyrs:

Yes, he's supposed to be a nutria. Crazy town I live in.

The real reason we all came to the ballpark was of course not for the game, but for the MINIKISS concert afterward... Dave and I got very excited when they showed the midget KISS cover band in their skybox on the jumbotron, and we ran up there so Dave could get his picture with Mini Paul Stanley:
From that point on, Dave stopped counting strikes, outs, and innings... and simply counted down innings and outs "till we ROCK!"

The Zephyrs won, which was kinda awesome because it's always kinda awesome when the home team wins. We then made our way to the outfield, where MiniKISS took the stage:



I have to say, they were better than any of us expected... for a group that sounds like a bad joke, they were all capable showmen and very entertaining. Mini Gene Simmons was great at doing a lot of the typical Gene Simmons stuff, (like the tongue thing and the fire blasts), and Mini Paul was a solid frontman and singer. Apparently big rockers can come in small packages. They didn't confine themselves to KISS material either, and brought down the house with a great rendition of the hit Guns and Roses song, "Sweet Child of Mine". As Mini Gene repeated several times through the night, "We're MINIKISS and can do whatever the hell we want!"

They seemed a little shocked that most of the crowd stayed though the entire performance... and had an onstage huddle when the crowd wanted an encore. Dave joked that they must have run out of material on the ipod that they used for some of their backing music. When Mini Paul asked the audience "uh, can we repeat a song we already did for you?" we all laughed and cheered for more.

Afterward, they spent some time doing autographs on the stage:
We hung out for a bit waiting for them to come down to the field, joking about how disappointed Sondra was that they didn't have Midget roadies, as well. Before long, they made their way off the stage to pose for pictures with those of us that stayed:
When I got my picture taken with them, I jokingly apologized for not being a hot chick. Mini Paul countered "That's okay dude... you look just like that Family Guy guy!"

"Yeah, and you look like Paul Stanley, but I bet you get that a lot." I said, thinking I probably weigh more than your whole freaking band, ya shrimp!

Any hurt feelings I might have had disappeared when I saw the photo that resulted. These guys were consummate professionals with a real appreciation for their fans... They even recognized a couple that had been at one of their shows in Miami right after Katrina, and talked to them with genuine concern in their voices about the couples struggle to return home after the storm.

MINIKISS, you guys ROCK!

One night only...

That's right. The premier midget kiss cover band is playing after the zephyr game tonight. I am so there.

If only George Peppard was as cuddly...

Last week it was star trek, this week... it's ewoks.

Field Trip!

As the school year winds down, Pint Size's Pre-K class starts doing field trips. i was lucky enough to go along with them to Storyland. Pint Size was way more interested in playing among the fauna than any of the slides or playground equipment:

His teacher came to the rescue, though... and took him down a slide or two to get him excited about it:

After that, he was all about it... that one slide at least.

(sigh) Kids.

While we were at mobicon...

A lady in Abbyville is suing the local Wal-Mart because they were letting a wild Nutria roam the store as their unoffical mascot. For those of you unfamiliar with the wildlife here in southern Louisiana, this is a nutria:
Only in Louisiana would a 20 lb orange toothed rat be considered mascot material.

Fortune cookie post...

It reads, 'now is the best time for you to be spontaneous. Serendipity! '

Nothing takes me back...

Like soft serve ice cream on a warm day. One of the things I miss about living in the NYC metro area is the old "Mister Softee" ice cream trucks I grew up with:

Here in the south, they seem to only have Good Humor trucks, which is simply not the same. While Good Humor trucks are stocked with coolers of pre-made ice cream products, the Mister Softee truck was like an old time soda fountain on wheels. He had a full-on soda machine, a shake mixer, a giant soft serve machine, a hot fudge warmer, and an old style whipped cream maker all in the magical little world of his truck. To a young geek, these things must have been built on the same principle as the TARDIS. When you ordered your icy treat, it usually took a few minutes for the ice cream man to make it for you.

I remember when I was a kid, we had an awesome Mister Softee guy that would prowl my neighborhood. He would always park right in front of my house, and stay there until my Dad had heard "pleasepleasepleaseplease" about a zillion times. Dad used to joke that while kids are naturally attracted to ice cream trucks, nothing attracts ice cream trucks like a couple of fat kids playing on the sidewalk.

Of course, I would counter that a Dad that was seemingly addicted to milkshakes didn't hurt either...

So Dad would eventually relent and give us five bucks and his milkshake order... which would take forever for the guy to make, and all of the neighborhood kids would stand in line behind us glaring at me and Jay, (who of course had ordered our cones first, and had to eat them before they melted). Lord help us if Dad had ordered anything more complicated than that though... I seem to remember a threat of violence the one time Mom ordered a bannana split.

