"Texas: 32 electoral votes, another of the so-called big enchiladas... or if not a big enchilada, at least a huge taco."- Dan Rather

DOA management Rob update- Out of the corner, looking for his pants and some ranch dressing. We assume he will be back to writing form in a few days.

Dizzy's San Antonio adventure- part 3

When last we left our heroine, she was hungry and still quite agahst at the 2 1/2 hour wait at the local Dave and Busters. Still, with directions in hand, and the ever-popular Phred behind the wheel, the pair made their way to a resturant known as the "Magic Time Machine".

The resturant was unlike anything Dizzy expected. Each of the tables was done up in the decor of a different time period, and the waitstaff were all dressed as different pop culture icons. Their waitress was Velma from scooby doo, with Lilo and Stitch helping with the drinks.

Phred was delighted by this, and said that if Velma used the word "jinkeys" in a sentence, her tip would triple. Among the waiters was a very convincing Jack Sparrow, who at one point got into a bit of a tussle with Velma:

(Jack grabs Velma from behind)
Jack: Come on darling, let's not fight it anymore...
Velma: Jinkeys! a pirate!
Phred: She just earned her tip!
Jack: Now, now... don't be coy. Give us a kiss.
Velma: Don't you know that Velma has no interest in boys?
Jack: (to Dizzy) That's only cause she's never met a pirate like me.
Velma: At least not one that smelled as bad.
Jack: I can afford not to bathe. I work for Disney.

Jack then strutted off with a manly swagger. Velma followed, yelling that Hannah Barbera pays very well indeed.

The meal was excellent, and they made Dizzy the best Margarita that she had ever had. Afterwards, the pair returned to Dave and Busters to spend the evening playing video games and winning tickets for beer steins, coffee mugs, and shot glasses.

The next day, the pair went on a quest for chinese food, and their second hotel. Phred had booked them in a posh boutique hotel downtown for their last night, so that he wouldn't have to drive, and could thusly drink. They found a buffet on the outskirts of the city, and stumbled upon a flea market in the barrio. They wandered the booths for a bit, (Dizzy buying an oversized floppy camo hat), and then went to the new hotel. Their room had a balcony, turndown service, and even complimentary robes.

They then went to the Ripley's believe it or not museum, and the Wax museum, the more interesting of five tourist traps near the Alamo. (now only blocks from the hotel) they passed on the Davy Crockett's tall tales ride, because it looked phenomenonaly cheesy. Little did they know just how cheesy and stupid the Wax museum was. Grumbling about getting ripped off, they went down to the Riverwalk as the sun set, and took a river barge tour by moonlight.

Their guide was a funny guy, and made a few choice suggestions for Romantic-Yet-Reasonable places to eat and drink the night away. They went with the Mexican one for dinner, and then went to Dick's Last Resort, which had a live band and no cover. They also had a lobster tank with a claw (like those stuffed animals at the arcade) and if you caught a lobster, they would cook it for you.

Phred tried valiantly, (much to Dizzy's amusement), but the wily lobsters were too much for him. He gave up and just had another beer. They walked back to the hotel, weary, a little tipsy, and ready for the drive home the next day.

"Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking'."- George W. Bush

DOA Management's Rob update- Still in the corner, still sobbing, still all but useless when it comes to bringing the funny. We threw him some Mardi Gras beads, but that only set off another wave of sobbing. We instead present the second installment of the story that is gripping millions:

Dizzy's San Antonio Adventure- Part 2

After a meal and a good night's sleep, Dizzy awoke to meet the new day. She pulled aside the curtains of her microtel suite (Phred is many things, but not cheap) to see the warm texas sunshine warming the haunted factory next door. She smiled at the fact that at least there weren't a bunch of teenagers with a great dane parked out front in an old VW van. She kicked Phred a few times, and the pair dragged themselves downstairs for breakfast.

After a fine meal of Waffles, they went to see the most famous of all texas landmarks, the Alamo. Dizzy had already been there once before, so she busied herself in the gift shop, having promised the Webkahunah a new Shot glass for his collection. She picked the two oddest, (pictured below) and noticed that Phred had wandered off.



As Phred walked around the old mission, he heard some comotion outside the thick stone walls. Peeking slowly over the wall, he was stunned to see mexican troops bringing a cannon to bear on him. Phred ducked down, unsure of his sanity. He was sure that he had become swept up in the nostalgia of history. He looked again to still see the cannon, the mexicans, and a very short man that looked remarkably like Santa Ana. Phred considered his options, as Dizzy approached to see that all the blood had drained from his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Mexicians." Phred replied.
"In general, or one in particular?"
"Outside the walls! They've come to re-take the Alamo!"

Dizzy doubted the logic of Phred's conclusion, and poked her own head over the wall to see the Mexicans, the shortest Davy Crockett she had ever laid eyes on, and the cannon. Santa Ana soon emerged from a nearby porta-potty. What she also saw that Phred had missed while panicing himself was the huge banner that said "reenactment today". Dizzy pointed it out to him, and Phred felt really stupid, which they both agreed was appropriate to the moment. They hung out for a bit to watch the most half-hearted attempt to take over the Alamo either of them had ever seen, with Phred remarking more than once that a single samuri and a few stampeding bulls would have turned the tide of the battle in the Texans favor.

Hungry from all the simulated carnage, the pair made their way to the beautiful San Antonio Riverwalk. It should be noted at this point that the San Antonio River is not so much a river as a glorified drainage ditch, that "them industrious Texans" converted into a primo tourist attraction. They had some wonderful barbeque for lunch and enjoyed a pleasant stroll along the river.

After heading back to the hotel for a quick nap, they headed out again in search of dinner and excitement. Finding out that there was a Dave and Busters in the area, they made up their minds that this could provide a lovely evening of dining, drinking, and entertaiment... until they actually got there and found out there was a two and a half hour wait for dinner. Agahst at this, with tummy rumbling, Dizzy called the hotel to ask that hippest of all concierges, Issac, for some advice. Issac also was agahst at the wait at D&B's, and recommended that they try a place called "Magic Time Machine" instead.

Off they rode into the night in search of nurishment, unsure of how the night would play out, and unaware of the surprises that yet awaited them.

"You may all go to hell. I will go to Texas."- Davy Crockett

The DOA management is sorry to report that due to events of an extremely personal nature, Rob has been unable to report on many of the events of the past few weeks without divulging several things that are forbidden subjects on this blog. As many of you know it is Mardi Gras in New Orleans, and when last we saw our hero, he was in a corner either weeping like a schoolgirl or vomiting uncontrolably. Still unsure which, but he was certainly not coming out of his safe little happy corner to do his blog entries. We therfore present instead, a pleasant narrative about the Webkahunah's friend, Dizzy, as told to us by some dude with a sombrero.

Dizzy's San Antonio Adventure- part 1.

It began as a day like any other for our heroine... the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the world was assured to safely continue spinning on it's axis for at least a few more hours. Mardi Gras was a scant five days away, and being in New Orleans for Mardi Gras was certainly worth a road trip... Or so thought Dizzy's Sidekick, "Phred" the boy wonder. And so, when Phred showed up on Dizzy's doorstep, she was packed and ready to go.

Now it should be noted for our readers that Dizzy lives in Avondale, only a twenty minute drive from New Orleans. What strange goings on is this, you may ask? Why is she packed for a ride across town? to preserve the suspense, we shall leave these questions unanswered for the monent. aw, hell... it's told to you in a few sentences anyway. Why are you still reading this? the adventure continues in the next paragraph!

Dizzy hopped into Phred's car all a-twitter in anticipation of the adventures ahead. Not a good thing, because Dizzy is...well... Dizzy. The open road whispered to them, beckoning not east, towards the bright lights of the big easy, but west... toward the cool southern Texas plains. Dizzy and Phred had decided a few days prior to get out of town this Mardi Gras you see, and San Antonio was somewhere that neither Phred nor Dizzy had ever thoroughly explored. As the car cruised through the storm battered communities of the gulf coast and made its way onto the glorious unscathed communities near houston, Both Dizzy and Phred realized that taking advantage of the long weekend to get out of New Orleans was probaly the best decision that they could have made. Though it rained, and made the driving difficult for poor Phred, they perservered until the pair finally alighted in San Antonio, at a Microtel downtown next to a haunted factory.

Both were extrmely Hungry from the long journey, and in need of some serious information about their surroundings. They went to the lobby and consulted with Issac, the Hotel's concierge that was named after that guy on the "Love Boat", but was like him only in that he was asian.

"I like Buffets" Dizzy said to Issac, "Are there any nearby?"

Issac thought for a moment. "There's a Steak buffet about ten minutes from here."

The glee on Dizzy's face was evident. Never before had it occured to her that the words "Steak" and "Buffet" could be placed together like that.

It was going to be a fun weekend indeed.

The DOA wordcloud...

Came across this neat little image generator while browsing blogs. it'a called a wordcloud, and it generates the image based on the writing style of the blogger.

The Power of the cartoon....

Anyone who still feels that Cartoons can’t change the world obviously hasn’t been paying attention the past few days. The recent rioting and accompanied protests about the Cartoons of the prophet Mohammed in that Danish newspaper have been pretty serious. Last time I checked, ten people had been killed.

Over a cartoon.

