This morning, I walked out of my house to go to work and find I had a flat tire. I go to fix the tire with the can of fix-a-flat I keep in the trunk for just such an emergency, and the top of the can ruptures, spraying liquid latex over me, the car, the house, and half a block of sidewalk. I borrowed a can of the stuff from a neighbor that heard me cursing extremely loudly, filled the tire, and then drove into nothing but traffic from my house to the door of the factory.
Being that Karma has decided to make me it's bitch, I'm thinking I must have done something really horrible while sleepwalking, cause damned if I can think of anything I did while conscious to deserve the week I'm having.
Anyway, It was a slower day at work today, so I found myself browsing a site filled with Facts about Chuck Norris. Dave has a t-shirt with a number of these on them, but there were a full eight pages of ones I'd never heard of before. I laughed myself silly for twenty minutes.
Among my favorites:
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Hope y'all have brightened your day:)