To his credit, our ice cream guy never left until every kid in the neighborhood got what he wanted, and he always allowed ample time for each child to run home and beg their parents for money. We would all sit on the stoop in front of my house enjoying our ice cream until at least five minutes after the Mister Frostee's chime had faded in the summer heat, planning what we would order from him tomorrow...

I can olnly hope Short Stuff's memories of his youth will be as pleasant.

Mobicon 2009

It's been a busy week for us here at casa Cerio, and this week's posts are going to be largely about what I did last week... Beginning with this years Mobicon, which was this past weekend.

Mobicon is a very special Con for me and the wife... It's where we met, where I offically proposed, and the one con that we can both cut loose at. Most notably, Silverfoxes costumes become way more elaborate for this con. She's lost a lot of weight since she returned to work and upped her game considerably this year, starting with a really hot lookin pirate outfit. Here she is striking the Captain Morgan pose while hanging out with Dizzy and Lex at the local Popeyes:

Yes, she looks faboo... and it of course begs the question of where was I while Silverfox was off carousing and screamimg "Avast me hearties!" at random folks? in the game room hanging with Dave, of course. We had an idea for a Heroclix scenario involving Godzilla and a Mega-blocks constructed city, and seeing how Pint Size and Short Stuff were okay with grown men borrowing their toys for the weekend, we decided to have a monster battle royale. Here we see Godzilla taking a few swigs from my bubba keg before charging into battle:

You know, the movies never really pointed it out, but that lizard is such a lush. Soon though, he was giving his all against the likes of Iron Man:
We had a blast. The best part of it for me was sitting in this room full of serious miniature wargamer types staring at the two drunk guys in the corner laughing their asses off after Godzilla knocked a Mega block building over onto Aquaman. The final score was Godzilla 1, Marvel Universe 2, DC Universe 0.

Ahhh... good times.

The next day brought with it a slight hangoverand a Costume change for Silverfox, who looked positively fetching in her Steampunk Catwoman costume:
Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time someone said "Damn, your wife is hot!" I could have paid for the hotel room. Nothing inflates my ego like the "lucky bastard" look fanboys give me when I walk in with my lady on my arm. It didn't hurt the stares factor that she usually had Lex in tow:
For those of you with pittifully low res monitors, that button on her collar says "Evil Henchman #1". This picture was taken just before they both went and bought more Henchmen at the charity slave auction, who all wore buttons Silverfox had made for the occasion that gave them each an "Evil Henchman" number.

It wasn't all fun and games though, I had two ghost hunting panels to put on, (and I'll post about them as soon as I download the pics off of Silverfoxes camera), which went really well.

Silverfox and I got to spend a lot of time together, (which I really miss since she went back to work), and I got to hang with friends that I don't see as often as I would prefer. It was just an awesome time.

In the intrests of fairness...

In regards to my previous entry, I would like to clarify that Short Stuff only chose Oldflame over his Mother because Silverfox had already told him that she had to work on the day of the award ceremony.

Silverfox is the most awesome mom ever, and her son loves her very much... as evidenced by the fact that the little girl in his class that Short Stuff has a crush on looks just like a miniature version of Silverfox.

Family matters....

Today Short Stuff had a special breakfast ceremony at his school because he has been on the honor roll all year (straight A average) and he was allowed to have two adults there to celebrate the event. He was super proud of himself, and with good reason.(see picture in previous entry) Last week, though... picking which two parents to invite was causing the boy some grief.

When I asked him who he wanted to come to the ceremony, I was really just trying to give him a chance to pick his Bio-dad over me if he wanted... but Short Stuff got a big thinky-type frown on his face for a few minutes, without answering me.

"Only two?" He asked after a few minutes, looking at the invitation the school had sent home.

"That's what it says, kid..."

"Okay... I want you and OldFlame to come."

"What? what about Mommy and Daddy?" I sputtered, my mind reeling from the awkwardness that would theoretically ensue from the boy's idea. Bio-dad just moved in with Oldflame, so it wasn't entirely out of line for the boy to suggest her, but still...

Fortunately everyone else was working today so it was just me at his big day... but it got me thinking about how complicated Short Stuff's family tree really is, and how decisions like this are going to plague him his entire life... I mean, the kid has Me, Silverfox, Bio-Dad, and (erring to the optimistic side) Oldflame as parents from here out... in addition, he also has an affinity for Pint-Size's Bio dad and his family to think about, effectively giving him Five parents that Me and Silverfox have been telling him he needs to have respect for. That means ten Grandparents, and untold numbers of uncles and cousins that have to be considered when inviting relatives to any important event in his life from here on out. Not to mention that I complicate matters for him by refering to a few of my friends as "Uncle Stacey" or "Aunt Drew". (A time honored Cerio tradition, thank you... Dad is real proud of how he has carefully screwed up family, friend and gender roles for me and by proxy, for my son.)

I may have to make him a chart.

On the bright side, it means he has a whole lot of people that care about him and his brother... and at least he's not as bad as Ray Stevens:

Short stuff's big day...