As a cartoonist, this worries me. I have often thought of myself as one of the first guys against the wall with a blindfold and a cigarette when the revolution comes, but I doubt most cartoonists do. I can’t help thinking of the Mocca festival Java Foo Foo and I went to the last trip we took to NYC. How many of those guys are crapping on themselves now or worse, gloating about the power of their pens?

One thing that really surprises me though, is that I actually kinda understand how the Muslims feel on this one. I don’t go into my faith much on these pages, because it’s something I’m not entirely clear on. Lately, I feel like God has dumped enough signs in my lap to confirm his existence, but I don’t feel I’ve found the right religious sect for me. I consider myself to be a Christian more often than not I guess; I believe in most of the basic tenets ascribed to the Christian faith to the point that I try to live my life by them, and over all I think that I’m a fairly good Christian.

So, anyway… about two years ago, I was also really offended by a cartoon. It was an episode of South Park where Jesus was going into Afghanistan to save Santa Claus after his sled was shot down on Christmas eve. Now, up until the offensive part, this actually struck me as pretty funny. But then, upon landing on the compound roof where Santa was held, Jesus whips out a bowie knife and guts two Afghan guards.

To say I was offended was putting it lightly. I stared at the TV aghast for at least ten minutes before finally turning the show off. It helped that the episode in question had only ten minutes left, I suppose... but I swear, I could not tell you even with my photographic memory what was contained in the rest of the program. To think that the christian embodiment of peace and god's love would WHIP OUT A BOWIE KNIFE AND GUT SOMEONE was offensive to me on so many levels that I actually stopped watching the show from that point on.

Still, I didn't go out and start a riot. None of my business that there's a special place in hell reserved for Trey Parker and Matt Stone... particularly after making Satan out to be a big pansy. Don't think he's gonna be real amused. Maybe they worked out some kinda deal with the guy... it would explain the startling success of South Park compared to Baseketball and Team America.

But I digress.

As Christians, we are continually bombarded with people mocking our faith. Generally, we tend to have a sense of humor about it. Same thing holds true for the Jews and Buddhists. Well, less so for the Buddhists, because who could mock such a jolly deity? But still, isn't one of the five pillars of Islam love or peace or something like it? and if so, exactly how do these riots figure into it? Part of Love is tolerance... part of Peace is respect for your fellow man. Lighten up and be excellent to one another, people.

Pretty deep for a Tuesday, I know. But until I can actually teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and buy it a coke, it will have to do.

My number? 328-7448.

I read this and it made me think of Drew, who I know has serious issues with the subject. Given the slow eroding of our personal freedoms in this country, I may just start refusing to give my phone number to sales clerks, just to see what their reaction is.

The revolution may not be televised, but it will be blogged. It's all about passive resistance, people.

Oh, and to anyone who actually has the number above, I apologize. You have my sympathy for what it spells out.

Welcome to the 21st century

Today, I forgot my cell phone at home. You know how it is when you are in a hurry to get to work… there’s always something you forget, be it feeding your pet groundhog, turning off the air conditioning, or pants. Well, I thought I would never feel more naked than that time with the pants, but apparently I was wrong.

I was one of the last people I know to buckle under and buy a cellular phone, and even then I did so because the necessities of the Paranormal Research job demanded it. You know, in case someone hurt themselves running from their own shadow or something, I needed to be able to call all my friends and tell them how funny it was.

Joking. Paranormal Research is serious business.

Anyway, I needed to be able to call for help if something serious happened to one of the participants on my team. I got the cell phone under protest. I had been saying for years that I would never have one of the silly things on my hip because “there are times I don’t want anyone to be able to contact me”. But like I said, I had to get one for the job. I grumbled. I griped. I allowed myself to be dragged kicking and screaming into the brave new millennium.

Now, I feel naked without it. That’s progress for ya. I sit here wanting to call (in order) Dizzy, Stacey, My Dad, My ex-wife, Ringo, Ronnie, my aunt Joann, and of course, Jennifer Aniston. (She goes without saying I suppose. Still owes me five bucks for services rendered.) But I can’t, primarily because my cell has also become my pocket phone list, and I can’t make any long distance calls from here anyway.

I realized I don’t actually dial anymore, or else I would have most of these numbers committed to memory. I just hit the proper speed dial, or look it up in the phone’s list of magic numbers. I have been making fun of Stacey for YEARS for relying on technology for keeping her phone lists, when a piece of paper and a pen work just as well, and don’t run low on batteries. Yet here I sit, equally dependant on that magic little bundle of circuit boards and transistors. It scares me that this little gadget has become so indispensable in my life.

Sometimes I long for the simpler time I grew up in, when you still really “dialed” a phone, and the best source of information about the world outside your window was the ten year old encyclopedia.

And the job of directing "Dogs of Atlantis: the Rob Cerio story" goes to:

Woody Allen
Your film will be 59% romantic, 39% comedy, 34% complex plot, and a $ 32 million budget.

Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City -- though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall, Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, etc. Woody has released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American classics.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 73% on action-romance

>You scored higher than 76% on humor

>You scored higher than 24% on complexity


You scored higher than 26% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

And here I was hoping for Kevin Smith.

Ahhh... the beauty of a hallmark holiday...

Been working the overnight shift, 11pm-7am... It has my inner clock set on "tango".

If that seems a little random, try getting up at 2:30am and writing something... I doubt you would do any better. On the bright side, only one week to go before the freight train of life switches tracks again. I have decided that the whole hotel thing just isn't working out, so I'm going to work at a local Auto store.

But more about that when I actually start the job.

I went to Walgreens before coming to work today with the intent of picking out a Valentines gift for a special someone. It never occured to me before stepping through the door that this was one of those shopping situations that men should just avoid.

I know of a few others, mind you... The Mall on Christmas Eve, The supermarket the night before Thanksgiving, A pizza place on super bowl sunday, the local Hallmark store the day before mother's day. There are others, but I think you get the point. These are occasions of pure, unbridled consumerism at it's worst. Little old ladies fighting grown men for the last "world's best teacher" figurine... Two linebacker types brawling over the last "molly wets her pants" doll... six or seven soccer moms screaming at each other over the last box of "Stove top stuffing". These scenes may now officially include the local Drugstore at 10pm Feburary 13th.

I walked into the store and it was absolute red and pink chaos. Anything with a heart on it was fair game, and god help you if you wanted a rose of any kind. There were mylar balloons everywhere, held by men with contorted experssions that conveyed every bit of dissapointment that their signifigant others would heap upon them the next day if all they only showed up with this stupid balloon. There were empty cases of chocolate hearts strewn all over the seasonals aisle. There were soccer moms frantic on cell phones trying to figure out if "finding Nemo" valentines were still cool at their kids school.

Like I said... pink and red chaos.

I braved the storm and shoved my way into what was left of the beautiful valentines day display aisle that had been there just a day before... now only shredded cardboard and mylar wrapping. I had intended on getting this special someone a chocolate rose, but there were no roses anywhere, much less the chocolate variety. I gazed around, knowing that she would neither know of this nor probably care, (this was a bit of an afterthought, after all) but I still felt like the Dad who got mugged on christmas eve outside toys R us.

Then I saw it. On the top shelf of the aisle, pushed all the way to the back was an intact case of Whitman's heart-shaped samplers.

Being 6'2" has it's advantages. No one else around me had seen them yet. I stood on my toes, hooked my arm over the edge, and pulled a box down with satisfaction. I walked away, feeling like I had just dropped a litre of blood into a pool filled with hungry sharks. The others around me pounced on the rest of the case, and I think I was lucky to leave with my fingers intact.

Sure... she reads my blog, and i've just ruined the surprise... but to me, Valentines day is a silly invention anyway. Real romantics don't need a special day to show the people that matter to them how they feel after all; those that are romance-challenged tend to forget about it anyway.

Me... I'm somewhere in the middle. The main reason I participate in this holiday at all is to let that special someone know that they are indeed a special someone to me. I think that's something we all need to hear once in a while.

CHEVRON 7 LOCKED!

I cannot tell you how happy this result made me. Stargate SG1 is one of my all time favorite shows. I may have to base a bit of fanfic upon this.

You scored as SG-1 (Stargate). You are versatile and diverse in your thinking. You have an open mind to that which seems highly unlikely and accept it with a bit of humor. Now if only aliens would stop trying to take over your body. FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 94% Serenity (Firefly) 94% SG-1 (Stargate) 94% Moya (Farscape) 88% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 88% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 75% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 75% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 75% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 50% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 50% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 44% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 38% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

Culled from Drew's Blog. Oddly enough, the tiebreaker response was "To hell with the future! let's explore other worlds NOW!" Otherwise, I probably would have wound up on Serenity with Drew. I am such a geek sometimes. My prediction as to how my remaining friends will score on this:

Java Foo Foo will find herself on Serenity with Drew.
Ringo will be on the Bebop.
Dizzy will wind up on the Seaquest. (probably feeding the dolphin. Oh, wait... not an option? then she'll be on Moya)
Dave will serve aboard the Enterprise D. (only because the 1701-A isn't one of the options)
Stacey will turn up on SG1 with me. (Just follow my lead and don't trust the guys with the glowing eyes, toots.)
Melinda will be a war correspondant on Deep Space Nine.
Ducky will find himself on the Nebuchadnezzar.
Ronnie, of course will wind up on Boston Legal as William Shatner's law partner.

The Duality of the blogger...