How does cj roll? On the honor roll!

Saw the New Trek Movie last night...

And it was much the awsomeness. Abrams overdid it a little on the lens flares, but otherwise the movie rocked. Go see it (so that they make more) and my little nerdy heart will be forever grateful.

I will end this entry with one and only one spoiler, about what was perhaps the most emotional moment of the movie for me:

R.I.P. PORTHOS
2149-2162

You were the best friend a captain ever had, and will be missed. (sniff) Damn those engineers and their transporter experiments!

Queen, the final frontier...

Going to see a sneak preview of the new Star Trek movie tonight... I'll give an opinion tomorrow. In the meantime, more Youtube silliness...

The reboot I want to see...

In honor of thr new Trek movie, I will make this a trek themed week here at DOA, starting with the coolest youtube video ever. Make sure you turn up the volume on this one.

If this was real...

It would be a gold mine.

The hills are alive...

So, apparently, are the train stations...



my favorite part is toward the middle, where they're doing the macarena to "Do re mi". I just wonder if some of the folks just jumped in, not knowing it was obviously staged.

The only follow up to BSG I will accept...

Yes, I miss Battlestar Galactica, even though it's only been a week since the show ended. At first, I felt like the prequel couldn't come fast enough... so I did what any good fanboy does when faced with such a situation... I started looking at BSG clips on youtube. Unfortunately, I found the following clip and will no longer be able to accept any form of BSG until this is made for reals.



So say we all?

On getting older...

Originally, this post was going to be all about the fun and festivities at CoastCon this year, but it took another turn when I came across this picture of me and Silverfox on Flickr:

This picture you see, is not the original. In the original photo, my thinning hair is much more prominent. I wanted a picture of us to show y'all, but found myself almost subconsciously importing it into Photoshop for the express purpose of giving myself more hair.

Yes, I feel pathetic... Yes, I feel stupid... And, yes, I feel old.

You see, this has been a particularly rough week on my ego. Early this week, we took a trip to Silverfoxes dermatologist because she had a funny little lump on her back that she wanted removed. Doctors always start salivating when they see us coming because they know that Silverfoxes health insurance covers damn near everything. So we knew that it would be no big deal.

The doc took one look at me and said "Damn, you're ugly. We could help you with that."

Okay, he didn't quite say that, but he did tell his nurses to hurry the hell up and book me for the procedure to remove my acne scars. I tried to tell him that I like my face the way it is, but he just turned and walked away from me like I was crazy to suggest such a thing. He later tried to convince Silverfox that she should talk me into it...

It's enough to give a guy a complex.

Then, last night while watching the Simpsons, I came to the grim realization that my age has caught up with Homer Simpson. I mentioned this to Silverfox, and we realized that I'm also older than Batman, older than all of the people on the show "Friends", older than Captain Kirk when he took command of the Enterprise, and older than JFK when he became president.

To top it off, we also realized that we have several adult friends that i'm easily old enough to be their father. Almost makes me wish that people had stopped procreating in the late eighties... though that would have certinaly spelled doom for the human race, and my ego simply isn't worth that. Not to mention that that means I wouldn't have been getting any for the past 20 years or so...

It's not aging that bothers me so much, you see. Like falling off a tall building, it's just the prospect of the sudden stop at the end that scares me. I had always thought that I would grow old gracefully, not real hung up on my aging apperance or memory loss... but here I am pushing forty, and my subconcious is pushing back with a vengence.

Well, that's not the kind of man I want to be. That's not the kind of example I want to set for my kids, either. I will not try to make myself seem younger than I am... I will not go out and buy a new sports car to make myself more attractive... I will not get the scars that give my face such character "fixed", and I will not be one of those leisure-suit wearing guys that uses spray on hair to cover his bald spot.

In the interests of this new realization, I proudly present the undoctored version of the photo above, of two people very much in love:

Take that, society's definition of attractive.

McStupid.

In the morning, after I've dropped off the kids at school, I usually find myself looking to score a bit of breakfast. While ideally this would mean some time spent lingering in a diner clacking happily away on my laptop while a delightfully haggard waitress brings me cup after cup of liquid peppiness, it usually means a quick spin through a drive through.

Near my home, there are basically three options for morning nourishment... The local Starbucks, with its overpriced mochafrappawhatsis and stale croissants, The local Burger King, and the local McDonalds. The BK and McD's stand nearly opposite each other on the main drag in our neighborhood, and one could almost imagine Ronald on the rooftop of one in a sentry tower, keeping a wary eye through binoculars on King Burger as he readies his seige catapult.

Lately for breakfast I've been favoring the King for two reasons... One, it's slightly cheaper, and two, they now have an iced mocha drink that is just as tasty as anything that Starbucks has to offer down the street. As the local McD's has yet to get on the bandwagon with the rollout of the corporations new gourmet coffee machines, I am left with little actual choice in the matter.

This morning, I roll up to BK and order a Sausage Croissant with egg combo, With hash browns and an Iced Mocha.

Hesitantly, a voice came back to me over the speaker saying, "I'm sorry, sir... but we're out of sausage. We only have bacon or ham right now."

"Okay... I'll just take bacon then."

Another pause... then, "We also have no hash browns this morning."

I was beging to feel a little discriminated against as I asked why.

"Well, the fire went out on the fryer, and we can't get it to come back on."

I thought about it for a second, imagining a guy sticking his head into the darkness under the fryer and lighting a match to see where the gas leak was, then decided I would go across the street to McD's instead. I got through to the second window at McDonalds without incident, but as the girl handed me my Egg McMuffin, I noticed a sign above her window.

The sign said "Picture and Braille menus available on request". Now I ask you dear reader, does the thought of this sign make your head want to explode like it did mine?

Fact one: This sign was situated in such a way that only the driver of an SUV could see it.
Fact two: The Blind rarely drive, and furthermore, can't actually see the sign.
Fact three: It's really doubtful that anyone that needs a picture menu would be able to read the sign.

Now tell me... Who in blazes is that sign for?

Cute kid video day.

To prove that i actually have two kids, here they are trying to steal my truck.

Multimedia message

One of short stuffs favorite songs is 'star trekkin' on my doctor demento cd. Here we see him singing his favorite part. He's saying 'it's worse than that he's dead, jim!'. I love my geeky kid.

When your past catches up with you...

Because I moved here to the south in my mid twenties, I always have more of a detachment to this city and its people than most of my friends do. It's not that I don't love living here, particularly in a year that saw snow falling in my hometown on the first day of spring... it's just that a lot of the more personal connections that define how natives of a city feel about living in the city they grew up in don't tend to happen to me.

What I mean is that I'm not real likely to run into someone that knew me growing up in say, the grocery store. This is good and bad... bad in that I sometimes feel like an outsider when Silverfox runs into someone she knew from high school... but good in that the odds are astronomically against me ever being forced to uncomfortably introduce a woman I've been intimate with to Silverfox at a cocktail party. Most of the women that I have made it to second base or beyond with are safely 1500 miles away, or in the ex-wife's case probably safely behind rubberized walls.

However, I sometimes forget that I have lived here for a very long time at this point... almost 20 years when you think about it... and that sci-fi and fantasy fandom here is a much smaller group of people than where I grew up. In fact, it's really kind of surprising that Silverfox and I didn't meet sooner than we did when you consider how many mutual friends and interests we have... we even went to the same college at the same time. All it would have taken would be me deciding to check out the local Rocky Horror fandom (with a close friend that was a fixture at it) and Silverfoxes and my relationship might have been very different indeed.

So, this past weekend was CoastCon 32, a local fan run convention that both Silverfox and I sit on the governing board for, and as such we had some advance warning that some Star Wars stuff would be going on there. Knowing that Short Stuff loves Star Wars, we convinced his Bio-dad to bring the boy to the con on Saturday afternoon. We were surprised when he agreed, and said that he would bring his new girlfriend along, as she's a fangirl.

I'm guessing that you can see where I'm going here... his new flame turned out to be a girl I made out with at a con about ten years ago. I told Silverfox immediately about it, but it sill seemed a little awkward when the Bio-dad introduced us. I wasn't even positive about it, but I found out that she confessed the whole thing to Short Stuff's Dad when they got back to the car. She thought that we had slept together, but she was really drunk at the time, and probably doesn't remember that it didn't go that far.

It was a new experience for me, but now I live in mortal terror that Pint Size's Bio-dad will show up with Charity on his arm one day.

Why it pays to know me....

It has been said that I have an effect on those around me, and generally it's a good one... case in point: This is a photo of my friend Ducky taken just after we became friends:

And this is a photo of Ducky taken this past weekend at Coastcon 32:
Any questions?

Why do I always get the comedians?

Today in a fit of sympathy for my wife, I went to the pharmacy for her... on the way out the door, she also said she needed some "feminine protection".

"A pink flamethrower?" I asked before she batted me in the head. I am a man that is secure enough with himself to buy pads for his woman, but not secure enough not to give her a hard time about it after all...

So I get in the car and head to the drugstore, completely unprepared for the decision that awaits me. In the "feminine hygiene" aisle, there are at least thirty seven new categories and options for these things than I remember seeing the last time a woman asked me to buy them for her. I stand there and stare for a bit... I think about it logically, trying to estimate my lady's potential for heavy to moderate flow... and then just get the cheapest ones they had.

If I'm wrong I figure she'll never have me buy them for her again... A win-win for team Cerio.