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when she pointed out to me that sometimes it seems to her that these pages are written by a different person than the one she knows. “This is true.” I said, not really thinking too hard about it… I have enough to think about to give me headaches for weeks after all. “There is Rob, and there is the Webkahunah.”

“Well, isn’t that a little odd, Rob?” She said, (mind you I’m paraphrasing here) “The Webkahunah sounds like a totally different person than the one I see from time to time.”

I should have just agreed and moved on at this point, but being the glutton for punishment I am, I said “How so?”

“Well, the Kahunah is confident, funny and charming.” She said, “And he’s never the sensitive, caring type. He says some things I could never imagine you saying.”

“Well, it’s easy to be confident, funny and charming when you have an hour to write a few paragraphs.” I said, my ego totally not bruised by this, “I liken it to Clark Kent and Superman. There is Superman, and there is Clark. The real man that is Clark Kent is actually somewhere in the middle… both personas, yet neither. Unique for being both.”

“Rob, I hate to break this to you, but Superman is a fictional character. He’s not real.”

The conversation broke down a bit after that… (I do take the whole Superman thing a wee bit seriously) But an important point was made to me… Is the Kahunah a façade that I put up as a defense mechanism? Maybe… but fortunately, he’s apparently a funny charming defense mechanism, and I think retreating behind him is a lot healthier than some of the defense mechanisms I could have.

I like to think that the “real” Rob writes these pages, but I know that there are times that the Webkahunah persona takes over, and these are generally the funnier entries. It’s a lot like the Comedian taking the stage. I don’t write all that much about things that are really happening in my life, (I mean the deep, psychological stuff that makes us who we are) because these events don’t make for good reading most of the time (welcome to dullsville. population: you).

Would you really care about Andrew Clay’s take on life? Of course not… but back in the eighties, people paid good money to hear the Diceman go on about how women suck. Robert Goldwait probably has a few ferns and a cat named mittens… But the Bobcat is raunchy and funny enough to make you juggle kittens.

There are exceptions in these pages (Times when it’s nothing but Rob). Y’all have heard quite a bit about my ex-wife, my divorce, my ex-mother in law and how hurricane Katrina affected me… but y’all hear the Webkahunah’s opinion a lot more often. I have to admit, I kinda like my “alter ego”. He’s a great guy, if a little crude when it comes to the ladies. I’m kinda proud that he’s rattling around in the infinite morass that is my brain, and I enjoy his approach to the myriad events of my life. I am him… he is me… and we’re both equal parts Hero, Rebel, Lover, Fighter, Comic, Mechanic, Salesman, Scientist, Handyman, Boy Scout, Geek, and just a smidge of goofball.

Does this make me nuts? Nope. It makes me normal.

More about the love life... You wish!

As many of you know, I avoid posts about my love life in these pages. There are a number of bullshit reasons I give for this… “a gentleman never tells”, “my mom reads my blog”, “gotta keep the PG rating”, etc.

As I say, all absolute bullshit. The real reason that I don’t post anything about relationships in my blog is because women confuse the hell out of me. I know, nothing new that the war between the sexes is misunderstood by both sides, but hear me out. Women REALLY confuse me. And I’m not talking the “lost in a crowded shopping mall near the orange Julius” kinda confusion. I’m talking the “lost in outer Mongolia after taking the right turn at Albuquerque, New Mexico” kinda confusion.

That, and all the women I know read my blog.

For example: Let’s say “Bob” starts dating “Cindy”. He posts it on his “bobspot.com”, cause he’s happy he’s dating “Cindy”. Little does “Bob” know that his sharing of said happiness sets in motion a chain of events. “Bob’s” psycho ex-wife, “Faith” is reading it and plotting ways to kill his pet groundhog, “Ted”. “Bob’s” close friend, “Margie” reads it and starts getting inexplicably jealous. “Cindy” reads it, and is pissed at poor “Bob” for letting the world know that they even know each other, much less are involved. “Trixie” calls “Bob” to chew him out a bit for not telling her before putting it on the blog, “Linda” calls and asks if “Cindy” has a sister. “Bob’s” mother calls and asks why hasn’t she gotten to meet this “Cindy”, even though she lives 1500 frickin miles away. “Louise” reads it and doesn’t let “Bob” ask her out because he is “taken”. In the chat rooms, women stop flirting with “Bob”, and word spreads like wildfire across the globe to women of all races and nationalities that “Bob” is now taken.

Meanwhile, the torrid affair between “Bob” and “Cindy” lasted all of three days, and “Ted” died suspiciously after failing to see his shadow, or the cross town bus right behind it.

Now, dear reader… where does this leave “Bob”? Lonely, and with no way to safely dispose of a rotting groundhog carcass. He considers a pet cemetery, but remembers what happened in the movies, and the last thing he figures he needs is a Zombie groundhog.

The above story is pure fiction of course, (I have no Zombie groundhog, I assure you) but it illustrates my point. Blogging is not without its risks… dating a blogger doubly so. I liken it to being friends with a comedian. Sooner or later, you’re gonna do something stupid, and it’s gonna wind up in his night club act. Now, if the Comic is sensitive about this, he winds up telling jokes about airline food and the price of gas, and never mentions his relationships at all.

Guess I’m just that kinda Comic.

Robbie Gras Report take 2... Superbowl sunday

The DOA management apologizes for the excessive length of today’s entry. A hint for anyone in the market for an Electro Convulsive Therapy machine… make sure it has a “stun” setting, and don’t mix it with someone taking Alka-Seltzer or Pepto Bismol. Still, it’s fairly funny, and we hope you will enjoy it.

Okay, so yesterday I was in a less than spectacular mood despite the efforts of Dizzy to make sure I had a happy birthday. Today, while I’m still not at 100 percent, I am at at least 89 or so, so that should be enough to write a much better account of my birthday than I did last night.

To start with, I’ve been sick. Not just your typical, run-of-the-mill, under-the-weather type sickness either… I’m talking the why-is-my-body-making-these-horrible-sounds, don’t-stray-too-far-from-the-bathroom, did-I-do-something-to-offend-God kinda sickness.

In short, for all my maudlin crapola, the “state of the Rob” was sick.

Not to say that there aren’t a few nuggets of truth in there… I am in need of a change. The job has me a little down, (if one more guest compares me having no vacancies in our hotel for them to there being no room at the inn for Mary and Joseph, I swear I’m gonna belt em!). Also, I’m hearing the passionate whisper of the open road in my ear again. It happens from time to time to those of us with the heart of an explorer… I guess you just get used to ignoring it after a while. Still haven’t decided exactly what it is I need to change, but y’all will be the first to know when I do.

Anyway… throughout history many great people have made many great mistakes. Captain Smith sped up in iceberg filled waters… Napoleon had a hankering for borcht… Mama Cass needed that second ham sandwich… And of course, I still went out on Robbie Gras Eve like I had planned to, despite the fact that my stomach was doing a more than fair impression of the rhythm section of a samba band. So I didn’t drink a lot. Did try to. (everyone see mistake number two here?) I was bummed. Nobody but Dizzy showed up.

Now, an aside… I know things happen. Many of my friends are still scattered about the countryside, and those that aren’t probably had very good reasons for not being there. Hurricanes suck, as it has been pointed out, and lives aren’t back to normal and won’t be for a very long time at the rate it’s going.

So there I sat in the bar, my gastrointestinal tract sounding like Custer getting reamed by the Indians at little Big Horn, making small talk with Dizzy about this woman on the end of the bar who looked like she was about to fall off her barstool.

If she had… and I’m sure she eventually did… well, it would have made for a much funnier blog, but I didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to see it through. Dizzy and I went back to my place and watched TV. Dizzy did invite me over to her place for a barbeque and super bowl thing the next day, and so I said yes.

The super bowl, for those of you not from America, is the championship game for American football, which essentially involves large men in polyurethane armor throwing around an inflated pigskin and running into each other like drunk goats with commercials shown every five minutes or so.

Americans take this VERY seriously. We plan parties around it, even if we have no love for the teams involved, the commercials shown, or the poor dead inflated pig. It’s a big deal, right up there with American independence day, and even if you don’t care about the sport, the players, the pig, or even the color scheme of the uniforms you MUST pick a side to root for. To not do so would be grounds for torture, or worse, being forced to read bad poetry.

So I picked a side. Dizzy’s Brother picked the other one, exclaiming “even though they’re flurshuginer YANKEES!” (Now, of course he didn’t actually say ‘flurshuginer’ but what he did say would make a sailor blush… well, a sailor that had been sailing around with a bunch of nuns, at any rate.) Now the funny part of this is that Dizzy’s Mom, standing next to him descreetly points out to the Brother that I am a “flushuginer Yankee”, and by discreetly I mean with broad pointing gestures and bulging eyes while elbowing him. At halftime, Dizzy’s mom also did the most amazing air guitar solo I have ever seen a 75 year old do to the Rolling Stones “satisfaction”. Apparently, the old gal has a thing for Mick Jagger...

I hope I still have women lusting for me after the next 36 trips around the sun.

Robbie Gras 2006- the annual state of the Rob address

Warning: The DOA management feels obligated to point out to our regular readers that Rob isn't feeling quite himself today, and that the following post has a much darker tone than we normally encourage here on Dogs of Atlantis. We sent away for an electroschock machine last week, but the post office isn't delivering our mail properly yet since hurricane Katrina, and our experiment to simulate the effect with the car battery and jumper cables merely resulted in explosive diarreah. We tried, folks.