I grabbed myself a pint of my favorite ice cream to celebrate my cleverness in the face of female domination, and then went to pick up Silverfoxes prescription for her. The girl behind the counter was really sweet... if a little perky, but she said the following after seeing my purchases:

"Oh, you're so sweet to get her migraine medication, pads, and the ice cream. You know, I had the worst craving for this ice cream before my first child was born... but on the bright side, you know that she's not pregnant."

By popular demand..

I present the amazing walking pint size. Ain't he cute? Happy now mel?

Uh-oh.

I had told silverfox that she needed to read the watchmen after enjoying the movie, but little did i know pint size would pick it up as well. I just hope he puts it down before he gets to the steamy superheroine sex scenes.

and for my 600th post... some political humor...

For those of you that don't know or care about such things, John Stewart has been doing an awesome job lately of picking apart the financial advice of CNBC, and in particular their obnoxious financial guru, Jimmy Cramer. I've watched Cramer's show, and have been decidedly unimpressed by his use of sound effects for cheap theatrics, and am really glad that The Daily Show called this jackass out. Apparently, Cramer is intending on coming on TDS tonight to defend himself and his financial advice giving skills.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

You know, if you're stupid enough to listen to these jokers on TV about where the "safe place" for your money is, maybe you deserve to have your 401k tank. At least Stewart is honest about the fact that he's just a comic at the end of the day, not a newsman.

the latest bailout news

Apparently, even supervillians can fall on hard times with the current economic downturn...

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm - watch more funny videos

I swear, I lost it at the part where Lex curses.

Beware the minds of the youth...

One of the joys of my new Househubby existence is that I get to spend a lot more time with the kids than usual. After getting Pint Size to his bus each morning, I have the pleasure of sitting in the car with Short Stuff for about twenty minutes while we wait for his school to open. Some of the conversations I have with him during this Father-son bonding time are real mind-twisters... like this morning, for instance...

Short stuff was looking around in the cupholder for loose change when he suddenly held up a penny.

"Hey! This penny has Abraham Lincoln on it!" he said, astonished.

"That's right." I said snickering, "They all do."

"We learned about him in class! He's my favorite."

"Really?" I asked, "Why is that?"

"He was very smart, and handsome." Short Stuff said with an authoritative nod.

"You're right... he was a smart guy." I said, "What else did you learn about him?"

"He was very brave, and died a long time ago."

"Do you know how he died?"

"Old age."

"No, Shorty... President Lincoln was shot. He was the first American President to be killed in office."

Short Stuff's eyes went wide with anger. "What? By who?"

"A very bad man named John Wilkes Booth."

This enraged Short Stuff even further. "Well, They need to make him pay!"

"He did pay a long time ago, kiddo. They killed him for killing President Lincoln."

"Well, I need to find him and kill him again!"

"Son... this all happened a very long time ago. He's as dead as it gets."

"No! I need to kill him again so he won't come back as a zombie!"

Right then I was saved by the school bell from laughing in the poor kid's face.

Overheard at the DMV...

Today, I had to go to the DMV to transfer the address of the Buick to our Kenner home. I had kept putting it off, but with Silverfoxes impending return to work looming, I realized I needed to get off my duff and return us to two-car family status. For some reason, I apparently picked the day that all of the high schoolers that just started their Driver's Ed course picked to get their learners permits. In Louisiana, the driving age starts at sixteen.

(I'm sorry, but having pubes should be a requirement to operate an automobile.)

Anyway, as I sat in the waiting room, I was privy to the following heartfelt exchange:

Dingy blond teenage girl: "I think I got one wrong. How far do you have to park from a railroad crossing?"

Her equally dingy friend checks the driver's manual: "fifty feet."

DBTG:"Fifty feet? How do they expect you to judge that?"

EDF:"I don't know."

DBTG:"Isn't that like, the length of a football field?"

EDF:"Like, I think that's fifty yards, not feet."

DBTG: "So, how far is it?"

EDF: "Well, there's three feet in a yard..."

DBTG: "So, three football fields? That's really far!"

EDF: "Yah... no one pays attention to that. People always park closer to the railroad than that."

DBTG: "What a stupid question."

All I could think of as I snickered and relayed the conversation to Silverfox via text message is that the Metro area schools have failed these girls, and our society is about to put both of them behind the wheel.

It's just not a party...

Without darth vader.

It's that time of year...

Ah, mardi gras time. Full of parades, crowds, and elephant grade peanuts.

Underdog Begins

I spent most of this morning creating this animation on a new website I discovered. it was a lot of fun, but Silverfox is really tired of the Underdog theme now... I may try a Star Trek one next.

GoAnimate.com: Underdog Begins


Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!

Spreading the love...

I made this for Silverfox as a Valentines day gift... She loved it, and I'm fairly proud of it.

A few Valentines Day Memes...

Today, Silverfox and I will be spending some quality time together. I decided to do a quick post just to spread the love, but don't want to take too much time from my lady. Enjoy the memes...