My fellow Americans, and assorted worldwide denizens.... I sit here in my meager apartment at 11:49 on my birthday unsure what to write in this post. 36 years and twelve hours ago (give or take a half hour or so) I began the first of the 36 trips I have taken so far around the sun. That's a score and 16 for all you Lincoln afficianados.

I went back to my post from this time last year, hoping for some inspiration, and read a cautiously optimistic post written by a guy who, coming off a divorce, was cautiously optimistic about his life in general.

What a difference a year makes, my friends.

It's not that i'm not still optimistic, you see... it's more that there's only so many catyclismic, life altering kinda things that can happen to you before you start to think that maybe the problem isn't so much with the world, but in the decisions you make in response to what the world throws at you.

Maybe I'm just getting old.... Maybe it was the fact that many of my friends are scattered to the winds... maybe it's just the attitude here in my hometown since Katrina... but I'm thinking I need a change. A real one. An extreme one.

Further updates as events warrant.

Robbie Gras Details...

For all concerned and wishing to partake in the joy of Robbie Gras... I'm thinking that it will be toned down a bit this year, much like Mardi Gras. Venues that would normally be perfect simply are not back to normal, or what passes for normal in this city... and chosing a place was hard. (much thanks to Dizzy for helpintg with the call-around) It has been a rough year, and I think this year's Robbie Gras will reflect that. So, right now the plan is that I will be at the Dry Dock Cafe at approximately 7pm, with every intention of getting fitshased. All who read these words are of course, welcome.

Also I would like to address something that was recently asked of me in an e-mail... Why do I not talk about my love life/dates/women/snugglebuddies here? The answer is actually quite simple... there are certain aspects of my life I would rather the world not know about, and my social life, (pathetic though it may be) is one of them. Also, a gentleman does not kiss and tell.

A dose of comedy...

Our mayor and his Non-chocolate constituents.

For more, go to: I'm not chocolate

A Dose of devestation....

It's been months since the storm. New Orelans is becoming a three ring circus of errors as rebuilding efforts meet a wall of bipartisan politics. The conversation goes something like this:

Federal Government: Just get your act together, New Orleans, come up with a plan, and we'll help foot the bill.

New Orleans: Okay, but what about our citizens stuck in other cities?

F.G.: Well, we'll put them up in a nice hotel till we can send some trailers from our cousin FEMA. Don't worry, we're on top of it!

(Months pass)

New Orleans: Hey, we got da plan, Now where's that money?

F.G.: Money? what money?

New Orleans: And what about those trailers?

F.G.: yeah, sorry about that.. Cousin FEMA dropped teh ball on that one... we had no idea you had that many people, son.

New Orleans: Well, at least you're still putting us up in a nice hotel.

F.G.: yeah... about that... no one told us that you would all still need housing for this long, so they're out.

New Orleans: Huh?

F.G.: Well, I hear your neighbor has called Willy Wonka in to help... maybe he has some space at his place. He has to keep dem oompa-loompas somewhere.

You get the idea. As if it wasn't enough, things like this piss me off to no end. Also, my new neighbors braved the storm, and were about town with a camera soon after. They lent me a CD with the photos on it... only a few days after travel was permitted in Orleans Parish... among the highlights:


Boats wound up in unlikely places.

The ferry I used to take to work was no exception.

The old coast guard lighthouse on the lakefront.

What's left of the southern yacht club.

And the remains of Joe's Crab Shack.

Mind you, there were a bunch of other shots detailing the damage to the city, but too many for me to post easily. If everyone wants to see em, i'll start a flicker account or something.

Later, y'all.

A Dyno-meme...

From my good buddy Dave who finally up and got his own blog. it's bloggariffic, I tell ya.

What makes us human

My good quirks
My laugh.
The ability to make light of almost any subject.
The love of road tripping, and the open road in general.
The ability to make a fool of myself in the car when a good song is on the radio.
The qualities that make me a true Superman fan also make me a fairly good christian.
Always up for trying something new, especially if it sounds fun.

My bad quirks (added to this meme by yours truly)
If I can do something, I don't consider it art, or even all that special.
I snore.
Zero tolerance for those unwilling to learn.
Not real charming around new people

My food quirks
Lucky charms mixed with Fruity Pebbles
Hold the goddamn pickles!
Deep fried snickers!
Pumpkin butter and bannana sandwiches

My sleep quirks
Sleep mask
Ear plugs
Talk in my sleep
the "jump" thing right as I doze off.

Quirky folk I tag: (also added by yours truly)
Stacey
Drew
Angie
Dreamwalker

Movie post.

A neat little movie thingamabob that showed up on my brother's site...

My Favorite movies:
Create your own Movie List @ HotFreeLayouts!

For those of you doing your Robbie Gras shopping, I don't have any of the "Smokey and the Bandit" movies, or the "Blues Brothers". I do have all the rest. I also have that complete "Flash" series, but have yet to find the first season of "Batman Beyond" or "Justice League".

Please... like y'all don't drop any hints?

How to: Robbie Gras.

Well, to clarify some of the previous post, and for all my readers overseas that want to know how to hold their own Robbie Gras celebrations, I offer the following "how to" guide:

Robbie Gras for Dummies

Robbie Gras is normally celebrated on the 5th of February, or the nearest covienient saturday. The point is to celebrate the things in life that make it the most fun, those being Friends, Food, Drink, and good times. To this end, the absolute must have in any Robbie Gras celebration is the Robbie Gras ball.

While individual celebrations have varied over the years, the party should make use of a decent bar, good music, and whatever personnel is available at the time. In addition, there should be at least one good group activity available, be it "lets see how fast we can push someone down the hall in a shopping cart" or "a lecherous photo scavenger hunt".

It is also adviseable to have the following jobs filled for the evening, preferably by separate people.

Rob- Usually, a big guy whose sole purpose of the evening is to take my place at your celebration. He should wear a hawaiian shirt, and be as drunk as is safely possible. Any Robs can feel free to write me if they need advice on getting into charecter, but I find watching a tape of "Animal House" and modeling your behavior after Bluto will work just as well. Just don't accidentally watch "Popeye".

Beer Wench- A female wearing something low cut, whose job it is to fetch beer when instructed. Must chug a beer if she spills one.

Grope mistress- This is a new position, suggested to me a few years ago. Also a female, (but would be really funny if male) The grope mistress is primarily there to keep the beer wench from being groped. (So, get y'alls minds out of the gutter) The penalty for said gropeage is determined solely by the Grope mistress. The prefered costume is as much leather as possible, and a little sign worn over the butt that says "Grope mistress" purely for the entertainment value.(Yes, I am slightly evil.)

Chauffeur- An important part of any Robbie Gras celebration, the chauffeur is responsible for making sure that no one gets behind the wheel drunk, and that everyone has somewhere to crash if too intoxicated to do so. Must be formally attired, with one of those funny hats.

If your town celebrates Mardi Gras or some other form of Carnival, attending said event (be it parade or county fair) is a must, as is making spectacles of yourselves at said event, be it through "Robbie Gras" signage, costume, or just being loud and raucus.

Any questions?

The Robbie Gras update

Well, Robbie gras is a scant 13 days away, so those of you planning to celebrate "the twelve days of Robbie Gras" better get crackin tomorrow.

I have been thinking a lot about what to do this year for my birthday of late, and had a few ideas, none of which seem to capture my current state of mind. Dizzy had suggested I try to set up a Kahunahhunt, but a K-hunt is an event unto itself, and an awful lot of work for some folk to not make it to the finish line. I had also thought about a scavenger hunt type deal, similar to what the amazing Dyno-man came up with for us to do last year, but again... way too much effort. This year, I'm thinking... I may just keep it simple.

I'm thinking a bar... I'm thinking some food... I'm thinking shooting some pool or some equally social type thing. I should have the 4th and 5th off from the ambition-draining-kink-in-the-social-life that is my job, so right now, I'm thinking the 4th,(Robbie Gras eve) with plans on riding the wave of ensuing merriment until the 5th (Robbie Gras day).

Now although this seems like a simple task... I have found that NOTHING is simple post-Katrina. I need to find a place that is open late enough and still fun for all.

Right now, should you be intending on joining me for Robbie Gras... plan on keeping from like 7ish-till on the 4th of Feb open in your calendar, and plan on being in the New Orelans Metro area. I also need a beer wench and grope mistress voulenteer. Apply the usual way at the usual time. Bring a swimsuit.

Experiment results... and one of those useless, unentertaining meme's I get tagged for...

Well, I hereby label my "head count" a failure. Dizzy seems to think that the reason I get so many hits from around the world is folks looking for the video game "DOA". Alas, we may never know...

And now, a Meme, tagged unto me by Drew you know, I get tagged for a lot of things... maybe I should start doing "meme mondays"

The Quatro meme...

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life:

1)messenger
2)mechanic
3)tourist information specialist
4)paranormal researcher

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have:

1)"dude, where's my car"
2)"history of the world part 1"
3)"superman 2"
4)"the princess bride"

Four Places I Have Lived:

1)The open road
2)New Orleans, Louisiana
3)New York city
4)Planet Earth

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

1)Smallville
2)Gilmore Girls
3)Myth Busters
4)Battlestar Galactica

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:

1)The blue ridge mountains
2)harriman state park
3)biloxi, mississippi
4)san fransisco, california

Four Websites I Visit Daily:

1)Bloglines
2)Postsecret
3)Atomic thump the return
4)hotmail

Four Favorite Foods:

1)Calzones
2)My mom's macaroni salad
3)Pizza
4)shrimp po-boys

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:

1)Upon the open road
2)Upon a calm sea
3)on a train bound for the orient
4)on a beach, sipping a mai-tai handed to me by a cute cabana girl.

Four People Whom I Tag Next:

1)Dave (Drew's right, you need to start a blog!)
2)Ray "Willy Wonka" Nagin
3)Bill Clinton
4)Dreamwalker

head count-- an experiment of sorts

It has come to the attention of the management that there are a number of overseas readers of Dogs of Atlantis, as well as many American readers that live in parts of the country that quite frankly, befuddle us here at DOA. If you click on the "clustermap" link on the right, you will see what I mean... Now some, like Dreamwalker from New Zealand, I know about... but others (like the ones in japan, europe, and northern canada) I have no clue who you are.

So in the interests of fueling my ego a bit, and so that we here at DOA can more readily anticipate the needs of our regular readers, I would like everyone who reads this post to check in by posting a comment, and tell us the following:

Where are you?
What do you do there?
What would you like to see more of in these pages?
Do I actually know you outside the Blogsphere?

I'm pretty sure that the reader furthest away will prove to be either Dreamwalker or RedRio... (NZ and AUS) so instead of offering a prize for that, the reader whose responses are the most clever will get to be in an original cartoon based on them here on DOA.

Let the games begin!

The DOA Management would like to apologize in advance for any rude, crude, stupid, offensive, or otherwise dumb comments that arise as a result of this experiment. The comments for this post should be considered R rated until proven otherwise... (we know how Rob's friends can be, but can only speculate about his strangers) so send the kids out of the room :)

Ahhhh... the life of a wageslave.

Well, the first day of work found me making a less than spectacular impression. I was two hours late (no one called to tell me that I was even added to the schedule) and I wound up locking my new boss out of her office for a few hours. I also found out, that while I didn't have to take a cut in pay, I get NO benefits and NO perks. Not even a discount at the vending machine. (sigh) I suppose that this goes in the "be careful what you wish for" category, but I keep reminding myself that this job is only the means to an end. On the job training... not an actual job. When I leave this job, i will have a much more thurough outlook on what it takes to run a hotel or inn, which is what I really want to be doing.

So, in other news... I noticed these comments on the ol message board from "deleted" who thinks I don't know who she really is...:
"Two questions I meant to ask...

1)I have heard (news) that people will lose the rights to their property if they dont return to NO. Can this be true?
2)Do you really play the accordion?"

WARNING: semi-political rant ahead... please take all precautions when reading. Safety goggles and gas masks are available in the DOA lobby.

Well, what you heard on the news is not entirely true. The city council has decided to give each neighborhood currently slated for "greenspace reclaimation" a chance to "prove their viability". In short, if enough of your neighbors don't move back, they will buy you out and come on in with the bulldozers. Right now, should you want to bail on the city and live in one of the neighborhoods in dispute, the city will buy you out for 60% of the current market value of the home. If the neighborhood proves "unviable" they will offer you 100% of the current market value, which will probably be much less if the neighborhood is "unviable".

In short, if you're an optimist that already came back, and rebuilt... and enough of your neighbors around you don't... you're just outta luck and your home will be forcibly demolished as they hand you a check for how much they think your home is worth, regardless of how you feel about it.

Land of the free, indeed. Makes me gag thinking about it.

The crucial saturation point for most neighborhoods is 5000 residents. Not an easy feat when you consider that many of these neighborhoods in question still don't have any power or safe water, and the city won't issue any more rebuilding permits until they consider the neighborhood viable.

Seems to me that the city is actively discourageing many of my neighbors from returning. Sure the levee breaches demolished their nearby neighborhoods, but what I think outsiders dont understand is, that doesn't make them any less or more safe than many of the other neighborhoods that were spared. THE ENTIRE CITY IS BELOW SEA LEVEL! I can't help thinking that if the breaches had destroyed say... uptown by river bend, we would not be having this conversation. If the levee had breached near my home, (and I owned it) I would be damned if anyone is gonna tell me that I have no right to live here if I'm gonna foot the bill to rebuild and reclaim my life!

Anyway, to answer your second question, No... I can't play the accordion, but have always wanted to learn. The images on the Atomic Thump site are merely clever photoshop productions by yours truly. When we came up with the original idea behind Atomic thump, I thought it was important to have my character play an instrument no one would ever expect in a rock band... so it was either the accordion or the tuba. Tubas are way too heavy.

New Orelans Update

Well, things seem to be progressing nicely here in the Big Easy... it's looking more and more every day like the city is gonna be back, and in style, within a year or so. Mind you, there are still parts of the city without power, people are living in trailers, and there is no such thing as fast food here anymore as the average wait time at my local Burger King is 25 minutes; Popeyes (real Popeyes, mind you , not the uberbland brandon substitute)is 36 minutes... and DON'T get me started about Taco Bell! Such is life, I suppose. The storm did a mess o' damage, and there's no getting around it. People are coming back, though... as more FEMA trailers become available. If anyone can think of a way to make money off of used FEMA trailers, let me know... I think that in about a year, they'll be a dime a dozen down here. Might make for a neat theme hotel... "the Post Katrina experience".

I went down to the French Quarter with Dizzy a few nights ago... And it's still eerily quiet. Still, more things are open... and more people are out and about. I had some benigets, and a good Cafe Du Monde cup of coffee. I also ran into a good friend from my old job, who is still living on one of the boats till his Trailer comes through.

Mardi Gras will be going forth this year... a sure sign of my city's perserverence. In addition, there's only 28 days to send out your Robbie Gras cards, do your Robbie Gras shopping, and plan your Robbie Gras celebrations. Of course, all of you people who read my blog worldwide are welcome to come on down to the big easy for Robbie Gras, and I would love to hear from y'all. (Dreamwalker... I'm looking at you!) As plans firm up for Robbie Gras, I will of course keep you posted.

The super good news of the week though, is that I GOT A JOB! Not a hoax, not an imaginary story induced by too many Froot Loops. I'll be working the front desk at a local hotel, which is exactly what I was looking for. And to think that I was a whisker away from taking a job doing oil changes.

Trivial tuesday!

Okay kids... today's vexations for you to ponder:

in the category of "Stoner Humor"
1)In the movie "Dude, Where's my car?" what are the twins first names?

In the category of "super science"
2) What was the name of the first cloned mammal?

In the category of "humorous history"
3) Who was the only U.S. president ever issued a patent?

In the category of "pop culture"
4) Elvis Presley only ever made one TV commercial. What was it for?

Cheat if you must, but fair warning: Cheaters never prosper. (unless of course you count the neumerous Ivy leaugers whose parents pay for their degrees every year)

Should old aquaintence be forgot... New Years day, 2006

Well, New Years eve was interesting... full of old friends, bar brawls, and the usual NYE insanity. I would go into details, but as I explained to Lyric last night, it is sooooo not my row to hoe.

For those of you unaware of it, I recomend Postsecret. I find it endlessly facinating, and occasionally one really speaks to me, like this one here:



Happy New Year, Y'all... may the coming year be free of divorces, tsunamis, and freakin hurricanes.

Christmas day, 2005

Christmas settled over casa kahunah like a large, wet sack. I sat around most of the day, watching inane Christmas movies on ABC family, and then realized I was being an idiot. I needed to go out. Do something... Anything.

So, I called up Dizzy... Who I knew was in a similar situation, as her family was out of town for the holiday, leaving her and her cat alone in her house for the first time since Katrina. Now, far be it from me to intrude upon the first privacy that a friend has had since the hurricane that changed all our lives, but I figured that it was Christmas and maybe she would want some company too. So, I call and suggested we grab some dinner... So we did. Chinese Buffets are great, and open on Christmas :)

Afterward, Dizzy told me that Benny Grunch and the Bunch were giving a free concert at Mid-city lanes Rock and Bowl. For those of you not from New Orleans, Benny grunch is famous for their New Orleans themes songs, such as the Twelve Yats of Christmas, Santa and his Reindeer used to live right Here, and Aint Dere no more. His music is a combination of many different styles, from Rock to Zydeco, to Rap, and is always VERY funny. So I figured, what the heck, and we went.

Going into Rock and Bowl renewed my faith in my city. Here were at least a hundred of my neighbors, all gathered together, in the spirit of Christmas, listening to a band that is truly Uniquely New Orleans. When we arrived, and old friend of Dizzy's recognized her as we walked in, and have her a big hug. He then yelled at me "Don't know who you are!" and gave me a big hug too.

It wasn't long before Benny Grunch and the Bunch hit the stage, a unique blend of music and comedy. Aint Dere no more is about all the unique businesses in New Orleans that have gone out of business over the years, and has always been one of my favorites. But this year, Benny and the boys made a new version of the song, (which was enough for me to buy their post-Katrina CD)... Temporarily Aint Dere No More . A sample:

Ya see Grand Isle, it's way out miles in the Gulf of Mexico
Then I guess we'd go to Westwego for The Tarpon Rodeo
Here's a tale of two cities that were sittin' too pretty
'Tween the 17th St. Canal and Gulf of Mexico
When they both got dunked and sunk till they stunk
Now I don't wanna say "Ain't Dere No More"

'Cause they comin right back, you can quote me on that,
Twice as nice as they was before
Startin' with the Parish of St. Bernard -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

But if your boat needs gas while Hopedale's trashed
And you're lookin' for a hi-class crowd
You can join right up at the Southern Yacht Club
But it ain't gonna be right now.