Your Valentine's Day Personality is Practical

As far as you're concerned, Valentine's Day is simply a commercial holiday. You don't place any real meaning on it. You don't think it deserves too much celebration. For you, Valentine's Day is just the day you avoid restaurants and candy stores. If you love someone, you already show it. You don't need to go all out for a silly holiday to prove your love.

What's Your Valentine's Day Personality?

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Paging Dr. Love...

Last night, we wound up making another trip to children's hospital because Pint Size was having a bit of respiratory distress after his surgery. It seems that one of the many wonderful mutations that kids with Downs get to live with is a narrow esophagus. He's fine now, as they pumped him up with a weeks worth of steroids and a bit of epinephrine. Still, this ER trip wasn't without its entertainment value... the on duty pediatrician last night was one Andrew Love, M.D.

That's right kids... Pint Size was being healed by Doctor Love.

I kept trying not to snicker, especially when the doc had to stick Pint Size with a needle, and my brain kept screaming at me "My boy is getting a shot from Dr. Love three days before Valentine's day!!! Bwah-hah-ha!!!" Every time Silverfox asked me to go find the man, a chorus of Motley Crue's "Calling Dr. Love" strted playing in my head over and over again.

I couldn't help before they discharged us to tell the good Doctor that I imagined he takes a great deal of ribbing for his name this time of year... he just grinned and replied "Yeah... I won't work on Valentines day."

Again with the hospital...

Pint size was in the hospital again today to have tubes put in his ears. Apparently, one of the reasons he hasn't started talking yet is because he couldn't hear properly. Our doctor says it happens to 98 percent of kids with downs.

Strange dreams indeed...

This post is dedicated to the queen of weird dreams, my pal Stacey.

The other night, my loving wife fed me a meatloaf sandwich in bed to make up for the fact that she was making me sit through "RuPaul's Drag Race" before bedtime. It is a sad fact that if Silverfox has one weakness, it is for cheesy reality shows featuring drag queens being catty to one another. Me, I couldn't care less which dude looks more like a chick, and I fell asleep thinking about how Pint Size needed his school uniforms washed the next day.

My subconcious (as anyone who has slept in my vacinity will tell you) is notorious for being suggestable when I'm sleeping. The combination of drag queens, meatloaf, and my worries about my youngest son led to a dream that kind of looked like the following:

In the dream, Pint Size was a contestant on the show, and came toddling down the runway in front of RuPaul and his/her judges in a lovely blue chiffon dress. He paused for a moment at the end of the runway and yelled "DA DA DA-DA DA!" at them before toddling right back. Sadly, Pint size got eliminated at the end of the show, and started crying loudly when RuPaul told him to "sashay away" for good.

When I woke up the next morning, I set our DVR to record the RuPaul show for Silverfox, so she will never need to watch it in our bedroom again.

Sunday with the Cerios ...

My typical sunday morning starts with the boys demanding breakfast. Here we see them fighting on our bed till i agree to feed them.

Recliner thief...

Here, we see pint size mocking daddy by stretching out on my easy chair. The kid is doing proud the tradition of a long line of couch potatoes.

I just made 39 trips around the sun....

...and boy, are my arms tired.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is my birthday. Longtime readers of my blog are probably asking themselves some burning questions right now, such as "What? It's Robbie Gras time again? Where's the hype? Where are the parades? The annual Robbie Gras Ball? The Robbie Gras bobble head dolls?"

Well, readers... the sad truth is that I'm kinda ambivalent to my birthday this year... with everything else going on around me, (Sick kids, surgeries, joblessness, etc...) it seems kinda frivolous somehow to make a big deal out of it this time.

Of course, there's always next year :)

Some funny on a wednesday...

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, ''I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip.''

The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, ''Follow me.''

The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.

''Thanks so much,'' says the theatergoer, ''This seat is perfect.'' He then hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, ''The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.''

Life lessons from TV...

One of the things I find myself putting a lot of thought into lately is what TV shows are appropriate for a six year old like Short Stuff. Generally, I try to keep him away from anything that involves a bullet riddled death scene or two. As a result, he's not allowed to watch a lot of the shows I love, such as Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and Chuck.

I also however, have decided to make exceptions to this rule upon occasion... For those of you that may have missed it, Last night's episode of Chuck was in 3D, so I decided to let the kid watch it with us:

I mean, come on... It's in 3D for crying out loud! Sure, there's a little more sexiness than he's used to seeing on Spongebob, and Casey on the whole is way more violent than the Muppets generally are, but 3D TV in HD!!

This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. At one point in the episode, Chuck gets trapped in a hotel suite with two hot chicks that undress him, and then try to kill him by throwing knives at him.

This scene unexpectedly turned out to be a little more intense than Short Stuff could handle. At the next commercial break, he took off his 3D glasses and curled up into the corner of the couch.

"You okay, kiddo?" I asked.