Now who's got alleys so you don't have to carry
All your garbage cans out there on ya new mowed lawn
There was butterflies, parrots, squirrels, organic carrots
All of a sudden with the floodin' it was almost gone
But they're comin' back in hours, out plantin' little flowers
On the neutral ground all away out to Lake Shore
Never thought there'd be a curfew right here in Lakeview -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

After the traditional songs, Benny went into a few covers, mostly 50's dance tunes. Dizzy's friend, (the one with the hugging problem, now very drunk) then proceeded to grab his wife and dance, swinging her about and doing twirls and such. He then proceeded to grab his daughter and do the same, then he grabbed Dizzy and swung her around for a bit... And then, he grabbed me. I of course, rolled with it, and swung him around on the dance floor as hard as he had been swinging the girls. Had to grab his arm a few times to keep him from flying over the rail and into the lap of some unsuspecting bowlers, but it was very funny. Apparently, we were quite the sight, as the crowd around us was rolling in laughter as the song came to an end, and for a split second I was in the Old, pre-Katrina New Orleans... where things like that just happen and everyone finds it funny and rolls with the joke.

I love this town.

Reason #428 why I hate Frickin Christmas...

It's Christmas Eve... I'm bummed out cause I can't find "A Miracle on 34th street" on a single channel.

Bah Humbug.

A merry Festivus after all...

Well kids, last night I went out drinking and reminiscing (sp?) with an old friend. Lessee... need a good code name for this story, so, lets call her Dizzy. (Trust me, she'll love it.)

First, we met up for dinner at a Chinese buffet (mmmmmm chinese buffet) and got our eat on. I had just sat down when In walks two guys with guitars and a flautist (sp?). Not what one normally expects when eating chinese. So, as dizzy returns to the table, I point them out. "Fortunately, we are in a far corner of the resturant" I think to myself, "Not like they're gonna start carolling next to our table or something." Which they then proceed to do. I couldn't eat because I was too busy laughing, at both the situation (Christmas at a chinese resturant?) and at the fact that Dizzy was delighted by this turn of events. It only made matters worse then the lead guitarist introduced that the flautist and her friend were from iceland, and then they launched into an inspired version of "Feliz navidad".

That's at least three more cultures than I expected to be exposed to that night.

Well, they eventually moved on, and I chatted with Dizzy about what's going on with both of us. (had a lot to catch up on... when last I saw her, Charity and I weren't even dating, much less married and divorced) I was shocked when she told me that she had gotten me a festivus gift.

So I'm thinking, "Sure. She read my blog and just decided to call the christmas gift a festivus one to mess with my head." You see, true festivus gifts must be something you don't want, and something that the recipiant probably doesn't want either. So, I open it. Two copies of "the fellowship of the ring" on DVD. (yes, two copies of the same movie) She had gotten the boxed set, and so didn't want them any more, and I have never been one for the whole Tolkien thing.

It was indeed a Festivus gift. A Festivus miracle, as it were. I am SO getting a Festivus pole next year. I don't even need to shop for a Festivus gift for anyone, as at least two people are getting "the fellowship of the ring" on DVD, one of whom is certainly gonna be Dizzy.

Merry Festivus, Y'all

Ahhhh... the holidays. Part deux.

The amazing thing about one holiday is how it stretches into another. Basically, after halloween, it's all downhill to christmas. My friends and I have an anual christmas party, and this year it was at Drew and Stacey's house.

As you can see from the photo, we were all making with the merry. I'm the furry one in the back :)

Made out pretty well on the presents this year... I got all four Superman Movies from Ringo, The First season of the George Reeves Superman TV show from JavaFooFoo, A Superman alarm clock from Dave, and the old 1940's movie serial "the adventures of Captain Marvel" from Drew and Stacey.

Notice the pattern anyone?

Still, I found it hard to be in the christmas spirit most of the night. I dunno what is is about the holidays of late, but I have been finding it increasingly difficult over the years to keep that christmas spirit in my heart. I'm expecting Jacob Marley to come by any day now with his three pals.

Bah Frickin Humbug. I'm going with Festivus next year for sure.

But, still, it was great to have everyone in one place for a change. It's been a rough year all around, what with hurricanes and divorces (okay, one divorce... mine.) and other stuff that make up the fabric of our lives. It was nice just to kick back and enjoy a simple night in the company of friends.

Over the weekend, I hung out in Brandon and wound up buying a car. Drew now refers to me as the "CARhunah". It's a 93 buick, and runs really well. I'm thinking I could probably sell it for at least twice what I paid for it, as car prices here in New Orleans are fairly high right now. What do y'all think?

I made it a point to be back in New Orleans by thursday, to go to Pub Quiz at the crown and anchor. Ducky and I, amazingly enough, placed in every single round. For a team of two that always get their asses handed to them by the larger and smarter baby Boomer teams, it was quite the Christmas miracle. In the first round, we were named "Cat on a hot blue roof" and placed third. The second round we named ourselves "Chestnuts roasting in a FEMA trailer" and placed second. We were elated, and could have gone home right then and there, but in the third round, ("Grandma got run over by Katrina") we heard answer after answer and realized we were the only team celebrating each right one. We sat in disbelief when we were told that we got first place.

Merry Christmas to one and all. May your Chrismahanakwanzakus wishes all come true.

Trivial Tuesday

Howdy, Y'all... been up in Brandon all week visiting Drew and Stacey, and attending my merry little group's Christmas shindig. It's been fun. I will make it a point to tell everyone more when I have some more time to write, but the big news is that I bought a car! been like 10 years since I had one of my own, but in post Katrina New Orleans, it has proven to be a must.

On with the trivia:

In the Category of Trivial Television-
1)Name Tim Taylor's sons from "Home Improvement".

In the category of Classic Cartoons-
2)When recounting his life, where does Bugs Bunny say he was born?

In the Category of Manic Movies-
3) In "History of the world part 1", name two of the things that Mel Brooks promises we'll see in "History of the world part 2".

In the Category of "famous Firsts"
4)Who was the first Monarch to have a televised coronation?

Answers by the weekend, and as always... NO Googling :)

New Feature- Trivial tuesdays!

In our ongoing quest to have Rob make more regular posts, we are pleased to announce our first Trival Tuesday. Each tuesday, Rob will post a few triva questions, and put the answers in the comments by the weekend. We hope you enjoy this new feature, as we know Rob absolutely loves it.
---Dogs Of Atlantis management

Howdy there kids... trivial tuesday time. No cheating by looking up the answers on the internet please.

In the category of "Famous Firsts":
1)Who was the first woman to win a nobel prize?

In the category of "Classic Cartoons":
2)What was the name of Speed Racer's Younger brother and his pet monkey?

In the category of "Super Science":
3)What is the only metal that is a liquid at room temperature?

In the category of "Trivial Television"
4)In the original 'wardrobe malfunction', what actress accidentally exhaled her breast out of her dress during the telecast of the Academy Awards in 1957?

For all the Pulp Fiction folks in the house...

This is brilliant. How they got Sam Jackson for it, I will never know. Nice to see that Jules found that direction, after all.

What to post when you have exactly zip, zilch, and nada to talk about...

"You need to post something!" Java Foo Foo admonished me the other day about my blog. She, like many of you check my blog all the time, and have been wondering what happened to me. Well, the fact of the matter is very little. As many of you know, I try to keep the tone of my posts light. In the spirit of DOA, I also try to give each and every post some kind of relevance to whatever is going on in my life, but I think y'all can tell when I'm faking it. Basically, I worry about boring y'all when the most interesting thing that has happened to me today was the dramatic decision to have cream cheese rather than peanut butter on my bagel this morning. So, I figure once a week I'll start reaching into the old DOA mailbag if I have nothing else to write.

First off, On 11/13, Dreamwalker from New Zealand wrote:
I am your 1700 visitor...Do I get a prize? And, hey...Where's the new blog. I travel a long way to read this. :)

Yes, dreamwalker, you do get a prize. Your comment is the first I decided to use for this feature. Visitor 2000 will get an artifact from the DOA office, either an original cartoon about the visitor, an empty can of sam's cola, or a dirty sock. I'll let y'all know when I decide which.

On 10/29, anonymous wrote:

Oh Great Webkahunah, Don't run away to New England just yet. Come back to New Orleans. Re-enroll at U.N.O. or Delgado. Learn the intricacies of running a hotel.

You're still young and Cute too. Meet a nice woman and date her. You never know, you might get lucky. (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)

Then the 2 of you can run your little cottage inn by the ocean together. And does it have to be New England? Virginia and Georgia are nice and a lot less Snowy. And you'd have a longer "Season" you'd be open for. And just think of the different styles of Cooking you could offer. New York and New Orleans.

I know it's your life and your decision, but I wanted you to know that one of your New Orleans friends would rather have you here than there.

To anonymous, I say: Who the heck are you, and are you female and cute? These questions have been plagueing me since I read that.I admittedly, need a date as much as I need a job.

I have also been putting some of my time and energy into The grand return of Atomic Thump. Mostly, I like doing neat photoshop manipulations, and then writing the background stories... My character in the band is "Big Daddy Scruptious", seen at the right. He was the accordion player in the greatest 80's heavy metal band you've never heard of... check it out if you like silly humor.

Hey, I gotta spend my free time doing more than playing City of heroes, people.

Ahhh... the holidays....

For those of you out there concerned about such things, I created an Amazon.com wish list this year. I don't use the silly things myself, but I confess they do give me ideas. While I don't suspect anyone will actualy buy me anything off the list, I figure they will be able to glean my clothing sizes from it, as well as the fact that my world revolves around super heroes. Gotta love the holidays, or so my therapist keeps telling me. Feh. I say we go with Festivus this year, whose only gift giving rule is that if you give a gift, it has to be something you're sure the recipient will hate, and you would never buy for yourself.

Some fun holiday picks:
Stacey took this great pick of Me, Drew and Papa Steve drooling over the fruit of our labors, trying valiantly, and in vain to keep ourselves from picking at the bird.
Drew doing the carving with no rhyme or reason at all. Me trying my hardest not to jump in and take over for the sake of the turkey.
Photographic evidence of our delicious experiment to deep fry snickers bars. Don't mock me till you've tried my ways, people.

Fryday and Festivus.

Well, the first Fryday went great. We threw two gallons of corn oil into the turkey fryer yesterday and went to town. My buddy Dave, who was without much to do the day after thanksgiving, (as his lovely wife Danielle had decided to brave the Mall on the busiest shopping day of the year) was coaxed into joining us. Interesting conversation:

"Dave! We're Fying! You have to come!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Dude. Deep fried snickers"
"Ha ha ha ha ha"
"Come on dude! Bring a movie and something to fry!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Rob, I..."
"Come on!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Put Stacey on for directions"

As you can see, it wasn't the hardest sell. I think I had him at "deep fried snickers". So, after he arrived, we got to frying... The Menu:

we made the batter and dipped everything in the oil ourselves, mind you...

Deep fried and battered Snickers Bars
Corndogs
Battered and fried Oreos
Fried apples
Fried pickles
Homemade potato chips
Homemade French fries
Deep fried biscuits

Ah, doesn't it just make your arteries harden thinking about it? Everything came out fry-tacular. The biggest surprise to me was the fried snickers bars, which I had doubts about. Little did I know that they would turn out to be a little piece of fried heaven. The biggest disappointment was the Oreos. After the snickers, they just couldn't measure up, I suppose. The thing I was most proud of were the potato chips.. I sliced them as thin as I could, dropped them in the oil, Stacey hit them with the Tony's, and they were easily as good as anything from Frito-lay. The Fryday celebration I think, may become an annual one.

Speaking of made up holidays, we've entered the Festivus season, and this is brilliant, for all of you scratching your heads wondering what the hell I'm talking about. I think I may just ditch the whole Christmas thing this year, and get me an aluminum pole.

Now if only I had a few supermodels to wrestle me to the ground.

On the day we give thanks.... for fried turkey! 2005

Well, kids... thanksgiving, and with it the holidays, are upon us. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and one of the few I think should be adopted worldwide. I really think that it's important for us all, no matter our background, to step back every so often and just be thankful for what we have, and the bounty of riches, both material and esoteric that have been bestowed upon us in the course of a year.

That's a pretty heavy thought... must be all the turkey I ate. You think fish is brain food? I scoff in your general direction, and pity those who deny the cerebral cortex boosting power of a huge plate of Turkey.

But I digress. I decided to spend the Holiday with Stacey and Drew up in Brandon. Yeah, I was effectively marooned there for a month this year, but holidays are always best spent in the company of your closest friends. This year, Drew deep fried the turkey. I had to promise my Mom, (who reads my blog, and is fully aware of Drew's talent for accidentally shooting at innocent roofs, and attempting to catch chainsaws) that I wouldn't allow him to hurt himself, or more importantly, me in the process. I assured her that despite news reports to the contrary, frying a turkey is a fairly safe thing.

"Have you ever done this before?" Mom asked.
"Well, no." I said.
"Has Drew?"
"No, but there's a first time for everything."
"Is anyone there who has done this before?"
"Mom, plenty of people fry turkeys every year without incident."
"Is that a no? You stay away from that fryer, Robbie."
"Stacey's Stepdad is here. He's fried one before."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Ma. I'll be careful, Ma."
"Promise me you'll be careful. Drew too."
"I promise Ma."

I felt like a ten year old asking permission to go sledding with the neighborhood troublemaker. Sheesh. Anyway, for those of you keeping track of Drew's antics, the frying operation went off without a hitch, only took about a half hour, and produced the finest turkey I have ever eaten. (Note to the Cerio family readers- better than the famous Barbeque Kosher bird of 87!) The operation went so well in fact, that it left me and Stacey wondering what else we could fry. We pondered all kinds of things... from the mudane (potatoes, corndogs) to the downright silly (Oreos, pickles, hard boiled eggs). We finally decided that today, the Friday after thanksgiving, we were gonna experiment. We bought pickles, potatoes, oreos, hot dogs and batter, and of course, snickers bars. It will be glorious. I'll make it a point to post the results tomorrow. I keep thinking we should rename today "Fry-day". Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

So, on a final note... the things I'm thankful for this year:

1)That my Friends and home survived Hurricane Katrina.
2)That the tragedy gave me an opportunity to visit my family.
3)That despite mankinds' best efforts to the contrary, the world continues to spin safely on it's axis for yet another day.
4)That despite another rough year, My blog is still funny enough to keep Y'all coming back.

Happy thanksgiving to you and yours, and may the coming months give you much to be thankful for.

the silly games we play...

Well, I've been tagged twice on this one... so I guess I'll do it...

The gist of this Meme:

1. Go into your archives
2. Find your 23rd post
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing

Well, mine was:

"It turned out to be less than that... (Props to Mrs. Spanky’s Dad for the 411 on the alternate route.) but in any case, there was no way I was gonna miss the opportunity to visit the hometown of my hero, Superman."

From the now infamous Indiana road trip.

Well, lets see... five other people who I would like to see their results of doing the same (and my prediction for the fifth sentence):

1. Anthony Scilia- "Damn, them italians are a surly bunch"
2. George Bush Sr.- "I still can't believe I threw up on the Japanese ambassador."
3. Bill Clinton- "Bought some cigars today while Hill wasn't looking."
4. Jesus- "It irritates me sometimes when here I am ready to spread my fathers word, and all they want is loaves and fishes."
5. Stephen Hawking- "I'll tell you, if I never hear another Helen Keller joke again, I'll be delighted."

"See you, Me and Julio down by the schoolyard."- On the road with Rob day 21 till journeys end.

Well, it's been a while since I got back to New Orleans, and I'm sure there are those of you that have been wondering why I never really finished my Road Trip tale. The reason is that in real life, there are no neat and tidy endings... The story tends to go on.

Pretty heavy thought for a Sunday morning.

But still, there is more that needs be said. I left Massachusetts fairly sure of my desires. I wanted to own an inn, and figure I need to start working toward that goal. Of course, I know exactly zip about the mechanics of owning an inn, which is a problem. As I made my way into upstate New York I realized that while I love the hospitality industry, and the tour company I work for, I am on the wrong end of the business to bring me nearer to my goals.

What I really need, I realized, is a hotel job.

This epiphany washed over me as I made my way to the Lake George area. The company I work for in New Orleans has a sister company there, and I figured it couldn't hurt to check out their operation. So I did, and then wound up following the lake up through the Adirondacks to Ticonderoga. It was a beautiful drive. The fall foliage was in full color around me, and as I passed through all these quaint little lakeside vacation towns, I kept saying to myself that this is something I want to work toward. I want the inn on the water, yet in the mountains. I want an off season where I have a chance to pursue other things. I feel like I could finally be at peace with myself.

Realizing that it should be easy to find a hotel job in New Orleans right now, I turned my rental car south for the first time in a month. I spent the night at my Aunt's house again, and said my goodbyes the next morning.

The drive home was uneventful. I stopped briefly in Hershey, Pennsylvania, to tour the chocolate plant, and headed home from there. Feeling for the first time in months that everything was gonna be all right.

TRIP TALLY:

Miles traveled: 4734

Average price for gas: 2.57 a gallon

Lowest price I paid: 2.29 a gallon

Number of hotels I stayed in: 10

Nicest of the bunch: The Comfort suites in Connecticuit.

Having a renewal of spirit: Priceless. :)

"Goodbye to Rosie, Queen of Carona..."-On the road with Rob day 18-20.

So, I found myself on Cape Cod with no real sense of purpose... Unsure of myself, unsure of my future, and unsure of my life. The dark grays of the North Atlantic on winter's edge seemed to echo something within me. I cruised along the scenic route along the beaches of the cape, through the dunes and along the blacktop in a kind of personal fog.

Still, the realities of my existence kicked in, and I found a room for the night at a quaint little inn in Orleans. "The Ship's Knees inn" is one of those picturesque New England inns you see on the travel channel. Very weathered, on a hill, and just oozing with charm.

Plus that, it's only five minutes from the beach.