"I'm scared." Short Stuff said, "Those women with the knives are scary. Why did they try to kill him?"

"Because they're strangers." I said, ad-libbing, "Let that be a lesson to you... never let women you don't know take you to a hotel to take your pants off."

"Because they will throw knives at me?"

"That's right."

"Women are evil."

Silverfox chimed in at this.... "Nice. You're turning our son off of women. Great job, 'father of the year'."

"Shush. The point isn't that women are evil, Short Stuff... the point is that you shouldn't trust strangers."

"Especially strangers that try to take my pants off?"

"That's right."

"Or they will throw knives at me?"

"Not always, but it's still a bad idea."

"Can I go play on the computer now?"

(Sigh)"Sure."

Everyone needs more silverfox...

Today, silverfox and i went to breakfast at the fat hen grill. Above, you see her wondering why i would take pictures of this event. I told her because she's adorable while picking out food.

Too cool for school.

Short stuff was up to some risky business this morning. His joke of the day: why did the cow turn on the tv? To see a mooovie.

Holy Nerdgasm, Batman!

This year's Super Bowl was full of nerderrific Movie Trailers... (which you can catch here if you're some kinda communist and missed the big game) Of them, I really nerded out at the GI JOE and STAR TREK trailers. The new Enterprise emptying her photon torpedo bays looked fraking awesome, and I gotta admit that the idea of Cobra felling the Eiffel tower just warmed my heart.

Honorable mentions need to go out to the shot of what I can only assume is Devastator from the Transformers trailer, and the awsome three-deeness of the Monsters vs Aliens trailer. Totally worth the extra trip to the grocery store for the glasses.

Gonna be a great summer to be a geek.

Well, I suppose I have to post something in January...

I know, I know... I haven't posted anything since Christmas Eve. There are a few reasons behind this, but suffice it to say that I really wish that I could go one lousy week of 2009 without Me, Silverfox or the boys having surgery, being sick, needing a doctors visit, a dentist visit, or going to physical therapy.

Seriously. I could have counted the number of hospital visits I had taken in my ENTIRE LIFE on one hand before I met Silverfox... but if you count trips to the pediatrician, I have had no less than 37 visits to hospitals, doctors, and dentists in the past 5 months Silverfox and I have been enjoying marital bliss. At least ten of these have involved something that places some kind of restriction on our love life, so I'm just a little testy about it at this point.

Fortunately for Y'all, I didn't decide to post today to talk about my sex life or lack thereof... I instead am going to make this post about the kids.

Pint Size Cute Story #1:

Pint Size is officially walking. Well, maybe a more appropriate term would be toddling... in any case, he will start out at my recliner, throw his hands up in the air, and bolt all the way to the door. When he gets there, he calmly turns around and runs back... it's just freaking adorable.

Short Stuff cute story #1:

It always amazes me when the boys pick up one of my mannerisms, particularly ones that I got from my Dad.

The other day, Short Stuff was trying to get Pint Size up the stairs to their bedroom because it was bedtime. This basically involves him following his brother up the stairs, into the bedroom, and securing the child gate behind him. Short Stuff is then free to Play a video game or watch some TV before lights out. He had just gotten a new Video game the other day for getting on the honor roll, and was anxious to try it.

Pint Size was not cooperating, and taking his time getting up the stairs. Short Stuff attempted to speed up the process by saying in a stern voice "Come on (Pint Size)! I'm bigger than you are. that makes me the boss of you. Now go upstairs!"

Pint Size thought this was hysterical, and started to laugh at his older brother.

Then Short Stuff says "This isn't funny. Look at my face. Do I LOOK like I'm joking?" in the same tone of voice my Dad has said it to me since I was two years old.

I couldn't help but smile.

Pint Size Cute Story #2:

Pint Size it seems, has a serious case of recliner envy. If I lean forward on my recliner/rocker to say, nail the guitar solo for "Call Me" on Rock Band, Pint Size climbs onto the chair with me, squirms behind my back and proceeds to try to force me off the recliner with his feet. I usually just pick him up and bounce him on my knee for a bit when I'm done and send him on his way.

Lately though he's developed a new, more annoying habit... if I get up for anything, he climbs into the chair and sprawls, claiming it for his own. When I try to get him to move, he just grins at me with a smile that says "move your feet, loose your seat, dude..."

Short Stuff Cute Story #2

Short Stuff is rapidly discovering how to construct a good joke. It's been a little touch and go for him in this endeavor, and that's partially my fault. The first joke I told him was "What's Black and White and has sixteen wheels? A Zebra on roller skates".

He then surmised that the secret to "funny" was "what's (insert color) and (insert second color) and has (random number) wheels? A (insert animal) on (insert something with wheels)"

The results were... less than funny. I explained that he could just repeat the original joke, and most people that hadn't heard it before would laugh... and told him a few elephant jokes to increase his joke library. He would still try the occasional original joke (now about elephants) but again, the results were not very funny.

About a week later, he asked me what makes a joke funny. We then talked for a bit about what actually makes a joke work, how elephant jokes work because of the image they create in your mind, and what a punchline was. As I dropped him off at school that morning, he looked deep in thought about it.

A few days later, he says "Dad, I have a joke for you." I braced myself, inwardly promising that I would smile politely no matter how bad it was. "What did the teddy bear say after dinner?" He said smiling, "I'm Stuffed!". It was a great joke! I couldn't help but laugh at it!

"Was it funny?" Short Stuff asked with concern. I assured him it was. "Good!" He smiled broadly, "I got another one for you. How did the Tortoise beat the Hare? With boxing gloves!"

At this rate, it won't be long before I start a joke blog called "Puppies of Atlantis".

Christmas with the Cerios, day 4

Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,

You could hear the loud snoring of Pint Size passed out:

And every five minutes Short Stuff did check,

for Santa's progress on NORAD, but saw not a speck:

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3.5.

Pint Size also got a visit from one of Santa's elves and Elvis. This confused me until I realized you can't spell "elvish" without "Elvis". They released Pint Size late last night, the best Christmas present ever.

Christmas with the Cerios, day 3

Pint Size is in the hospital as the big day approaches, but no one is too sick for a visit from Santa. The Doctors tell us that he has some kind of stomach virus, and we have high hopes he'll be home for Christmas

Christmas with the Cerios, part 2:

And now one of Silverfoxes favorite songs...

Christmas with the Cerios...

In the spirit of the holidays, I present to you Short Stuff's Favorite Holiday song:



Right now, he's jumping around the living room yelling "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" at the top of his lungs.

Look! It's a boy! And he has Rhythm!

This video works best on "repeat"...

Isn't he adorable?

Now that I've given my Mom a heart attack, let's talk about what this ultrasound is really of... my heart. Not only is it doing the bump in this video, but it also seems to be full of Christmas spirit (and blood). You see, last week I had a bad cough and my doc decided to do a full workup for heart disease as a precaution. It seems that a dry cough could be a sign of a coronary problem. I told him I thought just had a cold, but he wanted to be sure and he is the doctor...

In addition to the ultrasound, I also had to sit through an EKG. Doc Mai figured I would have an enlarged heart or some other god-awful problem with my ticker, but was surprised to find out that my assesment of being as healthy as an ox with a cold was accurate. My love muscle will be pumping gallons and gallons of healthy type A through my system for a good long while to come.

(You should all know that I have a bet with Silverfox that Y'all will be picking up the phone and calling her and congratulating her before reading the explanation above.)

I'm Dreaming of a white christmas...

This morning, as I put Pint Size on the bus, it was raining. I joked with the bus driver that if it was just a few degrees colder, it would all be snow. Strangely, as I drove Short Stuff to school, it suddenly was. For the first time in his young life, Short Stuff got to play in the snow before school. I stopped outside his school long enough to take the following picture of said childhood wonder:
While taking it, a complete stranger rolled down her window and yelled "IT'S SNOWING!!!" at me. I Laughed at our mutual amazement. After I dropped off Short stuff, I called Silverfox, who couldn't believe that it was snowing in Louisiana in mid-December... This did not change the fact that snow was indeed accumulating on the palm trees outside Casa Cerio:
I talked Silverfox into coming outside with me and enjoying the weather, and she for the first time in her life tried to catch snowflakes on her tongue:

She succeeded after her third attempt, and looked at me startled... "It tastes... cold." She said, smiling. We then went inside, and I made hot cocoa while Silverfox addressed our Christmas cards.

After Short Stuff got out of school for the day, I took him to the park, where I taught him to make snowballs and snowmen:
Sadly, he took to the snowball thing like a duck to water, and proceeded to pelt me with snow until his fingers turned red from the cold.

What a great day.

Because once just isn't enough...

Pint size decided to take another dip in the porcelin pond, making a mockery at any and all of our childproofing attempts. Turns out he does this at grandmas house all the time and she thinks it's adorable. (sigh)

I told Silverfox that if he becomes a swimmer in the special olympics when he's a teenager, have we ever got us some blackmail material.

Well, there goes another Nablopomo....

and I can turn my attention to some of my other writing endeavors for a while... I've got ideas for two books, a potential screenplay, and two screenplays in the can that I need to get cracking marketing. Dave has also been talking about collaborating on a pitch for a TV series. In any event, I need to compound on what has become a daily writing habit for as long as it lasts.

I have a few issues with one of my screenplays, in that I really need a few people to read it and give me some feedback/ constructive criticism on it. I think it's really good, and Silverfox loved it, but her opinion may be a bit biased. I have three close friends that I use as a barometer for such things, but none of them has found the time to read it since I sent it to them a few months ago...

Any volunteers? I promise I will mention you when i accept my golden globe for "best screenplay" :)