I caught the inn during it's off season, which meant that it was really just me and the innkeepers. I was actually surprised that I was able to find such a place during the off-season, as most of their competitors simply close up after the summer. It was owned by this really nice couple, the Butchers, who live on the property with their family. They were great at pointing me toward local eateries and attractions, and for the first night since Katrina hit, I got a really great night's sleep there.

Truth is, I envy their lifestyle. Long before I came to New Orleans, I had always sworn to myself that the way I would someday retire was to have a little New England inn of my very own, and I always envisioned it much like the Ship's Knees. Part home, part hotel, and just generally a fun place to live and work. Slow enough in the off season months to keep you sane, busy enough in the on season to keep you comfortable.

The next day, I went to the beach and saw a seal. At first, I thought it was a plesiosaur... I have never seen seals in their natural environment, after all... And the black head popping up in the north Atlantic took me aback a bit. I realized how stupid I had been and got back into the car, headed across Massachusetts toward upstate New York, feeling renewed, with one thought in my mind: How great it would be to own my own inn.

But where? How? Was this the answer I had been looking for?

"Takin my time but I don't know where"- On the road with Rob- days 9-17. "Really! Where am I going?"

Well, folks... Although I know many of you were waiting with baited breath for more stories from the road, the realities of finding internet access around the country proved far more challenging than I initially hoped they would be. So, here I sit in Brandon again, intent upon returning home tomorrow. So, what happened to my lost week or two? "let me splain... No, is too much... Let me sum up."

I had a great time.

Okay, maybe brevity isn't the best way to go here :)

I spent about a week in NYC catching up with my Dad and Mom, and assorted other friends. With Dad, this involved massive amounts of sitting around on the couch and watching TV. With Mom, a dinner or two. It was the first trip to NY I've taken since I moved to New Orleans that I didn't once go into Manhattan, and spent all my time on good old Staten Island.

Having said that, S.I. is no longer the place I grew up in. The differences are subtle but alarming... A new house or two here, an increase in traffic there, a shopping center in some woods I was too chicken to go into as a kid. Ahhh... The price of progress, I guess.

I had left Brandon feeling... Well, for lack of a better term, "Rudderless". I realized as I headed up I-95 bound for New England, that even before Katrina, my life lacked any serious direction. This feeling really galvanized itself to me on the trip up there. I talked about this a little with Dad before I left NY, and his answer was remarkably un-Dad like: "All of us lack direction, Robbie..." He said to me, "No one ever really knows where life will take them... But sometimes, that's just how life works. Sure, you can plan, and dream, and prepare yourself to take advantage of things, but bottom line is you don't know where you'll end up." He backed up this statement with a few choice examples from his life I won't go into here.

Normally, Pop would have been a wise ass and handed me a compass and a map. The apple falls not far from the tree I guess.

Anyway, I left NYC headed toward Cape Cod in something of a fog, both literally and spiritually. I began to think about all the advice people have given me over the years and what Dad had said as I made my way up the Connecticuit coast, and to Mystic, CN. Mystic is a beautiful old New England town, rich with history, culture, and charm. I looked around for a bit, and even did a little job hunting. Unfortunately, everywhere I went I received the same reply: "Sorry, we're not hiring now, come back when our season starts up again." I spent the night at a really nice hotel with a nearby Indian casino. The casinos don't have an off season, but even lacking direction I knew that I don't want to work in a casino.

So where did this leave me? Bored, alone, and with a full tank of gas in the car. Cape Cod was not far... But part of me wondered exactly what the point would be in continuing my journey. Had I already found the answers I had been seeking? Were they just not what I hoped? Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of the trip to find out, readers.

By the numbers:

Lowest price for gas: $2.21 per gallon

Stupid place name: Pickle's Knob

Realization: The native Americans have quite the racket going with them casinos.

"I'm on my waaay"-On the road with Rob days 3-8 "A New York state of Mind"

Well, I'm sure many of you have been wondering what happened to me after I left the blue ridge mountains.. I'm sure many of you have speculated that the earth itself opened up and swallowed me whole... well, that's in a way true.. but I'll get to that in a moment.

The trip has been very wet thus far. I mean almost non-stop rain and drizzle since I left the parkway on saturday. It's to the point up here in the Tri-state area (NY, NJ, CN) that there is a lot of flooding. Just what I needed... more freakin flooding. I swear, I am so living on a houseboat.

Well, on saturday morning, I had actually considered going white water rafting... but the weather sucked, so I instead, went to a cave.

Don't laugh... only been in a cave once before. thought it would be neat. Again, I figure the whole "extremes" thing applied here... I went from 6000 ft or so one day to 560 ft below ground the next. How cool is that? I was surprised to find that the cave was still higher (above sea level) than new orleans. go figure.

From there, I drove up through virginia, but I passed on DC and went streight on to NYC. I don't know why... I guess I was homesick. Soon, the beautiful blues of the Blue Ridge mountains gave way to the angry greys of the north atlantic in fall. Quite the change.

Seeing Mom and Dad again was great. My parents are some very cool, if quirky, people. I also had the opportunity to visit my Aunt upstate in New Paltz, NY and bond with my cousin Jesse over video games.

Ahhhh...nothing brings the generations together like "Need for Speed 2".

So, My aunt is one of those italian-american ladies you read about... the kind that feeds you at least once every half hour when you walk in the door. I must've put on at least ten pounds, and was only there for a day or so...

I've also had the chance to catch up with a few folks from the old days... seems everyone I knew "back then" is now married with at least two kids. I feel so out of place... like my life has lacked direction or something these past few years.

On that note, I also have decided to extend my trip a few days for some more "reflection time" on my part. My life does lack direction, and with the knowledge that it will be at least mid-november before my job really kicks in again... Maybe I can find some. New York is a very lonely place, and I don't feel it will ever again be my home...

By the numbers-

Miles traveled so far- 1509.6

Price of gas in NYC- 2.89 per gallon

Price of gas when I left Brandon- 2.79 per gallon

Friends caught up with- 3

friends left to go- 5

Moment of clarity- When I beat Cousin Jesse in the second game we played, and he looked at me and said: "Whoa! Robbie's got game!" (I owe it all to the Ronald J. Nunez school of driving...convieniently located in Fun Arcade)

"I don't know where I'm going.."- On the road with Rob- days 2&3- "Top o the world, Ma!"

Well, as you all know, New Orleans is 6 or so feet below sea level, and I decided while planing this little voyage that I wanted to get as far above sea level as possible. Try 3752 feet! or the altitude of the Bluffs lodge where I spent last night. I drove up the blue ridge parkway, and loved every second of it. beautiful winding road through the mountains, tunnels through solid rock, viaducts over deep chasms, with wonderful overlooks every few miles. It was great!

"there aren't many places like this around anymore" the check in clerk told me as she handed me my key, and apologized for the lack of phones, televisions, or internet service in the rooms. When I pulled out my cell phone, she just laughed at me. Apparently, I would need to climb the rest of the frickin mountain if I expected to get a signal, and even then it was iffy. I ignored the "stupid city folk" look in her eye and spent the night enjoying the mountain air by the outdoor fireplace. The folks I met were friendly and brimming with curiosity about my all-but-destroyed city.

Somewhere, around when a deer scampered across the field behind the hotel, I realized the clerk was right... there aren't many places like that anymore... It was also exactly what I needed. I headed north, the next morning (after trying some of the best black cherry preserves on the planet) and got as far as maryland. there is much more to day 3, but I'm tired and need sleep.

Miled traveled day 2- 150 day 3- 500

Cokes drunk on trip thus far- 8

Best quirky church sign- "Wal-mart isn't the only place for saving"

Revalation of the day- every road goes somewhere.

Stupid town name du jour- "Cooch Gap, NC" (snicker...)

Price of Jar of Black cherry preserves- $10.00

Price I would have still paid- $50.00

Most disturbing natural wonder- Natural Bridge, VA... somone roped it off and they charge you 18 bucks to even glimpse it! I passed in horror.

Oddest fact learned- The blue ridge parkway constructin began September 11, 1935.

New York or burst tommorow!

"Well i'm on my way"-Rob from the road day 1-"Chasing Katrina"

Well, dear readers, I am indeed on my way on a month or so road trip to "find my placein the world" I drove up through alabama into the Great Smokey Mountains of tennesee and the carolinas... So named because in certain types of weather, the fog formations make them appear to actually smoke! I never would have known this had I not seen it with my own eyes. One thing that suprised me though, was how far the devestation left by the hurricane that has uprooted my life extended... I realized at some point that I was actually following almost exactly the path the storm had taken after it passed over louisiana and mississippi... I was still seeing downed trees and signs as far north as tuscolusa, alabama. Powerful storm. Powerful images.

Observations from the Road today:

Distance traveled: ~600 miles- from Brandon MS, to Asheville, NC

Average price of gas: $2.89

Stupid town name du jour: Chunky, MS.

Unusual sight of the day... two people running after a runnaway trailer labeled "$4000 takes it"

Great revalation: I think too much about a particular woman.

Great revalation #2: Paul Simon writes one hell of a road song. the first three tracks of his greatest hits album are the greatest!

Great revalation #3: I have no idea what the "coast" button on the cruise control does... and 70mph (110 kph- thinkin of all you european types) is no time for me to find out. anyone know?

Till tomorrow, y'all... the Blue Ridge Parkway beckons.